My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
Replies
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and he's still breathing???? There is no excuse for abusive comments like that. Things said in anger are his true feelings, unmasked. Kick him to the f***ing curb, imho.0
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It sounds like he hit you where he knew it would hurt.... they were words spoken in anger...and when things cool down, address this.
Promote communication/encouragement, but do not expect it to come on demand.
Also: I think you are ready to lose the weight or you wouldn't be on here. Lose it for YOU. It is what I am doing.
Add me if you want.
J0 -
I did not read 15 pages so I don't know if this was addressed:but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me
Has he ever said anything about finding someone younger, or is this your own insecurities talking? Really, age has not much to do with it.0 -
I just want to say, I looked at your profile pics and I think you look great and really pretty. Don't let any comments said in anger get you down. It sounds to me like he said those things because he knew how much it would hurt you and in that moment, that's what he wanted to do. Doesn't make it forgivable, but definitely don't let those comments hurt you. They don't mean a thing.
XXX0 -
I'm sorry... if my husband was that cruel and childish he wouldn't be around for long. Even in our worst argument my husband knows better and is a grown man and would never take such cheap shots.
A husband (or wife) should be there to support you and love you regardless. Calling you names is abuse. I would allow my husband to say something like that once, but only once and than he'd be out on the street.
Ultimately, do not lose weight for him. Lose weight for you and no one else.
You need to speak with him and see why he thought it was ok to say those things to you. If HE doesn't want to correct the situation than you need to figure out what you will do.
Don't not eat to fast and detox. You don't need to detox. Eat properly.0 -
It sounds like he hit you where he knew it would hurt.... they were words spoken in anger...and when things cool down, address this.
Promote communication/encouragement, but do not expect it to come on demand.
Also: I think you are ready to lose the weight or you wouldn't be on here. Lose it for YOU. It is what I am doing.
Add me if you want.
J
I concur with missdibs1, sometimes in the heat of an argument stupidity reigns supreme. Every needs a teaspoon of grace now and them, followed up with five pounds of mercy. Keep your chin up, you can be more than he ever expected.0 -
Regardless of how mad me and my husband may get at each other, we have never EVER called each other names. Not just names, but hurtful jabs at each other. That's just wrong.
And I'm sorry but if HE'S not sorry for what he said, his *kitten* needs to go.
Totally agree! I hope he has apologized by now or you have moved out!0 -
I am so sorry he called you names that must have been very hurtful to hear..... I know that would have made me feel awful. Make sure you are losing the weight for yourself and not him.... I would have hoped he married you not for the way you look but who you are on the inside....0
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LOVE yourself and love what you want to be.
No one's opinion is more important than yours.
If he was angry or not it does not matter cause he hurt you yet he motivated you.
Be beautiful inside and outside.
Talk with him about your relationship, your effort and your insecurities.
It works out better that way believe me^^0 -
I think you need to lose about 180-lbs worth of jerk husband and find somebody who knows how to treat a woman.
Your value as a human being is not determined by your weight. Yeah, we all want to weigh less. That's why we're here. But so what? Just because there's a bit more of us all to love doesn't make us worthy of that kind of purposefully hurtful abuse.
Go together to get some counseling. He needs to be supportive of what you're doing. If he's unwilling to be supportive and incapable of acting like a mature adult, why in the WORLD would you want to spend your years saddled with this guy?0 -
Maybe sit down and have a talk with him. Did you say any hurtful things back? Honestly just sitting him down and telling him how hurtful that was (when you are both calm) will help. Things said during fights cannot be taken back but they are also heat of the moment things and should be taken with a grain of salt.
I don't know anyone who has had success with 24 hour "detox" periods. I've always understood that to be broscience. To lose weight and gain fitness/energy you need to have a healthy diet with a controlled amount of calories every day.0 -
That's tough!
Might I suggest you and your husband both commit yourselves to reading 'Love and Respect'. It's a great book on married couples, Biblically based but some real great wisdom. My wife and I do it repeatedly. you might get the DVD as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desires-Desperately-Needs/dp/1594153205
save your marriage and each other.
Good luck
Prayers for you.0 -
I have experienced the same thing. Mine did this to me several years ago, and no - you never do forget those VERY hurtful words. But remember, they are just that - words. They are button pushers. He (and you) were in such a heated argument that he "went there". It's not right, it's not even justifiable, but it is forgiveable. The fourty punds (-/+) you have gained does not defy who you are today. You need to remind him of that- remind yourself of that. I have gained 80 pounds since I met my husband and in my situation he called me "disgusting" and I "made him sick". The humiliation is indescribable. You do feel sick, you don't want to eat and you do tend to let your mind wander into the "what-if's" and "what will happen when..." (he meets someone more attractive). Don't do that to yourself!
I imagine he already feels the remorse of saying those things to you and is sorry for hurting you so deeply. Explain to him how much this hurts, but do not make yourself a victim. Meaning, don't ask why me, etc... Simply let him know name calling will not be tolerated on either of your parts because people who love eachother do not hurt one another like this! Remember, don't live your life in the rear view mirror - most of us used to be thinner, so pick yourself up - and move forward.
and yes, we are still married (18 years this Thurs.) and he tells me daily how beautiful I am, regardless of the extra weight. 0 -
Everyone gets to decide what is acceptable in their relationship. From the outside, to me, your husband's comments sound not only incredibly immature, but emotionally abusive. For me, comments like that would never be acceptable in a relationship. It's your marriage though, so you get to decide it that is something you are willing to accept. I hope you realise that this isn't something you can "fix" simply by losing the weight. Maybe it's something you can work out together, maybe it's not, that's something between the two of you. Don't kid yourself that it's about the weight though.
Regarding the 24 fast (and this is coming from an intermittent faster): stopping eating because someone has called you fat is a really bad idea. Don't let his comments dictate your eating patterns or how you take care of your health. You're justifying it by saying you're on a "detox" (which is completely unnecessary btw unless you're detoxing from drugs or something) but it was obviously a knee-jerk reaction to what he said and how that made you feel. Weight loss takes time, as you know, but your body still needs food and nourishment. Don't be afraid or ashamed of eating because of what he has said.0 -
That is exactly right. I would never put up with name calling and abuse in a marriage, and that's what this man did. I lived in my childhood seeing this acted out. My father was horrible to everyone and he used words and fists to show his power! I would not put up with it. That isn't love calling your mate names, especially weight names. Oh, this was so hard to hear.0
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You honestly shouldn't explain yourself to any of these ignorant women. You came on here for uplifting advice not to be questioned about your profile status. They should mind their own business! I hope everything is okay with you being that you posted this in January.
Strong first post. :indifferent:0 -
"we all say things that hurt"
Ummm... no we don't. In 4 years, we have never said things that hurt to each other. Why do people think this is normal and okay? We have enough respect and love for each other that we would never want to sully our relationship with foul words or attitudes.
I hope things get better for you. This is sad.0 -
"we all say things that hurt"
Ummm... no we don't. In 4 years, we have never said things that hurt to each other. Why do people think this is normal and okay? We have enough respect and love for each other that we would never want to sully our relationship with foul words or attitudes.
I hope things get better for you. This is sad.
Agreed. That was a low blow.
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time for a new husband.0
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Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
Wow, married only 4 months and he's already talking to you like that....that's not gonna end well. Regardless of your weight, name calling is unacceptable, PERIOD!0 -
I cant even imagine my boyfriend of 4 years say that to me~!
He seems very childish...I guess you can change youe weight but he can never change that horrible attitude of his.0 -
Those of you who are saying she needs to dump him obviously know nothing about marriage. Let's keep **** real: People say hurtful things sometimes out of anger, and when you are with someone for a while it is bound to happen. You don't throw a marriage away over something that dumb said in the heat of the moment. NOW, if this is a common or everyday thing? Well, that is a different story.
Honestly, I would just not let it get to you in a negative way. He was at a loss for words during the fight and knew it would hurt you the most, so he said it. Douche move, but we have all struck some low blows before. It hurt you so much because you probably know that you need to make some changes for your health. Just start making these changes and move on.
EDIT: Might I add that it is better to separate and cool down before things get to that level. You guys should talk about that.0 -
TBH, i dont remember if i was one that said to dump him or not and i dont feel like weeding back to see my comment.Those of you who are saying she needs to dump him obviously know nothing about marriage. Let's keep **** real: People say hurtful things sometimes out of anger, and when you are with someone for a while it is bound to happen. You don't throw a marriage away over something that dumb said in the heat of the moment. NOW, if this is a common or everyday thing? Well, that is a different story.
Honestly, I would just not let it get to you in a negative way. He was at a loss for words during the fight and knew it would hurt you the most, so he said it. Douche move, but we have all struck some low blows before. It hurt you so much because you probably know that you need to make some changes for your health. Just start making these changes and move on.
EDIT: Might I add that it is better to separate and cool down before things get to that level. You guys should talk about that.
however, i agree that its very disrespectful and would totally support dumping him. with it only being 4 months into the marriage it can just be dissolved like it never happened. no one deserves to be disrespected like that.
ive been married for 8 years and never ever have my husband and i said hurtful things like that out of anger. yes, we argue, and sometimes actually fight.. but name calling is never involved and if it was, i would seriously be floored and deeply hurt.0 -
Those of you who are saying she needs to dump him obviously know nothing about marriage. Let's keep **** real: People say hurtful things sometimes out of anger, and when you are with someone for a while it is bound to happen. You don't throw a marriage away over something that dumb said in the heat of the moment. NOW, if this is a common or everyday thing? Well, that is a different story.
Honestly, I would just not let it get to you in a negative way. He was at a loss for words during the fight and knew it would hurt you the most, so he said it. Douche move, but we have all struck some low blows before. It hurt you so much because you probably know that you need to make some changes for your health. Just start making these changes and move on.
EDIT: Might I add that it is better to separate and cool down before things get to that level. You guys should talk about that.
It's true that people do say hurtful things sometimes when they're angry but jeeez.."waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" Is just beyond LOW that's just cruel. I know this may sound horrible but i can understand a few curse words here and there (not that I approve of that but its bound to happen) and I know marriage has its ups and downs, but my god , if hes speaking to her like that already and they haven't been married for that long, its only going to get worse and it will probably get physical. Like jeez aren't they in their "honey moon period" And as she pointed out he's 28 and she's 36 therefore he KNOWS that he has the power in this relationship because he knows that she knows he could leave her any day for a 20 something year old. 0 -
Hummmm.....first posted in January, added comment in April. Wonder if they're still together.
Un-acceptable comments anyway.0 -
I know you guys haven't heard from me in a while on this board especially. I left my husband in January 2014, and currently going through a nasty divorce (as you can imagine the type of boy he is calling me a fat *kitten* etc., the divorce isn't going to go smoothly). I would like to update you all on my success. On this site, my starting weight was around 165 but then I went up to 183 in January. I got rid of all that negativity, and I have gained self-esteem, and self-confidence again. I have actually lost 41lbs since January (even though my ticker says 30). I'm only 5' 4", so that's a significant weight loss in my opinion. I've dropped 11% body fat in less than 5 months.
I couldn't believe I had received over 300 replies on this blog, and SO many were about leaving him. Everyone should work their hardest on a marriage/relationship, but physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse is NOT acceptable. And I kicked that SOB to the curb! I'm standing taller, walking prouder than I ever have.
Thanks for the support MFP friends,
Chiefs Chick0 -
No ma'am, I left him in January and I kicked his *kitten* to the curb!0
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Hummmm.....first posted in January, added comment in April. Wonder if they're still together.
Un-acceptable comments anyway.
No ma'am, I left him in January and I kicked his *kitten* to the curb!0 -
Hummmm.....first posted in January, added comment in April. Wonder if they're still together.
Un-acceptable comments anyway.
No ma'am, I left him in January and I kicked his *kitten* to the curb!
And you look great! :drinker:0
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