Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?

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Replies

  • chervil6
    chervil6 Posts: 236 Member
    OP , tell your husband to grow up and stop trying to control you !
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    OP I don't see why you should compromise, tell him to stop sulking and acting like an extra child. You're doing this for your health, if he's doing it because he's insecure he needs to grow up and learn to trust you
  • ChelseaM18
    ChelseaM18 Posts: 303
    If the shoe was on the other foot, would you expect your husband to do the same thing?
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    His job doesn't have him working every day, sometimes he is off weeks at a time, so yes I can honestly say that if he started going to a gym, and wanted to go at a certain time, so as not to have to get up at 4 in the morning, I would not have a problem with it.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    I am also a working mother of 2 w/ a hubby! I prefer to work out at home, after the kids go to bed- i hit the living room and work out w/ videos. After my work out, I hit the shower and have energy to stay up and hang out w/ the hubby. My hubby would not be opposed if I chose to hit the gym but I also agree that it would thorw off the family dynamics if I were to choose to do so. I dont see my kids all day, so my time after work is priceless. i would feel like I was being selfish if I decided to do that. When I can easily arrange my own needs to after kids bed time.

    That being said, this is my own personal feeling ---every family dynamic is different.

    He might be lonely if he is home all day whiel you work, and then have to wait extra time on top of that. He sounds frustrated. These issues should be addressed before they turn into something huge. You should compromise for sure. Find a good balance.
  • Colombianchick29
    Colombianchick29 Posts: 298 Member
    I don't think anyone should get up at 4am for anything. How the heck are you going to get a decent night's sleep? Seriously, who goes to bed at 8pm? I would bet money that if she did start going to the gym in the morning, some other "problem" would pop up.

    Those kids are going to get older and she would just be stuck being even more out of shape and with a much longer row to hoe. I'm 43 and sacrificed all my free time to my family for WAY WAY WAY too long, putting my personal needs LAST and that is a recipe for unhealthy unhappiness.


    I AGREE! You have to find the balance to take care of yourself too! there is alwasy room for compromise , if you are dealing with rational people.
  • neverend
    neverend Posts: 15 Member
    This thread is absolutely terrifying. How many times does the OP need to explain the situation only to have people interpret it as her being selfish etc etc. Where is all the support everyone seems to suggest that MFP offers? But also how quickly are people buying into this self-sacrificing mother and wife stereotype. Thank God for rubixcyoob's post, and also slhamby's.

    And in answer to the OP's original question - yes it's not too much to ask your husband to support you in this.. good luck with it. You know your situation in a way no-one else here can, so do take everyone's comments with a pinch of salt. Including mine of course.
  • cwyman66
    cwyman66 Posts: 5
    You need to ask yourself which is more important to you - getting fit or being married. You are being unreasonable and selfish by demanding that he accept your wishes, while his thoughts/feelings/desires are brushed under the rug! What if he demanded that you allow him to go out with his buddies for 6 hours every week? If you continue to disregard your husband's feelings like this, he will get tired of it and eventually he will leave (either emotionally or physically). Marriage will only work if you can each take an honest look at and consideration of each others' feelings. Since I don't know your husband, I have no idea what his real objections may be - that is for you to discover (HE may not even know what is really bothering him about the idea). However, if you do to him as you've done to those here who have tried to help you (having an answer for every objection raised), you'll only shut him down and never find out what his real objection is. That may be the reason he doesn't like to talk about things with you!

    I understand you're desire to take better care of yourself, but 2 hours at the gym is definitely excessive (if one machine is occupied, skip to one that isn't and come back when the first is available), especially if your husband objects to your membership to begin with. Maybe this is not the time/season for you to be going to a gym. You won't always be working on the house/living with his parents/have small children. You need to find some way/time to exercise that doesn't take so much time away from your husband and kids. See if your trainer is available for either a Saturday or Sunday session to replace one of the weekday sessions. Maybe even include your family in some of your workouts - family walks, play time at the park, bike rides, ... .

    If you want to keep the marriage, stop telling him what you want and start asking him (instead of us) for suggestions and listen to his response (don't shoot down his ideas). I highly recommend _The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands_ by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. That book saved my marriage from my own selfishness!

    (And as far as the argument about how there are 168 hours in a week and it's only 6 hours: I assume you're spending about 50-60 of those hours asleep and another 40-50 at work (plus your 30 minute commute twice a day). So instead of having 168 hours 'available', there are really only about 60, of which about half are weekend hours. So you're taking 6 hours out of the 30 or so waking hours you have during the week. That IS a significant chunk of time!)
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Marriage is about compromise.

    You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.

    And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.

    ^^ Excellent answer! Compromise - keep your work outs 45 minutes to an hour, you'll still get a great functional work out.
  • UKMarjie
    UKMarjie Posts: 257 Member
    Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

    Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.

    This. I have to say that it never is an issue when a guy has something on. As in, he TELLS you he is off to do whatever...but when it is the wife suddenly all time is golden family time being carved up by your hobby.

    Over time this will diminish but the fact is that he has to get used to your new lifestyle too - so whether it is 1 hour or 2 he needs to roll with it a bit more. Getting up at 4AM would put me off and frankly piss me off. I am great at compromising - watch me all summer as I compromise about his golf days - but it is a two way street.

    That said - talking and more talking.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Lol....well that escalated quickly (insert picture of Anchorman if I knew how). We are either getting a hugely one sided trumped up version of the OP take on things. OR...hubby is a complete d*ck.

    Bottom line going to the gym 3 nights a week shouldn't be a problem....also keeping your gym time under 2 hours shouldn't be a problem. Geeeeshhhh drama much!
  • UKMarjie
    UKMarjie Posts: 257 Member


    My in-law's are paid rent and for child care- we also help them with their bills

    Speaking of peaches - that is a peach of a deal for them! Well it is at least fairer than most people get.

    I think talking to him and telling him that it is just a temporary thing again and then insisting that you do it and working with your boss to get someone else in is fair. Asking you to get up after 4 hours of sleep is not. I am guessing that a LOT of stress is coming from the build and that some of the unreasonable aspect of things stems from this too. Sounds like you are both burning the candle at both ends.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    Maybe you could compromise with two days with the trainer and one day on your own (say with treadmill or whatever).

    It sounds like you guys spend plenty of time working together on the house (and I am impressed with all you've done! Yikes!), and your kids are being taken care of. Your work situation should smooth out eventually when you get a new person.

    I don't really see why your husband has a problem with it.
  • DrMim1
    DrMim1 Posts: 2
    Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.

    Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.

    Totes on this one (to quote my teenagers) - I totally agree. This is not unreasonable, the husband has a lot of help with the kids (they are living with a set of Grandparents for goodness sake). He needs to put his big boy pants on and suck it up...
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
    UPDATE

    I made one last attempt at the gym this evening. Ran in and did just the weight machines. Cut out the 30 minute cool down on the stationary bike and got done in 45 minutes. This being my 4th visit, I think I just needed some time to get use to things. On the way out, got called back to work for surgery, still made it home late, but everyone seemed pleased.
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
    This was a laugh. No one on this thread is going to be able to give you insight into your husband and his comments/thoughts/feelings/rationale.

    I'm not married. Never have been. Live by myself, march to the beat of my own drum, etc. However, I see both sides of this.

    Who knows WHY he doesn't want you to be out til 7 three nights a week. Maybe he just misses you and doesn't want to say that. Maybe he's jealous. Maybe he's insecure. Maybe he's resentful. Whatever the reason, if he won't flat out tell you, don't make any assumptions. Just take it for what it is and try to find a compromise! I assume you want your marriage to last for many years down the road, and if this is SUCH a big hang up, I can only imagine the problems you're going to face in the future.

    You're a woman. I'm a woman. I learned a long time ago that the more I try to understand and give meaning to something a significant other says, the more likely I am to get it completely wrong, overreact, work myself up over nothing, and cause tension. He voiced his opinion. Find a compromise. Maybe go 2x a week for 90 minutes. Maybe go one day in the morning and one in the evening. There are TONS of alternatives. Don't get on a high horse and think that it's all about you. It is, and at the same time it isn't. Your in-laws are helping you out. You're paying them (awesome, btw). But everything isn't always straight forward. Just because someone is being paid doesn't mean that they can't start to get resentful (um, hello, that's like 1/2 of my job). Maybe his family has made a comment to him and he's trying to pass along that info to you without making a big deal? Who knows. We don't control all our circumstances, we can only try to navigate them.

    Figure out a compromise. See how it works. Love your family. That's all you can do.

    ETA: That first line sounds rude of me. I don't mean it in a rude way. I was just honestly chuckling the entire way through. :)

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