Unhappy at goal weight?

VincitQuiSeVincit

Not that I'm anywhere near my goal yet, but I am currently almost 40lbs from my HW, and have been 25 lbs thinner than I am now, and even at that weight (175lbs-- 65lbs from HW), I didn't LIKE my body any more than I did at my HW. I have this fear that even when I hit GW, I'm going to be disappointed in the shape and proportions of my body. My hips are too wide, my calves have always been trunks, stretch marks and "pooch" from pregnancy that won't budge are all staring at me. This fear grips me and almost makes me want to say, "why bother?" If a 65 lb weight loss didn't help my perception of my body, is another 65 going to make me happy?
Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone get to (or close to) goal and still find that weight hasn't impacted their feelings about their body?

darrensurrey

Funny you post this. I was thinking about this the other day. People post how they have 40lbs to lose or whatever. I was thinking, "How do you know?"

I set my "goal" just to give MFP something to work with but I didn't know if losing what I lost will be what I want to see - turns out it wasn't in the end and is irrelevant.

Something else related: would you prefer to be twice as healthy but twice as fat or half as healthy but half your weight? :-D

rainghirl

It was more that I got there, was happy wth my size clothed, but felt that I lacked muscle definition, especially as I'm in my 40s. I'm a bit worried about sagginess generally. So having reached weight goal, I'm now trying to work on body fat percentage and muscle definition.

I think in a way it's good - because it gives you a reason to keep working and logging. Maybe if you thought all was okay it would be too easy to slip back into the old ways and put the weight back on again!

jily310

I am sure that everyone judges themselves at any weight. I think it is even harder for people that are overweight and then loose weight. We still look at ourselves as being the "big girl" and no matter people tell us, we still see something else in the mirror.
We are our own worst critic, but we have to remember to love ourselves because this is the only body we have!!!!

Echosapa

I was very happy at my lowest weight (which was still 20 pounds heavier then my goal weight). However, I know that some people aren't always happy about how they look or feel, sometimes at any weight. But in my opinion your why bother shouldn't be about your self image but your health. You said pregnancy weight so I assume you have a child. Lost the weight so you can live a longer healthier life with your child. Again, just my opinions but I think being healthy is a good byproduct of weight loss, even if you may not be fully satisfied with your body image.

Elzecat

Not that I'm anywhere near my goal yet, but I am currently almost 40lbs from my HW, and have been 25 lbs thinner than I am now, and even at that weight (175lbs-- 65lbs from HW), I didn't LIKE my body any more than I did at my HW. I have this fear that even when I hit GW, I'm going to be disappointed in the shape and proportions of my body. My hips are too wide, my calves have always been trunks, stretch marks and "pooch" from pregnancy that won't budge are all staring at me. This fear grips me and almost makes me want to say, "why bother?" If a 65 lb weight loss didn't help my perception of my body, is another 65 going to make me happy?
Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone get to (or close to) goal and still find that weight hasn't impacted their feelings about their body?

Last spring I was 5 pounds from goal weight. I still didn't feel great about myself and found fault in my body, even though others kept telling me how great I looked. I think for me, it's a self esteem issue, because I've struggled with my self esteem my whole life, while I didn't always struggle with weight. Even when I get to goal weight, I know that I need to change how I think about myself.

chevy88grl

I think with weight loss has to come an acceptance of who we are. My hips are too big for my liking, my thighs never seem to slim down (oh, they'll be pure muscle -- but slimmer? Not really), and I have the mommy belly that is loose skin and isn't going to change without a tummy tuck.

These are all things I dislike about me. But, there's also a long list of things I do like and I focus on those vs the things I can't change (I can't change the fact that having two babies stretched my hips or my skin -- and I'm not having surgery to fix the skin, sorry. I can't change the fact that I have a family history of larger thighs and mine follow suit). I focus on the things I CAN change and let the rest go. No use crying over genetics or something you can't change.

I'm at the high end weight-wise for my height, but I'm happy and content here. I am proud of what I've accomplished and am happy with the way I look overall.

nhughes1864

I'm in the same boat as you. I still have about 100 pounds to go till my "goal weight" which is somewhere between 150 and 130 but I worry too that after a majority of my life spent overweight and 2 kids I won't have the tiny little sexy body I want, or I think I want. When things like this start creeping in one me, the "why bother?" "Is it worth it?" type thinking, I remind myself that I'm not only doing this to LOOK better but also to FEEL better. And, to me, that is worth more than what I look like at the end. I will be able to run with my kids, be around for my kids, and just generally feel better and stronger. Plus, even if I don't look smokin' in a bikini I heard they were going out of style and there are PLENTY of other tiny clothes I'll be able to rock!

AwesomelyAmber

WHY is it worth it??? Because this is YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE WORTH IT... that's why.

I have changed my "goal" weight a few times... now that I am there I know that I need to tone and work on SHAPING my body. This will be a forever thing for me. There will always be ways to improve yourself. :flowerforyou:

Big, Small, or whatever... I hope that you find things to LOVE about yourself.

DopeItUp

Try not to set your expectations so high. The number of people in this world who are 100% completely and unequivocally happy with their body is about....zero. I've seen people with flat stomachs, perfect arms, etc all talk about their future plans and goals for improvement. Nothing wrong with it - the desire to improve oneself is generally THE defining motivation for their work. Keep it up. If you've got 130lbs total to lose, at the very least you are going to make monstrous improvements in body composition AND in your health. Yeah, loose skin sucks but dying of a heart attack when you're 45 sucks worse. There are no downsides to losing weight like that.

sullykat

I honestly didn't start liking what I saw in the mirror until I got below 150 pounds… That's not to say you wont love yourself at 160 pounds, or whatever weight it may be. I still have body issues. Many days I wake up and think "You, Kate, do not look good". I don't know when I will be regularly satisfied with what I see in the mirror. Lifting weights has helped my image of myself, more than anything, but it is a struggle quite often for me.

Elzecat

Not that I'm anywhere near my goal yet, but I am currently almost 40lbs from my HW, and have been 25 lbs thinner than I am now, and even at that weight (175lbs-- 65lbs from HW), I didn't LIKE my body any more than I did at my HW. I have this fear that even when I hit GW, I'm going to be disappointed in the shape and proportions of my body. My hips are too wide, my calves have always been trunks, stretch marks and "pooch" from pregnancy that won't budge are all staring at me. This fear grips me and almost makes me want to say, "why bother?" If a 65 lb weight loss didn't help my perception of my body, is another 65 going to make me happy?
Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone get to (or close to) goal and still find that weight hasn't impacted their feelings about their body?

I don't get posts like this. Why don't you just gain all your weight back?

I bet you weren't happy there either. There is nothing we can say or do that will change your body type. The issue isn't your "WEIGHT" people are always chasing a number on a scale. That scale means nothing. You're really chasing a look, not a number. I am pretty sure you would want a nicer physique last time you where lower on your weight. That is done by "RESHAPING" your body, you need resistance training.

She's not complaining, just asking if others feel the same way as she does. As a person who's experienced this, I can completely relate to how she feels. You don't relate to it, and that's ok, but you don't need to belittle someone for asking for support. And, no, it doesn't make me personally want to gain the weight back. It makes me want to get not only physically healthy, but emotionally healthy so I change how I perceive my body.:flowerforyou:

morkiemama

A lot of people are unhappy at GW because they focused solely on weight loss for their journey. You could start now, but once you hit goal if you are still unhappy my recommendation would be to pick up lifting heavy. Focus on your body composition, lowering BF%, and gaining definition. A lot of people are unhappy at GW because they are "skinny fat." (I've been there, done that).

I wouldn't start judging yourself now before you even get there! I'm sure you judge yourself enough in the present, let alone future you at the same time. Take it one day at a time.

angelique_redhead

I've lost 30. I'm not impressed so far. I'll just have to see what it looks like the nearer I get to goal. Good luck! *HUGS*

kelly_e_montana

I've felt this way too. My suggestion, and what has worked for me, is not to focus on what my body looks like but how my body feels and what it can do. Thus, I like to set fitness goals like completing 30 Day Shred, running a 5K, etc. so that I can feel my body getting stronger. I also like to gauge how often and how significantly I experience illnesses like the cold. Does my eating healthier help my immune system? Can I lift more, run faster, and generally feel healthier? What are my vitals?

So if you do have body dysmorphia and can't tell what you look like, you can still tell how you can feel and how you can perform. Knowing you are physically fit will give you confidence and make you feel better than simply losing weight ever will! Maybe it does not matter what your goal weight is, really.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My goal was to get about 10 pounds away from what I thought was my goal and figure out what my real goal was. My real goal had nothing to do with that the scale says and everything to do with how I feel, and what I want to look like that is perfectly reasonable for my body. I'm 5'3" so I'm never going to have the legs of a 6' tall model, but I can be strong and lean. My goal became to move faster, be stronger, live happier, and eat cheeseburgers once a week.

Sheila_Ann

For me it's not about the number it's about body fat and inches lost. My current weight is 123lbs (met and exceeded my goal). I'm now in a size 2 pants and sometimes 0. My weight in high school was around 112lbs and I was around a size 6 in pants. So I weigh less but was in a bigger pant size. I still have my curves. I'm currently working on getting my body fat down from 23.6 to around 18. When ppl find out what size pants I am I get the old "that's not heatly" and i tell them about my weight in HS. For the first time i'm very happy when I look in the mirror. I no longer weigh myself as much as I used to. I'm all about lifting weights and building muscle.

We are all different. You can do it!

Best of luck to you!

kelly_e_montana

P.S. And to the OP, no I have not felt any more confident about my body and how it looks at 135 (lowest weight) than 235 (highest weight). So, find confidence through using your body instead of looking at it.

Rosplosion

You know, from what you wrote about your body it sounds like you never will be satisfied.

You cannot change your body type.

I have wide hips and thick ankles. I am "pear" shaped. This is my body. At 260 it was awful. At 178 (now) it is not satisfactory. At my goal weight though I will STILL HAVE BIG HIPS, THIGHS, and ANKLES. That's my body. You know what, I love my body. That is why I am taking care of it. Its the only one I've got.

There are many people on this site who can tell you exactly how to get cut, or how to be skinny-fat. I can tell you if you are worried about lose skin you should up your greens intake massively. EAT LEAFY GREENS: kale, chard, bok choi etc. I like to put them in smoothies.

Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself. You are beautiful.

bronnyd

I know how you feel...I am about 13 pounds from my goal and I still do not like the way I look naked. I look good in clothing now, but when I look at myself nude, I still have all of the same wobbly bits and cellulite, I am just a smaller version of that. That being said, instead of letting it get me down, I'm now going to focus mainly on weights and building muscle because I think that is the way to really firm up those areas. I hope to see the results I want, and I hope you do too!

Also, we're always going to find flaws in ourselves. Try to focus on the good and on all of your accomplishments. Tell yourself every day one thing you LIKE about yourself (whether it's a body part or a character trait)

Mischievous_Rascal

My hand's waving in the air right now! Been there!!!

What helped me was when I started to focus on body fat % rather than weight. Check out this thread:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

Do you incorporate weights/resistance training? That - along with increasing my food from the recommended 1200 kjs - has made a world of difference for me. Last time I was this weight I was a size 9, but with resistance training I'm a size 6/7 now.

PS - you may want to learn to love the stretchmarks, however...some things are just genetics! lol

VincitQuiSeVincit

Try not to set your expectations so high. The number of people in this world who are 100% completely and unequivocally happy with their body is about....zero. I've seen people with flat stomachs, perfect arms, etc all talk about their future plans and goals for improvement. Nothing wrong with it - the desire to improve oneself is generally THE defining motivation for their work. Keep it up. If you've got 130lbs total to lose, at the very least you are going to make monstrous improvements in body composition AND in your health. Yeah, loose skin sucks but dying of a heart attack when you're 45 sucks worse. There are no downsides to losing weight like that.

From here, I have about 65lbs to lose to my UGW, but Ive never been that weight so who knows if it's my true goal. I just have this mental block that if it's not exactly what I want, would it have been worth it?

TheFitHooker

I am 10lbs shy of my goal weight and honestly I do not see my body where I want it. The pounds on the scale is just a number, I won't be happy till I work my body out to where I want it in toning and muscle building. I've seen girls look better at 135 rather then 120 because of the work they put into their bodies rather then just weight loss. While I do have a number on the scale I want to see, I still will not be happy till I get my body where I want it.

Lovely_at_any_size

Before and after pictures help!

SillyFitMe

Once the weight is gone then it's time for yet ANOTHER decision. Are you happy just being smaller or will you be happy being smaller AND fitter, faster, leaner, stonger, more toned? I find just loosing weight to be boring and demotivating because I never really see a difference in myself. The only way I have seen a difference is by resculpting with weights after a signifant fat loss. Then bam! I am motivated! Once you reach your GW then reset your goals and keep going. Eventually you are bound to get to a place you are happy with and that will be all the motivation you need to not stray away in the future.

cherbapp

I know I won't be thrilled with myself at my goal, but I will be healthier and much better off than before I started.

Like was already mentioned...no one looks in the mirror and loves what they see...ok narcissus did...lol...but regular people all have flaws.

My problem is that when I was heavier, I thought I looked pretty good for a fat person. Now I think I look bad for a normal person. Ugh. I'm working on it...along with everything else. You can do it too!

VincitQuiSeVincit

Not that I'm anywhere near my goal yet, but I am currently almost 40lbs from my HW, and have been 25 lbs thinner than I am now, and even at that weight (175lbs-- 65lbs from HW), I didn't LIKE my body any more than I did at my HW. I have this fear that even when I hit GW, I'm going to be disappointed in the shape and proportions of my body. My hips are too wide, my calves have always been trunks, stretch marks and "pooch" from pregnancy that won't budge are all staring at me. This fear grips me and almost makes me want to say, "why bother?" If a 65 lb weight loss didn't help my perception of my body, is another 65 going to make me happy?
Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone get to (or close to) goal and still find that weight hasn't impacted their feelings about their body?

I don't get posts like this. Why don't you just gain all your weight back?

I bet you weren't happy there either. There is nothing we can say or do that will change your body type. The issue isn't your "WEIGHT" people are always chasing a number on a scale. That scale means nothing. You're really chasing a look, not a number. I am pretty sure you would want a nicer physique last time you where lower on your weight. That is done by "RESHAPING" your body, you need resistance training.

She's not complaining, just asking if others feel the same way as she does. As a person who's experienced this, I can completely relate to how she feels. You don't relate to it, and that's ok, but you don't need to belittle someone for asking for support. And, no, it doesn't make me personally want to gain the weight back. It makes me want to get not only physically healthy, but emotionally healthy so I change how I perceive my body.:flowerforyou:

I understand what you're saying. I don't feel my post was belittling either. I am just trying to say "stop chasing a number. you're not going for a number you're going for a look."

I know a few friends who got to their goal weight but didn't like how they looked. People are chasing the wrong thing. I have a feeling these women expected to look more toned, and that's only done with weights.

When I'm on track, I work OUT. Not cardio 24/7 (I had knee surgery years ago that makes a ton of cardio difficult anyway), but I did not shy away from yoga, kettlebells, weights, and all of that--- I noticed abs forming and cuts in my arms, it was satisfying. Gaining back ANY amount of weight wasn't on my to-do list, but as we all know, these things happen. and they suck!

VincitQuiSeVincit

I wouldn't start judging yourself now before you even get there! I'm sure you judge yourself enough in the present, let alone future you at the same time. Take it one day at a time.

THIS means a ton to me, I needed to hear that, thank you!

greenchristine52

You may be comparing yourself to people who have had plastic surgery, have been airbrushed or have damn fabulous genes. There are some things we cannot change and I'm not saying we have to like them, just accept them. If you are not nice to you, who will? I envy your weight loss and think it's wonderful the progress you have made. I wish I looked like you!

StampinJules

Hello All! Go ahead and laugh if you like....I was watching the start of the newest Biggest Loser season this week, and though I disagree with MANY things about this "reality" (HA!) show, this week really put a label (for me) on the weight loss journey, or really what I call a healthy lifestyle journey. Basically, they were talking about the first week contestants are on the ranch, they not only have to endure physical 'giants' of pushing themselves and the pain from muscle overload. They are also faced with the emotional and psychological 'giants' that have kept them making the health choices they have made all their lives. These contestants are forced to face their 'giants' in a fire and brimstone fashion (for our viewing pleasure?!) We normal people at home, walking this health journey without the benefits (and negatives) of the BL ranch - are not forced to face our 'giants'. We have to CHOOSE to do so. Not an easy choice to make. Not an easy thing to do, especially when most of feel like we are suffering physically via denial of eating, and possibly pushing ourselves to exercise.

So, I agree with the others that said self-esteem is important. Ask yourself "WHY am I doing this?" Write down your answers. Then take an honest look at your answers. Which ones might fall into the category of 'materialistic', e.g. look good to others, sexy body, look good in a bikini, etc. (I am not saying these are negative. In and of themselves, they are not.) Which ones might fall into the "spiritual" category, e.g. I want to feel good about myself, I want to improve my health so I have energy and as long a life possible to be with my spouse, children, family. Recognize which things you wrote down are the ones with the most control over your health journey decisions. How much control do these items have? Do you need outside help dealing with some of them, to reduce their control? Maybe some outside counseling is what you need to go along with your eating and exercise plan - to help you find balance in your life overall. Some may not need counseling at all, some may need it for a short time in order to learn some new tools, others may need it more long-term as a main support on their health journey. There is NO SHAME in seeking counseling for yourself. Rather it is a sign of strength, to do so - realizing something(s) may be controlling you in an unhealthy way, and taking steps to break those chains.

Lastly, for me, my health journey is a faith aspect to the spiritual side of my journey. Do you practice any religion? Try returning your focus to your religious faith as you walk your health journey. I am a Christian, and practice Catholicism. My faith practices are KEY elements in the success of my health journey.

Thank you for your courage to share what you are going through. you reached out for outside help! Way to go! Hopefully you are finding support for yourself. You have also gifted others, experiencing the same issues, with support for themselves, through your sharing here. God Bless!

VincitQuiSeVincit

Before and after pictures help!

I have one on my profile. It was a good pat on the back, seeing it that way...but I guess I'll have to keep going before I can "feel" it.