Need "marital" advice ASAP!

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24

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  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    Just Do It.
  • RavenBeauty87
    RavenBeauty87 Posts: 83 Member
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    Divorce.

    LMFAO I was waiting for this one
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
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    Sometimes trying to "schedule" the act of making sweet, passion fruit love kills the romance. My wife and I are a big proponent of just having the love making occur when we feel like it. If we're at home and I'm getting ready to hit the gym, sometimes we'll exchange looks and we go to freak town.

    If you ever have the urge, don't ignore it, just do it!
  • Four_Leaf_Clover
    Four_Leaf_Clover Posts: 332 Member
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    Just do it. Tell him when you're going to bed and invite him to come. Ask him to come help you with something upstairs (wink wink) earlier in the evening - after baby is down but before you are ready to sleep.

    Challenge yourself to do something intimate together everyday for a week - we did this for 2 weeks and it worked wonders.

    I know this can be hard - I am tired, work 40+ hours and have 4 kids, but it's worth it!
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    when I get home things just pile up and I'm in bed before him. Poor guy will come to bed about an hour or so later and try and I just say no because I'm so tired and I have to wake up hours before he does.


    Maybe start with asking him to go to bed when you do. If he's a night owl and doesn't typically go to bed that early, he can always go back to the living room or whatever he does AFTER, and you can roll over and sleep with a smile on your face.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Yeah, ultimately you just have to stop saying no when he comes to bed. I mean, even if you flat out tell him, "Dude, you have 15 minutes," he will get the job done. In the overall scheme of things will that amount of time kill you? Hell, you might even find out that you are sleeping too much. I find that when I sleep too much I feel more exhausted.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Step 1: dont ever let him find out you talk to strangers on the internet about his private bedroom business and any problems related to it.

    Step 2. don't talk about your marriage problems in writing on the internet.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    don't try to make it into a huge ordeal... the whole candles/ music thing...... to much....... next time he's watching tv on the couch and the baby is in bed give him a mouth hug..... things will progress from there..... don't stress it so much and don't try to make it a big production.

    This. Sex after kids has to be had when and however it can be had. If you are going to be an hour before he's ready, ask him to come with you (he doesn't have to stay there). If all you have time for is a 10min quicky, have a 10min quicky. The more you have it, the more you'll both want it.
  • TiffanyW1014
    TiffanyW1014 Posts: 614 Member
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    Here's some motivation:
    If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.

    This happened to me and my hubby. We are now trying to work through cheating issues and it is very very hard..
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    go for a wake up shower before 'bedtime'... stay in as long as it takes to get you raring to go. shave, get clean, and pretty smelling. Hide a new outfit in the bathroom and get yourself excited putting it on.

    even when my (now ex) and I were on our way out... I was so freaking exhausted after working 40 hours/wk, commuting 10 hrs, and caring for a 4 and 6 year old... that was the only way I could find the energy to do it.

    also try Laura Corn's 101 nights... they're books with 101 sealed pages... you can find ones on quickies, dirty nights, romance, whatever - you peel out a page from the book, tear off the edges, and commit to whatever is inside (note she's not overly kinky).

    If you still love him, and still desire him, then there is always a way to trigger that spark.

    even if it's having a shot of an energy drink before you put the kids to bed...
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
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    I don't think I have ever in my life said no to sex.


    Wait.....

    Nope. not ever.

    Seems to me like you have more of a communication/intimacy issue especially seeing as how you are out here on a public forum airing out things that should be discussed with your husband. Sorry.
  • devan44
    devan44 Posts: 130
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    If you don't give it to him eventually someone else will. You are in the habit of saying no and putting your needs before his - stop telling him no!
  • kairisika
    kairisika Posts: 131 Member
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    If you're thinking about it during the day, it doesn't sound like you've checked out - just that it's not as important for you, and you're finding it hard to schedule in with your tiredness.
    So schedule it! (some people don't like it, other people find it gets them going and back in the mood. it can't hurt at this point)
    Have some couple time as soon as you get home, instead of leaving it for after everything else.
    Hire a babysitter once a week for a month - maybe even at someone else's home, so the two of you can have the house to yourselves.

    Really, tell yourself that it is critically important to you because it is important to your husband (even if he is nice enough to not make it a big deal), and then find ways to fit it into your schedule by treating it as a priority instead of an "if I'm still up and we get around to it" option.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    My hubby and I would try to have sex right after work so that nothing got in the way, or to tired etc. It works great for us.
  • cmwhited6204
    cmwhited6204 Posts: 210 Member
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    My best advice is you better stop saying no because if you don't someone else will. You need to figure out why you are so tired. I have twins so I dont want to hear the work and baby routine. I am not trying to be mean but I can tell you from experience that once sex leaves a marriage so many marriages dont work.

    Good Luck and maybe see a doctor because it could be hormonal stuff as well.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Rule 1: Stop saying no.

    Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.

    Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.

    That. Or sit down and tell him that if he wants to have sex he needs to come to bed when you go to bed. Also, you need to sexy things up, get some foreplay poker cards and some sex position cards. If you're not really in the mood pull out the poker cards. If you (or he) are in the mood have one or the other leave the position they'd like to try that evening from the other deck on the bed. Sometimes even when you're not in the mood something to signal your partners desire and give you some advanced time for anticipation will increase your desire as well.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    I remember that so well. It seemed that the hormones involved in taking care of a new baby were completely anti-sex. I'd want to be in the mood and really try, but there was just nothing there. Touches that would have excited me before just irritated me after.

    By the time baby was 2 or 3, I got my sexual feelings back. Before that, I just gritted my teeth and tolerated it as often as I could, pretty much.
  • jbird40
    jbird40 Posts: 10
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    I don’t mean to sound like an as*. I went through the same thing after my son, esp. after gaining 80 pounds. (You will find most women do)

    But, I found some great ways to overcome this issue.

    1. Sex is great cardio-just think of it as a late night work-out
    2. You can build up great flexibility
    3. You will sleep better-or have more energy to do what-ever (In my case homework and work stuff).
    4. Afraif of your body? Just turn off the light if needed, men are visual light a candle.

    I understand the sleep issue but, most nights don’t need to be a marathon.

    Here are some facts.

    Having sex three times a week burns around 7,500 calories per year roughly the equivalent of jogging 75 miles, or about 1.4 miles per week

    kissing for 15 minutes could burn as many as 30 calories

    Add some “sexercise” to your regular routine and enjoy burning calories, that is why you are here right....... get fit and frisky.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Step 1: dont ever let him find out you talk to strangers on the internet about his private bedroom business and any problems related to it.

    Step 2. don't talk about your marriage problems in writing on the internet.

    yeah, forgot to say this in my post. Thanks for doing it Yoovie :D

    Seriously...I know sometimes you need someone to talk to..but....a bunch of strangers on the internet is not the way to go.

    Seek marriage counseling if you really feel things are going that downhill.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    i think it's sad that people make it out like you gotta put out or it's your fault if he cheats, etc.

    funny how "marriage" means a woman has to do what she doens't want to do, but a man should never have to take care of himself to keep himself faithful.

    That being said, a relationship is a give and take. If he isn't as exhausted as you, perhaps he should participate more in the housework and childcare. Perhaps then you'll have more energy to please both of you in the bedroom.

    I know. I'm horrible to think like this.

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