Need opinions...my friend and I are debating...
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It sure is. I fell in love with the man who is now my husband over a cup of coffee at a diner..... we've been together for 5 years and we both feel like the luckiest people in the world to have what we do, and I knew within hours that he was the one for me. But, everyone is different, of course!0
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My husband and I were talking about marriage after our second date. I walked into my house and told my parents "I'm gonna marry that man." And we'd only know each other a few months before we started dating. When you know, you know. It's like gears: every other relationship was clashing and grinding, but when you meet the right one, everything falls into place and the gears fold into one another effortlessly.
Besides, your friend and "Matt" have known each other for years! They are just seeing one another in a new context now. I haven't read all the responses to this thread and so I don't know the situation with the children, but that is a bit of a red flag to me. I'd be wary of a man who is so willing to leave his children.
I think that actual love is an act of your will, and not a feeling. "Being in love" or "infatuation" are feelings, but to love another person is a very definite choice. So yes, I think you can love someone after only a few dates.0 -
Yep. I talked to the guy, Jerry, on the phone 2x, shared a few emails. Jerry was living with a friend of mine. Then I flew out to visit this friend and Jerry. We spent the week - Jerry, me, our mutual friend and another friend - sight seeing and hanging out. Jerry asked me to marry him at the end of the week. I told him no and flew home. We traded some more phone calls and emails. He went out to sea (they were all in the Navy) for 6 months. We emailed and I sent him packages. We didn't get many phone calls. He kept asking me to marry him the entire time. I kept saying no. When he got out of the navy (after the 6 months was up) he moved to live where I live (and gave up all his friends and family to be with me). I told him he had to wait 6 months to propose so he did. He put 6 months to the day in his geek watch, put a ring on laway and waited. We've been married 11 years.
^^ Aww! What a sweet story!0 -
I think it's possible... rare, but possible. It helps that they've known each other for so long. I am much more trusting in love after being friends for so long than if they just met on the street and then fell in love after 5 days.0
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Making life changing decisions that effect your job, your children and your family based off a 5 day romantic interlude seems a bit hasty. If it's love, what's the hurry? Take time, build the relationship via long distance, visits and phone calls.....if it's true love it's not going anywhere. If you still feel the same in 6 months (or more realistically a year) go for it.
And....what's the current divorce rate in America?0 -
Sure.
My wife and I met right after high school and went out a couple times. Then I left for basic training and we did our own things for 3.5 years.
Then 18 years ago I came home on leave for a week, proposed on a Wednesday, married on a Friday and then I carted her off to Japan for a 3 year "honeymoon"...
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Making life changing decisions that effect your job, your children and your family based off a 5 day romantic interlude seems a bit hasty. If it's love, what's the hurry? Take time, build the relationship via long distance, visits and phone calls.....if it's true love it's not going anywhere. If you still feel the same in 6 months (or more realistically a year) go for it.
And....what's the current divorce rate in America?
Yep, I totally agree. It's part of the reason why my 4 year Long Distance Relationship is still going on! LOL I picked up once in my life to be with someone and I won't call it a mistake because I have my sons out of it...but, it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. If it's meant to be...it's meant to be....and will still be in a year's time. Love knows no distance when it's the real thing!!0 -
I'm sorry but...it's her business..period. This is her life . If she wants to take a chance, let her. if she ends up falling flat on her face - she'll learn (hopefully). I'm assuming she's not really young (seeing as she's known "Matt" for 20 years) so that tells me she's old enough to (hopefully) know herself and make her own decisions.
Plus, if you are posting this on a forum board (hopefully with her permission) and she needs a bunch of strangers advice - that probably means she should take things really slow.
And if you are posting this without her approval/knowledge...shame on you. That'd be really messed up to be posting someone else's business on a public forum.0 -
It's infatuation, not love.0
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It's absolutely possible, what they need to do is check compatibility. Once the chemicals causing that euphoric feeling from meeting someone new wears off. The feeling lasts until it wears off and then reality sets in. Besides the physical and "new person" high wears off, you have to know you can live together, have some type of similar goals and want to enjoy the rest of your lives together. But like Joylia said, its her life, if she wants to take that chance, let her, but do express your gut feeling.0
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I'm sorry but...it's her business..period. This is her life . If she wants to take a chance, let her. if she ends up falling flat on her face - she'll learn (hopefully). I'm assuming she's not really young (seeing as she's known "Matt" for 20 years) so that tells me she's old enough to (hopefully) know herself and make her own decisions.
Plus, if you are posting this on a forum board (hopefully with her permission) and she needs a bunch of strangers advice - that probably means she should take things really slow.
And if you are posting this without her approval/knowledge...shame on you. That'd be really messed up to be posting someone else's business on a public forum.
Joylia...she knows I posted it. She knows that I come to this place for support and advice. We both wanted to see what the response was..if people think it is craz or if it is possible....that is all.
She is a good woman and he is a good man. They both deserve to be happy...hopefully they can be happy together. There has been a deicision made where he will go down in April with his girls for theu April vacation..and his job is transferring him to a new warehouse to OPEN..and if things dont work out he has the option of transferring back to his original location...
It is her life...but she values my opinion same as any friend values another true friend's opinion....especially since we have all known each other since high school...
I do appreciate your input very much.0 -
meh, I don't really believe in love, let along love at first sight...blah blah. Desire, yes, need, sure, love...naw, love is what I feel for my children...oh sure, I "love" my bf...but I could live without him...wouldn't want to..but I could. Couldn't live without my children...nope, sorry, not going to happen.
So, maybe I just don't know what the defination of love really is...don't know..but I would guess that your friend and Matt, greatly desire one another.0 -
I knew my wife was the one immediately. I proposed within two months. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary. Best decision I ever made.0
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Possible, but I would definitely proceed with caution in her case. When I started dating my husband I knew right away he was "the one", and we got married about a year after we had started dating (we were pretty young too). All what should've been a statistical nightmare has worked out for us (we've been happily married for 8 years with 2 kids and we're still crazy about each other). Before we got married though we went through pre-marital counseling and the whole 9 yards.
Only knowing each other for 5 days is very little time for someone to uproot their entire life and move far away to be with someone. That screams impulsiveness to me, which can be kind of a red flag for the relationship. If someone is that willing to jump hard and long for some fuzzy feelings, what will they do when the relationship hits a dry spell and someone new and seemingly exciting comes along and looks his way? Will he drop everything to go be with that person? Love is a wonderful thing, but so is rationality and having a level head. After all, sometimes your knight in shining armor is really just an idiot in tin foil!
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It wasn't 5 days though. They've known each other for 20 years. There is something to be said for that even if they haven't seen each other in a while. There is a history there.
I knew when I met my husband that he was someone I could see myself falling in love with. There was just something about his personality, and the way that he treated me from the get go. As our relationship continued, and he maintained the same level ( wasn't faking it ) I knew for certain.0 -
It wasn't 5 days though. They've known each other for 20 years. There is something to be said for that even if they haven't seen each other in a while. There is a history there.
Ah! You know what- I misread that first paragraph thinking OP was the one that knew him for that long. I guess if you've known someone that long then there is more potential for a faster paced relationship! Still seems awfully fast to uproot and move somewhere after only 5 days into a romantic relationship.0 -
It is possible. It doesn't happen for everyone but it does happen.
Case in point:
My husband and I met on Facebook. We do share the same faith which is super important (deal breaker). So that was the number one thing for me. He is 20 and I am 29. When we met, he was a month shy of 18 and I was almost 27. We started "dating" 6 days after we "met". We said I love you's after 11 days. We met up on Labor Day and again over end of October (two times) before he moved here. (4 months after we met). We have been married for a year and a half.
I thought people would think I was crazy, which they did. His family tried to keep us apart because his mom and grandmother had both died around the same time a few years prior. They thought he was just looking for a "mother" figure. We have proven them wrong and could not be happier.
It is safe to say it doesn't always work though. People could know eachother for years but when you put a relationship in the mix, for whatever reason, things don't jive.
You are right to be worried but don't worry too much. She is an adult and people make mistakes no matter how old or young. Just be there for her for support whether it works out or not. That will probably help her the most.0 -
DUDE!!!?!??!!? You married a chick you met at 19 years of age? missed out on alot of possibilites. just sayin
Not everyone is looking to sleep with every chick they can get their hands on. My husband tells me all the time he didn't miss a THING. In fact, I saved him from making mistakes. You quite possibly may never get married with that attitude...0 -
Keep in mind he is willing to have his job transfer him to her location, move away from his kids (one of whom is going away to college in a few months anyway) the other is 16....
I understand they do know each other, even know quirks about each other, that my annoy otger people....but is it possible???
I want to believe it is... my gut tells me it isn't. I just dont want her to get hurt...
While I think that's totally possible to fall in love so fast... a red flag would be going off in my head about any man who is willing to leave his kids and move far away. Even older teenagers need their dad around. Putting his new love before the kids he's raised for how many years seems like a really bad move and one that would make me question his ability to commit to any relationship, and the wisdom of getting into a serious relationship with him.The fact that he flew in from out of state to visit her for 5 days means they must have been talking prior to the visit.
Could it be love? Sure. Can you tell in 5 days if you can make a long-term relationship work? Hell no.
And I can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship with someone who’s willing to move states away from a son or daughter who is not yet an adult. That’s just plain wrong.
^^ Exactly.
I exactly your exactly
this post!!! 0 -
It's possible, but there's no way this translates to long term. They obviously share the same feeling for one another, they are both adults, I think that they can be happy it just takes a lot of hard work to make that last.0
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