My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

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  • Angylisis78
    Angylisis78 Posts: 32
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    Stop victimizing bullies. People don't choose to be abused.


    WERD.
    QFT.
  • MrsSausage58
    MrsSausage58 Posts: 143 Member
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    WE all teach people HOW to treat us... WE decide for ourselves whether we can accept how someone chooses to interact. IF we accept it we do nothing.. the alternative... step up and express your self with the truth you live. IF that other person chooses to ignore your truth...what are they telling you? simple concept... easy to extoll NOT so easy to live it unless YOU choose to live your life with intent instead of by default... This thread was begun by providing one side of a story... THE real question IS...what was your part in the argument?

    No need.
  • librarydebster
    librarydebster Posts: 177 Member
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    His young age alone doesn't make him more desireable than you. Rethink your attributes. Do you have female friends you can hang around with and a social life separate from your husband? Our outside life brings extra support to us and boosts our already existing confidence.
  • macagle88
    macagle88 Posts: 5
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    MHello,
    You're right. People say hurtful things. People judge. Your husband knows you better than anyone. He pushed a button he knew would get to you. I realize you've heard this so many times, but you need to do this for you. You need to allow yourself a moment to cry it out and then move on. Use that as a push to exercise and do better for you. Don't starve yourself. Fasting because you feel led to do it is one thing. BUT starving yourself because someone made you feel less than is not healthy, smart, or good. Stop letting yourself be the victim. You are way more powerful than you realize.
  • karinaApplebombinos
    karinaApplebombinos Posts: 93 Member
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    Congrats on all the weight loss (including the *kitten*)!


    I concur
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
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    I know you guys haven't heard from me in a while on this board especially. I left my husband in January 2014, and currently going through a nasty divorce (as you can imagine the type of boy he is calling me a fat *kitten* etc., the divorce isn't going to go smoothly). I would like to update you all on my success. On this site, my starting weight was around 165 but then I went up to 183 in January. I got rid of all that negativity, and I have gained self-esteem, and self-confidence again. I have actually lost 41lbs since January (even though my ticker says 30). I'm only 5' 4", so that's a significant weight loss in my opinion. I've dropped 11% body fat in less than 5 months.:smile:

    I couldn't believe I had received over 300 replies on this blog, and SO many were about leaving him. Everyone should work their hardest on a marriage/relationship, but physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse is NOT acceptable. And I kicked that SOB to the curb! I'm standing taller, walking prouder than I ever have.

    Thanks for the support MFP friends,

    Chiefs Chick

    Good for you, girlfriend. Good luck finding someone that you deserve!
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    This story has a great ending, you ditched the d-bag and moved on... if only 80% of the other poster's could do the same! :)
  • bizgirl26
    bizgirl26 Posts: 1,808 Member
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    This is awesome. Not that he treated you like crap but that you had the courage to get out now before it continued. It would have been really bad for your kids as well . Hugs
  • ShrinkinMel
    ShrinkinMel Posts: 982 Member
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    We all say hurtful things in heat of moment in argument but what bothers me is his demand to control where you go. Get in the bedroom umm you're not his child. Some people will always have hurtful ways of announcing someones weight issue. But even in the heat of the moment telling you what to do and when is not a good thing its a red flag about his values and such.

    Hopefully it was just all in trying to defuse the situation and I wasn't there and certainly agree no need to husband bash but something not quite right there.
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
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    I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.

    I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?

    Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:

    Thank you guys for listening.

    I assure you he CONNOT get any young girl he wants HE is a JERK
  • Cosmo180
    Cosmo180 Posts: 7
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    Based on your transformation, I think you know what he said isn't true. So thats wildly inappropriate. As far as detoxing goes, I've done it twice. Have felt great. Head to GNC and get a juice cleanse.
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    I know you guys haven't heard from me in a while on this board especially. I left my husband in January 2014, and currently going through a nasty divorce (as you can imagine the type of boy he is calling me a fat *kitten* etc., the divorce isn't going to go smoothly). I would like to update you all on my success. On this site, my starting weight was around 165 but then I went up to 183 in January. I got rid of all that negativity, and I have gained self-esteem, and self-confidence again. I have actually lost 41lbs since January (even though my ticker says 30). I'm only 5' 4", so that's a significant weight loss in my opinion. I've dropped 11% body fat in less than 5 months.:smile:

    I couldn't believe I had received over 300 replies on this blog, and SO many were about leaving him. Everyone should work their hardest on a marriage/relationship, but physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse is NOT acceptable. And I kicked that SOB to the curb! I'm standing taller, walking prouder than I ever have.

    Thanks for the support MFP friends,

    Chiefs Chick

    If his calling you names is hurtful and wrong, what is you calling him names? As you admitted in the OP ... you're no saint when it comes to saying things that hurt.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    It actually sounds like the kind of thing a man who is having an affair will say to make you push him away, so that he feels justified in what he's doing.

    Either way, he needs to stop being so cruel to you. That's abuse, plain and simple. I'm proud of you for getting out of this toxic relationship!
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Just break up.

    Glad you took some solid advice. :wink:
  • ChiefsChick4Life
    ChiefsChick4Life Posts: 51
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    MHello,
    You're right. People say hurtful things. People judge. Your husband knows you better than anyone. He pushed a button he knew would get to you. I realize you've heard this so many times, but you need to do this for you. You need to allow yourself a moment to cry it out and then move on. Use that as a push to exercise and do better for you. Don't starve yourself. Fasting because you feel led to do it is one thing. BUT starving yourself because someone made you feel less than is not healthy, smart, or good. Stop letting yourself be the victim. You are way more powerful than you realize.

    That's starving/fasting thing was said over a year ago. I've lost this weight from a healthy diet and exercise 4-6 times a week. :-)
  • ChiefsChick4Life
    ChiefsChick4Life Posts: 51
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    I know you guys haven't heard from me in a while on this board especially. I left my husband in January 2014, and currently going through a nasty divorce (as you can imagine the type of boy he is calling me a fat *kitten* etc., the divorce isn't going to go smoothly). I would like to update you all on my success. On this site, my starting weight was around 165 but then I went up to 183 in January. I got rid of all that negativity, and I have gained self-esteem, and self-confidence again. I have actually lost 41lbs since January (even though my ticker says 30). I'm only 5' 4", so that's a significant weight loss in my opinion. I've dropped 11% body fat in less than 5 months.:smile:

    I couldn't believe I had received over 300 replies on this blog, and SO many were about leaving him. Everyone should work their hardest on a marriage/relationship, but physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse is NOT acceptable. And I kicked that SOB to the curb! I'm standing taller, walking prouder than I ever have.

    You're damn straight I called him a name. SOB, *kitten*, whatever applies! Big difference from calling someone a DB or SOB, Azzhole, B*tch, then to go cut throat like a weight comment or tell me "you can't even keep a baby" because I had a miscarriage. So, move on...

    Thanks for the support MFP friends,

    Chiefs Chick

    If his calling you names is hurtful and wrong, what is you calling him names? As you admitted in the OP ... you're no saint when it comes to saying things that hurt.
  • squiggysmama
    squiggysmama Posts: 76
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    as someone who escaped an emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive relationship, I concur. This is emotional abuse and an attempt to control you. Abusers destroy the self-esteem of their victims, trying to keep them under their control. Victims then believe they deserve the treatment... And they stay under the control of the abuser. I won't tell you that you need to leave, but as someone who left and tried to reconcile *seven * times, I can say with certainty that unless HE recognizes his own abusive tendencies, and chooses to get help, this won't change.
  • sadyia15
    sadyia15 Posts: 76 Member
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    Of course that'd knock ur confidence how can it not...... but when ur arguing you do tend to say the one thing you know will
    really hurt the person cos you want to get to them bad.......and he clearly knew what to say.
    I use to get that my kids father would say things in an argument but then say he didn't mean it afterwards. but then he'd do it again
    n I've finally realised that his just being an Ahole. and now if he says anything I say 'yes and.......' repeatedly, n yup it annoys him so much the taunts keep coming n I keep repeating myself. funny how two simple wrds can bug someone. Then obviously I am called a b***h to which I reply 'and what do you want me to do about it I am what I am and I ain't changing for no one' and anyway thats his opinion. One person.

    So i say be proud of who u are hun don't let one grumpy person make you feel unworthy from one woman to another we both know
    some ppl know how to play mind games n to drag us down. And you are NOT going to let him bring you down
    your a confident beautiful person and the fact he can be that hurtful means his the one with the problem not you.

    I've lost weight but am stuck on 10.5st its a bugger I no, but then I see women bigger than me with such confidence
    n I think I wish I was like them. there looking gorgeous flaunting what they got. Im not sure what ur body size is but what
    ever it is you dress up go out and show ppl what ur made off

    And I guarentee wen he realises that you don't care what he says or thinks he'll be kissing your a** and suckin up
    to you.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Yeah, that's real life....

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