Need "marital" advice ASAP!

RavenBeauty87
RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
in Chit-Chat
Thanks for the answers!
«13

Replies

  • Windy_
    Windy_ Posts: 1,012 Member
    and the sex is always great even when I wasn't in the mood at first

    just keep doing that ^
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Rule 1: Stop saying no.

    Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.

    Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    You have your man in your bed every night. I don't see the problem here other than you making excuses.

    Try holding it together when you don't see each other for weeks on end.
  • Superdave24
    Superdave24 Posts: 158 Member
    This really might not be advice but its like going back to the gym. Once you start going it gets a little easier the next time after and then you wonder if why you even stopped. Other thing is.....have you tried just foreplay to start out with. Maybe that will get the wheels spinning. Good luck.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Divorce.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    You should really talk to your doctor. You could have a nutrient deficiency contributing to this. Do you get enough fats in your diet? That can be a problem too.
  • gettinthere
    gettinthere Posts: 529 Member
    We, as women, do seem to be more about the mental aspect of sex than men are, but I am just generalizing. Sometimes it's really hard to get "your head in the game" sorta speak! Maybe you should speak to your husband about him coming to bed early with you, even if he gets up later when you are done, but at least he is making an effort as well. Remind him that even a quick massage once you get into bed can stir things up, it's amazing how that will waken up your senses, just having him rub his hands on your back for a few minutes. Try to take a bath or a shower together. There is a lot to be said about the "oral" help to get fires burning, it's a great way to get things started!!
    Keep your chin up, and it's really great that you are interested in making it work!! The fact that you and your hubby are grown up enough to talk about it together is a great sign that you guys will figure this out!
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Here's some motivation:
    If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Stop saying no. Remember how much you desire him.

    Visiting your doctor isn't a bad idea.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,420 Member
    You'd better fake it till you make it.....or you could find yourself in a bad situation.

    Get some counseling, together or separate.


    It is heartbreaking when someone you love pushes you away in this manner. Get some help.


  • whitneyps7
    whitneyps7 Posts: 409 Member
    Rule 1: Stop saying no.

    Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.

    Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.

    i agree with this!^^ just dont say no
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Do you spend time out of bed touching each other? Holding hands, cuddling, kissing? Sexual intimacy comes with emotional and physical intimacy. Do you have a date night where it's just the two of you? Do you make each other priority?

    He sounds like he's trying to understand, but I am sure he is feeling rejected. I know that's not what you intend for him to feel, but when your spouse doesn't want sex with you, it's very demoralizing.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Rule 1: Stop saying no.

    Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.

    Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.
    Here's some motivation:
    If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.


    ^ What they said. That and maybe go see a doctor..maybe a sex therapist/marriage counselor in case there are other problems that aren't being resolved as well.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    don't try to make it into a huge ordeal... the whole candles/ music thing...... to much....... next time he's watching tv on the couch and the baby is in bed give him a mouth hug..... things will progress from there..... don't stress it so much and don't try to make it a big production.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I don't understand the question
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
    We are all tired. Just keep doing it.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    When is the last time you had a day off, from work and the baby? Get a sitter, book a room, go to a nice dinner and hump like bunnies.
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
    Here's some motivation:
    If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.

    Oh snap!
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    Withholding sex from your husband is the equivalent of him withholding affection and conversation from you. If your husband was too tired to talk with you or give you a hug or even hold your hand, that would cause problems, too.

    I don't know what could be causing it, but I'd make it a priority to figure out what's up. If that means seeing a doc, then do. If it's just too much stuff going on in the evening, then work to figure out what you can take off your plate. Taking care of each other should be at the top of your list. Not vacuuming the house or skipping laundry isn't going to take a toll on your marriage the way that skipping sex will. If you make sure you have time and energy for those things but not for sex, you're sending him the message that those things are more important than him.

    The way I see it, when it comes to the quality of my marriage sex is not something I am willing to sacrifice. Chores are.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
    Take one for the team. It is really not healthy for your relationship
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    Just Do It.
  • RavenBeauty87
    RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
    Divorce.

    LMFAO I was waiting for this one
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
    Sometimes trying to "schedule" the act of making sweet, passion fruit love kills the romance. My wife and I are a big proponent of just having the love making occur when we feel like it. If we're at home and I'm getting ready to hit the gym, sometimes we'll exchange looks and we go to freak town.

    If you ever have the urge, don't ignore it, just do it!
  • Four_Leaf_Clover
    Four_Leaf_Clover Posts: 332 Member
    Just do it. Tell him when you're going to bed and invite him to come. Ask him to come help you with something upstairs (wink wink) earlier in the evening - after baby is down but before you are ready to sleep.

    Challenge yourself to do something intimate together everyday for a week - we did this for 2 weeks and it worked wonders.

    I know this can be hard - I am tired, work 40+ hours and have 4 kids, but it's worth it!
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    when I get home things just pile up and I'm in bed before him. Poor guy will come to bed about an hour or so later and try and I just say no because I'm so tired and I have to wake up hours before he does.


    Maybe start with asking him to go to bed when you do. If he's a night owl and doesn't typically go to bed that early, he can always go back to the living room or whatever he does AFTER, and you can roll over and sleep with a smile on your face.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Yeah, ultimately you just have to stop saying no when he comes to bed. I mean, even if you flat out tell him, "Dude, you have 15 minutes," he will get the job done. In the overall scheme of things will that amount of time kill you? Hell, you might even find out that you are sleeping too much. I find that when I sleep too much I feel more exhausted.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Step 1: dont ever let him find out you talk to strangers on the internet about his private bedroom business and any problems related to it.

    Step 2. don't talk about your marriage problems in writing on the internet.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    don't try to make it into a huge ordeal... the whole candles/ music thing...... to much....... next time he's watching tv on the couch and the baby is in bed give him a mouth hug..... things will progress from there..... don't stress it so much and don't try to make it a big production.

    This. Sex after kids has to be had when and however it can be had. If you are going to be an hour before he's ready, ask him to come with you (he doesn't have to stay there). If all you have time for is a 10min quicky, have a 10min quicky. The more you have it, the more you'll both want it.
  • TiffanyW1014
    TiffanyW1014 Posts: 599 Member
    Here's some motivation:
    If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.

    This happened to me and my hubby. We are now trying to work through cheating issues and it is very very hard..
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    go for a wake up shower before 'bedtime'... stay in as long as it takes to get you raring to go. shave, get clean, and pretty smelling. Hide a new outfit in the bathroom and get yourself excited putting it on.

    even when my (now ex) and I were on our way out... I was so freaking exhausted after working 40 hours/wk, commuting 10 hrs, and caring for a 4 and 6 year old... that was the only way I could find the energy to do it.

    also try Laura Corn's 101 nights... they're books with 101 sealed pages... you can find ones on quickies, dirty nights, romance, whatever - you peel out a page from the book, tear off the edges, and commit to whatever is inside (note she's not overly kinky).

    If you still love him, and still desire him, then there is always a way to trigger that spark.

    even if it's having a shot of an energy drink before you put the kids to bed...

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