Sex Ed certainly isn't what it was when I was in school
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My letter to the superintendent:
Mr. Dingwall,
Today my daughter, who is 15 and in grade 9 at Leo Hayes High School, informed me that during advisory period with her homeroom teacher Mr. Ball, grade 12 peer mentors instructed a sex-ed class. That, in itself, does not sit well with me, but learning the actual details of what occurred during that class was even more disturbing.
The grade 12 students demonstrated how to use condoms- purple flavoured condoms, by putting them on some type of instrument. One of the grade 12 students asked my daughter's class if anyone would like to taste it to see what it tastes like. I am all for decent sexual education, but that is disgusting and inappropriate. My daughter said that the class, including her teacher, laughed. This class, in my opinion, should not have taken place, but it certainly should have been brought to an end at that point.
I am not comfortable with my daughter being taught sex education by a group of grade 12 students, and when I gave my consent for her to be involved in sex-ed class, this is not what I had in mind. Sexual education in schools has become far too lax, but this incident is beyond ridiculous.
In addition, the school provides condoms to the students, which is possibly a good thing, but I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to provide "fun" flavoured condoms.
I regret that my daughter had to sit through this "class", and I am rather miffed that what I teach her about sex- that it's to be taken seriously, and is, by no means, a casual thing, is being undermined while she is at school. It's one thing to try to relate to the students to get the information across, but sex isn't a joke, and should be taught respectfully if it's going to be taught in the schools.
Sincerely,
(me)0 -
This school has honestly caused me nothing but stress. She attended very good grade and middle schools, and this year has left me a bit shell-shocked.0
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It might help to demand for a copy of the SEX ed lesson plan to see for yourself if having the 12 graders "teach" is part of it. You have a pretty strong case. GO FOR IT!
*I'm thinking of huge banners to demand attention at this point*0 -
HOLY COW! That is *WAY* out of line!!! Definitely bring it up with the principle / school board! Sounds as though there may need to be an additional lesson to re-teach the kids more appropriately! (Damage control).
Though I have to share a cute story. A guy at work has an 11 year old boy. He said that his son brought up the subject of having to go through sex Ed in the upcoming school year. The boy was nervous and a bit scared. His dad told him that it would be ok and if he had any additional questions he could ask him. The kid then asked his dad "But what if you don't like the girl?"
(hee hee) I guess a friend told the kid that sex Ed meant pairing up the kids in class and they would have to 'practice' with each other. No wonder the kid was freaked out!0 -
WOW...it's all i got. I agree with everyone to say complain, and I know you will. Hope it works out in your favor!!0
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Wow. I just graduated from high school 3 years ago, and I'm so glad my sex ed class wasn't like that. I would have been so embarrassed! Not to mention, I don't know anyone in my senior year who would have been capable of teaching a sex ed class well.
The condom licking remark was just disturbing...0 -
Brenda I'm outraged for you. Unacceptable! Schools are meant to be places where kids can grow and develop. Granted, I know I'm not trusting the school to be the first to educate my daugher on the facts about sex, and I get the feeling that you had already had conversations with yours about sex. But even then, to be in a co-ed environment and for them to offer "free licks" on the flavored condom, that is obscene on so many levels and that teacher should be ashamed of himself for letting that happen and the school should be reprimanded for allowing seniors to teach the freshmen about sex! I would definitely not let this one go.
In a middle school in my town, a substitute teacher was recently fired because during her class, the students made a human wall around 2 kids so that the boy and girl could have sex. Utterly disgusting. All the more reason to homeschool.0 -
HOLY COW! That is *WAY* out of line!!! Definitely bring it up with the principle / school board! Sounds as though there may need to be an additional lesson to re-teach the kids more appropriately! (Damage control).
Though I have to share a cute story. A guy at work has an 11 year old boy. He said that his son brought up the subject of having to go through sex Ed in the upcoming school year. The boy was nervous and a bit scared. His dad told him that it would be ok and if he had any additional questions he could ask him. The kid then asked his dad "But what if you don't like the girl?"
(hee hee) I guess a friend told the kid that sex Ed meant pairing up the kids in class and they would have to 'practice' with each other. No wonder the kid was freaked out!
ROFL0 -
This school has honestly caused me nothing but stress. She attended very good grade and middle schools, and this year has left me a bit shell-shocked.
I know hun... I'm so sorry, you and your daughter have to go through this. But what about the other kidS? As a parent, you have to set a good example and be vigilant about issues like this and make the other parents aware of this matter and you should all have a say on it.
Your story has disturbed me to the core.0 -
I don't know how things work in Canada, but I know here in the USA (specifically, Kansas, VERY small town) I would be at LEAST reprimanded for aloowing that to go on in my classroom! As a parent, you should DEFINATELY talk to the administration. ALL the administration! Every vice principal, principal, superintendant, administrative assistant, EVERY administrator you can find. Then give them a chance to address the issue. If they don't, then call, visit and write letters to EVERY school board member.
My daughter is only 5, but I teach 7-12 grades. I would be APPALLED if any of my students came in and told me this had happened. Kids don't need that kind of information, heaven only knows what ELSE those Seniors have been doing and telling the kids!
Go get 'em Momma!0 -
Just a side note here... be thankful that your 15-year-old isn't already having sex. My ex-husband's daughter (who i was very close to when we were married but then she drifted away after the divorce) shares everything that happens in her life on her websites.
And her friends comment on their own experiences as such.
And at this point, about 80% of the 13-year-olds in Seminole County Florida have had/are having sex. Whether we talk about it or not. I mean, when I was in school, sex at 13 was unheard of except in some really rare occasions. But its actually really common here these days.
Personally, I'm pro sex-ed. If I had a daughter, she'd be on birth control from the first day she gets her period. Just because I know the world is a very different place these days and abstinence rarely holds true.
Now I think that as a parent you should have been informed of such a presentation and it would be your decision to allow her to attend the presentation, and know exactly who as giving the education. Probably what happened was the seniors giving the presentation were embarrassed to be giving such a presentation (but were doing it for some school service project or another) and didn't know exactly what to do. So it was all round embarrassing...0 -
Was this Coed Sex ED? A guy teacher teaching sex Ed to 12th grade girls, wow. Well i had a guy teacher too for sex ed when i was in the 12th grade but they sent the boys to play ball while the girls had there sex ED class and there were no condoms involved, just that nasty tape of a women giving birth which made me wanna gag. Gross0
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If this had happened to a daughter in my family, there would be the need for two lawyers. One to hire to sue the school, and a second to hire to get my husband out of jail for ripping the head off of the instructor.0
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Ummm, hello.....Local news station? Yes, I have a STORY for you!!!0
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Wow.......that is very disturbing! They should have sent a letter home (before the "demonstration") requiring each parents approval and signature BEFORE the students could "participate" in this debacle. When I was in school, we didn't even have sex ed.0
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YEAH! That's what I'm talking about! Scare tactics! In my mind, if sex ed is going to be taught in school - then it should be an education ABOUT sexual anatomy, risks and such. NOT a HOW TO class.
I'm always surprised by how many parents say, "it's hard to talk to your kids about sex" (not just on this thread - but I actually had this discussion on Facebook a few months ago too). Why is it hard to talk to your kids about sex?
When my son was 5 he asked where babies come from - I told him, "They come out of a mommy's uterus"
When he was 6 he asked how the baby got inside of a mommy - I told him, "The daddy plants a seed that grows into a baby"
Later that year, when we were at Lowe's he asked me where we could find the "Baby Seed" - he wanted a baby brother. (OK - perhaps I didn't handle that well... lol).
When he was 7 he asked me what sex was. I told him that women have an equal and opposite part of their anatomy that a man's penis fits with like a puzzle - when you're old enough and love someone enough - it's a wonderful way to show your love.
When he was 8 he asked if his daddy and I have sex... and I told him, "Yes." To which he responded... "Oh".
When he was 11 he asked if we were still having sex... I told him, "Yes" and he responded... "Ewwww, you're old". I told him that sex is one of those cool things that you only get to do when you're "old". That sex is something that should be saved for the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
As time has gone by, we've talked about AIDS, pregnancy, promiscuity... etc. I've explained jokes he's heard on tv or at school, answered questions about his anatomy and have told him that while I would prefer for him to wait to have sex - to let me know if he needs condoms... in a few years.
He's 12 now... he understands sex humor, he likes to look at girls in bathing suits, he's beginning puberty. He's a had a few girlfriends and has held hands with a girl. And just the other day he asked me to buy him a purity ring. Will he stick to his purity promise? I don't know... probably not... but I'll do everything in my power to support that decision. I will also stay involved with him and be aware fo what's going on... and most importantly, I'll be available to talk if he needs to... as will his dad.
Talking to your kids about sex is not hard... and for Pete's sake - it shouldn't be embarassing. I'm a firm believer that you should never be embarassed about something that you do. Take advantage of times with your kids when they hear something on the radio... "Do you know what that means?"
Talk to your kids.
OP- your letter to the Superintendent sounds good.0 -
I read it and I'm so shocked. Curious to see how this develops.
If you get no where with the superintendant.
Someone could post something like the phone # or e-mail address of the school district 18. :explode: :glasses:
edit: I took the phone # and e-mail out of this post for now.0 -
Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry. This is definitely not how Sex Ed should be taught. I am very open with my kids, I answer any and all questions about human sexuality honestly and openly, and encourage the asking of such questions--I don't want to be a young grandmother because one of my kids (and I have a boy and a girl) didn't understand how the relationship between sex and reproduction. But flavored "fun" condoms? Licking? STUDENTS TEACHING THE CLASS?!?! Oh hell no. No.
Your letter is excellent. Even if you don't actually do it, you should throw a cc at the bottom, listing your local news outlets.:devil:
Is there any other school your daughter could attend? If you hate the school she's in, the next four years are gonna be really stressful...I'm sorry you're going through this. :flowerforyou:0 -
"In a middle school in my town, a substitute teacher was recently fired because during her class, the students made a human wall around 2 kids so that the boy and girl could have sex. Utterly disgusting. All the more reason to homeschool."
WHAT??? seriously???? wow, im speechless!! thats just *****d up!! in middle school?? who does that?? now, these are the ppl that u see on maury cuz they need a paternity test........thats just crazy!!!!0 -
As inappropriate as lesson may have been (I completeky agree that is was) I think the idea of having older peers conducting the lessons is a valid idea. Teenagers will generally be more accepting of what a friend tells them over an authority figure. so despite the piss-poor execution, it is an interesting concept.0
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Yes, that is what the Peer-to-Peer technique is all about. Kids do listen to other kids. BUT, it is up to adults to institute a lesson plan to be followed, with talking points. The adult has the final responsibility to not let the kids run wild with their "advice". As you pointed out, that was the failure in this case - obviously the adults were irresponsible and should be held fully accountable.As inappropriate as lesson may have been (I completeky agree that is was) I think the idea of having older peers conducting the lessons is a valid idea. Teenagers will generally be more accepting of what a friend tells them over an authority figure. so despite the piss-poor execution, it is an interesting concept.0 -
As inappropriate as lesson may have been (I completeky agree that is was) I think the idea of having older peers conducting the lessons is a valid idea. Teenagers will generally be more accepting of what a friend tells them over an authority figure. so despite the piss-poor execution, it is an interesting concept.
I understand what you're saying - but generally, teenagers will listen to friends who can claim that they've "tried it" or "been there" and therefore know what they're talking about. In this case - I'm not sure that the schools need to set SENIORS up as experts in the area! #1 - What about the Senior who DOESN'T have sex? When a teacher comes to them and tells them that they are expected to teach a class on it to 9th graders... what's the message? (WHAT! YOU haven't had sex yet? What are you some kind of a FREAK?) #2 - If our purpose (and mine is) is to get kids to wait until they're old enough to handle the responsibilities of having sex - then is 12th grade a reasonable time frame? I remember 12th grade and I was certainly not ready to handle the responsibilities of making sure that I was protected... let alone handling any pregnancy that may occur.0 -
Disclaimer: I am shocked and appaled by this story. Just for the record:
But holy cow I laughed when I read that, not because I agree with the tactics, but because 10 minutes ago my coworkers and I were discussing what flavor "purple" is... now I have a 12th grader I guess that is an expert.
Back to your normal discussion. My gerbil like attention span is sated.0 -
That just makes me sick! I'm thankful my kids are already grownups but I have grandkids from kindergarten to high school age and I hate to think of what they are being or will be taught. I subscribe to a few Christian news websites and from what I read, unfortunately what your child experienced is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what schools are going to be teaching children even as young as gradeschool. God help this country!0
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Holy Cow! I was in 5th grade the first time sex ed was brought up...but it was more of a "girls you're body is about to go through changes" speech more than anything else and it was just girls with a female teacher.
8th grade rolls around and it's a co-ed class and was 2 weeks long (part of the Heatlh portion of Health/PE class), once again with a female teacher...strictly anatomy and stds.
9th grade we once again had the class...this time it was more detailed and they handed out condoms.
It was not covered again, and while I listened I still ended up prenant at 18 (but that was more my fault than what was taught...I knew better but it didn't stop me).
I don't mind sex-ed being taught in schools (many parents won't talk about it with their children-I'm from one of those families) but it should be taught appropriately and with a since of dignity. My daughters school does not teach sex-ed, she's in a Chrisitan school that believes that sex is for marriage and marriage only. I know that I cannot protect her from the world, but I will arm her with the facts and if she chooses to have sex before marriage that is her choice but she will understand the consequences (such as I will not tollerate her having an abortion-she would either keep the child or give it up to a family that wants to have one but cannot). I wouldn't disown her or make her feel bad should she get pregnant but she will have been informed as to how/why/what can happen.
Brenda-I am so sorry that this year has been tough for you and your daughter...the only good thing is, is that summer is right around the corner. I truly hope that things get better for you both.0 -
Um.....I'd be making a phone call to the principal/superintendent like NOW! That is NOT acceptable!
DITTO!
Hell, I went to Catholic school, and we got the "biology" of sex classes, but then in Religion 12, my teacher actually sat down and said "look, guys, here's the deal", and gave us the mechanics, as well as safe sex practices. This is something he could have been fired for, but he said he'd rather have us be safe, not get sick, and not get pregnant, than for us to go into the world blind... and at that point I think I was the only virgin in the class anyway, so for me, I appreciated his candid comments.
What happened in your kid's class is NOT okay.0 -
I'm a 12th grader and we do something similar at my school, where upperclassmen get to go talk to underclassmen for 40 minutes one Weds. a month. We're encouraged to build relationships with the students and not give them "teacher/parent answers", meaning tell them the truth...but we NEVER EVER would be allowed to do that. I would be so uncomfortable and I'm 18, as a freshmen and with a male teacher? Absolutely not! You have every right to complain and chances are those 12th graders are breaking school rules and should be punished. They have a responsibility to those kids and the school and it's disgusting of them to take advantage of that.0
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I don't think that the tasting thing was appropriate, but man they are leaving it late to give sex education!! I think the earlier the better and the more honest and forthright the better. Ignorance is NOT bliss as far as sexual education is concerned, I see way too many teenage Mums to think that the system that we currently have informs and educates enough. Nobody likes to admit it, but the majority of 15 year olds (at least in the UK) are either sexually active in some way or another or thinking about it.
Parents kid themselves if they think that their children don't need to know and won't learn erroneous and dangerous 'facts' from peers and the media.
My Mum thought that I didn't have sex when I was a teenager, it made her feel more comfortable. I give my son condoms. I have told him and his sisters about sex (they are 21,19 and 17 now) since they were small. I think educated peer group learning is excellent as part of the sexual education of children. The most liberal nations about Sex Education have the lowest teenage pregnancy rates.
I am not shocked like many of you, what shocks me is that this week in my work (school nursing) I have seen a Mum of 3 children who at 21 was 6 months younger than my oldest daughter, a 16 year old having her 2nd baby and a 14 year old having a baby. I don't live in a big city, I live in a tiny rural place. Denial and closing our eyes does not stop our youngsters doing what we don't want them to, education does. Education empowers.0
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