Is anyone else anorexic?

katmustbeskinny

I'm eighteen years old, I am 5'8", and I weigh 122 lbs. I am not happy with my weight. I feel very very fat. All I can see on me is the fat. I used to be 100 lbs and I really liked my body at that weight, but it's unhealthy. I ended up in the hospital. Then I started bingeing. I would go on rampages and just eat everything. I couldn't stop myself. My stomach felt like rocks were occupying it. I gained about thirty pounds in less than two months. I hated every second of it. I still binge now, but I have a bit more control over it because my body doesn't need the nutrients anymore. I still hate eating. I can't stand it. I can't stand my body. I like this website because it helps me put things in perspective.

Am I alone in this?

jaz050465

If you feel you have an eating disorder then PLEASE get PROFESSIONAL help. Although most people on here mean well, we are not experts and could do more harm than good. Do you know who you could approach to get this help?

WinnerVictorious

you are not overweight or fat. in fact, you are barely in the "normal" weight range according to BMI and dangerously close to being underweight. you have an Eating Disorder that this site cannot help you with. when you are working on recovery from your ED and ready to learn how to eat healthy, then this site can help you alot with all of the information you need to learn about nutrition and fitness.

please seek professional help for your ED. good luck. :flowerforyou:

katmustbeskinny

I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, but my mom is the one paying for it and she doesn't like me going to her and she is soon going to stop paying for it.

NatashaCeeLow1

Hi

I am not anorexic, however I wanted to say that I am glad that the website is helping you put things in perspective. I pray you have a safe journey and long lived life. Knowing your fight and struggle is the first step, glad you are able to recognize it.

Take Care

contraryquite

I'n in ED recovery, I was anorexic for over 10 years. If you need some advice feel free to message me.

Firefox7275

How does your mother think you are going to get well? Have you told her how bad things are in your head and how high risk you think you are for relapse? Consider doing so by letter if you cannot in person.

arlingtonangel

I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, but my mom is the one paying for it and she doesn't like me going to her and she is soon going to stop paying for it.

Find an MHMR they are free. If you live in the US dial 211 from any phone and they can give you a list of resources that are free or low cost to you.

I will be praying for you.

SomeoneSomeplace

I've been in recovery for a long time but I was in the same place at your age.

But I will say it takes a lot of effort for not to fall back into those ways being on here

And I am not under weight, I do not need to gain weight like you

Unless you're going to use this site to gain weight or at the very least maintain your unhealthy weight until you're in a better mental state where you can get to a healthy weight then you need to get off of here

It isn't the place for you. Adding people with eating disorders only make you apart of their disorders subculture worsening your eating disorder. If you're looking to others for support add ONLY those in recovery. Do not add one who has picture of themselves looking as emaciated a possible, who talks about thigh gaps or hip bones all the time or who is trying to eat 500 calories a day or doing something like the ABC diet, none of this will be helpful for you.

I honestly think you should not be on here at all in your current mental state but if you insist I highly suggest using the defriend button for those who have the attributes I mentioned above.

Best of luck. It's a long difficult road but recovery was the BEST thing I ever did for myself

danceym

Hi Kath,

I'm not anorexic though I'm sure I do have an eating disorder or else I wouldn't be obese. I do know something about depression though, I'm the mom of kids with mental health issues.

Natasha is right, you have recognized your fight and struggle and that is a good thing.

Have you or your mom looked for free services that might be available to you? I know the struggle of paying extra for mental health care, it isn't easy sometimes. Your family doctor or local mental health facility should be able to help you out with finding a drop in group in your area. It's wonderful that Contraryquite has offered to share her wisdom and knowledge, take her up on it.

Excellant advice above me as well.

Hang in there

katmustbeskinny

Thank you everyone for the advice and support. The money isn't the issue: my mom just plain doesn't want me to go to a psychiatrist. She is Catholic and she is worried that this women is going to lead me falsely. I honestly think she doesn't care. I still live with my parents and don't have much independence. I want to get help, but my mother won't let me.

Firefox7275

Are there Catholic psychiatrists? Maybe research online and send a ton of e-mails or ask a trusted church leader or elder for support in continuing with medical care? I am sure your parents do care, sometimes we can't see that until we leave home because we don't have a dysfunctional relationship with them.

gettingfitnana303

Hello, nice to meet you. I am 59 and when I was 15 some people thought I was fat, I weighed 132 pounds at 5'7". I was not fat, but others made me feel that way. So, I thought, you want thin, I'll give you thin and I lost 30 pounds in one month by virtually not eating. Like you, all I saw was fat on my body even though I knew I was skeletonly thin at 102. Food was all I thought about and fat was all I saw. It made my dad cry, my mom to go into denial and for two years I stayed thin. Until I realized that the people that called me fat, weren't happy with me when I lost weight. They found something ELSE to complain about me. It wasn't until I figured out that until we are comfortable with ourselves, can we really feel comfortable with whatever anyone thinks. It also took me a long time to realize that how much I weighed wasn't a representation of who I really was. It was my actions, how I treated others, what I did to help others, etc. Those were the things that were really important. It does take awhile to get one's head right after having a false or faulty opinion of ourselves. Now, I'm a grandma of 8 grandchildren, mother of 4 adult children, and my doctor says I need to lose some weight. I would really like to be your friend, from one who went thru it and recovered.

darleyschroeder

I get what you're saying.
When you have the days where you want to starve yourself remember how it felt when you were in the hospital. Do you want your stomach to feel like it has rocks in it? No, that's a crappy feeling.
Stick to a weight that is in the healthy range. If you want to change your body then exercise! It can be scary to eat a healthy amount of calories, but you will feel better.
Find things that help your self esteem. Not everyday is going to be a good day, but aim to make it one.

onyxgirl17

I had these thought processes when I was 16 years old too. I've been in "recovery" I guess that's what you call it for many years and thank God I'm older and have a husband who tells me I'm beautiful at no matter what weight I'm at.

I hope the best for you in your journey. Certainly don't lose anymore weight though honey. Your body does need nutrients, and there are very dangerous side effects to being underweight that are very scary. I was scared I would get a heart attack because I started to get chest pains and that was one of the reasons I decided I did not want to be so thin anymore. (Perspective I was 5'6" 100 pounds at my thinnest, lost periods for a year).

gettingmeback2013

go to the groups area of the MFP site, search "disorder" in the groups. You'll find lots of support groups with tons of people who know how you feel!

GosuLoli

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with anorexia - I'm recovering from an eating disorder myself and am just starting to feel myself slipping back into old habits. Are you still at school? Because usually, schools can arrange confidential counsellers, if your mother doesn't want you seeing a psychiatrist. I'd advise you to have a calm chat with her, saying how much this is helping and the benefits of staying in therapy, as well as the costs of going further into your disorder. I'm sure that, as your mother, she'll want to help you as much as she can, but she probably doesn't know how to, if she's never experienced herself. If you ask her why she doesn't want you in therapy, and get her to explain it in detail, you'll understand her perspective a lot better and be able to empathise. If you think you'll just get into an argument, write it all down in a letter, and ask her to give a written response - it might make things easier.
There's also a forum topic here (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/839250-recovering-from-an-eating-disorder) from people in recovery, it might be an idea to check what everyone's saying on there.
Best of luck in your recovery, and if you need someone to talk to about it, you can always message me, and I'm sure many other people on here would love you to do the same with them.
Good luck,
Beth

LisaDunn01

I once had 2 years of anorexia and 4 years of bulimia. A very dark and unhappy period of time for me. And, NOT EASY to overcome. The biggest thing that helped me break this cycle was STAYING OFF THE SCALE. I was addicted to jumping on it at least 10 times a day. Being a slave to that scale perpetuated the problem for me. I started by weighing every other day, then went to every 3 days, then 5 days, then 7 days, etc. That allowed me to "listen" to my body as to when I was hungry versus full. It also stopped the binge/starvation cycles. Next, I stopped counting calories, which wasn't easy to do. Dianetics helped me get to the bottom of why I did what I did to myself and freed me of this. Before this, I tried EVERYTHING: eating disorder unit, Overeater's Anonymous, medication, psychologists, psychiatrists, you name it. Now, I allow myself good days and bad, and I don't demand perfection anymore. Let me tell you, THAT is freeing! As a result, I'm healthy, happy and at a perfect weight. I like what I see in the mirror, which I never had before. Good luck!

CrazyAnne

If you feel you have an eating disorder then PLEASE get PROFESSIONAL help. Although most people on here mean well, we are not experts and could do more harm than good. Do you know who you could approach to get this help?

Please seek help.

Cobwellac

I don't think sites such as MFP are good for either anorexics or those recovering from anorexia. Tracking your food will only lead you back down the same path; additionally, I think this site is populated by a number of anorexics who're looking for some attention (not saying you are, just giving another reason why this site isn't good for you). You should get therapy and steer clear of this site. Good luck on your journey to back health.

CoderGal

I'm eighteen years old, I am 5'8", and I weigh 122 lbs. I am not happy with my weight. I feel very very fat. All I can see on me is the fat. I used to be 100 lbs and I really liked my body at that weight, but it's unhealthy. I ended up in the hospital. Then I started bingeing. I would go on rampages and just eat everything. I couldn't stop myself. My stomach felt like rocks were occupying it. I gained about thirty pounds in less than two months. I hated every second of it. I still binge now, but I have a bit more control over it because my body doesn't need the nutrients anymore. I still hate eating. I can't stand it. I can't stand my body. I like this website because it helps me put things in perspective.

Am I alone in this?

I'm 29 years old, I am 5'7", and I weight 130lbs. I'm up 10lbs from my original goal weight, and I am happy with my weight. I do not feel fat, as I exercise regularly. I can see fat on me, 'cause I'm a healthy human being but I'm also rather critical. I'd like to get the fat down some but it's not killing me and I don't really care about the weight. I use to be 90lbs and was ridiculed over my body at that weight. I got depressed a few years ago and started eating like crazy. I got up to 150lbs. I also hated every second of it. I was not ok with myself inside or out. I know everybody needs nutrients...I'm not exactly sure why you don't think yours does. I love eating. It fuels my body and makes me feel great. If what you wrote above is your perspective I don't think this website is helping, particularly since it promotes under eating. If you're feeling the way you do if I were you I'd seek help. You're sad. If you can't make yourself happy, get help from someone who can.

KANGOOJUMPS

yep, there sure are a pile here.

Mainebikerchick

My heart breaks for you and I hope you will go see a doctor as well as a psychiatrist.

Desdemina

Talk to your priest and see if he will support your visits with the psychiatrist. If he supports you, it should put your mom's concerns to rest.

GnomeLover1984

Not sure why this was edited, throw me a line MFP mods.

Jonesie1984

See your doctor. Be referred to a PROFESSIONAL. You need professional help to get to your underlying issues of why you are doing this self destructive behavior. *hugs*

Calliope610

Thank you everyone for the advice and support. The money isn't the issue: my mom just plain doesn't want me to go to a psychiatrist. She is Catholic and she is worried that this women is going to lead me falsely. I honestly think she doesn't care. I still live with my parents and don't have much independence. I want to get help, but my mother won't let me.

Check with your local diocese for resources. If you need help with this, PM me and I will try to get you some contacts.

ShannonS2714

I'm already seeing a psychiatrist, but my mom is the one paying for it and she doesn't like me going to her and she is soon going to stop paying for it.

Do you have health insurance? There are a lot of places that see you for low rates. PLEASE continue seeking help from a professional.

Baileys83

Hello there. I was in this place for about 6 years (even through 2 pregnancies which thankfully turned out ok) but have been in a better place for about 3 years. It is tough - I still battle with food and how I look. I have lost 21lb since Jan 1st and everyone says how much better I look but I can;t see it myself (I have to go put my big jeans on to really get perspective on how much I have lost).

Do some research on body dis-morphia: maybe ask for some CBT therapy to change your thought process and how your view your body.

It can get better but it's about finding the right support. At least you have recognised your problem and are willing to change it - a fabulous place to start

SoDamnHungry

Thank you everyone for the advice and support. The money isn't the issue: my mom just plain doesn't want me to go to a psychiatrist. She is Catholic and she is worried that this women is going to lead me falsely. I honestly think she doesn't care. I still live with my parents and don't have much independence. I want to get help, but my mother won't let me.

Will you be going away to college? Most student services include counseling.

AshatanViz

I've never been anorexic, but I've dealt with eating issues in college. For me, my issues got better over time just from getting older and focusing on other more important things than just food and exercise. Anorexia is most common among young women like us, but many people grow out of the destructive thinking patterns. Do your best to eat healthy now, and trust that you will recover.