Hot topic for Wednesday: How would you feel if...

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

I hate when people cry all over their social networking sites about their personal life.

Exactly. That's what friends are for.

estrange22

When my husband and I seperated I stupidly changed my relationship status to single and lo-and-behold....his ex stalked him for a week!!! Lesson learned

cmcollins001

Just...no.

SoDamnHungry

I would be bothered if it was people who knew me and him personally. But if it was on MFP where he was anonymous, I wouldn't be as pissed.

rainghirl

I think even worse than creating threads on annonymous message boards, is passive agressive facebook statuses.

"if you love somebody you show them"

"I'm so done"

ect, ect.

I hate when people post those types of things. Sometimes it seems attention seeking, as if they want you to ask what's up. If they have something to say they should either say it or keep it to themselves. Preferably the latter.

LetsTryThisAgain54

Your significant other was airing out grievences on your relationship on one of their social media sites/message boards/facebook?


Just curious what people would think.. with all the stuff posted on here...how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Wow, that sounds like Festivus with the airing out of grievances! When does the "Feats of Strenght" happen? Lol.

xMonroeMisfit

I've been guilty of it, but i was also completely immature.

I learned quickly how all it does is create more problems and make your SO look like an idiot to your family while you go on with him after it.

I also have been on the other side when I found my SO's computer still logged onto a relationship and dating advice site where he posted all our problems..

It's childish

TheRoadDog

My wife wouldn't do it and neither would I.

But....if she did, I would want to talk about it. Resolve any issues.

We're in this for life, so communication is tantamount to success.

savlyon

So... I broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend and yesterday his ex girl friend (before me) posted on his fb wall "How does it feel to finally be free?"

OHHHHHHH it pissed me off. He has the tact to not say anything, but she is an immature b!tch!!!! However... I don't understand why he was talking to HER about US. I did NOT reply to the comment, but I really wanted to be mean...like tell her he cheated on her...

I'll admit... I posted vague comments on my own wall, but really only so that my closest friends would know without me having to broadcast it. My comments were limited to: "Broken hearts are the worst kind." and changing my status to single with a comment of "nothing spinning class can't make better" (after the post on his page.) And spinning class did make me feel better, FYI.

So was I immature/inappropriate?

DrMAvDPhD

My number one rule is that if my husband would be upset if he knew about it, I don't do it/say it. Venting online usually falls into that description.

Ras_py

I’ve seen some pretty bad damage be done by talking with one’s family/friends abt how sh*tty their SO is. A LOT more damage.. I think its a lot smarter to ask a bunch of random strangers after seeing what it can do to families and friendships.. but that being said the only time my SO is online is to look at porn.. and i highly doubt he’s talking abt our relationship there LOL

Pixi_Rex

Well I would probably post on my news feed where my friends chould see and give me perspective, because everyone needs someone to talk to. I would NEVER do it on facebook and I would not post about it on a frorum. I would expect the same kind of respect and if I found out they did it I would be hurt.

HealthyBodySickMind

My husband and I don't do that. It's us against the world, baby!

Eta: If I post anything about him here or other sites. I tell him and usually read the post to him. It's almost always positive, or perhaps poking gentle fun.

rml_16

I hate when people cry all over their social networking sites about their personal life.

Exactly. That's what friends are for.

With me, I try not to say too much to my friends. The people closest in my life are protective of me and the BF and I have had some pretty major problems over the years. If I tell my friends or family too much, then it affects how they view him and that can put a whole separate strain on the relationship.

I don't know if I'm explaining that in a way that makes sense.

Anyway, I have NEVER talked to others before talking to him, but he can be very stubborn and doesn't always want to address the problem or even admit there is one, so I need to vent and I need outside opinions. It's easier to get them from strangers (which I take with a grain of salt since they are only hearing my side and don't know us) than from people who really know me and care about me.

I haven't put anything on this forum, but I've done it in other forums before. Not Facebook, though, because of the friends and family thing.

LetsTryThisAgain54

So... I broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend and yesterday his ex girl friend (before me) posted on his fb wall "How does it feel to finally be free?"

OHHHHHHH it pissed me off. He has the tact to not say anything, but she is an immature b!tch!!!! However... I don't understand why he was talking to HER about US. I did NOT reply to the comment, but I really wanted to be mean...like tell her he cheated on her...

I'll admit... I posted vague comments on my own wall, but really only so that my closest friends would know without me having to broadcast it. My comments were limited to: "Broken hearts are the worst kind." and changing my status to single with a comment of "nothing spinning class can't make better" (after the post on his page.) And spinning class did make me feel better, FYI.

So was I immature/inappropriate?

Why even go on FB? I swear it rules people's lives. Whatever happened to keeping things private rather than broadcasting everything to friends that don't even give a *kitten*? FB is nothing more than an attention seeking network!

razorbecky

I agree that people get way too personal on social media sites. If there is a problem it should be between the two people that it concerns. If my SO did that i would for sure be ticked.

Unknown

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NordicAlien

It varies. I wouldn't call someone out on bad behaviour in public, and I wouldn't expect someone to do that to me. But I do blog about my personal life. Sometimes that involves other people's personal business too, like when I talk about my dealings with an ex, or my huge love and respect for a friend with abusive parents, or the admiration I have for another friend who's dealing with bulimia and self-harm issues. (Obviously not admiration for him doing those things, but for the way he's managed to survive and (mostly) overcome them.)

I know that some people wouldn't want their problems mentioned anywhere, even if it's because I'm saying how much respect I have for the way they handle them. It's hard for me to understand this, because I have no barriers and it wouldn't bother me a bit if my friends talked publicly about my life and problems. I'm learning to filter things, but it's a slow process. With most friends, we have an agreement that if they say explicitly, "Don't talk about this to anyone," my mouth will be closed, but if they don't ask for silence, I may talk about it in passing to mom or my twin or anyone else.

Most people don't have a problem with it, because I generally don't use names when I write, or I use pseudonyms, and because mostly my friends don't know each other, aside from one writers group - and they share just about everything anyway. Also, I don't often have negative things to say about people.

Sorry, my whole response has been a bit OT.

As far as problems with a partner go - I have no problems with a boyfriend or girlfriend (I don't have either right now) talking to their friends, or an anonymous community. Well, as long as it isn't really malicious things they say, but if they were capable of that kind of spite I'd be gone anyway, regardless of whether they were talking about me or not. I'd prefer it not to be on Facebook, but I am generally of the school of thought that people need to talk about issues that trouble them. It's easy to say that it's okay to talk about your own problems but not other people's, but people aren't islands - sometimes someone else's problem affects you a lot too. And with the growing tendency to make trusted friends online, I don't think it's really practical to say talk to friends in person but not on the Internet.

Ehh. It's a hard call. Mostly I try to treat people the way I'd want to be treated, except for occasions when I know something bothers them that wouldn't bother me, and then I try to accede to their wishes. Most of the time it works, although mistakes do happen. Best I can do though.

OkieinMinny

Im safe as mine does not embrace any form of social media - however out of respect for him I wouldnt post in a public forum - like Mongoose says I may post on my status for feedback from my friends - BUT I typically air my grievances to my friends -

Thats what makes me wonder when people post long threads etc talking crap about their SO do they not have anyone else too talk to about it? Do they not have any friends/family they could confide in?

cmriverside

I'd be upset.


Not only that, but - people - we don't want to read about it or hear about it. That stuff should be between the two of you.

hbrittingham

He wouldn't do that. He doesn't post much on the internet anyways. He reads his emails and facebook, but almost never sends emails or posts on FB.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I'm single but I would feel bad if ever I have one especially that I'm not the type who loves to earn sympathy from others by venting out every tiny detail of my relationship to everybody. Neither do I like reading these types of posts. I hate drama.

MidwestAngel

I would punch him in the throat, but I don't have an SO, so I just air my own dirty laundry.

nbhobbes

Depends on how serious the issue was. If it was something minor I wouldkn't care.. Personally I find it annoying when people cry on FB about their love life and what not..

If it upset me to the point that it ended the relationship I'd like to say I'm not petty but I might just be tempted to post in the topic/status update something like..

"Wow you really needed to ask people online about our relationship.. Let me save you the time.. You don't have one anymore."

I'd then punctuate it by unfriending them..

FirstCoastLisa

People get way too personal here IMO. I personally wouldn't care for a lot of what gets posted here being said about any relationship I was in.

Ditto

tcakeshenry

I would be mad if he was putting our biz out there especially if he wasn't talking to me and i i didn't know there was a prob he askin for a disagreement

jayche

Venting anonymously: Wouldn't care as much
Venting over Facebook: Would be pretty pissed