Help!! Am I making to much of this?

mandy031383

I would normally never put this info out there but, I seriously need other people’s point of views. I need to know if I am right about this or making too much of it. I have been dating a guy for a few months, we originally started as friends and after 8 months he confessed he had feelings and after dating for a few weeks I finally agreed to be his gf. He swears he loves me and has even made comments about me being the one etc. A few days ago I found out threw friends that he still had a profile visible on match.com I completely defended him and said no way etc. Then they sent me a picture of it and it said he had been active within 24 hours. When I confronted him about it I gave him multiple times to come clean but he kept denying he had even been on it. So sitting right in front of him I decided to take a chance and see if it would come up on his computer. Low and behold it did and showed that he had not only been active for about 3 weeks and looking at profiles but had also sent out about 12 “winks” which is basically considered hitting on or flirting. He then insisted it was no big deal and he was just looking “it’s ok to look but not touch” when I brought up the fact he wasn’t just looking but flirting also he again said it was no big deal and I was making to much out of it. Basically, the conversation went with me trying to ask him questions and why and him deflecting everything I said and asked without giving me a straight answer on anything. Except that he said he did it because he was sitting home bored and was curious. When I tried to ask him about that further he flat out told me he would not answer my question. He finally told me that if it bothered me that much he wouldn’t go on, but that he doesn’t understand at all where I am coming from and that he has done nothing wrong. When I asked him how it would make him feel if I was doing that he said he wouldn’t care and it wouldn’t bother him because he knows it would just be flirting. At this point he just keeps acting like everything is fine and nothing has happened. Am I making to much of this?????

cyberiarob

That's like saying you have a subscription to Playboy because you like the articles.

oregonzoo

Are you making too much of it?

No. You met him online. He still has a dating profile.

People in a serious relationship do not need dating profile.

KarenJ15

I don't think you're making too much of it at all. If he wants to date you, there is no reason for him to keep looking, even if it's innocent in his mind.

jenniferlynn2477

I don't think you are. Flirting is fine if you're single, I'm sorry if you are in a relationship I don't think you should. Especially if he knows that you don't think it is okay why would he continue to do it. If there's nothing to hide he should have been straight up with you to begin with. If you're the one and he wants to be serious about you, flirting with other girls is not okay and it is one step away from talking and possibly more. If you don't come to an agreement on that it will always be a problem and if he doesn't think it is a problem then he doesn't really know or understand you.

MrsG2

You are definitely not making too much of it. The fact that he's so defensive about it should concern you.

lizziebeth1028

That's a big red flag problem!!!!!!!!!!!! People in happy committed relationships don't need to be on a dating service. It's not 'flirting' it's actively looking for someone else.

KenosFeoh

If it's no big deal, then he wouldn't have denied/lied when you confronted him about the dating site.

Liar-liar-pants on fire!

Don't waste your time.

DamnImASexyBitch

My husband and I met on Match.com. Once we began dating each other we hid our profiles. Once we decided to become exclusive we deleted our accounts. Your bf is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to date you, but keep his options open should something better come along. He's a ****. Just break up.

GuybrushThreepw00d

Whichever way you try and slice it..... he sounds like a douche.
Better get rid sooner rather than later.

WinnerVictorious

he also lied about it when confronted. repeatedly. until you forced him to admit it by pulling up the site in his presence.

that really tells you everything you'll ever need to know about the guy.

is that somebody you want to get serious with? that decision is up to you.

good luck.

concordancia

If he really thought it was nothing, why did he deny it in the first place? Of course, the answer to that could be in the tone you started with, but it seems more likely that he knew it wasn't OK from the start.

Mistyblu08

no you arent wrong- this is internet cheating and if he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong there is no point- he wont get it or change....thank God you found out now and not later....you can do much better keep looking!

nikilis

no you arent wrong- this is internet cheating and if he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong there is no point- he wont get it or change....thank God you found out now and not later....you can do much better keep looking!

internet cheating by sending a wink to someone? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

yah, hes lame and seems like a douche. honestly, if hes with you and he feels the need to get some kind of gratification from flirting with other women, that may be a sign of things to come. I agree, you should probably bounce, or set very very clear ground rules for your relationship so there can be no "but I thought" bullsh!t.

internet cheating. lol. thats not what happened, he just seems to be dishonest.

I think you would struggle to use winks on match.com as a grounds for divorce.

xxnellie146xx

If it was so innocent, why did he repeatedly lie about it when originally confronted? If it was truly innocent and he wasn't guilty, he wouldn't have lied.

digitalbill

Just break up.

FIRST!!!!!

Zylahe

You might be dating, but are you exclusive ? And do both of you know it?

If he says yes, have a frind set up an account , flirt with him and ask him out.
At least you will know one way or the other before you get to invested.

( and if he's a loser i know lots of single guys who are decent.)

Mistyblu08

no you arent wrong- this is internet cheating and if he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong there is no point- he wont get it or change....thank God you found out now and not later....you can do much better keep looking!

internet cheating by sending a wink to someone? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

yah, hes lame and seems like a douche. honestly, if hes with you and he feels the need to get some kind of gratification from flirting with other women, that may be a sign of things to come. I agree, you should probably bounce, or set very very clear ground rules for your relationship so there can be no "but I thought" bullsh!t.

internet cheating. lol. thats not what happened, he just seems to be dishonest.

I think you would struggle to use winks on match.com as a grounds for divorce.

cheating is cheating no matter where you find it sweetie unless you are one of the types that like to swing in which case you should both know about and condone it....

caanders1

He's not really invested in dating you if he's keeping his options open by checking out other users-and if it's not flirting then don't lie about it and by not telling you right away he knows he's doing something that's not good for your relationship-did he ask you if you were still active on the site or how would he feel about it if you were flirting with guys online-

LetsMakeupXtina

time to move on. I smell a douche-bag..

fleur_de_lis19

I dont think your making a big deal out of it. You don't like it, you've told him, and he has stated that if it makes you uncomfortable that he will remove it. Then have him do it and move on, if you care about the relationship enough.