My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

AnnInTexas

Personally, I believe you've gotten some good -- and bad -- advice.
I don't think you should ever lose weight to please someone else... you need to do it for yourself.

Men seem to be born with the knowledge on how to say things that really hurt.

I personally would ask him if the two of you can have a quiet talk about what he said, and let him know it was hurtful, and how you feel about it. Abuse can take many forms -- not just physical. Words can hurt too. He needs to understand that at his tender age of 28.

Only you really know if it's worth taking that kind of talk from him. I can't imagine it is.

As to your other comment about detoxing -- there is a way to go about it safely. Just not eating is not the way to do it. If you DO want to detox, look up some info on the internet. Your choice to not eat is not a way to lose some of the weight he commented on... that's how you are choosing to deal with the comments.

Good luck to you!
Ann

Vinnie5000

I know you don't want to bash your husband but if he says that sort of stuff all the time then he's being verbally abusive. My husband and I fought A LOT the first year of marriage and we never, ever ever ever insulted the appearance of the other person. That is just so cruel. And these thoughts about him being young and able to get whatever young thing he wants - did he put those thoughts in your head? Just because someone is in their twenties doesn't make them hot **** capable of boinking every young thing over the age of 18.

fbmandy55

its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better

This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.

your just supposing I mean making it up by buying things, I am talking about him saying he was sorry and talking about how he didn't mean that. in my case my husband and I can both be verbilly abusive to each other lol, but we have thick skin, also for the record I don't cry I get pissed and yell so pleas don't imagine me this frall poor little girl, cause I am far from that

and as far as phisically abusive PLEAS if he ever hit me (which he would never ever do) we would both beat the **** out of each other lol, I am not some weak little girl! nah ah!

:noway: Talk about a toxic relationship...

fresh_start59

its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better

This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.

your just supposing I mean making it up by buying things, I am talking about him saying he was sorry and talking about how he didn't mean that. in my case my husband and I can both be verbilly abusive to each other lol, but we have thick skin, also for the record I don't cry I get pissed and yell so pleas don't imagine me this frall poor little girl, cause I am far from that

I never meant to imply anything about your relationship or your personality. I don't know you, your spouse or your situation. I'm just saying that, in general, the old "He said he's sorry and that he loves me" quote is something that almost always comes up when women are talking about their abusive spouses. It is not a healthy mindset.

currierand

I'm shocked at how many of these threads there are. I can't have married the only nice man left in the world? I'm equally as shocked as to how many of you immediately respond with "divorce him". Marriage takes work, and communication.

To the OP, I am sorry you are having problems, especially this early on in your marriage. Arguments happen, of course, and we all say things in anger we wish we could take back. The important thing is to talk about it and not let these hurt feelings fester. Also, let him know (apology or not) that calling you names like that is not acceptable.

Good luck to you. And to the young, single ladies out there; take the time to really learn about the person you are marrying BRFORE you walk down the aisle. Don't settle.

All right, now someone help me down from my soapbox please.

Kelly

darkguardian419

Just break up.

Exactly.

McChubbyruewho

its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better

This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.

your just supposing I mean making it up by buying things, I am talking about him saying he was sorry and talking about how he didn't mean that. in my case my husband and I can both be verbilly abusive to each other lol, but we have thick skin, also for the record I don't cry I get pissed and yell so pleas don't imagine me this frall poor little girl, cause I am far from that

I never meant to imply anything about your relationship or your personality. I don't know you, your spouse or your situation. I'm just saying that, in general, the old "He said he's sorry and that he loves me" quote is something that almost always comes up when women are talking about their abusive spouses. It is not a healthy mindset.

hahaha its not healthy if there is actully hurtful abuse or any kind of physical abuse, yea I agree, but learning to let go of things that in the long skim of things doewsnt really effect much is imparitive in marriege, I am almost rediculas in how much I make my husband apoligise to me before I forgive him,. lol prob a bit too much, where as I have said mena things to him and he forgives me with no hesitation

norcal_yogi

bottom line... he is WAY out of line and that kind of talk is one version of violence.

no excuse for that kind of hurful talk. ugh.

CorvusCorax77

i read OP's post and looked at her pics. Didn't read any other comments:

(1) you are not fat...I was expecting to see something disturbingly obese and you are not.

(2) your husbands words are hurtful. I'm sure you say bad things too, but without that context, I feel like it's emotionally abusive. My dad would say crap like that to my mom and it damaged my self image as a woman. I hope you don't have girls. If you do, I hope your husband learns to not talk like that sooner rather than later. He should learn it either way.

(3) In terms of your goals, you can lose weight and be more fit. Absolutely. I think the occasional short fast never hurt anyone, as long as it's not some ED behavior that is going to extend beyond its usefulness. I try to fast one day a month. Ok, well I used to fast one day a month. That was a part of a spiritual practice, but it did help me appreciate healthy food. I appreciated more things like cabbage after not eating for a day. I'm sure you have gotten a lot of comments about eating enough food, and how slow and steady wins the race, etc etc etc. I second all those comments.

Im_NotPerfect

I'm shocked at how many of these threads there are. I can't have married the only nice man left in the world? I'm equally as shocked as to how many of you immediately respond with "divorce him". Marriage takes work, and communication.

I posted this exact same thing on my wall. My husband would never DREAM of coming even CLOSE to calling me anything like this. In fact, I can think of no man in my life (relative, friend, coworker) who would do this. Is it really that there are so few good men left in this world? I find that very sad...

*off to find a convent for my daughter...*

tumblindice

Get rid of him honey, you are a beautiful woman. Don't ever let anyone discourage you and your goals.
Life's too short. Only you are accountable for your life. You're too young to settle for his cruel words.

fresh_start59

You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.

lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.

He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!

Very true. I think statements are often taken the wrong way on the Internet. And mine was never meant that she should be responsible for his anger or for controlling it.

But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.

Just because we are not responsible for how someone feels and or reacts does not mean we should not try to help them get past it, especially if we love them and they are someone with a big influence on our own lives.

PaleoFan

I'm sorry your husband treated you that way. That's grade school bullying and there's zero reason it should happen in an adult relationship. If he's not mature enough to treat you with respect and consideration, don't let him stay around you. Anyone who says crap like this is emotionally insecure and/or abusive and no one deserves to be on the receiving end of their viciousness. If he keeps negging you like this, ask him why he's so insecure that he feels he needs to insult you so you'll stop believing you're a wonderful person. If my partner treated me like this, I wouldn't let him touch me either! But it wouldn't be out of embarrassment - it'd be because he betrayed my trust, attacked me, and didn't DESERVE the privilege of touching me.

Fasting for more than 16 hours is very hard on the body - don't do that! It's not a good way to lose weight, it crashes your metabolism. Be well!

Debby0904

Sweetie he might be able to get any girl but with that attitude of his no self respecting female would keep him. (exception being you of course since you're married to him) He should love you regardless of how big or how little you are. He should have married you for the woman you are not for the size of your clothes. Hold your head up high! You're beautiful as you are!

Ah he isn't worth starving yourself over. That isn't healthy either.

skinnyminnienw8ng

28 or 8?

Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.

Nekhet

This is my biggest problem with couples and the way they fight these days...call each other names, so hurtful and once you call each other names and put them down...it can never be taken back. Once the genie is out of the bottle...

Men should never call women names or insult their wives or girlfriends especially about things that you know the other person is sensitive about or is dealing with...never good and Karma always comes around to bite you in the butt. Think before you want to scream at the other person...walk away and cool down...remember that person is your wife/girlfriend...mother to your children. Do you want your kids to know you called their mom those things? I understand arguments and everyone has them...but try to be a gentleman and have some respect and you can still get your point across or make your feelings known without calling each other name and being so disrespectful...have some dignity and some grace and show that other person respect always...even when you are mad at them and even when you know you are right...this goes for women too. Women can be just as nasty and mean during arguments but all one can do is control their own actions...if it gets too intense then just walk away.

To the OP I am sorry your husband let the genie out of the bottle...it can be put back but it is not easy and wounds can run deep...best of luck to you and forgive my long rant.

ken1994

kick him in the balls!

PaleoFan

But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.

And absolutely none of that justifies him in taking his anger out on his spouse. None of that justifies bullying. If a man can't control his temper, he has no business calling himself an adult.

We expect better self-control out of 5-year-olds. Men don't get a pass because they can pee standing up.

McChubbyruewho

You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.

lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.

He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!

Very true. I think statements are often taken the wrong way on the Internet. And mine was never meant that she should be responsible for his anger or for controlling it.

But marriage is a give and take. You support me and I will I support you. Perhaps a husband's anger stems from work, maybe they can talk and agree that he should find a different job, even if it pays less. Maybe a husband is angry because his wife spends a lot of money. Perhaps a man is angry because all his life he was bullied and now he needs someone to bully. In that case, discussing counseling should be in order.

Just because we are not responsible for how someone feels and or reacts does not mean we should not try to help them get past it, especially if we love them and they are someone with a big influence on our own lives.

I think this is very sound advice! cause we can all be jerks when were going threw horrible situations, like a bad boss, or dieting lol

and being able to say "honey you don't mean that your just made cause you din't get that promotion but thats o.k. honey I know you decerved it and you will get one soon, ect

then he will then prob realise oh Im taking this out on you

homerjspartan

Tell him he could get stomped by Obie.

It's over, nobody listens to techno.