Boyfriend help please

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  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    DROP THE ZERO AND GET WITH A HERO!!!

    Um, yea, divorce and kicking em to the curb are always the answer. Before asking him to please stop of course!

    To the OP, take the fella aside, and explain that he needs to not talk to you about your food timing and choices.

    Exactly what I was thinking. People, she hasn't even told him how she feels yet! He doesn't know he's being an immature baby. OP, if he is still being this way AFTER you've explained how he makes you feel and discussed it with him, THEN I'd say it might be time to move on to someone who is more supportive. However, it sounds like he is generally very supportive, but you haven't been able to tell him how much his behavior is bugging you.

    Sometimes you need to "hurt" someone's feelings for them to understand that they're hurting you. Although... I don't think it would hurt his feelings... I think you would just open his eyes up to his behavior.

    Good luck!
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
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    I'm having a hard time. I have a lot going on right now and i've been really depressed lately. I'm an emotional eater and my bf is making life difficult for me. He doesn't mean to, I doubt he's even aware it bothers me but I don't know what to do anymore.

    <snip to>

    Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!

    Step 1: Communicate!!!! It may surprise you, but men cannot read a woman's mind, no matter how hard she might concentrate on whatever is bothering her. Talk to the guy, and make sure you're ready for solutions (most likely). Either he will accommodate you and work on not doing these things that drive you nuts, but you might have to deal with the fact that he can stuff his face and not get fat without resenting him. Some guys are just lucky that way, but being bitter won't change it.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
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    One...tell him to support you and explain how or STFU.

    Two...See number one.
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
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    Sweetie, I've been married a long time and believe me when I tell you men are a little dense sometimes. Explain in detail what you are doing and why you eat more meal because they are smaller and you need to eat more frequently but not large calorie amounts. If he doesn't get it then he is just being a jerk. If so tell him he's a jerk.
  • MellyGibson
    MellyGibson Posts: 297 Member
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    Nothing that can't be solved with a well-timed Junk Punch.
  • rodneyderrick
    rodneyderrick Posts: 483 Member
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    I'm hearing a lot of crazy stuff about breaking up. In time, he will leave you alone about it because he'll know your eating patterns and you'll know his.
  • Fierystrawberry
    Fierystrawberry Posts: 33
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    I'm having a hard time. I have a lot going on right now and i've been really depressed lately. I'm an emotional eater and my bf is making life difficult for me. He doesn't mean to, I doubt he's even aware it bothers me but I don't know what to do anymore.

    My boyfriend is one of those guys who eats whatever he wants and stays thin. He eats out (McDonalds Jack-in the Box etc) at least once a day. I'm ok with this. I'm even ok with him asking me if i would like something even though he knows i'm trying to eat healthy. I'm even ok with him waving the french fry in front of my nose and trying to convince me to have some. I have horrible self control but i know what i want and i can say no.
    But then i cook, and he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier... after all he eats it and doesn't have to watch his weight (and before you ask yes i'm cooking healthy). To make matters worse he won't touch the food i cook, he's a very picky eater, which again is fine to each there own, but he'll wrinkle his nose when i'm cooking, open the window and spray freshener and then look disgusted. He does have a very sensitive nose so i tend to ignore this, but he did this to me when i made eggs w/ turkey bacon and spinach... Its not like i put onion or garlic in it, its as simple as it gets....
    He also only eats 1 meal (very big meal ) a day... I eat 5-6 much smaller meals... but about the 2nd or 3rd time i go into the kitchen he'll start going what are you eating now... didn't you just eat... etc.... every single freaking time. This is the only aspect of my life that he does this in, he's not a meddling guy usually.

    It makes it really tough. I eat less calories than him, i eat healthier than him, my food costs less than his and we're on a tight budget, yet i don't complain or judge his choices yet i feel like that's all he does to me. Its making sticking to a healthy lifestyle feel unhealthy which is really hard.

    I know my actions are my own, but i could use some advice. Should i ask him to back off. Should i just continue to try to ignore it and figure once life gets a little better i won't be so sensitive and this won't be so rough. Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!


    You are not alone!!!!!!! My ex and your bf should be twins! Just ingore him don't worry about what he does and doesn't eat. Don't offer him food anymore why waste money or time on someone like that. If he doesn't like he can eat something else or do it himself. Let him go to mcds and eat bad crap and feel tired. You do what you want and eat how you want. Don't him bring you down to his level. Tell him how much it means to you and if he doesn't take you seroius then he can't care too much about you then. But honestly just ingore him when you make food and just cook for yourself and if he wants food he can get his own. I don't why guys think it's ok to act like thias. I couldn't even work out with my ex with him telling me it was wrong. I now eat what I want when I want and only worry about me and my baby. Good luck sweetie.
  • calisunrise
    calisunrise Posts: 307
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    he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier
    oh my god.
    excuse me, but why are you dating such a stupid person in the first place? thinking that mcdonalds is healthier than homemade food. was he born yesterday?
  • dawndw
    dawndw Posts: 203
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    You will have to decide what you need and want. I am sorry you are going through this. I know exactly what you are dealing with. I hope it works out.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Based on your profile, your post, and your weight ticker... you'll probably feel the best when you drop the 100+ pounds of weight that is your boyfriend.
  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
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    i think you should toughen up where your b/f is concerned .... tell him to do one , tell him how you feel and its not funny ..........


    its one extreme to the other on here ...... either females wanting to change their men or the men being *kitten* holes !! grrrrrr
  • OspreyVista
    OspreyVista Posts: 464 Member
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    He's a wonderful guy in a lot of ways but he can be horribly insensitive. He was an only child and his people skills aren't that great.. obviously. Usually when somehting bothers me i let him know and then he realizes and changes, he's always been really good about that, i think this is just hitting me harder than usual... usually he doesn't hurt my feelings. I guess my thing is, I don't' want to make him feel bad by saying something... i know he supports my goals and doesn't have a clue he's hurting me and i think i'm overly sensitive right now due to stress, but yea i need to suck it up and just say something. Its frustrating and thats not healthy, for either one of us. I'll let him know its bothering me, thank you for the advice

    Communication is a great idea for any relationship, in any topic. How can you expect him to change if he doesn't know what's going on? How can you expect it to get better if you continue to ignore the problem? You're frustrated now, and it's not going to go away if you ignore it. It hasn't yet, why would it later? Again, communication solves a lot of problems.
  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
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    good reply firstsip
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Getting mixed messages here.

    He eats whatever he likes and stays thin.

    Only eats once a day.

    Which is it?

    Also he's a moron.
  • cerrajean
    cerrajean Posts: 188 Member
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    I guess my thing is, I don't' want to make him feel bad by saying something... i know he supports my goals and doesn't have a clue he's hurting me and i think i'm overly sensitive right now due to stress, but yea i need to suck it up and just say something.

    It makes ME sad that you're more willing to allow him to make YOU feel bad by allowing this behavior than you are to stand up for yourself at the risk of upsetting him.

    YOU are what matters first and foremost, and if he truly is the amazing guy you say he is normally, he will only want for you to be happy and healthy.

    ...and the next time he waved a fry in my face would be the last, because i'd be waving my fist in his. :)
  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
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    Thinking of you- don't have time to reply now but will do tomorrow. Deep breathe tonight and don't be discouraged xxx
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    Here is my advice, coming from someone who has co-dependent tendencies with a husband who can lack empathy and be a bit selfish and insecure at times:

    1. Discuss your feelings with him. Use descriptive language and be specific. Do not leave anything open to interpretation. Do not drop hints. How he feels about the way his behavior makes you feel is his problem, not yours.

    2. Ask him for specific changes. Be really specific. This is what you can say to support me. This is what you can do to make me feel encouraged. Stop doing and saying these things. Again, be specific. Sometimes people (emotional f-cktards like my husband and I) don't know what to do or say in a given situation.

    3. Follow up with him. Praise the things that he did that you asked for. Point out the things that he has not done that aren't working for you. Do this "in the moment." Do not wait for a big once-a-month meeting.

    4. Re-evaluate. Does he really care about your feelings and try to do little things that make you feel better? Is he able to participate in a dialogue about your relationship? ... or does he dismiss your feelings, goals and accomplishments as silly or unrealistic? Does he accuse you of overreacting, or does he take responsibility for his words and actions.

    Luckily for you, he is a boyfriend and not a husband. You both may be able to learn a lot about how to function in a healthy relationship by working through these issues, or you may realize that he's not the one for you.

    Good luck, either way!
  • MissKitty9
    MissKitty9 Posts: 224 Member
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    What the hell is this. You don't want to make him feel bad? But he SHOULD feel bad! He's acting like a child, spouting nonsense out of his mouth, judging the way you eat, while pretending that eating one giant McDonalds meal a day is healthy.
  • sugarxmexsweet
    sugarxmexsweet Posts: 44
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    My whole family are thin and some of them judge me for being fat. I spend a lot of time with my dad who can eat anything he wants which gets me angry at times. When we are out together we always go to McDonald's and half the time I'm not even hungry but I'll have something to be sociable but I'm going to cut that out this year because I'm tired of it. If I was you honey i'd take the bull by the horns, tell him straight and if he doesn't like it then its his problem. We all need to be the strong, beautiful and confident women that we are.
  • LilEmm
    LilEmm Posts: 240
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    And the higher rates of colon cancer for folks who eat fried food. There's a great doc called "Hungry for Change," and a book called, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle," that are illuminating.
    rent the video "supersize me" and watch with boyfriend.

    Stick to your healthy cooking and eating, and you will out live McBoyfriend.

    (that sounds cruel, I mean him no harm, I just hope he figures it out before high blood pressure, diabetes, gout and heart diseas set in)

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