A Miscarraige and Evil Doctor

TeachTheGirl

Report him.

Seriously.

Weight as an aside, how on earth would you be able to sustain yourself yet alone a potential new child if you were to dramatically decrease your calories like that. He should have put you in contact with a dietician and left his viewpoint out of it.

I am so sorry you had to experience that and I hope your emotional healing is swift.

newdaydawning79

That doctor deserves to have his license yanked for that. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I hope that with the support of your husband and all of us here, you can reach those goals! You can do it!

sylviatx

Wow. Yes, truly an evil doctor.

I wish you the best. I had miscarriages too, and each was its own dreadful heartache. ((((((hugs))))))


You can do it. Steady and slow wins the race.

mamasmaltz3

I am sorry for your loss. I have lost two babies to miscarriage. The first one I had an insensitive dr also. It is important for you to get healthy both physically and mentally. The miscarriage is not your fault. I didn't have a "professional" (and I use that term lightly) tell me that, and yet I still felt that way both times. There is no good explanation for why these things happen. People will try to tell you all the scientific reasons this happens but, it does not help. No one would say to a parent that lost a child through illness that it was just natures way of getting rid of weak genes. You have every right to grieve as a mother grieves. It truly is a miracle how a mothers heart instantly bonds with her child. Even if it is a child you have yet to meet. My prayers will be with you and your husband.

SanteMulberry

February of 2012 I should have been celebrating my 29th birthday and Valentine's Day, but instead I was going through the most heartbreaking thing to have ever happened to me. I wan't feeling well so I went to the Doctor for an antibiotic. The next day he called. I was pumping gas and he told me to sit down. I did and he said, "Congrats! You're Pregnant!" Already having a 4-year-old, my husband and I had been trying since about 3 months after he birth to get pregnant again. It just never seemed to happen. I was elated!! He said the pregnancy hormone was so low I must have come to him just 6 or 7 days pregnant. I immediately made an appointment with the OBGYN. I know people don't usually go for 3 months but I'm overcautious so I told them about my HBP in my first pregnancy to get me in early.
I went for my appt. and he assured me I was pregnant. He said the numbers were kind of low so com back in a few days because the number should double daily. Three days later I went back. My husband and I waited for the results nervously. The doctor returned and said, "The numbers are so low, you must be having a miscarriage. It's no big deal. Just about everyone has them." The lump in my throat grew and the tears began to well. The Doctor said, "You know you probably won't be able to have kids, because you're so big. How many calories do you usually eat?" I had just started a diet, and although those words felt like a truck just smashed into my chest, I muttered, "1500." "Well that's too much for you. If you ever want to lose that fat and have a baby, you're going to have to commit to eating a lean cuisine everyday. 250 calories should do you, since what you're doing isn't working. I'll call in some Phentermine for you so it'll help you not eat."
That day my husband and I struggled to stand and make it home. We laid in bed crying for the day. It seemed like an eternity. My heart was broken. My baby was gone and I was told it was because I was too fat. I've since gained 20 lbs. This time I'm getting my life back. I'm taking control. I'm ready to face the fact that I'm overweight and do something about it. I'm finally over what that Doctor said to me and I'm going to use it for motivation. He's an idiot who made me feel less than human, and 2 feet tall in front of my husband, who wants another child as much as I do. I have more than 100 lbs to lose and it's getting done this year. I've wanted to write this down forever it seems. Thanks for reading if you did.

Your post brought tears to my eyes---I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that--some docs can be quite callous. You should check out some of the groups here (especially the Paleo-Primal groups) as lower-carb eating is likely the remedy for you. I suffered many of the same problems in the past and have finally discovered how to control my bio-chemistry (most docs haven't a clue). I have lost 50 pounds in about a year (30 in the last seven months) and I know that if I can do it, you can too. You just need to learn about your body and how to make it your friend.

ArianaLuvsMe101

I was almost in tears... :,(

I totally feel your pain and sadness. I am so mad right now I feel I can go punch that doctor.......:mad:

I hope you lose those 100 lb easily, and get pregnant again, and have a beautiful, healthy child.
That doctor was a complete no no. I advice you to not listen to him because eating 250 calories a day will make you gain not lose!! He is a stupid doctor, I can tell you that..

rubixcyoob

Did he tell you to reduce your calories by 250 per day or eat 250 calories per day? Something doesn't seem to be adding up here. I have a hard time believing any doctor would recommend a 250 calorie diet.

Also, you stated you just started your diet and you told him you eat 1,500 calories a day. Did you happen to tell them you just started a new eating program? You don't get 100lbs overweight on a 1500 calorie diet. You either left a good bit of the story out or you weren't completely honest with your doctor and let him assume you have always eating 1,500 cals a day. BTW, if you are eating 1,500 cals a day you don't need a food suppressant.

I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I am a father of two little ones and they are special gifts. I hope you guys have success having another one.

Now, I think it’s time to start being honest with yourself and stop making excuses why you can or can't do things. Your profile is filled with excuses. It is so much easier to make excuses than to put in the work but excuses won't get you to where you want to be. We all have crazy schedules, work, commute, kids, chaos. Everyone in my house is up at 5:15am getting ready for the day, eat health breakfast, exercise, get ready (including a 1 and a 2 year old) and out the door (in no particular order).

You know those TV shows you like to watch at night? Well you need to decide would your rather watch those shows and sit on the couch or would you rather attack your goals and do some sort of exercise with that hour. Its about choices, good choices about diet and exercise will get you where you want to be not sulking about being overweight and how things for some reason aren't going your way.

You can do it, you just have to..... well, do it!

Sorry if this was harsh but sounds like you need a kick in the pants and sometimes people who are close to you won't tell you what you need to hear.


Edit - We are in bed by 10:00pm most nights. Sometimes 9:30 and never past 10:30pm. Rest is important and you can't get up at 5am if you are up until 12-1am.

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You're an insenstitive jerk.

1. The 'docotor' basically just shunned off her miscarriage as no big deal, yet you don't think he'd recommened bad eating. Yes, because the guy sounded so concerned with his patients welfare.

2. Her profile is not full of excuses, I looked. Her 'About Me' bit lists her work, her hobbies, her family. That is telling you about her. No where did it say "I cannot lose weight/have a hard time because of x, y and z". Actually read things before you make such rude assumptions.

3. Harsh!? You went wayyy beyond harsh. You said she was either cutting her story down to make her seem like a victim, or that she cannot comprehend English properly and didn't understand her doctor - portraying her to be a liar. You assumed she was just lazy because she mentioned stuff her hobbies and life, instead of reading properly. You heard and read what you wanted to, so that you could say what you wanted to.

4. Kick in the pants that others won't tell her!? No, he doctor didn't go to that limit, and beyond it, with his words. Her miscarriage wasn't enough, obviously. You just had to stick your oar in.


People like you do not motivate or support others to lose weight, it just makes them feel bad about their life.


To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss.

sandyn2

Overweight women give birth to babies every day. You didn't miscarry because of your weight! Don't beat yourself up. As a dear friend says, "You can't make sense of crazy" and that doctor is nuts. Definitely find a new OB/GYN, you could have a condition that contributes to weight gain (like PCOS and the meds that treat PCOS could help you to get pregnant and help your weight). I wouldn't take Phentermine!

GeekGirl23

Sort of the same thing happened to me... but I went thru a few docs and one specialist until I found a OBGYN that I like that is listening to me and tested for things the others didn't. I'm not pregnant yet but I do feel that this is my year. So good luck to you. Keep strong and please eat more then 1200 cals a day!

opalescence

you can do this! you have to want it with everything you have bundled up inside and you cant let nothing stand in your way and if you really want it, nothing will be able to stand in your way. be patient and try everyday to be better than the day before, do a little more than yesterday and before long you will look back and realize the power of your awesomeness! you've got to want it though.

JerseyGirl081

I am so sorry about what you and your hubby have gone through. What a [BLEEPING] [BLEEP] of a doctor he is. I would have knocked him on his buttocks lol But I'm so happy to see what an amazingly strong woman you are for turning that negative into a positive. Dont ever let that doctor bring your dreams down. You deserve all that you want and more. I have no doubt you two will be holding a new beautiful baby in your arms soon. Wishing you all the best!! You are amazing!!!

sarahharmintx

Wow. That doctor is ridiculous. Im so sorry for you loss and your encounter with his douchiness. Good luck on the weight loss. Please tell me you will never see him again.

shierrarobin

If he suggested that you only eat 250 calories a day then he's a moron anyway. No one can survive on 250 calories a day. I've written a research paper over pregnancy before, and in no way does being a little bit overweight cause miscarriages. This guy sounds like a hack doctor who got his PHD out of a cereal box. Don't listen to a word he says.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but please please please don't take what he said to be anything other than the ramblings of a wanna be doctor.

NobodyInParticular

Are you paraphrasing?! I can't believe such an evil person exists. The 250 calorie recommendation is a joke. I think you should file a complaint. There's no reason for giving out life threatening advice on top of being so damn insensitive.

buckleten

I am so sorry for your loss, and I have to say your doctor is a total moron, and highly unprofessional both in the way he spoke to you and what he recommended! Change your doctor! Maybe the miscarriage was meant to be, but it won't have been because of your weight - many, many hugely overweight women have babies, as do underweight ones! Good luck with your weight loss journey, there are lots of kind, friendly and helpful people on here at least! Feel free to add me as a friend if you wish X

daisiemae123

My heart breaks for you just reading this. I hate when doctors assume that weight loss will cure everything. I had trouble in the beginning getting pregnant. One doctor looked at me and said lose weight and it will happen end of story. Another doctor took the time to talk to me and examine me and found out, guess what, there was a real medical issue which was easily fixed and ta-da pregnant less than one month later. I am so sorry for your loss and that such an evil doctor had to compound it all. Fingers crossed for you and your husband. Healthy eating ( not starving) is always a great idea. Good luck on your journey to weight loss and a new baby.

portergolf

I didn't misunderstand. He said 1 frozen dinner a day. No I didn't tell him I'd just started counting calories. I didn't really think about that at the time. There were other things on my mind. Not sure where my profile is full of excuses, unless you think me working is an excuse. However, I'm tired of apologizing to people like you. This year is different. I am on track. I do eat a lot of frozen dinners (I'm sure the doc wouldn't be so proud at how many), but I never cut it down to 250 calories. I am honest with myself. I knew then that I was overweight. I know now, and I know and have always known exactly what to do to fix it. I wanted to get it out and I appreciate every single bit of support (not looking for pitty). Thanks for the kick, but I've been kicked enough. From now on, I kick back.

You don't need to apologize to people like me, and I wasn't looking for one (I don't even understand what that actually mean). I have been in your boat stuggling with my weight and often times people aren't honest with you or offer the support that you really need. I didn't need someone telling me it was ok to have that snack or skip the gym and go out. I wish I had someone who pushed me and told me "hey bud you are really out of shape and your eating habits are terrible why don't we hit the gym together"

I don't doubt you can achieve your goal. Have a plan and stick to it and you will knock it out of the park.

PuggleLover

That doctor is a jacka$$. What medical doctor in their right mind would tell you that let alone saying 250 calories is good enough. Sorry he was a dork. Good luck with another baby and your weight loss.

crrc78

I am so, so sorry you went through that. That's absolutely awful, and you have all my sympathies. I hope sharing your story helps you get closer to closure; I know talking can be a vital healing tool.

I'm also glad you can recognize how awful that doctor is; I would recommend IMMEDIATELY getting another doctor, and a nutritionist if you can. You might have have a big number to lose, but 1200 is generally the "go to" because it's generally much closer to a BMR. At 250 calories, your body would legitimately have nothing to function on after a few weeks. You can lose sustainable weight at a much higher number.

THIS. My dad is an ob-gyn with 40 years of experience. He would be so disgusted by your doctors heartless and totally unhelpful behavior. My own doctor suggested to me that I try to lose 20 lbs before getting pregnant again - he then provided me with his own eating plan that he uses. You need to find a new doctor - and it's ok to interview them until you find a match.

rebelate

I'm really sorry for your loss, and for the insensitive doctor who truly didn't know what he was talking about. The loss of a child is a completely earth shattering experience. It shows how strong you are that you were able to pull through, and continue. You are unarguably a strong woman. I wish you the best of luck - not just for weight loss, but for health and happiness.

I'm 24, over 200 pounds, and miscarried in 2010. I'm trying to get myself in better health, over all shape, and a better sense of self, and happiness along the way. If you'd like some support, feel free to add me back.