Men's views on women's bodies

Christy175

@tomservo, your googly eyes are quite stunning. Plus you have a great point.

jazyjen

Good point!

naominicolw

I know that people might reply with "this is exactly why you should be losing weight and getting healthy for YOURSELF and no one else" but that logic just doesn't work for me. I have no idea how that works for other people. The only way I can motivate myself to eat less and exercise more is by thinking of how much better I'll look and how much more desirable I'll be to other people. Maybe this is something I should talk about with my therapist, but I refuse to believe that there aren't others out there who share this struggle.

I totally understand this! I don't think there is anything wrong with using your desire to be found more desirable as motivation. It's what gets me to the gym all the time. You just have to use it as a positive way to get yourself in shape and be careful not to turn it into a way to beat yourself down.

Natihilator

The men posting those comments may well be alone themselves... Some men are extremely juvenile as well and have never held a relationship in their life, and turn their feelings outward and project all kinds of weird things on women. Or they think that somehow if they "have" or "own" someone who looks like their idealized image that that will make them happy.

Do your health for you first and foremost... to live longer, be healthier, feel better... Obviously we all want to feel attractive but there are very attractive people in all sizes, and everyone is at their own pace and also everyone is different in what they find attractive. I had a trainer last year who is a bodybuilder and he said he never understood how people would find a women who was rail thin attractive.

I am a guy, and sometimes I have gotten very insecure looking at some of the men who were crazy ripped and the women even here on mfp posting to them as though they were the ultimate standard of desirability. But I mainly like to exercise because I feel better and it gives me a sense of accomplishment and control over my life... and it's a great outlet.

We are all here for various reasons, but bottom line is you deserve to be happy -- it's more than losing weight, "spot reducing" etc.. There will always be the "haters" out there... Just focus on what's right for you, and what will give you the best chance at a long healthy life or whatever you see fit.

This post :flowerforyou:

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

Sometimes I find pictures of slim celebrities to be motivating and I'll browse articles on the DailyMail or something. It kind of kills me when I get to the bottom and read comments written by men (usually) about their views on women's bodies. For instance... there is an article posted today about how plump people live longer than thin people (supposedly... I don't trust these claims). Some person commented something like "sure, they live longer, but die alone" implying that plump (let alone obese) people are so grotesque and undesirable that they're destined to be alone. People (mostly men) are always making comments like this about overweight people online. They even criticize bodies of women like Jennifer Aniston - a woman with an enviable figure. I just don't get it. I feel like my main goal in life should be getting thinner and fitter so that I am more attractive to people who have to look at me. I feel guilty for neglecting those duties sometimes when I am lazy or I overeat. Is this not how eating disorders develop? It makes me a little nervous.

I know that people might reply with "this is exactly why you should be losing weight and getting healthy for YOURSELF and no one else" but that logic just doesn't work for me. I have no idea how that works for other people. The only way I can motivate myself to eat less and exercise more is by thinking of how much better I'll look and how much more desirable I'll be to other people. Maybe this is something I should talk about with my therapist, but I refuse to believe that there aren't others out there who share this struggle.

First of all you need to change your attitude and overall perception of yourself. I'm sorry but with the way I see it, looks like you have major insecurity problems that you need to overcome before anything else. See a person with a healthy attitude won't even care what other people would think about them. So what if some ignorant jerks find you "undesirable"? Does that now make you believe that you're indeed undesirable? Men generally are drawn to confident women and that attitude of yours just shows the opposite. No wonder if men find you that way.

Whether you lose weight or not but if you continue with that negative attitude on yourself then it doesn't matter if you shrink all the way to a size 00, you'll still end up lonely. Losing weight alone won't change everything.

RunDoozer

I can almost tell you 99% sure, men don't like women who are insecure.

Unless its last call

StevLL

I wish there was an easy answer, but the best I can come up with is don't worry about what others think. You are right it's a slippery slope and you need to back away from the edge quickly. None of us no matter beauty queen, male cover model, plain Jane or Plain John or whatever the latest airbrushed media forced type we are supposed to desire is perfect. We all suffer from being human and the most important thing you can do for yourself is search for your happiness and the body will follow both in health and physical beauty. A confident, happy, funny, caring, smart & spiritual person is sexy and desirable. Be the best you can be for yourself and anyone who doesn't think that's enough is not wortth your time or energy. God made you to be you, don't let man or woman judge you by their standard, they are imperfect so why worry about their opnion? Good luck and there are a lot of good people out there.

naominicolw

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LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I can almost tell you 99% sure, men don't like women who are insecure.

Same with women whether to a male partner or a female friend. No one likes to be around insecure people. It doesn't matter how good looking and fit they are but if they have that attitude then no amount of charm will make them desirable. Insecurity is totally unattractive to anyone.

annepage

The men posting those comments may well be alone themselves... Some men are extremely juvenile as well and have never held a relationship in their life, and turn their feelings outward and project all kinds of weird things on women. Or they think that somehow if they "have" or "own" someone who looks like their idealized image that that will make them happy.

Do your health for you first and foremost... to live longer, be healthier, feel better... Obviously we all want to feel attractive but there are very attractive people in all sizes, and everyone is at their own pace and also everyone is different in what they find attractive. I had a trainer last year who is a bodybuilder and he said he never understood how people would find a women who was rail thin attractive.

I am a guy, and sometimes I have gotten very insecure looking at some of the men who were crazy ripped and the women even here on mfp posting to them as though they were the ultimate standard of desirability. But I mainly like to exercise because I feel better and it gives me a sense of accomplishment and control over my life... and it's a great outlet.

We are all here for various reasons, but bottom line is you deserve to be happy -- it's more than losing weight, "spot reducing" etc.. There will always be the "haters" out there... Just focus on what's right for you, and what will give you the best chance at a long healthy life or whatever you see fit.

This post :flowerforyou:

Agreed. One of the other reasons I can think of as to why one might not use appearance to stay motivated to be fit is when one actually has a health issue. When your health is at risk, you might be surprised how that becomes the focal point and looks don't take the front seat anymore.

cuterbee

All I know is that before I married the first time, I was thin and cute and only somewhat popular in the dating game. Then, I got divorced in my 40s, and was still cute, but not thin at all...and, to my surprise, wildly popular.

Be fit and be thin because it makes you feel good, not because of what random guys might think.

If you're over 65-70, you actually do not want to be extremely thin. Illnesses at that age can progress pretty quickly to life threatening, and bones are getting thinner. Having a little extra weight at this point gives your body some fallback when you get sick so when you need that extra energy to heal, you consume your fat instead of your muscles and bones. A little extra weight means just that -- 10 to 15 pounds. Too much and it's a burden on your heart.

TMLPatrick

I think you'll find that men are a lot more forgiving toward a woman's appearance in the real world than the vocal idiots on the internet. Certainly looking toward celebrities as being what men want is not the way to go. Either way, concentrate on looking how you feel comfortable...

Fittreelol

I want to shake you. After I will walk you to a gender studies class where you can maybe learn that there can be more to life than gaining a partner.

You were in med school.

Med school.

You must be smart, ambitious, and determined, yet your main concern is being desirable to the opposite sex. You let the .01% of the basement dwelling, acne riddled, mountain-dew-bottle-peeing, cs-getting-owned-by-bots-playing losers who think they are entitled to have their very own weird science experiment woman (as no earthly woman has yet met their standards) make you insecure. Not to mention that you're pretty freaking privileged when it comes to looks. From your profile it looks like you're white, tall, blonde, and pretty. Try being appreciative that you've never been pulled over because of the way you look. Or that you don't have to prove you're a citizen when you do get pulled over.

There is nothing wrong with being a little vain, or a little shallow, or wanting to be attractive. It should not be the sole motivator in your efforts. Someone else said try yoga. If that doesn't work try a sport where you can feel accomplished and bamf: barbell lifting, mountain biking, rock climbing, surfing. Maybe finding out you can actually do something other than be hot (guess med school didn't deliver this message) will help your self esteem. I certainly hope so.

peggysue218

I can almost tell you 99% sure, men don't like women who are insecure.

Same with women whether to a male partner or a female friend. No one likes to be around insecure people. It doesn't matter how good looking and fit they are but if they have that attitude then no amount of charm will make them desirable. Insecurity is totally unattractive to anyone.

So is arrogance. I'm going to assume your comments are well-intended even if the delivery was a bit abrasive. For the record (again), I'm not openly insecure around men nor women; in fact, most men and women tend to like me. People are good pretenders when necessary.

peggysue218

I want to shake you. After I will walk you to a gender studies class where you can maybe learn that there can be more to life than gaining a partner.

You were in med school.

Med school.

You must be smart, ambitious, and determined, yet your main concern is being desirable to the opposite sex. You let the .01% of the basement dwelling, acne riddled, mountain-dew-bottle-peeing, cs-getting-owned-by-bots-playing losers who think they are entitled to have their very own weird science experiment woman (as no earthly woman has yet met their standards) make you insecure. Not to mention that you're pretty freaking privileged when it comes to looks. From your profile it looks like you're white, tall, blonde, and pretty. Try being appreciative that you've never been pulled over because of the way you look. Or that you don't have to prove you're a citizen when you do get pulled over.

There is nothing wrong with being a little vain, or a little shallow, or wanting to be attractive. It should not be the sole motivator in your efforts. Someone else said try yoga. If that doesn't work try a sport where you can feel accomplished and bamf: barbell lifting, mountain biking, rock climbing, surfing. Maybe finding out you can actually do something other than be hot (guess med school didn't deliver this message) will help your self esteem. I certainly hope so.

Hey, thanks. This helps.

luv2ash

Well, I'm 42 and I finally got back to a healthy weight. If all the men on earth think I'm now too old, I still want to be fit because it feels good. :-)

Amen Sista!