Boyfriend help please
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What good advice! love it.My whole family are thin and some of them judge me for being fat. I spend a lot of time with my dad who can eat anything he wants which gets me angry at times. When we are out together we always go to McDonald's and half the time I'm not even hungry but I'll have something to be sociable but I'm going to cut that out this year because I'm tired of it. If I was you honey i'd take the bull by the horns, tell him straight and if he doesn't like it then its his problem. We all need to be the strong, beautiful and confident women that we are.0
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In a relationship it's so important to communicate. You can say what you need kindly and if you get no results, move on. Don't be afraid of being alone. You will be better off than having a non respecting, supportive BF. It seems to me you are afraid to make waves for fear of losing him. Is he worth your health and sanity? This is for you, and trust me, you will feel so empowered for yourself when you see success! Just think of how many healthy men you will attract with a new positive, healthy attitude of your own! This is a journey and I think you have just come to a road block with him. Are you going to keep taking it or take care of yourself?0
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He sounds like he is either super clueless, or maybe a bit passive aggressive -- and also kind of a belligerent nag, for going on and on about it! Who is unable to "withstand the stench" of home cooked food? I'm assuming that there are some nice qualities there as well or you would not put up with this.
If you really believe he would not want to hurt your feelings, you have to tell him that what he's doing is having that effect. Otherwise you are kind of trapping him in a situation where he is unknowingly a jerk who is hurting your feelings, which isn't cool. Yes, he should know better, but it sounds like it is possible he doesn't. Maybe he has Asperger's or something? Anyway, you should tell him in a very clear way, not yelling or anything, just be really literal and see if that helps with his behavior.
If he is a true passive aggressive personality, then he is actually doing it to cut you down on purpose and keep your self esteem low enough to stay with him. If you think that is the case I would scram if I were you. But also, if that is the case, there's no harm in telling it to him like it is first, so step one would be the same -- tell him really literally what is bugging you and don't beat around the bush.0 -
So tell him everything you just posted.
1. If you don't like the smell, get out of the kitchen.
2. If you don't like what I cook, feed yourself.
3. You are never allowed to comment on what, when or how frequent I eat.
This is exactly what I tell my husband when he complains about certain smells when I'm cooking. He especially hates it when I sautee mushrooms or make eggs so I give him fair warning when I'm gonna make them so he can scat if he wants, and I'll crack a window open out of courtesy. But that's about it.0 -
The last thing you should do is ignore it. Things won't change when you ignore them. They tend to just get worse.
What he is doing would annoy the hell out of me. Be direct and forward, and tell him to stop.
He sounds quite childish. I would have to bluntly ask him why the hell he is so obsessed with how often or what I am eating, anyway.0 -
My ex was like that, The 2 years was dated I ended up putting on 50 lbs. He ONLY ate fast food and refused to eat healthy, something that little will end up putting a rift in your relationship. Maybe you should evaluate the whole thing. Cause, of course you love him but you should love yourself more. And if worst comes to worst just tell him to Nut up. respect you, and quit acting like a douchenozzle.0
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Well, if everything you say is true and he only does this with your food. He could be afraid that if you lose the weight he may lose you. My husband did that to me years ago and after years of talking to him it came out that he was afraid I would find someone else as he knows he is hard to live with. Those are his words not mine. I would sit down and talk to him about it. What the others say here could be correct and he is an ****. You are the only one that knows the true about that. My husband is very supportive at this time. We do eat very different foods. He will cook his own diner and I cook mine. That works for us. We have been married for more than 35 years now and have adult children. We will still eat together just different things.
You have to decide what you want to do if he will not changes his ways. I wish you the best as this is not going to be easy.0 -
To everyone suggesting Supersize Me as a solution to this problem, it doesn't work nearly as well if the viewer understands calories and is capable of sixth grade or higher math.
That said, it's the same answer to every other relationship problem. Tell him what you told us. If he doesn't adjust his behavior when he has been fully made aware that his actions are hurting you, then you're asking him to change something that he can/will not change and you need to reconsider the relationship.0 -
You need to communicate with him and explain that his behavior and comments are very unsupportive and frustrating on you. He has to realize that his behavior is not cute and it's very tiring on you. You've accepted his bad eating habits, and probably other aspects of his lifestyle, and he needs to accept YOUR life choices and support them.
Hopefully he just needs a talk...:sick:
If he still wants to act like a terdfart and wave junk food in your face, whine about your cooking, and find other ways to put you down then set him loose. You have to take care of yourself, and anyone making you miserable and hindering your healthy choices needs to go.
Good luck.0 -
For starters, the fact that he's thin does not necessarily mean he's healthy. If you clearly communicate to him that you expect the same respect for your eating habits that you show him, and he refuses to show you the respect of not acting like a petulant child regarding your cooking, then you have a few options.
You can:
1) Live with it in the hopes that some other spectacular quality makes living with him worth it. or
2) Break up with him.0 -
Okay, I read through all of the responses, and not one supports his action in any way (no surprise there). I wouldn't be so quick to dump him, unless there are other issues you haven't disclosed. Maybe he's just stupid - give him a chance to fix it. Maybe start by printing out ALL of these responses and let him hear/read from other people what a thoughtless, insensitive *kitten* he is being - maybe he was raised by thoughtless, insensitive parents. Also...and please let him read this...if he thinks McDonald's is "healthy," you have bigger problems than his insensitivity, hon - he is BEYOND ignorant.0
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I must say, the fact someone is skinny doesn't mean they're healthy, and eating junk will, at some point, start to wear on your body.
But to the point, have you told him what's bothering you?
skinny? not healthy?? how dare you! HOW DARE YOU!!
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I'm in the same situation. My fiance is a paper-weight and he's constantly eating fast food and snacks all hours of the day & night. It's super frustrating when you're trying to lose weight. I got to the point whereas though I had to tell him in a polite way to be more considerate of his food selection. We're on a tight budget too and healthy food normally cost more than unhealthy fast food/junk. Like you I am an emotional eater too. Uggh I feel your pain!!
I think you should talk to your boyfriend and ask him to be more supportive of your weight loss journey. Maybe if you have the time you could start cooking healthy meals for you & hm. Y'all have to work together. Good luck!!0 -
Tell him he is not allowed to comment on your eating, period. You know the old saying, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." It is hard enough to change eating habits and he needs to support you. How would you feel if a stranger talked to you like that?
Also, regarding him being insensitive and you being sensitive. You need to take a good look at how he treats you. I'm speaking from experience here. If someone does something that bothers/hurts you, it is NEVER your fault for feeling bothered/hurt. If you are sensitive, he needs respect that and act accordingly. If he doesn't want to be respectful and then blames YOU for being upset, that is a warning sign of a serious problem. Does he discount or ignore your feelings and opinions on a regular basis? Standing up for yourself won't hurt anyone's feelings.
Sorry for the extra long post, but his behavior sounds too familiar to me. I had to say something.0 -
One of my BIL (early 60s) is literally is dying from a lifetime of eating Micky D's and Burger King stuff. He was skinny in his 20s too.0
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I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.0
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DROP THE ZERO AND GET WITH A HERO!!!
Um, yea, divorce and kicking em to the curb are always the answer. Before asking him to please stop of course!
To the OP, take the fella aside, and explain that he needs to not talk to you about your food timing and choices.
She's posting on a public forum to get advice from a bunch of strangers about relationship problems we shouldn't know about since a relationship is supposed to be between two people..not two people and a crowd...and what we know is, of course, her version of things which may or may not be true or/and exaggerated....She either wants attention or she wants to feel justified with being told to end it.
So yeah...just break up.0 -
What's wrong?
Woman: "He just wont change!!"
Man: "She changed."0 -
I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.
I can't understand when people - men or women - think that it is a good idea to get advice from people they don't know about their relationships, especially when they haven't really had a serious convo with the SO.0 -
What's wrong?
Woman: "He just wont change!!"
Man: "She changed."
ROFLMAO0 -
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.
Well said!!!0 -
Sounds like an immature jerk who doesn't respect you.. why are you together again?
From a guy, this!0 -
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.
THIS IN SPADES!!!0 -
Not reading anything other than the first post and my advice is to kick him to the curb.
Spraying air freshener for cooking? Really? He needs to grow up. What did his parents do when he was a kid? Did he have the disrespect to spray air freshener when either parent cooked for him? Ridiculous.
Ask yourself... do you really want to put up with this for the rest of your life (or however long the relationship lasts). He's not being supportive *at all* and it is unacceptable.0 -
Honey, I don't know how old you are nor how long you've been with this guy, but I can tell your writing from the heart.
It's easy for just about all of us to recognize that your relationship is one where if you a family member, you would look at it and say "He's bad for her" and want to tell her to get out...NOW.
Emotions aside, you need to do some deep down soul searching to determine if this guy (whom you're not legally bound to..thank goodness) is supportive of you and your goals as much as you are of his. A boyfriend/husband is supposed to be a team mate. A team mate who's on your side.
Think about it.
And by the way...don't fret about his "he can eat what he wants and never gain weight." Eating all the McDonalds you want and not gain weight in no way makes you healthy. Nor does it make you a healthy person if you can't support your girlfriends aspirations.
It may be a new year and a time for a new life that is focused on you and your wellbeing in more ways than one.
Good luck!0 -
I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.
I can't understand when people - men or women - think that it is a good idea to get advice from people they don't know about their relationships, especially when they haven't really had a serious convo with the SO.
I cant believe women think its ok to go on the internet and bad mouth their man in writing about private relationship business!!! hahahaha0 -
This1 - break up
2 - stop focusing so much on what he's doing and worry about committing to what you're doing. You're using his lifestyle as a crutch and an excuse. If he's "waving french fries" in your face constantly tell him it's a-not funny and b-disrespectful . . . consenting to the french fry is consenting to the behavior.
My husband eats 1 or 2 large meals a day, I graze my way through the day. I focus on my thing, he focuses on his, it works for both of us.0 -
You want my advice? Break up with him. He's a loser.0
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Your boyfriend sounds like an immature d**k.
You don't want to hurt his feelings by saying something to him, but it's OK for him to hurt your feelings by being so un-supportive and juvenile? You are just allowing him to continue to treat you this way.
Get rid of this guy and find yourself a grown up relationship.0 -
^^^^^^I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.
I can't understand when people - men or women - think that it is a good idea to get advice from people they don't know about their relationships, especially when they haven't really had a serious convo with the SO.
I cant believe women think its ok to go on the internet and bad mouth their man in writing about private relationship business!!! hahahaha
THIS
The whole world does not change just because I decided to eat healthy and try to live better.
I don't make my problems other people's problems.
Buck up!0
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