Constructive criticism, please! Sheesh!

shaunap3

I have not been on this website very long, but after the few posts I recently made and the very frank and hurtful ways people responded I am disgusted. I thought this was a website to encourage one another. If someone is misinformed, inform them. In a nice way. Give them a pat on the back and another try.

I was in fact NOT spot on with my eating. What I was spot on with was logging everything I consumed and holding myself accountable, because it was there, black and white, out in the open, for the entire website to read and shove in my face. I can honestly say I had no idea how much sugar and sodium I was actually consuming, so thank you for letting me know what YOU saw. It was helpful. Cutting out sugar is hard, cutting out sodium is even harder, as some of you will know.

For those of you that said "hey, you gave a good try, but I would do this differently" I greatly appreciate your ideas, suggestions, support and kind words.

For those of you that gave me a snotty "excuse me honey but your diet sucks" response, go shove it! With that attitude you may lose weight, but your personality will always make you ugly.

We're not perfect, and we're all here for similar reasons, just remember that.

Lozze

I just went and read the thread. There was some bluntness but all of it was true.

You started a thread stating you were spot on and couldn't understand why you gained. People looked at your diary and pointed out that you hadn't been spot on (and for me personally if I drink alcohol I gain. Without fail) You then changed your version of spot on. (And I agree logging 100% is half the battle)

You are going to get blunt people here. If you want to be Molly coddled this site isn't the place. People are going to tell you the truth. And telling you that your food choices weren't the best IS consturctive criticism.

AntWrig

I have not been on this website very long, but after the few posts I recently made and the very frank and hurtful ways people responded I am disgusted. I thought this was a website to encourage one another. If someone is misinformed, inform them. In a nice way. Give them a pat on the back and another try.

I was in fact NOT spot on with my eating. What I was spot on with was logging everything I consumed and holding myself accountable, because it was there, black and white, out in the open, for the entire website to read and shove in my face. I can honestly say I had no idea how much sugar and sodium I was actually consuming, so thank you for letting me know what YOU saw. It was helpful. Cutting out sugar is hard, cutting out sodium is even harder, as some of you will know.

For those of you that said "hey, you gave a good try, but I would do this differently" I greatly appreciate your ideas, suggestions, support and kind words.

For those of you that gave me a snotty "excuse me honey but your diet sucks" response, go shove it! With that attitude you may lose weight, but your personality will always make you ugly.

We're not perfect, and we're all here for similar reasons, just remember that.

Why exactly are you cutting sugar and sodium?


Regarding your comments about people being frank and hurtful. Many are tired of sugar coating the truth. I stated in the past that most who post are are not looking for answers, they are looking validation of their extreme diets. However, it's up to you to take the responses however you want to. I personally would rather prefer people to be blunt and frank. Then again, many have said, I am an ***hole. So....

IronSmasher

So very tired.

but we still want to help, and everyone has a bad day

or two

LondonEliza

You are going to get blunt people here. If you want to be Molly coddled this site isn't the place. People are going to tell you the truth. And telling you that your food choices weren't the best IS consturctive criticism.

^^^This^^

I've asked for advice on here before and got the soft version and the hard-to-take version of what I was doing wrong. Just because I wasn't mad on the words used doesn't make the truth of pertinent advice any less relevant.

Toughen up, thank people for taking the time to reply, move on and remember, sugar coated contains more calories

rduhlir

As all the others have said earlier, pointing out flaws in your food diaries is constructive critisim. What you do you want? To consume 4500 grams of sodium and someone to give you a pat on the back for it? Not going to happen.

shaunap3

It was brought to my attention I consume way too much sugar and sodium, something I hadn't actually realized, until everyone reposted and reposted and reposted it for me.

I have not been on this website very long, but after the few posts I recently made and the very frank and hurtful ways people responded I am disgusted. I thought this was a website to encourage one another. If someone is misinformed, inform them. In a nice way. Give them a pat on the back and another try.

I was in fact NOT spot on with my eating. What I was spot on with was logging everything I consumed and holding myself accountable, because it was there, black and white, out in the open, for the entire website to read and shove in my face. I can honestly say I had no idea how much sugar and sodium I was actually consuming, so thank you for letting me know what YOU saw. It was helpful. Cutting out sugar is hard, cutting out sodium is even harder, as some of you will know.

For those of you that said "hey, you gave a good try, but I would do this differently" I greatly appreciate your ideas, suggestions, support and kind words.

For those of you that gave me a snotty "excuse me honey but your diet sucks" response, go shove it! With that attitude you may lose weight, but your personality will always make you ugly.

We're not perfect, and we're all here for similar reasons, just remember that.

Why exactly are you cutting sugar and sodium?


Regarding your comments about people being frank and hurtful. Many are tired of sugar coating the truth. I stated in the past that most who post are are not looking for answers, they are looking validation of their extreme diets. However, it's up to you to take the responses however you want to. I personally would rather prefer people to be blunt and frank. Then again, many have said, I am an ***hole. So....

Fozzi43

If you eat crap, you're gonna get crap results.

No offence but getting constructive criticism may work more than ' nicely nicely' approach.

shaunap3

That would be twisting what has just happened. I WOULD like someone to let me know that I have in fact not consumed the right foods, but not by being so rude. I don't appreciate being made out to be a complete moron.

As all the others have said earlier, pointing out flaws in your food diaries is constructive critisim. What you do you want? To consume 4500 grams of sodium and someone to give you a pat on the back for it? Not going to happen.

shaunap3

I don't need nice-nice, and I don't need rude either. This entire website is everyone attacking everyone in this forum. Not just mine, but many others I've seen. Not really sure why people can't be a LITTLE nicer when delivering information.

If you eat crap, you're gonna get crap results.

No offence but getting constructive criticism may work more than ' nicely nicely' approach.

BamsieEkhaya

everyone takes criticism differently...I went through your thread, personally it didn't seem that bad and I've seen HELL of a lot worse.

This isn't the best place to come if you like to be mollycoddled or need someone to hold your hand.
There are some AMAZINGLY nice people, trust me ! but I think people were just pointing it out rather than being rude.

shorty35565

IIFYM.....ur fine as long as it fits. I know people in killer shape who eat ice cream every day.
I think people were being a bit harsh in ur other post too. Mayb that's just cuz I'm a sensitive person & know I would react the same way as you.

Fozzi43

I don't need nice-nice, and I don't need rude either. This entire website is everyone attacking everyone in this forum. Not just mine, but many others I've seen. Not really sure why people can't be a LITTLE nicer when delivering information.

If you eat crap, you're gonna get crap results.

No offence but getting constructive criticism may work more than ' nicely nicely' approach.

Some members are a little more " colourful" with their choice of words...but I'm sure they don't mean to be rude.

rduhlir

That isn't pointing you out as a moron. That is saying, "Hey what you said about being spot on isn't true." If you are taking it that way because people are being blunt and not Daisying it up that is your problem. The people on here will use every sort of motivation possible. Negative and Positve, constructive criticism.

xsmilexforxmex

It's easier to be mean when you are standing face to face with someone and it's hard to read how something is meant to be said when there's no body language involved. Just remember that and you'll be fine.

-edit- I feel it's also necessary to add that I just happened to have your other post up and I see maybe 1 comment I would take as rude but even then it's open to consideration given that (strictly my opinion) your response to someone trying to help came off the rudest in the entire post.. "Your diary didn't show that you were that spot on and a lot of the foods weren't that great plus alcohol." didn't deserve:

Minus my one day going out, I was spot on. But thanks for shoving it in my face. I need that.

They were just trying to help and point out that it is a possibility you aren't being honest with yourself.

BettyandVeronica

Hi first off most of what you are eating is healthy and nutritious.It will sustain your energy needs as you become healthier. Your breakfasts are very good which is incredibly important as it sets you up for the rest of the day.

You are going to get blunt people here, but they are simply giving you the same information in a more direct manner. I say take it and use it as fuel for your desire in the gym or your favoured exercise.

I also put my diary in the spotlight a few weeks ago and believe me you got off super light. I had multiple days where my lunch was 3 packets of crisps or over 300 calories worth of chocolat. Yeah that didn't go down well. People gave it to me straight and you know what,I'm gratetfull for it. Now I'm eating so much better and I took their advice about what to change and include.

Just take every bit of advice as it comes and use it.Not everyone will be cherry nice with their comments so take it on the chin and blast that weight.

Have a great day and take care

shaunap3

I have learned the lesson. I need to eat less processed foods, I need to learn how to find healthier snacks, and I need to figure out how to cut a lot of sodium out of my diet. Of course I GET IT, I just didn't like the delivery. If I knew this website was going to be so stressful I wouldn't have posted. Now I'm annoyed, on the defense, and I want to eat. Very counter constructive. I guess I was expecting everyone to be a little more like an older website I used to be a part of. My mistake.

HMVOL7409

Maybe one comment could be taken wrong as it was touching something overly addressed; however every single response was someone trying to give you constructive help. Sometimes we can't see what's holding us back until someone points it out and they did that for you. I think you took the tone/message wrong personally. Getting extremely defensive over 1-2 comments is a sign you knew deep down they were right but you didn't want to hear it. They were clear and direct; that's not the same as being rude. However how you respond also shows us more about your character.

dor91

I agree with Lozzie give to me blunt tell me when I am messing up but don't be mean. I also have to take in account that my reading it doesn't always agree with what it was suppose to say. My mind is messed up that is why I am here to get help.

So good job on logging it all I to believe if in two or three weeks I can look back and say hey that would be ideal food to bring for lunch at 1;00 AM.

pyrowill

I looked back at the thread. I don't see any rudenes, I think you are being far too sensitive. People pointed out where you are going wrong, not even in a stern way, I've seen much blunter, if you react the way you are you will only be met with worse.

Lozze

Op I did a similar thread ages ago when I started. The first response was literally a spoon with concrete on it.

I have learned the lesson. I need to eat less processed foods, I need to learn how to find healthier snacks, and I need to figure out how to cut a lot of sodium out of my diet. Of course I GET IT, I just didn't like the delivery. If I knew this website was going to be so stressful I wouldn't have posted. Now I'm annoyed, on the defense, and I want to eat. Very counter constructive. I guess I was expecting everyone to be a little more like an older website I used to be a part of. My mistake.

I would like to give some advice.

Don't believe everything you read on this site. You're going to get wildly different advice from lots of people. You'll have the clean eaters, the 'a calorie is a calorie' people, the people who must be perfectionists and so on. Read it, see if it fits you and then discard as necessary. People tell you to cut down on sodium because if you have too much it MASKS weight gain by causing you to retain water.

The fact you're logging everything good or bad, is a great start. Keep going with that. You'll find what works quickly.

shaunap3

Thank you very much. And good luck with your weight loss endeavors!

Hi first off most of what you are eating is healthy and nutritious.It will sustain your energy needs as you become healthier. Your breakfasts are very good which is incredibly important as it sets you up for the rest of the day.

You are going to get blunt people here, but they are simply giving you the same information in a more direct manner. I say take it and use it as fuel for your desire in the gym or your favoured exercise.

I also put my diary in the spotlight a few weeks ago and believe me you got off super light. I had multiple days where my lunch was 3 packets of crisps or over 300 calories worth of chocolat. Yeah that didn't go down well. People gave it to me straight and you know what,I'm gratetfull for it. Now I'm eating so much better and I took their advice about what to change and include.

Just take every bit of advice as it comes and use it.Not everyone will be cherry nice with their comments so take it on the chin and blast that weight.

Have a great day and take care

BarackMeLikeAHurricane

Calm down. You're over reacting. I saw on your profile you mentioned something about a past eating disorder. This would be my best guess as to why you're so overly sensitive about people judging your food choices. In your last thread you seemed to be attacking people for no reason that were just trying to help you. If you can't handle the people here, stay out of the forums.

starspeckled

If I knew this website was going to be so stressful I wouldn't have posted.

Making a post about a post brcause you didn't like tHe response is lame. There's a message in it, a lesson to be learned, did you learn it???

Improvements can be made. Just because your nutritionist for $200 didn't break it to you gently doesn't make it less true. Take it on board.

You asked a question. Now handle the answer.

Harden up.

^^^This

robin52077

There was nothing rude in the other thread.
You need to go back and read what I wrote and what 2 people have already quoted and agreed with.

Do it, follow it, come back in 2 months and tell me how happy you are I was "rude".

And pick up heavy things.

rfsatar

I don't need nice-nice, and I don't need rude either. This entire website is everyone attacking everyone in this forum. Not just mine, but many others I've seen. Not really sure why people can't be a LITTLE nicer when delivering information.

I think that comes from a number of things.
A glut of "attention" seeking threads where people either boast about eating below 1200, hence much flaming, or... statements that they are not losing, and with diary open, sometimes results in flaming.

None of this is an exact science, but there is a lot you can do to make it more so.
A little research into things like your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE) & Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) will help you understand broadly what you should eat each day, and what you can eat at a deficit to help with losing weight,
Logging as accurately as you can is half the battle

I have someone on my friend list cheering me on/nagging me about my water intake, for example.
What they don't realise is that before I came on here, I was terrible, TERRIBLE about drinking water - so managing 4-5 cups a day is a HUGE thing for me - so do I get irritated when they are all "hey drink more"? No - they are trying to encourage as best they can based on what little they know about me.

Perhaps maybe only have your diary open to people you choose to friend, and ask for opinions among a smaller group.

But above all - this takes LOTS of tweaking and adjusting... it's not a sprint...
It took me two weeks before I even really got to grips with the whole logging, and getting over the horror of what I was putting away.
It took a good month to learn what worked for me - some weeks I gained, some weeks static...
It took me 4 months before I was even ready to get my head around the effects of BMR, TDEE and deficits and how that might work for me...

Please.. be patient, and find a way to make the site work for you. As blunt as people are in the forums, that is the nature of the internetz... I find them a great source (sometimes) for information, I do my own research, and I tweak my own goals and above all - you need to be on here for YOU, not for the virtual support you think you're gonna get!
Build up a small but decent bunch of similar goaled friends and work within those parameters... that may well work better for you.

Good luck with your journey.

bubbanene

amen

LovelyLifter

Well frankly the truth hurts and if you post being upset about not losing weight then you need to expect any and all forms of criticism. If you choose to put yourself out there then these are the chances you take. I went back and read that thread and like with others I fail to see the rudeness in it.

Best of luck and listen to Robin she knows what shes talking about :flowerforyou:

akhilton

I don't think the other thread was rude, in fact there were some good points made.

I had no idea that sodium caused water retention to those sort of levels.

And as for crappy alcohol... surely you knew already that alcopops are bad? The best low cal drink I have found is Vodka, Line & Soda(water). But for Jan I am staying off the booze anyway.

bdtyson77302

agreed..

Capt_Apollo

suck it up buttercup.