How to get fit and loose weight without being an *kitten*.
mikeyrp
Posts: 1,616 Member
Its occurred to me, probably because of the number of times it was pointed out, that during the process of loosing weight and getting fit its quite easy to appear to become a bit pompous...
So - I'm going to admit to some of my mistakes and hopefully that will help you avoid them - please feel free to add to the list!
First - a bit about me. I'm 36 years old. I travel a lot with work and between the lack of routine and the abundance of restaurant meals at the start of 2011 I managed to get my medium frame 5'9" body up to 14 Stone (that's 196 lb). At around this point my Dad was diagnosed with diabetes and my Sister, who has MS, asked me to run the London 10K. I joined MFP towards the end of January and have been pretty consistent at using it since. Last year my lowest weigh in was 162lb and I was aiming to maintain at 164 (I'm now at a post Christmas 168 and so I'm on weight loss again - my target is 161lb this year (11.5 stone... I like round numbers!) Oh yes, and in 2012 I did my first ever marathon and sprint triathlon. This year its just half marathons - one of which is a cross country huge obstacle course and I'm aiming for two Olympic distance Triathlons.
You can probably understand the problem already.. People who were used to me being a sedentary, podgy chap who always made time for friends and family suddenly found that I was't free in the mornings at the weekend because I was out running or cycling. And on Friday & Saturday nights I wanted to go to bed sober and before midnight because I wanted to feel fresh in the mornings.
Furthermore, I joined a running club (with a multi sports contingent) and made some new friends. And these guys enjoyed talking about training plans, sports nutrition, target races etc. For some reason my old friends and my family found this somewhat dull.
To top it off, I logged everything I ate or drank pretty much as it happened. People don't like it when you're at costa coffee typing in snacks to see which ones are acceptable in terms of calories. It doesn't help if you say 'I only want half a (insert cake) - do you want to share".
Now - half of you are thinking "Mike - you are an *kitten*". The other half are thinking "You're friends and family are the arses for being so unsupportive". On reflection, I suspect the truth is somewhere half way.
Between the fact that people have had a couple of years to adapt to my new lifestyle and some modifications to my own behaviour I think the situation has improved. Here are the changes I have made:
1) I only bring up the topic of training with people I know are interested in it. And only when its JUST these people.
2) If someone who isn't part of the sport community asks me about training they are usually being polite - they just want to know its going well and maybe what my next race is or how the last race went. They do not want to know my plans for the whole year.
3) Sometimes people will say things like "I wish I could run". 9 times out of 10 they do not want you to give them a training plan! Or tips! Or an invite a training session etc... I now handle this by saying "If you are interested in learning, send me an email and I will point you at some good articles".
4) Same rules for "I wish I could loose weight"
5) When I am eating with other people, I just order what I want and eat it. Nobody cares. Its only when you start making a big deal over your diet choices that people get irritated.
6) Same for rule as 5 for drinking
7) About once a month I make sure I put spending time with my friends and family above the quality of the next days training session. The training is important to me and they need to respect that - but its not my whole life.
8) If I post anything on facebook it is always either to plan an event or talk about the outcome. Never discuss training. (I used to post things like 'Just got back from a great 15 mile run'. It might sound impressive once but doing it every Saturday gt boring - even for me!)
9) If I want to talk about training sessions I do it on MFP. I have almost no 'Real Life' friends on MFP and I have deliberately rejected any new ones. This also allows me to let off steam about things people have said or done with relationship to the above without causing offence.
I hope people find this insightful. As I said earlier, please feel free to add your own learnings.
So - I'm going to admit to some of my mistakes and hopefully that will help you avoid them - please feel free to add to the list!
First - a bit about me. I'm 36 years old. I travel a lot with work and between the lack of routine and the abundance of restaurant meals at the start of 2011 I managed to get my medium frame 5'9" body up to 14 Stone (that's 196 lb). At around this point my Dad was diagnosed with diabetes and my Sister, who has MS, asked me to run the London 10K. I joined MFP towards the end of January and have been pretty consistent at using it since. Last year my lowest weigh in was 162lb and I was aiming to maintain at 164 (I'm now at a post Christmas 168 and so I'm on weight loss again - my target is 161lb this year (11.5 stone... I like round numbers!) Oh yes, and in 2012 I did my first ever marathon and sprint triathlon. This year its just half marathons - one of which is a cross country huge obstacle course and I'm aiming for two Olympic distance Triathlons.
You can probably understand the problem already.. People who were used to me being a sedentary, podgy chap who always made time for friends and family suddenly found that I was't free in the mornings at the weekend because I was out running or cycling. And on Friday & Saturday nights I wanted to go to bed sober and before midnight because I wanted to feel fresh in the mornings.
Furthermore, I joined a running club (with a multi sports contingent) and made some new friends. And these guys enjoyed talking about training plans, sports nutrition, target races etc. For some reason my old friends and my family found this somewhat dull.
To top it off, I logged everything I ate or drank pretty much as it happened. People don't like it when you're at costa coffee typing in snacks to see which ones are acceptable in terms of calories. It doesn't help if you say 'I only want half a (insert cake) - do you want to share".
Now - half of you are thinking "Mike - you are an *kitten*". The other half are thinking "You're friends and family are the arses for being so unsupportive". On reflection, I suspect the truth is somewhere half way.
Between the fact that people have had a couple of years to adapt to my new lifestyle and some modifications to my own behaviour I think the situation has improved. Here are the changes I have made:
1) I only bring up the topic of training with people I know are interested in it. And only when its JUST these people.
2) If someone who isn't part of the sport community asks me about training they are usually being polite - they just want to know its going well and maybe what my next race is or how the last race went. They do not want to know my plans for the whole year.
3) Sometimes people will say things like "I wish I could run". 9 times out of 10 they do not want you to give them a training plan! Or tips! Or an invite a training session etc... I now handle this by saying "If you are interested in learning, send me an email and I will point you at some good articles".
4) Same rules for "I wish I could loose weight"
5) When I am eating with other people, I just order what I want and eat it. Nobody cares. Its only when you start making a big deal over your diet choices that people get irritated.
6) Same for rule as 5 for drinking
7) About once a month I make sure I put spending time with my friends and family above the quality of the next days training session. The training is important to me and they need to respect that - but its not my whole life.
8) If I post anything on facebook it is always either to plan an event or talk about the outcome. Never discuss training. (I used to post things like 'Just got back from a great 15 mile run'. It might sound impressive once but doing it every Saturday gt boring - even for me!)
9) If I want to talk about training sessions I do it on MFP. I have almost no 'Real Life' friends on MFP and I have deliberately rejected any new ones. This also allows me to let off steam about things people have said or done with relationship to the above without causing offence.
I hope people find this insightful. As I said earlier, please feel free to add your own learnings.
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Replies
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Thanks for posting this. I found as I began my journey to better health and caught the "runners bug" that for a time I became fairly obnoxious. I was obsessive about discussing training, running, shoes, and overall best running practices with anyone who would listen. Unfortunately I have realized that this can be...BORING for lots of people! I too have tried my hardest to only discuss these things on MFP or when others in my life (friends and family) solicit the conversation!
That being said, there have been a small percentage of friends, family, coworkers etc. who became inspired and choose to make changes in their own health. My mother ran her first 5k last year, and my brother has started to bike again!
Having a community who shares the same goals and attitudes toward fitness is wonderful. This is another reason why, it has been great to have MFP.!
Cheers!0 -
THANK YOU! We have all probably known people like this or we have become them, whether it be weight loss, exercise or any other obsession. Some people just go on and on about their work when asked "how's it goin". You have enabled me to see what not to do when I am around my non-dieting, non-gym friends.0
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No problem. Glad to be of help.0
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For most of us, excercise should be like brushing your teeth. It's something you just have to do to stay healthy. It's not something you focus your life around or brag/obssess about.
For some it is a lifestyle or personal interest. I respond to that like I would someone who talks about knitting or something. I admire the fact that they're passionate about something but it doesn't make me interested in it.0 -
Thanks for this posting. A lot of what you said it true. I have been having a lot of issues with family and friends IRL not accepting my changes and trying to sabotage or not being supportive. MFP has offered me a great place to share my training and health with other people who have the same or similar goals. You have posted a great topic!0
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great post!
and you're not an *kitten*!0 -
Sounds true to me too. Think I'm being an *kitten*!!
Right time to right down those tips, no, rules!!!
Cheers.0 -
Mike, you probably are an *kitten*...I kinda like it though. I think you sound amazingly organized, and self aware. Wish everyone was like that.
I'll bet I'm an *kitten* too...even when I'm not striving to be (yeah I'm a smart *kitten*)...cause I get tired of the whole "wow you're going to blow away if you lose any more" or "do I need to buy you a cheeseburger." I've long since gotten over the excitement of doing things right....I keep it to myself mostly.
I really do wish I could run a marathon...my asthma gets in the way a lot..so if you know any articles about how to train with that obstacle...by all means send them my way. In the meantime I lift and walk.0 -
Excellent ideas Mikey, and great goals for this year!0
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Yeap, same here. None of my friends care anymore, my "bestie" told everyone that, "All she does is play video games or go to the gym, she's boring. She never wants to party." Thanks for that...
I have stopped discussing things WL or exercise related to anyone who doesn't ask me. Events in my life that have played out, stripped me of most of my "friends" - oh well, all the time, effort and energy that went into them apparently was wasted because I won't do what they want (IE; partying - never was into, drinking - never was into & karokoe - can't stand).
The only real thing I've learned - no one will take of care me, but me.0 -
Eye opener ... I see myself in some of your observations. Mental note to self, from now on when someone makes a weight loss comment, I will just guide them to MFP and not give them a rundown of every app I use or meal I have eaten. Thanks.0
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All good points. I operate on a very similar philosphy.
I only give surface level responses when asked about my training. People like to hear what your training for or what you just did as that is familiar for them. Like talking any other sporting event. Start talking training and an information gap suddenly appears.
It also makes those who know they should be living a healthier lifestyle self-concious when we are succeeding so deliberatrely, as it is a blaring reminder. I encourage only once when asked, then its up to them.
Plus I want to enjoy my friends for who THEY are, not just boar them with details about activities they have no interest in.0 -
Excellent post.
And I'd say that the tips relate to anything in your life you are obessing over.
Break these tips, and break them with regularity, and you get known as a bore....and people will start rolling their eyes when you you start talking. (I know! I've been on both sides)0 -
This is a great post, thank you for pointing out that I have also become an *kitten* who is surrounded by a lot of unsupportive arses, lol!
I think you're advice is very sage and I hope to become less arsey in 2013, both physically and spiritually
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Thank you for posting this! Some great thoughts. I've found myself on both sides here. It's hard to not be what I refer to as a "diet snob." Now if I could just point some of my real life friends to this post... 0
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This is a great post, thank you.0
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Yeah, I don't recall too many discussions about brushing that take place outside of the dentist office.For most of us, exercise should be like brushing your teeth. It's something you just have to do to stay healthy. It's not something you focus your life around or brag/obsess about.0 -
Great post! Thanks!0
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Thanks for posting this. I found as I began my journey to better health and caught the "runners bug" that for a time I became fairly obnoxious. I was obsessive about discussing training, running, shoes, and overall best running practices with anyone who would listen. Unfortunately I have realized that this can be...BORING for lots of people! I too have tried my hardest to only discuss these things on MFP or when others in my life (friends and family) solicit the conversation!
That being said, there have been a small percentage of friends, family, coworkers etc. who became inspired and choose to make changes in their own health. My mother ran her first 5k last year, and my brother has started to bike again!
Having a community who shares the same goals and attitudes toward fitness is wonderful. This is another reason why, it has been great to have MFP.!
Cheers!
yes indeed, its hard not to talk about to people and I'm sure they find all my training boring and don't want to hear it. but its jsut a big part of my life. conusumes all of my free time ( not much time at all as far as im concerend) but none the less i have goals and im focused on meeting them. they are a big part of my life and other people who arent in the same mindset dont love talking about it like i do. thats why mfp is good. it haelps me get it all out without getting weird looks from people.0 -
great post!
and you're not an *kitten*!
This! :happy:0 -
In that case i'm a self centered *kitten* who thinks of nothing but what I eat and when I am next running or at the gym but you know what? I prefer to be this way than my former overweight miserable self with very little self worth.
Great post and so true.0 -
Great review and amazing job on being able to step away and see it from others perspective. I came to many of the same conclusions a few years ago and simply do not try to talk fitness with anyone that is not interested. And I must say, there really is nothing more annoying than someone who constantly talks about what they can and can't eat and how much they eat. Just do it and keep it to yourself. It seems some people do it more to impress others than just for their own health. Some people care, but the majority do not sadly.0
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Ha! Loved reading this. I know I've fallen foul of openly apologising for what I order in a restaurant when I am amongst friends. It often then leads into a diatribe on my part as to why I am on a diet, not drinking and aiming to achieve some crazy fitness plan. Again, apologising every step of the way, in vain hope they don’t completely ostracise me from the social group given they haven’t considered lycra as being wearable attire since the 80s. Ironically, as you say, it often leads to persecution of "why are you putting yourself through all of that, you don’t need to do it, go on have a drink/chocolate", so you start to feel dejected by their lack of support for your vision of a better ‘you’. And thus the downward spiral commences….
So you're quite right, to avoid blips in the path to achievement & retain friendships in all shapes and sizes, best to keep the weight loss and fitness goals to yourself and yourself only, taking satisfaction in the results you attain!
Brilliant post!0 -
Great advice0
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5) When I am eating with other people, I just order what I want and eat it. Nobody cares. Its only when you start making a big deal over your diet choices that people get irritated.
Thanks for the post. Now that it is a New Year, I have the same co-workers as last year talking about the gym and eating, and points and it gets tiring because it only last a month.0 -
All are good tips to train by! Thank you for posting them!0
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To top it off, I logged everything I ate or drank pretty much as it happened. People don't like it when you're at costa coffee typing in snacks to see which ones are acceptable in terms of calories. It doesn't help if you say 'I only want half a (insert cake) - do you want to share".
I do this, and my husband hates it. I love knowing the nutritional information of everything I'm putting in my body, as well as what I'm buring in my workouts. (I've recently taken up x-country skiing, and WOW- what a burn!) He's happy I'm being healthy, but he doesn't like how obsessed he thinks I've become with the numbers. I've learned to just not talk about it.0 -
Thanks--I really needed this reminder!0
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Ha! Loved reading this. I know I've fallen foul of openly apologising for what I order in a restaurant when I am amongst friends. It often then leads into a diatribe on my part as to why I am on a diet, not drinking and aiming to achieve some crazy fitness plan. Again, apologising every step of the way, in vain hope they don’t completely ostracise me from the social group given they haven’t considered lycra as being wearable attire since the 80s. Ironically, as you say, it often leads to persecution of "why are you putting yourself through all of that, you don’t need to do it, go on have a drink/chocolate", so you start to feel dejected by their lack of support for your vision of a better ‘you’. And thus the downward spiral commences….
So you're quite right, to avoid blips in the path to achievement & retain friendships in all shapes and sizes, best to keep the weight loss and fitness goals to yourself and yourself only, taking satisfaction in the results you attain!
Brilliant post!
I think most friends/family want to be supportive - but you almost need to feed them the right opportunities - Just tell them when you reach your goal weight or target clothes size - they probably don't want to know each time you lost a couple of lb.
Having people who recognise the importance of the small victories you have along the way is important too. Celebrating the extra notch on your belt buckle, having to put your jeans on the hot cycle to shrink them down half a size, running your first km without stopping - these are great achievements... I just think that MFP is the right place to talk about them
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Great post, thanks for sharing!!!0
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