My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

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  • dovetail22uk
    dovetail22uk Posts: 339 Member
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    I am trying really hard to bit my lip and not say a bad word about ur husband.

    so all i will say is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!!! I looked at ur pics and you are a stunning young gorgeous girl and to me u are skinny. I think you could get anyone you wanted girl.

    Just saying you shouldnt listen to angry words. I hope you better urself for you! good luck on ur journey.

    Even if she was fat there's still no excuse for him to call her names. You love someone for what's on the inside.

    He's a douche. And re not listening to angry words - those are the ones that stay with you for the longest. You can't tell someone not to listen.
  • rachael726
    rachael726 Posts: 202 Member
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    My mom used to have a saying...

    "An old man's princess and a young man's slave"

    Maybe you should find a gentleman who is older than you to treat you like you deserve to be treated...just sayin'


    I really like that. If ANYONE ever spoke to me like this, I'd be in jail LOL--

    On a much more serious note, as a social worker, this is extremely damaging to your self esteem which can cerntainly impact other areas of your life to create so much negativity. Spouses should be a massive support, not always the case, but we can't control what people say or do. I encourage you to speak with him regarding how these words made you feel. He definitely has to know that this is unacceptable. If not, there is a possibility he will continue this behavior.

    I also agree with whomever stated stuff about your children. Children emulate what they see. monkey see, monkey do. This is setting your girls up for potential abusive relationships. Words can not be taken back.

    Please remember that the strong woman inside of you is still there. Gotta find a way to channel her :)

    Best of luck to you :)
  • turkeyhunter60
    turkeyhunter60 Posts: 319 Member
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    eat healthy, go do something physical, and kick his *kitten* to the curb.
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    Why do women take this crap?

    Get rid of him. He sounds like a bully and obviously has no respect for you or himself coz no decent man worth a damn would talk to a woman like that, especially not his wife. Trust me, I speak from experience.
  • ernielaurie
    ernielaurie Posts: 80
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    OMG This!!!
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
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    Please don't starve yourself. That's not going to help anybody. And it's not going to detox. It's just going to make you binge when you're finally ready to eat.

    I'm sorry you and your hubby are being hurtful to each other. But don't keep hurting yourself my not eating.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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    What a butt head! You need to show him just how strong you are! Don't let his pea brain bully you. I went through this **** and it didn NOT get better. NEVER let someone make you feel less then what you are and what you deserve!!
  • toridehaven
    toridehaven Posts: 95
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    I have to say I agree. Plus even if you lost the weight would it really solve the problem? I have a feeling this isn't the first time nor will it be the last that he has lashed out at you in such a hurtful way. Counseling would be a great option. In order to lose the weight, if thats where YOU are at, you need to fix your mental first. Praying for you!
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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    28 or 8?

    Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

    Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

    The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

    And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

    OMG This!!!

    ^^Double THIS! I lived through being married to a very controlling person. He needs help.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    My husband and I have been together for over 10 years and never once has he ever mentioned my weight and I weigh a lot more than I did when we met. He would never. Anger or not.
  • SCSmalley
    SCSmalley Posts: 18
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    How awful!! I have also spent time with men (yup... more than one) who are verbally abusive and controlling. His youth may have a lot to do with his immaturity; however, that is NOT an excuse. I agree that you should sit and talk and to him about the effect his words have had on you. If he doesn't understand or does not see the error of his ways, you have two choices. You can settle in for a long and unhappy life that will probably result in one or both of you cheating or you can better yourself and kick him out until he sees the error of his ways. Yes, this may lead to another divorce. You ABSOLUTELY should never be okay with being treated like this. I also think that you should bring up counseling... sounds like the both of you need it, individually and as a couple. You need to surround yourself with positive people and if he's not willing to man up to the "for better or worse" part of his vows, then he wasn't ready to get married. I hope you find a solution and some peace. Also... if you do resolve this issue and it ever happens again. I wouldn't waste time talking... he just needs to go. Good luck my friend.
  • lee625
    lee625 Posts: 28 Member
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    Glad you finally realized ur worth - Congrats on a hard accomplishment
  • Masalamommy
    Masalamommy Posts: 16
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    Did you notice you gained the weight after you met ? It's the weight of emotional abuse ! He is doing this to do you.Get out now honey.
  • lee625
    lee625 Posts: 28 Member
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    My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.

    If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.

    Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.

    Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is
  • gaiaearth
    gaiaearth Posts: 49 Member
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    I saw this topic on the sidebar and had to reply. I am sorry to hear you have been called names and emotionally attacked. That is UNACCEPTABLE, PERIOD. Regardless of your whatever your weight may be...120 lbs or 250 lbs that behavior is completely disrespectful. Obviously I don't know either of you but I had spent the better part of my life in similar type relationships and in my experience there will always be a 'subject' of being treated poorly and not respected. (in my PAST marriage - 11 yrs ago - I was referred to often as 'fatty' at 110 - 115 unhealthy lbs after struggling with eating disorders.)

    The issue is NOT your weight, the issue is your relationship! PLEASE do not starve yourself, lack of calories will deplete your energy, will not make you get in shape and probably will bring you down.

    I'm glad you reached out for some support. If you are able to do some counseling for yourself - great. Always pricey and not always an option......but please keep reaching out for support. From my experiences I can promise you that if you work on loving and respecting yourself your perspective on everything in your life will change, including your relationships. Sister,,,,treat yourself well and walk away from your husband when he is disrespectful - ignore him, put on the ipod, whatever.

    I guess this hit 'home' for me a bit but years later I am in an amazing relationship and have never been insulted - when I learned to love and resepct myself everything changed. Please email anytime and keep seeking encouragement (wherever your weight situation is at will work itself out later, I'd encourage focus on the emotional self empowerment first).

    Peace - post / email / reach for support always :)
  • queenbea77
    queenbea77 Posts: 404 Member
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    I can relate - mine makes comments like that all the time and I don't know if they are more hurtful or just make me madder. I have to admit I've shot back a few times "yea, well I can lose the weight - can you regrow your hair?". Just as childish I know but at least it cut down on the times he's called me a "Fat A**". Ignore the immature comments and just continue on your journey. My first thought is "they are insecure with their own selves and are afraid once we get better we'll leave them".
  • earvizu92
    earvizu92 Posts: 320 Member
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    My ex husband did the same thing to me and yes I did start to believe I was a everything he called me!! Ugh.......he really messed me up emotionally!! NO man will ever do that to me again! I divorced his a@# and I never look back!! You husband is emotionally abusing you and you honey deserve better! This is unacceptable! Leave before he brings you down even further......:sad:
  • gettingtomygoal83
    gettingtomygoal83 Posts: 46 Member
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    u are very pretty u can get any guy u want, he's the one who should be worried, he needs to grow up and if he doesnt u need to rethink this relationship , if something is bringing u down u need to let go of whatever that may be so u can soar and be the best person of urself u can be. wishing u all the luck in whatever u choose to do :)
  • mingosgrl40
    mingosgrl40 Posts: 2 Member
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    You are beautiful no matter what you weigh. Things happen and people say things that can't be taken back but doesn't mean that what is said defines you. I'm sure your husband didn't mean to hurt you, but he did and so you must let him know what it has done to you and your self esteem.

    You should never let anyone change your view of yourself, not even your husband. You are created wonderfully and are a gem, and perfect even with any imprefections. If you don't like something about you then change it, but do it the correct way. If you dont eat you could gain more because your body thinks you are starving. Excerise, drink plenty of H2O, eat small portions, eat veggies and fruit....etc. you know what to do to get back in shape just do it, start small and be consistent. YOu are amazing and you can do whatever you set your mind to.

    Don't be afraid to show off you body to your husband, you are a goddess, you are sexy and awesome and amamzing show him the woman he has, show him that what he has is the best and there is a reason why he married an other wiser sexier woman than those young girls. You are in control, you set the course that your life and marriage go....remember this....You are woman, you are Mona Lisa, you don't have to settle for anything you don't want, not being overweight, not beng demeaned, not being the best you, you can be....YOU ARE WOMAN!!!!!
  • SCSmalley
    SCSmalley Posts: 18
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    you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
    people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
    you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
    They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.

    Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
    Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
    but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
    do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
    It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
    the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
    They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.

    Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
    Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
    Its not that big of a deal, really.

    If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
    to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
    It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
    Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
    you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
    but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
    more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
    He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.

    You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
    to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
    your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
    but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!

    I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!

    You can do it!

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