Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?

ged630

You have to find a way to make it work with your life. I have people around me that think it is so easy to just go after work..but if I did that I would only see my kids for an hour a day. I don't think that is acceptable. How can I be a parent 1 hour a day? So I either do it at 4AM or once the kids are in bed. My health is important also, but I had to fight to have my kids and I am not going to disappear for hours at night when I could make it work another time.

I like to 'blame' my husband for not being supportive but it is really me making myself feel guilty. Find what work for both of you at this time. As your situation at work changes your workout times can change.

rubixcyoob

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Seriousmom3

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Holy Crap, thank you! I was starting to think my husband was right and that I was being selfish.

rubixcyoob

People just need to read properly.

Really, you spend 2 hours at the gym, and 2 with your kids when you get in, 5 with your husband, 3 times a week.
You spend around 4-5 (I'm guessing) when you aren't at the gym, and then 8 with your husband.
You spend all weekend with them.

It's not selfish.

Matt_1972

So your boss will let you leave work to go to the gym but he wont let you leave work to go home? Geez he sounds like a real peach.

3RachaelFaith3

I will say sometimes a husband/significant other might have reservations about their spouse getting fit. But, that is NOT to say that it is done with hatefulness or even on purpose. I obviously do not know your husband, but sometimes people do this bc they feel like you may get attention and find someone "better" I think this is only natural and it could be the case. I would just talk to him and make sure you let him know your feelings, why you want to be fit, and reassure him. Also about the compromising, on your days off, spend more meaningful time. I don't think your workout schedule sounds too rigorous or that the schedule is unreasonable, your husband probably (maybe even subconsciously) is a bit insecure about you getting in shape.

ahamm002

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

ged630

I am not trying to saying you are being selfish. What I was tying to say is you need to find what works for your entire family. It is clear the current set-up isn't work.

I was simply offering some things I do to make it work in my family, with 3 kids, a husband of 14 years, a full time job, two hour a day commute, and an in process house remodel. What what do I know.

rubixcyoob

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

3RachaelFaith3

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends....

"if my wife tried something like that" WOW, You sound like a real gem of a husband. lol

MaryB2

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

axialmeow

Honestly, I would compromise with an hour at the gym. He's not being very supportive but I have heard relationships are all about compromise.

rubixcyoob

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

leafstucker16

Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.

Agree with this 100%!!

slhamby

I don't think anyone should get up at 4am for anything. How the heck are you going to get a decent night's sleep? Seriously, who goes to bed at 8pm? I would bet money that if she did start going to the gym in the morning, some other "problem" would pop up.

Those kids are going to get older and she would just be stuck being even more out of shape and with a much longer row to hoe. I'm 43 and sacrificed all my free time to my family for WAY WAY WAY too long, putting my personal needs LAST and that is a recipe for unhealthy unhappiness.

MaryB2

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

Seriousmom3

So your boss will let you leave work to go to the gym but he wont let you leave work to go home? Geez he sounds like a real peach.

I usually leave at 4 but we just had a girl quit Friday, since we usually have last minute surgeries in the evenings I won't be rushing out leaving my co-workers in a tight. I didn't mean to make my boss sound like a hard *kitten*. He has 3 employee's now and since I've been here the longest I'm not leaving in the middle of any emergencies. If it's quiet, no problem.

kevinlynch3

To the OP...it seems like you are using this thread simply to justify your own position on the issue. You have an answer for every question posed.

Have you talked to your husband about it like you've talked to people here you don't know from Adam? At the end of the day, how it impacts you and others in your family life is all that matters. That's the nature of compromise and that applies to your husband too. Its all about priorities and while I completely understand your priorities because personal health and fitness is typically a very personal thing, your husband apparently doesn't agree with yours.

Hope you work it out.

Seriousmom3

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

My in-law's are paid rent and for child care- we also help them with their bills

Matt_1972

So your boss will let you leave work to go to the gym but he wont let you leave work to go home? Geez he sounds like a real peach.

I usually leave at 4 but we just had a girl quit Friday, since we usually have last minute surgeries in the evenings I won't be rushing out leaving my co-workers in a tight. I didn't mean to make my boss sound like a hard *kitten*. He has 3 employee's now and since I've been here the longest I'm not leaving in the middle of any emergencies. If it's quiet, no problem.

So in actual fact you are prepared to leave work to go to the gym but not to go home?

rubixcyoob

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

Her husband is in the house with HIS children. If her inlaws end up needing to take care of them, then the problem lies with him and not her. That is hardly 'immature'.

Seriousmom3

To the OP...it seems like you are using this thread simply to justify your own position on the issue. You have an answer for every question posed.

Have you talked to your husband about it like you've talked to people here you don't know from Adam? At the end of the day, how it impacts you and others in your family life is all that matters. That's the nature of compromise and that applies to your husband too. Its all about priorities and while I completely understand your priorities because personal health and fitness is typically a very personal thing, your husband apparently doesn't agree with yours.

Hope you work it out.

My husband, doesn't "talk" about feelings, so all I can do is assume things. I've tried to talk to him about it. The answer is, I just don't think you need to be coming home at 7. So, I apologize for insulting anyone for trying to get some insight.

MaryB2

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

Her husband is in the house with HIS children. If her inlaws end up needing to take care of them, then the problem lies with him and not her. That is hardly 'immature'.

It is when he goes straight home to watch them and work on their house. His problem is probably more with her priorities than anything else. Then there's the fact that her best friend is a guy and she puts his feelings first.

rubixcyoob

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

Her husband is in the house with HIS children. If her inlaws end up needing to take care of them, then the problem lies with him and not her. That is hardly 'immature'.

It is when he goes straight home to watch them and work on their house. His problem is probably more with her priorities than anything else. Then there's the fact that her best friend is a guy and she puts his feelings first.

1. He doesn't work on the house until 9pm when she is there.
2. Her priorities? I didn't realise working out for 6 hours per week meant your priorities were messed up, especially when he doesn't care about her working out after less than 4 hours sleep ... his only answer is "don't think you should come back at 7pm".
3. It is 2013 for goodness sake. An issue with having a male best friend, are you serious!? If my husband said I couldn't have a friend/best friend because they were male I'd tell him to do one. I am not someones property and they do not control who I talk to and make friends with.
4. Not his feelings - her job. She works for her best friend, not with him. In his surgery. She leaves to workout because it is the only time she can get her trainer, if she could access the trainer at any other time, she would help him out the lurch he is in - hardly his feelings. If his business suffers as a result of not being able to cover the surgeries etc, then so does her job. How is that not clear?

Seriousmom3

I really don't think people have actually read what the OP has said, at all.

1. She currently lives with her in-laws and they help with the childcare. Her husband is not alone with 3 kids.
2. She has not incurred any additional expenses in her training.
3. Her in-laws eat dinner at 4.30pm - she finishes work at 4pm so, regardless of when she works out, she WILL NOT, make it back in time to do any of that.
4. She gets back at 7pm, plays with her kids, baths them and puts them to bed for 9pm. She does it. Not her husband.
5. She works on her house, for 3 hours a night, with her husband. She goes to bed at 12am. He wants her to get up at 4am to workout, because we can all function on 4 hours, or less, sleep a night.
6. She had something wrong with her neck, and doesn't feel confident enough to do her training on her own yet, that is very fair.
7. It is 3 nights per week, for 2 extra hours. 6 hours per week. There are 168 hours per week, she has an additional 6 to herself, and so has 162 to split between work and family life. She works out for less than one hour per day, if she done it weekly. It's hardly selfish.
That means the other 2 week nights she is with her kids for the maximum time she can, plus the entire weekens with them. She's barely sacrificing family time.

To the op, your husband should just man it up really.

Your math doesn't add up. 2 hours late 3 times per week is a big deal. Consider that there are five days in the week. She has four hours with the kids when she doesn't work out, and two hours when she does. So, currently she's decreased her time with the family during the week from 20 hours to 14. That's a significant difference! You really think it's the husband's and the in-laws' responsibility to "man up" and take care of the kids while she's at the gym and shirking her responsibilities as a parent? Yeah right!

I'll say this much, if my wife tried something like that I'd be a lot less nice about it then her husband is being. My wife and I both make time to exercise when it's convenient for each other. That is, in the morning, during lunch at work, after the kids are asleep, or during the weekends.

Ehm, there are 7 days in the week, she has 2 full evenings with her family mid-week, 3 evenings of putting her children to bed and then 2 full weekend every single week.
She cannot workout in the morning because she cannot get her trainer then (and doesn't feel comfortable just now, due to injury, to do so without him), and because she is up till midnight with her husband so would get less than 4 hours sleep ...

Personally, I would rather have the whole weekend to my family, than having a few extra hours before bed during the week, and then cut into weekend times.

She's hardly off galavanting every night, doing x/y/z.

She is working out when she can, with what she can. It's not a crime, does not make her selfish, unloving, and the only one to compromise.

She still sees her kids. She doesn't make it home for dinner at all, so those 2 hours don't matter in that respect. She puts her children to bed every single night. She works. She has time with her husband every single evening. She has her weekends for family time.
How is asking someone to take care of their kids, on their own, for 2 hours, 3 times a week, 'bad'? (not technically on his own either)
How on earth is that detrimental?

Don't you think her in-laws do plenty without her taking 6 extra hours a week? It is not their responsibility to raise the children. But as you pointed out they watch them and feed them. She should get home as soon as possible to relieve people that already help so much!

If her inlaws have to take the slack because her husband won't do it, that isn't her fault.

That's ridiculous and a very immature way to look at things. It's selfish and not at all apreciative of everything his parents do for them.

Her husband is in the house with HIS children. If her inlaws end up needing to take care of them, then the problem lies with him and not her. That is hardly 'immature'.

It is when he goes straight home to watch them and work on their house. His problem is probably more with her priorities than anything else. Then there's the fact that her best friend is a guy and she puts his feelings first.

My boss, who is 62 married, not at all physically attractive to me and in no way EVER acted any way than professional towards me and my husband. My husband likes the Doc too. So that isn't even an issue.

boopbabs

With three small kids and you being at the gym until 7 pm, is your husband now solely responsible for getting them fed and ready for bed? Is this new for him?

I'd say get up at 4am. You'll get used to it. Or go for an hour and an hour only. But yeah, you need to compromise.

No, we are living with his parents for a while as we remodel the house next door. He doesn't have to do anything different except one night he had to bathe them. We have a large extended family right there and there are plenty of people who enjoy watching the kids while we work, so he isn't alone with the kids.

so maybe it's your in-laws giving him a hard time about you being gone; compromise is good. maybe get up at 4am a couple days a week and then be at home late the other couple of nights.

boopbabs

It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them.

Yeah.....

Still - compromise.

How would you (and your 3 kids) feel if your husband suddenly found a hobby that kept him away from home 6 extra hours a week...espeically since those hours occur during the evening, which is typically prime family time? I doubt you'd bee too thrilled about having to do dinner, dishes, clean up, bathtime, and bedtime by yourself. Just saying.

FITNESS isn't exactly a HOBBY. She is making an effort to be more healthy, most likely not just for herself but to the benefit of her husband and 3 children.

Seriousmom3

Well, this is kind of getting out of hand. Thanks anyway guys for the responses.

Danni1585

Your husband is probably insecure about the change, in you, in other people reacting to how wonderful you are going to look, how it is going to impact on the family, it could be lots of little things, plus the stress of the renovation. Grit your teeth and stay on the programme, i agree with the other comments, it probably is about compromise. Good luck.
PS I went for a walk in the park with my hubby tonight instead of going to Zumba. He complained about the way I parked the car, complained that I walked too fast. He was grumpy, plain and simple. I put it down to a bad day. Keep smiling

Serenstar75

If you're working on the house until Midnight or later, you can't get up at 4am to work out. It'll take time, really. You'll both adjust and things will get better.