My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
Replies
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I can tell you from personal experience, unfortunately, that this problem will not fix itself if you lose weight. i was in a terrible marriage for 7 years where i heard this daily, many times a day. So, eventually, i left
Now my new sweetie is very encouraging, and after 4 years i am just now starting build my self esteem back. Don't let this happen to you.
This will not fix itself - it's a problem with him, not you. You are a wonderful, amazing being who deserves so much better. :flowerforyou:0 -
Like you said, alot of times things are said out of anger...
WORDS HURT and things that we're most sensitive about, if attacked about them, hurt the most.
Hopefully you guys are better today. Dry your tears; you're on the right site to get you where you want to be 0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
This is 100% correct. Listen to this person.0 -
Some things to think about...
What would you do if he said that to one of your girls? What would you tell your daughter if her husband said this to her?
Do you want your children hearing anyone speak to you this way, they love you, and it will hurt them.
4 months is kinds of early to be already having these kinds of fights. Makes me wonder what other abusive patterns will develop.0 -
*snip*
I have to disagree here(married 30+ years here). He aaid what he did to wound her. There lies rhe issue, not whether she is indeed indeed fat. Calling someone names in anger is not constructive. It is childish and hateful.
Agreed.
What he said may have been out of frustration, and momentary anger.....but it was said intentionally and it was said to hurt in a meaningful way.
Also wanted to second that it's only been 4 months.....and these fights are happening already? You guys need a counselor. I've been married 6+ years and we've never had a yelling match/name calling fight......0 -
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There is a world of difference between tough love and name calling. Tough love doesn't mean sugar coating it, but it doesn't mean name calling either. Tough love would be "You are carrying more weight than is healthy, you need to address that." I know, I've said it to my spouse, and I expect her to say the same to me if I fall back off the wagon in future. If someone calls you a name, they are angry and looking to hurt you. Any crap about not being able to properly express themselves is just after the fact rationalization and trying to squirm out of trouble.
sometimes the only way to get me out of my funk is to yell at me on the phone GIT YOUR FAT LAZY *kitten* OUTTA BED
now thats love.0 -
Insult his penis size! Even if its not tiny - he'll believe you if you say it is!0
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you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.
Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.
Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
Its not that big of a deal, really.
If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.
You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!
I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!
You can do it!
Seriously??
WHy stick up for him? What he did was wrong. It was hurtful. THere is no excuse for a husband to speak to his wife like that. I have no idea what kind of marriage you had but I would never let my husband say anything like that to me and I wouldn't say anything like that to him.
In my experience, husbands usually know what they are talking about.0 -
ahhh, So sorry, and I bet that your husband is as well. Its not ok for him to say that stuff but I also bet it was not intentional but just rather saying something stupid without thinking. I think I am like you though and would also think "if I wasn't fat, he couldn't say that no matter how mad he was" to myself of course.
I am just starting back on this journey myself. Your pic is beautiful :-) I am single mom of a 10 and 5 year old. I started dating my boyfriend 2.5 years ago - he's amazing. I was 12 lbs heavier when we started dating. I lost 15 lbs - I have gained back 12. He never made a comment about my weight. (He is also overweight - but in typical man fashion he is lean in limbs and big belly thats if to lose). We went out New Year's he asked what my resolution was. I said balance in 3 areas, my time (i'm always late!), my body (exercise and eat well - not cutting any one food out) and my finances. He lectured me that I am not getting younger (I'm 35 hes 40) and cannot continue to eat sweet potatoe fries and it be ok lol. It was his attempt at being supportive I think. . .. but I was like oh boy! He IS concerned about how I look.
I would love to add you as a friend as I dont' have many on here.
My journey started today. I am going to goodlife at lunch hours 4 days a week while at work (away from kids and kids activities so I have no excuse not to go). I did the body flow (yoga, pilates, tai chi) today and I feel amazing just doing something. I have a desk job, and run my kids around everywhere (in a van driving - more sitting) so need to get my body moving and start using all the knowledge I have about how to eat right.
Don't beat yourself up over what he said. I also would NOT stop eating for longer than 24 hours - it will actually do more harm than good and put your body into starvation mode when you do eat something it will store it as fat.
My name is Brandi. Hope your day starts well and healthy with breakfast and a chance to move your body tomorrow.0 -
:0
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Just out of curiosity....did you say anything back?0
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I can't believe how sensitive some of you people are! i feel so sorry for husbands that have to put up with a sensitive "crybaby" complaining and lacking thick skin woman! POOR GUYS!!! My man must have it good because there's not a damn thing he could say (besides "i'm leaving you") that would have me feeling sorry for myself... this isnt directed to the author of the post at all (i would have put him in his place FAST.) but all the responses to this post are ridiculous. all i can imagine is a bunch of babied children who grow up to get bullied since they can't hold they're own with a bunch of parents that are putting band-aids on their invisible "boo-boos." oh lord save us. lol
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Stop complaining, at least you have a husband.0
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"I can't believe how sensitive some of you people are! i feel so sorry for husbands that have to put up with a sensitive "crybaby" complaining and lacking thick skin woman!"
"Stop complaining, at least you have a husband."
Yes, you'll have to pardon those of us who know our own worth and know we don't have to put up with bullsh*t to keep men happy so they won't leave us.
If men - or women - are that childish, they don't deserve to be treated or respected as adults.0 -
LOL i do not mean to laugh but i suppose it just depends on personality as far as a reaction to these words. If my man were to call me a "fat *kitten*" or something along those lines during an argument I would probably laugh like WOW how mature?! GOOD ONE! People on here saying leave him blah blah - nobody should ever EVER tell another woman to leave her husband. My best friend has been through hell and back with her husband and i've never told her to leave him because thats not MY place. And nobody truely knows anyone on this website to be all serious with the advice giving. So the only thing i'm going to suggest is for you PRINCESS to get the 30 Day Shred (Jillian Michaels) its only 20 minutes a day for 30 days. AWESOME DVD. Lose your 10+ pounds, motivate yourself to do more, and surround yourself with folks who are more concerned in building YOU UP. I couldnt care less about your husband and what he does or says cuz in the end that's the man you chose- but i am always here to MOTIVATE TOWARDS WEIGHTLOSS!
So he called you a fat *kitten*. All that means is that he's shallow enough to hit you were it hurts. Don't let it hurt! He still loves you and is THERE right? ok shrug it off and go eat some broccoli or something and when he walks passed you say "Hey limp ****, do you want some broccoli?" lol
THANK YOU! Is that Shred at Walmart perhaps? My daughter is 11 and wants to work out with me. Motivation right there!0 -
You poor girl!! There is no reason for him to say that to you, even if you did gain a bit. You're a beautiful, strong woman and determined to be healthy and positive. You can do it!!0
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Ah I feel for you as I had a similar thing...The reason I ended up on MFP was because my fella told me I'd become fat during an argument. At first I was really hurt and couldn't barely bring myself to eat for days after too. If this is out of character for your partner to say something like this, it could that he's been unhappy with your weight gain for some time but hasn't said anything until the heat of the moment when it's come out in anger.
I was mad and upset at first but I spoke to my partner when we were calm and he confessed that I was no longer the slim girl he was first attracted too. I realised that I was unhealthy and felt that I'd missold him by changing so much from when we first met. Talk to your husband and let him know how hurt you are but take that hurt and use it to give your health a kick in the right direction
Telling someone they're fat is a far cry from telling them they're unhealthy. Calling someone fat, especially when said in anger, is intended to hurt the other person to the core. That's childish and shouldn't be respected as a plea for discussion. If your partner can't discuss weight issues with you without being deliberately hurtful, then that person needs to shut up.
Being concerned about health is important, yes - but then going on to say that you "missold" him because your body changed? You don't owe him a skinny body because he married you. No one owns anyone else's body. Period.
******You don't owe him a skinny body because he married you. No one owns anyone else's body. Period.******
YUP0 -
We all say things we don't mean during an argument, its his insecurity not you thats the problem not your body. He might think your loosing weight to look sexy and feel confident and he might loose you men we are very insecure compared to you stronger minded ladies.
Thas me giving him the benefit of doubt and being polite i would dump him myself lol0 -
Hey, I have not read all the posts but thought I'd add some comments! I really hope this finds you in a more positive place, as some people have mentioned that things said in an argument are not totally genuine but I have to disagree. Partners should never abuse your emotions like that, especially something that's going to effect your day to day life. Really sounds like he was looking for an excuse to make you feel as bad as he did, which is wrong.
Live your life for you, be comfortable with who you are and let your husband respect that. There should be no situation where you should be held accountable for someone else's emotional state!
All the best!0 -
Please eat something! The worst thing you can do is starve yourself! That just results in a binge because you are so hungry. Discuss it with him; honesty is the best policy. Say he really hurt you and that its a sensitive subject with you.
Let this be the 'kick up the *kitten*' you need to motivate you, make it the thing you think about when you are so tired and want to give up i.e. the fuel to your fire and then just prove him wrong. Your partner is meant to make you a better version of yourself and he's totally gone about it the wrong way but use it to your advantage and turn the negative thing into a positive thing.
Rx0 -
I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night.
I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?
Anyhow, my self-esteem is completely out the window, I don't want him to see me naked or even touch me anymore. I have always been a strong woman, but I am 36 and he is only 28 so he can get any young girl he wants so this also puts more pressure on me. I don't want to bash my husband, I just want some encouraging advice. I feel horrible!:sad:
Thank you guys for listening.
Sorry but I just looked through your photos... You are absolutely beautiful!!! If anything he should be doing everything in his power to keep you... This breaks my heart because right now I am more vunerable then I've ever been in my life about my weight and if my fiance ever said anything like that to me I would be just as devastated. Lean on the people you love and love yourself most importantly - it doesn't matter what he thinks it matters what you think. You should talk to him about this, right away.0 -
Did you punch him in the balls?0
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Did you punch him in the balls?
I like you.0 -
you are probably not going to like my reply, I was married 25 yrs so kinda think I know what I am talking about.
people let names hurt but really, is he telling you something you dont already know? Is it really a big deal?
you are in mfp for a reason, so dont act offended or shocked when someone who loves you says you are fat.'
They are simply pointing out the obvious to you incase you didnt see it and want you to change before you suffer long term health damage and self esteme issues from being overweight.
Most of us are here because we are overweight trying to lose, not all of us.
Now, could your hubby have said something a little more tender sugar coating it, sure
but in my experience men speak from the heart before thinking of how its gonna sound and
do not generally tend to offend us, they are trying to motivate us, maybe even through making us pissed off.
It usually backfires on them because we do get upset and then internalize and become self destructive instead of
the reaction they desired which was to set us up on the right track and get us going.
They are just more straight foward and blunt about things.
Take this moment to change, dont get all bent over it.
Its a moment that wont matter in the scheme of your entire life in the long term but your weight will matter.
Its not that big of a deal, really.
If you cant cope with that, maybe your both better off not being married cus trust me there are alot worse things
to be called then a fat *kitten* by your spouse and give it time you will both get to those pet names too!
It happens, one day he will call you the B word, you will call him a P, and then you will wanna divorce.
Cus omg thats so unacceptable, is it? when you live with someone with the goal being for life,
you are bound to get hurt feelings and get on eachothers nerves,
but over all its how you solve these problems together and rebound from them
more aware and stronger as a couple because of it. If you cant handle that you should prolly divorce sooner than later.
He isnt being abusive, he is just being the guy you married.
You are fat, he called you out on it, frustrated at perhaps you werent doing anything
to help yourself and he might have a point, cus instead of discussing this with him and taking a proactive approach to fixing
your body or confronting him on this issue, you are here in mfp venting which is perfectly okay too, we all need a place to vent
but if you came here instead of him first, you guys have bigger issues than him just calling you a name. toughen up and get busy!in the time it took to post you could of burned 100 calories taking a walk to decompress!
I did my workout before logging into mfp today, lets go girl , get serious and if the issues with hubby dont resolve you will be fit and fab and move on. Take control of your life do not let it control you!
You can do it!
I disagree. There are tactful ways to tell your partner to lose weight. My partner is "obese" but I would never maliciously call him "limp a$s' because I'm not a giant b1tch who treats people I love like sh1t.0 -
Tell him to grow some hair!
What he said to you is rude and mean, no matter how you look at it and says a whole LOT more about him than it does you.
Do this for YOU not for him.0 -
I'm sure there are enough post putting your husband down.. Please read all of this post...
I was within average weight when I married my husband. 12 years later I'm over 240 lbs. I took advantage of his kindness to me about my weight. I had never realized this until recently. I saw a few post on website where it asked "What is your wife gained weight"? The talked about +30 lbs..Then the "taking advantage of his kindness" set in.
I can understand your hurt and it hurts more it came out in anger; however, be grateful he did tell you how he felt. If I were you though...I would still be hurt, devastated and crying my eyes out. I can't blame anyone but myself for my weight. Yes, I can down the road to blaming it on depression or on stress of being a mom or whatever, but it won't do any good. I wish I would have lost weight a long time ago. I haven't and now have over 100 lbs. to lose, it didn't happen overnight. 10..20..40...up and up.
I tend to think my brother in law is an *kitten* to my sister about her weight but then I see when we are shopping. She always so happy to go clothes shopping, keeps in a good mood & eats healthy. She has made sure to lose weight after each pregnancy (3 kids) and has never got to the "obese" scale. Now, I'm not saying I would want my husband to become mean but I do think there is some truth is the saying "Nice guys finish last".
If he loves you, and only you know that, you talk to him and ask him if something about you is bothering him, to please let you know before it blows up in a fight. Of course, don't become a puppet. Good luck.0 -
I like that too. I should have punched him in the ovaries, I'm known for saying that comment, male or female. lol0
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I can't imagine my husband ever saying such a thing to me. He should have more love and compassion and respect for you than that. Shame on him.
You should speak to him in a calm moment and tell him how much that hurt your feelings. Don't starve yourself because he was being incredibly insensitive and rude.
I am sorry that he treated you this way.0 -
Fasting? noooo don't starve yourself for a piece of ****! if hes hurting you and you cant handle it then tell him he is being a *kitten* and its hurting you if he don't care then leave his *kitten* you deserve better!0
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