My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday

fbmandy55

Never acceptable, even in anger. I find that in anger I say things I feel are true, I refrain because I am an adult. If that is how he feels then you need to have some serious work done on your new marriage. I suggest counseling.

As far as fasting/detox. It's not going to help and it doesn't work. Your liver is your detoxer and fasting is just going to make your retain water and gain when you DO eat again.

I went through that same kind of name calling. He said the most disgusting and hurtful things about my weight because of control. It worked for so long that I was afraid to leave him. He has not seen his son in almost two years now since I left him, and he lives a few miles away on his dad's couch. Men like that are pathetic!

LifeJacketWaterJogger

I WENT THROUGH THAT FOR EIGHT YEARS AND IT JUST GOT WORSE AS TIME PASSED, HE'S IS NOW MY EX THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT THIS..MAKE A GOOD DECISON, I HOPE THINGS WORKOUT.

ErinBeth7

When people start calling names, it's usually because they're frustrated about something and resort to that, when it isn't called for - and it's usually because of their own insecurities or because they just don't know how to handle themselves in what they consider to be a combative situation. Whatever the reason, there's still no excuse for it.

And

Sit down with him and speak with him about it. See what he says. If he doesn't seem to be sorry I would be showing him the door. He needs to realize what he did.

Beckyloo80

that is not a good example to set for the kids. He should not be calling you anything but beautiful, especially out of anger.

nigelsmithlovesgardening

4 months and he's already talking to you like this ? phew :-/

melmar76

So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).

And we'd all burn calories doing it!!

Seriously though, there are no excuses for what he said to you. It was just mean and so very hurtful. You need to tell him how badly that injured your heart and soul. Here's hoping that NEVER happens again.

plumpchik

THATS WHY U SHOULD NEVER MARRY YOUNGER ..SORRY

ChiefsChick4Life

I can't believe how many responses I've received. I'm totally shocked. I knew it was a touchy subject but... I will do my best to work this out, I'm no angel either. I called him a name too "an idiot" for doing something really what I thought was dumb but I'm not better. But I would never comment on his small uhh hem. Did I just say that? Nah, I'm kidding.

You guys are making me feel better, thank you. I was crying at work all day until now.

harmo17

That's awful. I recently dealt with something similar when my boyfriend told me to "get on the elliptical or get a hobby to lose some weight".

I'll send you a friend request - we can keep eachother motivated!

Ashley

laughingdani

You deserve to be treated better. And I'm sure he knows this. Obviously you are an amazing woman or else he wouldn't be with you. It's good y'all are getting counseling and I hope the both of you stick with it because it will be hard.

That being said, weightloss is difficult as well. If you are doing this for JUST him then it will not stick, in my opinion.
You have to do this for YOU and you only. You've got to put yourself first. Make yourself a priority when no one else has and show others (including your husband) that you are worth treating right. Once you start feeling better about yourself inside and out you will start to respect yourself and demand respect. I would never put up with hateful comments like that from my SO. Never.

I wish the best for you in your new healthy lifestyle change and in your marriage.
I really hope things work out. Keep strong and don't give up.

Evasavealot1

DIVORCE! That's my answer. Or talking to him. You get only one put down and you already used it. Tell him never again will that be tolerated.

Lesa_Sass

So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).

It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!

I was with a man that treated me that way before I met my husband. I tried everything in the world to make him happy, he would just find another reason to be angry at me. After I left him I realized it was not me that was the problem.

My husband now never once called me anything but beautiful when I gained 40 pounds after we got together. The first 20 pounds were in the first 7 years we were together, the last 20 were in 2 before I changed my lifestyle. He was always kind to me and never once treated me any other way than with respect. I did not know that such a man existed, or if he did, I did not feel I was worth of him, this was due to the bullying and abusive behavior of my previous relationship.

I am so glad that today I know that I am worthy. I hope you find this to be true for you one day soon as well. :flowerforyou:

Hearts_2015

28 or 8?

Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.

I gotta agree with these two... hurtful words are damaging, hurtful words are quite hard to forget. It's not something I could get over too easily, I can understand what you're saying about now feeling insecure around him. He's told you how he feels about you, in anger or not. Consider if this is the guy for you if he's chopping your self esteem to pieces that's not cool, building a partner up, now that's what a healthy relationship is all about.

You're ONLY 36, that's quite young...you have a very long life ahead of you, never never allow ANYONE to tear you down and continue to take it! You have more control over this situation than you may realize, don't allow this verbal abuse, it's hurtful, certainly not loving, done in anger or not! He tore into something he knows would hurt you most, your self esteem, your insecurities.

Think about a girlfriend that called you and told you this was happening to her, how would that make you feel? What would you say, how would you help her get through this? That person is you, be extra kind to yourself and really think about if being with a 28 year old that you're worrying if he'll get with a younger girl is worth it.

I'm not saying run out the door and leave this moment, but if you're worrying that he's gonna head out and find someone younger, that could be several issues. Could be words he's spoken, actions he's done or it could be simply your low self esteem that you're not good enough and he'll leave you.

YOU are the most important part in this equastion... that's simply all their is to it!

We can change only our own behavior, we teach ppl how to treat us, then they follow, if we allow it to continue than we are at fault for not taking good care of ourselves.

Sending you some hugs today!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Manapaws

LEAVE THE A HOLE

sz8soon

28 or 8?

Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.

Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.

The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.

And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.

Can't say it better than this. This is spot on

jb100908

Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.

1) You don't have to explain yourself to anyone (on this site or otherwise!)
2) Words spoken in anger can do irreparable harm...and so can what you put yourself through replaying it in your head. My suggestion would be to talk to him, ask for an apology, and forgive him and try to forget. If you don't think you can do that, it may not be a bad idea to seek some counseling together, or on your own.
3) Don't ever let someone else's opinion be your driving force. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. You need to be ready.

Feel free to message if you ever need to talk xx

grinner30

Kick him in the taint. Problem solved.

Problem solved...

itsuki

Sounds like you need to lose 200lbs (or however much that *kitten* weights).

McChubbyruewho

oh also my husband and I have said the most hurtful things to each other, its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better, I have been married almost 6 years.

so honestly just get over it (that's what my mom always says)

I told my husband before we wed if he ever makes fun of my weight I was out of here, cause I was made fun of soo much while growing up, and a couple months ago HE DID! and I was shocked by the fact I didn't really care, I know he loves me and I love him so sticks and stones, we are working for a greater purpose then our egotistical emotions, soo it just kinda didn't really matter and we made up its like whatever..

fresh_start59

If he talks to you like this four months into your marriage, what will happen after you've been married for four years?

While I am divorced, I do not believe divorce is something to be taken lightly. I truly believe that people should work hard to save their marriage. But I do not believe that marriage should be a shackle that binds us to someone who is abusive (physically or emotionally) or neglectful.

You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry. And he needs to learn how he can support you in your weight loss and in life.

If that doesn't work, you need to get professional help. And if that doesn't work, you need to make some very hard choices--for the sake of you and your children, who deserve to have good relationship role models.