My wife is upset with me

klutz347
klutz347 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
My wife and I decided in early Dec. that we both needed to lose some weight and get in better shape. I keep telling her that "Round" is a shape but I don't get anything but "That look" from her (You know the look lol)

Anyway, since we've started, I've lost 14 lbs (20 from when I had my physical in early Nov.) but she hasn't lost a thing. We eat the same foods, take our made lunch to work and eat that instead of going out, exercise the same (Stationary bike, elliptical treadmill etc.) the same etc.

she is very moody and is chewing my back side because I'm losing and she isn't. I keep telling her that we are 2 different people and out body's process foods differently but that doesn't get me anywhere.

I'm totally frustrated with her right now and don't know what to do.

Any advice on how I can go about this in a different way?

TIA
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Replies

  • Touched670
    Touched670 Posts: 97 Member
    She may want to try to cut her calories a little more than yours. Also watch portion sizes. Its a proven fact that men lose weight easier than women...she may need to just work at it a little harder. Not fare, but it is what it is... :huh:
  • melandr
    melandr Posts: 2
    Women store more fat than men. It's just the way our bodies are built. This makes it harder for women to lose weight/fat than men when exercising. But, I would not say this to her!

    If you're doing this together, maybe you should suggest not focusing on the scale but focusing on how you feel. The scale isn't always a good indication of your results. She could be gaining muscle while losing fat so the number hasn't shifted.

    Ask her how she feels doing this and if she is getting results other ways than getting a smaller number on the scale. Are her pants looser, etc...
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    Tell her to check her inches!!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Assuming she weighs less than you, she should not be eating the same amount of calories as you. If y'all are eating the same breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I would guess that is the problem. Hormones also play a role, but calories are going to be the biggest issue.

    I'm sure it is frustrating to see someone seemingly doing the same things you are and having more success than you are having, but that's why you can't compare yourself to other people while trying to lose weight, especially if you are a woman comparing yourself to a man. It doesn't work like that. Successful weight-loss takes time, patience, and consistency (in the kitchen and in the gym).
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Just be as supportive as you can possibly be. It's not "fair", and that's what pisses her off. No it isn't your fault that it's easier for you but that's not what matters.

    Be there for her, give her fun little surprises when you can, and remind her that no matter what she's always beautiful to you.

    Or hide at the bar.
  • amyllu
    amyllu Posts: 432 Member
    She may want to try to cut her calories a little more than yours. Also watch portion sizes. Its a proven fact that men lose weight easier than women...she may need to just work at it a little harder. Not fair, but it is what it is... :huh:

    Totally agree with this statement.

    However, Klutz, one thing to absolutely NOT do is keep reminding her of your losses and/or give her advice on what she should or shouldn't be doing! Unfortunately that will come across as slightly "preachy" under the circumstances.
    You could suggest that she join a weight loss forum so that she can get her own advice and air her feelings as well... stress can make weight loss become very slow.
  • adm603
    adm603 Posts: 48
    Is she on MFP? If not tell her to come aboard and find people her age, height and weight. It is so much easier to do this with people that are in a similar boat. You guys need to stop comparing notes. It is like apples and bananas and it is just going to get her down and stop her motivation. Tell her it takes months to realize how your body actually works. I have been on here since August and am just figuring out what my body likes and what it doesn't. Also if she is mad at you for losing more you may stop your journey and you don't want that either. You both need to figure out your own goals and where your calories should be. Good luck to both of you :)
  • witchiipooh
    witchiipooh Posts: 42 Member
    It may take her a little longer to start shedding the pounds, it took me a good 2-3 months before I really saw a difference on the scale, I actually saw it in the way my clothes fit first.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Everyone is different, so she also needs to find what works for her. What foods, what amounts, what exercise, how long.

    And yeah, men lose faster and easier than women. We all hate you for it. But there's nothing we can do about it. :tongue:
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    It took me a YEAR to lose 30 (while becoming a "runner for the first time in my life). I watched what I ate. Used MFP fairly consistently. Did strength training. But it took a YEAR!

    Last January, my hubby decided to lose a little weight. Took him 4 months to lose 30 lbs. He trimmed back on his food intake. Used MFP for about 2 months. And occasionally went for a 2 or 3 mile walk after work.

    Yeah, I would get ticked with him. But, it is what it is. I knew I was doing all I could. I ate calorie deficits and the results were what they were.

    Hopefully, she'll recognize that her journey will be different than yours.

    2 suggestions: Don't refer to her as "round" or make any other comment on her being overweight. She knows it. She doesn't need your jesting (no matter how light hearted) to be a reminder. AND, tell her you love her, and you love her no matter what a scale says. Reassure her that you are proud of her efforts and hopefully the positive comments will help her feel better.

    my 2 cents
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    You two can not be eating the same things. A womans body is completely different than a mans. Have her join MFP and get some good female support and also have her go on bodybuilding.com
  • Windy_
    Windy_ Posts: 1,012 Member
    Just break up.
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
    I assume your wife is not a member of MFP because of this post, but is she using any other tool to track her calories and exercise? Tracking calories and having the support of this community have been really important in helping me lose weight.

    Also, my boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight (he doesn't need to) but he always tells me that he admires my dedication to my healthy lifestyle and it makes me feel so much better than if he said I was looking skinny, etc. Just remind her that you admire her efforts. :) Good luck!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Men always lose faster and easier than women. More muscle, fewer hormones to deal with. As a woman, I am frustrated by that fact (well, envious), but why is she angry with you? It's not like you're slipping her extra calories when she's unconscious, right?

    She's being unreasonable, but I don't have any advice because telling her that will just make her angrier.
  • klutz347
    klutz347 Posts: 3 Member
    Thanks everyone. She is a member of MFP.

    First off, she weighs more than I do (even before we started) our daily calorie count is within 150 of each other (mine is higher) but what we eat is usually 300-400 below our daily.

    I'll suggest to her that she has to find what works for her and not what works for "Us".

    Thanks again. I'm just frustrated I had to vent a bit.

    ETA: She is going through menopause so I guess that that could have a lot to do with it too.

    Thanks again
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    She needs to wear a HRM when exercising
    She needs to make sure she's measuring her food
    She should have her own user name on here to track her daily intake and expenditure

    On average my huband burns 1.75 times more calories in a workout then I do just because he's taller and weighs more, on average I want to eat 1.75 times more calories during a meal than he does because I eat so I have to keep it in check. I cannot do the same work he does (even with more effort) and eat the same amount of food that he does (no matter how much I want to) and get the same results as he does.
  • ChristyRunStarr
    ChristyRunStarr Posts: 1,600 Member
    I keep telling her that "Round" is a shape but I don't get anything but "That look" from her (You know the look lol)

    Of course you're getting that look! Stop telling her that, it won't help, trust all of us who have said it.

    How did she find her calorie count, is she going off what MFP says? If so, don't, have her read this post (you as well) http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12 to figure out what you need to be eating. It might look like a lot of calories but it works. If you started this in December, it's been (maybe) 30 days, it takes time. I didn't lose anything for over a month
  • KombuchaCat
    KombuchaCat Posts: 834 Member
    What's good for the goose is not always what's good for the gander. Men typically have faster metabolisms and lose weight more quickly. Men have more muscle which burns fat more efficiently. She's not going to like it but this one is on her, she can't do the same as you and get results...thems the breaks :grumble:
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    I do not believe is it safe to assume that what works for you will work for her. like others have commented, men have typically faster metabolisms and store less fats. She should probably consult a physician or adjust her macros to suit her needs. Also it seems that you are doing cardio, but maybe some strength training would help to boost her metabolism and weight loss.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Good venting. Just keep it up and remind her to just keep it up.
  • halffullpgh
    halffullpgh Posts: 74 Member
    You two can not be eating the same things. A womans body is completely different than a mans. Have her join MFP and get some good female support and also have her go on bodybuilding.com
    Agree completely. Even if he is a Jets fan.
  • ewhsweets
    ewhsweets Posts: 167 Member
    Just break up.

    Okay, aside from the above clown...

    I'm soooo happy that I'm on this site when I read things like this ;) Kudos to you both for trying to lose, and double kudos to you for dealing with her! Def try not to be preachy, but yes a woman's body is completely different. So food intake, calorie intake and exercize should all be different and custom to her.

    Have her join MPF.

    And ROCK ON for being so supportive!!! Not many guys would.
  • BeWell96
    BeWell96 Posts: 3
    In most cases, Men typically have a higher percentage of lean body mass per pound; it is our biological make-up; i.e. greater metabolism. What the foucs should be on is math or calories in/calories out. Depending on her goal, she can create a negative deficit of her daily intake for one to two lbs per week. Best to slowly take it off as the body (ie hormones, heart, etc.) can better accomodate for weight loss overtime. 3500 calories = 1 lbs of fat while 7000 calories = 2 lbs of fat. Sounds like a lot? Not over the course of one week. Cut 500 to 1000 calories per day through diet restriction and/or cardio. MFP has a calculator you can use to determine by inputting hgt/wgt/sex/age/activity level. As far as approaching your wife about this, she could very well have put on muscle with water weight as well. For example, she may have lost 2 lbs of fat and gained 2 lbs of muscle over the course of two months; not much but great progress! The scale does not know any difference. You guys might find a good place to get your body composition (skin calipers, bod pod, etc.) to give you guys a more accurate "starting line." After all the best way to lose wgt is through calorie restriction then cardio. Strenght training is a different animal with a greater need for calories (protein). Food for thought...hope this helps.
  • quixoteQ
    quixoteQ Posts: 484
    You could eat a pizza in front of her to show her you're working toward equality.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    She needs to see a doctor. She could have hypothyroidism which would make it more difficult for her to lose.
  • Idka81
    Idka81 Posts: 42
    The same exact thing, but not the attitude, happened to me and my husband a couple of years ago. We both started the 30 day shred. He lost almost 20 lbs in one month. I gained 4! Ate the same foods, etc. He is naturally well built for muscle gain. I'm not. Even thought I did shed inches during that month, it was still discouraging to see the scale tip in the opposite direction. About a year later, I began a new fitness routine which immediately helped me begin to shed weight. I did Zumba 5-6 hours a week. I lost 7 lbs in the first month with limited food watching. I realized then that I probably wasn't approaching fitness correctly. I needed some good cardio first to loose the weight. I did that for about 6 months and plateaued after loosing 14 lbs. (My goal was 20) Then I began incorporating strength training by adding Zumba Toning 3 times a week, and in a couple of weeks people suddenly began asking me what I was doing to lose weight. But the scale had not budged for me at all. Clothes, on the other hand, were no longer fitting me well and sagging. At that point I stopped my obsession with the scale.
    Basically, the point I'm making is that your wife needs to focus on the goal in terms of how she looks and feels in her clothing rather than competing with you on the scale. It's impossible for men and women to compete in weight and counterproductive. Have her try different cardio exercises, find the ones she likes and stick to them. If you're making a commitment to fitness, it shouldn't be about some magical number, it should be about the overall goal of getting healthy, happy and fit. Once I stopped looking at that number, it revolutionized my thinking when it came my fitness. Hope this helps.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    She's probably eating more than she's telling you, she realises or is recording.

    A deficit is a deficit. Doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. Men and women can follow the exact same programmes.
  • Racheyj76
    Racheyj76 Posts: 34 Member
    I was whining to my hubby about the same thing. The last 2 weeks we have been doing the exact same things only I have been eating less calories than he has. I have lost a big 0 and he has lost like 8 pounds and I was saying I cannot believe I have not lost even 1 pound so he told me to measure.. I have lost 3 inches in my hips, an inch off of each thigh, and inch off each arm and 2 inches on my chest. So Tell her to measure!!!

    Rachel
  • grinner30
    grinner30 Posts: 122 Member
    Just be as supportive as you can possibly be. It's not "fair", and that's what pisses her off. No it isn't your fault that it's easier for you but that's not what matters.

    Be there for her, give her fun little surprises when you can, and remind her that no matter what she's always beautiful to you.

    Or hide at the bar.

    Or hide in the bar.
  • jtslim42
    jtslim42 Posts: 240
    Just try and be supportive. It is so hard for women to lose weight especially when guys are dropping pounds like nobody's business. Good luck.

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