The boyfriend that doesn't "get" it.

JenniferSpindel

I love him. I really do. He's a great guy most of the time.

But I know for a fact that he's sabotaging my efforts. Not intentionally, I don't think... but I'm at my wits end trying to "talk to him" about it.

I hate feeling alone in this journey... and I know I could do so much better if he would just be a tad more supportive.

We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
"Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!"
Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

I can't see myself breaking up with him over this (so you can keep your "dump him" comments to yourself), but any advice for maybe getting him to really realize that he's really making me work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is!? I even tried the "I'm going out and doing something active with a friend" and he simply doesn't get it

futrformrfatty

I would just sit him down and try and have a serious conversation with him about it. Let him know how important this is to you and that you could really use his support! If that doesn't work than honestly do you really want someone in your life that isn't going to be supportive of you?

I know you can't force him to change everything he eats too, yet it would be helpful, but if you are cooking the meals I would just cook something healthy. Maybe he could have a cabinet that is just his to keep his snacks in and he can help himself when he's not around you.

Wish I could be more help.

BowaBowa

Have you tried telling him how you feel? Told my girl when I miss a workout I get depressed. Or when I eat foods that sets me back I get depressed. After the little talk, 110% supportive

tigersword

I love him. I really do. He's a great guy most of the time.

But I know for a fact that he's sabotaging my efforts. Not intentionally, I don't think... but I'm at my wits end trying to "talk to him" about it.

I hate feeling alone in this journey... and I know I could do so much better if he would just be a tad more supportive.

We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
"Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!"
Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

I can't see myself breaking up with him over this (so you can keep your "dump him" comments to yourself), but any advice for maybe getting him to really realize that he's really making me work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is!? I even tried the "I'm going out and doing something active with a friend" and he simply doesn't get it

Don't eat the foods you don't want to eat. My wife and I both have certain foods that one likes that the other doesn't. Also, if he doesn't want to go with you to walk the dog, go walk the dog yourself.

Honestly, it just sounds like you're using him to give yourself excuses.

beckimj

Sounds like it is time for a good heart to heart conversation. Have you tried recruiting him to help you? Tell him you feel alone and you would like him to support you. Explain to him what you need from him, but be realistic to his position. You two are obviously not in the same place yet. You don't need to be. He needs to understand where you are coming from and you need to accept where he is at. Two months ago, I was on my own with my fitness journey. Tonight, DH and I ended my workout with a 15 minute walk around the track. It is baby steps, but it is forward progress. Hopefully, you two will experience that as well.

wychwych

It's taken me along time to realise that this is my journey and I am largely on it on my own. My husband and daughter also insist on having all the things in the house that I an trying to limit but I just have to be motivatated enough to avoid them. If I do eat them, I log them and move on. Maybe your partner can't cook. My hubbie isn't too bad but my dad is a total diaster in the kitchen and can only really cook by floating it in two inchs of oil. As another poster has already said when you cook try and make healthier stuff and it is possible to tweek recipes to make them better for you.

Tanja_CHH

Stop cooking for him and if you do the shopping don't buy junk food. Tell him if he wants it he needs to get off his *kitten* and go get it

StrongAndHealthyMommy

Stop cooking for him and if you do the shopping don't buy junk food. Tell him if he wants it he needs to get off his *kitten* and go get it

thats what I do with my husband and he just calls pizza hut LOL

narcissus1199

We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
"Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!"
Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

I'm sorry but did you say this was your boyfriend or your child?

nikilis

you are asking him to change and he doesn't want to. you can explain things as clearly as possible, how you feel about all of this, but if he wants to live an inactive lifestyle eating unhealthy food and not wanting to cook like a man child, he's allowed to do that, just as you are allowed live a healthy lifestyle.

its just your choice if you want to put up with it or not. clearly you are not on the same page with this. how deep does it really go?

misskerouac

This is your journey. Not his. It is unfair to make him change his life. All you can do is set an example and maybe over time he'll say "hey I'd like to come walk the dog with you today!". I'm married and I make 2 different meals every night, I usually cook the same veg for both of us but usually different meat and sometimes I'll have a second type of veg while he has rice. I make extra of everything so that the next night I can just reheat it so although it takes a bit longer the first night, the second night is just leftovers. And I know I want this, so I'm not overly tempted by the junk food he wants in the house, if I eat it, I log it and move on (like others have said) because this is my LIFE not my diet

Also I will never assume that my husband will do anything active with me. He played football all through school and after that said he just didn't want to do anything athletic anymore. I still ask him if he wants to come for a walk but I never get upset if he says no and I never let it stop ME from going anyways. I just listen to a podcast and do my thing. The thing that he has had to change is that I go to the gym after work so he doesn't get dinner until 7:30-8, but since he doesn't cook (and therefore won't start dinner) he kinda had to be ok with it.

You have to make sure you are ok with having this be your own journey, because it irritates you that it's also not his, then that could really become a problem.

yuckidah

Show him this thread.

EdwarddeVere

This sounds more like relationship problems than diet and fitness sabotage

damiannikodem

I have 6 kids, so we 'have' to keep a decent level of crap in the house,

but on that note, 2 dinners are cooked every night. (one for the kids, one for me and my wife.)

It takes a lot of my will-power not to eat the kids leftovers, but so far I have only done so once. in the past few months.

Could you organize 2 meals a night (or you cook one and he fends for himself for the other ? )

Growtinymusclesgrow

People don't lose weight for the same reason we keep significant others around who mistreat us. Now I am NOT saying your boyfriend is mistreating you, what I am saying is that we tend to keep a hold of things that are familiar. It is much easier to be overweight and unhealthy than it is to be fit. It is also easier to make excuses for our significant others behavior because "I love him and he really loves me too".

Read what you originally typed,
"We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
"Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
COOK!"
Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

Look, this fitness journey is more enjoyable and easier if shared with a like minded individual. Sounds as if he is never going to "get it", so you will have to either do this on your own or make changes in your life. My guess, if you start on this journey and you start spending a lot of time at the gym, running or whatever, he is going to get upset and start the "you spend all your time at the gym and not with me" (if he hasn't already). Oh by the way, that is called SABOTAGING your fitness goals and yes, he is doing it on purpose. It is your life, YOU are the only one who gets to choose how you live it! God Bless and good luck reaching and surpassing all of your fitness goals.

shaunap3

Unfortunately he sounds like a stubborn horse. If I were in your shoes I would cook for myself, but make him a portion also. If he doesn't want to try it, fine. But after a while I would assume he would get tired of you trying and give in. Hopefully he'd like something also. I would worry about my partners health if he ate all of that processed crap. Maybe just keep bringing that up to him, in the most loving way possible.

daoc1972

Leave him out of it until he expresses interest. Do things without him. Find someone else to walk the dog with you. Stock up on some healthy snacks and put his snacks on the highest shelf (I'm shortish, so it works for me). Learn to cook some quick simple meals that fit into your plan. Make enough to last several days and reheat if you find yourself pressed for time.

Eventually, he will come to "get" it if he wants to stick around.

shaunap3

I have 6 kids, so we 'have' to keep a decent level of crap in the house,

but on that note, 2 dinners are cooked every night. (one for the kids, one for me and my wife.)

It takes a lot of my will-power not to eat the kids leftovers, but so far I have only done so once. in the past few months.

Could you organize 2 meals a night (or you cook one and he fends for himself for the other ? )

I dig this idea. If you cook for yourself and he's left to fend maybe he'll become a little more open to trying new foods. Of ease him into the transition by letting him eat whatever crap he wants, but give him a healthy side option each time. You know what YOU should be eating, so feel even that much more proud that you're making the better choices.

nosugarcoating

I love him. I really do. He's a great guy most of the time.

But I know for a fact that he's sabotaging my efforts. Not intentionally, I don't think... but I'm at my wits end trying to "talk to him" about it.

I hate feeling alone in this journey... and I know I could do so much better if he would just be a tad more supportive.

We have to keep chips, processed food, frozen chicken nuggets and pizza rolls, and soda in the house. HAVE TO.
"Let's go for a walk with the dog!" I say. "No, I don't want to. I'm too tired/lazy/unmotivated/my shoes are off"
Cooking is beyond his comprehension. I suggest that maybe he cook a meal or two... "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!"
Trying anything new is a no-go. "I DON'T TRUST IT!"

I can't see myself breaking up with him over this (so you can keep your "dump him" comments to yourself), but any advice for maybe getting him to really realize that he's really making me work extra hard for something that's hard enough as it is!? I even tried the "I'm going out and doing something active with a friend" and he simply doesn't get it

I am lucky, because my boyfriend and I met through MFP, so we are both on the same page about having a healthy lifestyle (although we can both be super lazy too).

Here is the thing. Your boyfriend's lifestyle is his choice. Your lifestyle is yours. Since you seem to be on very different pages on this, you will need to compromise. Meet him halfway. Don't expect him to adopt your lifestyle.

He wants to have junk food in the house. Okay, That's his right. Maybe there is junk food he likes that you don't like (as much), so he could buy more of that. Maybe he could try and keep smaller portions and rebuy more frequently. Maybe he could keep it in a place that isn't as easy to reach/get to for you. Maybe this is the opportunity for you to exercise your willpower and just say no. I know it's hard but I also know it can be done.

If he doesn't want to go for a walk with you, go by yourself or ask a friend to go with you. Don't let him stop you. If he can't be bothered, just do it anyway.

If he doesn't know how to cook, cook something together instead of expecting him to cook for you. Show him how to cook some healthy meals that you enjoy. Maybe he likes using the BBQ, maybe that is something he could cook for you, a grilled steak and some grilled veggies are super healthy. If he is one of those people who seem to have an aversion to "healthy food", make it more appealing to him by adding things he likes or "healthyfying" unhealthy food.

I know you seem to think he is trying to sabotage you, but chances are he simply wants to maintain the lifestyle he's used to, it's nothing to do with you. I do think that if he loves you and you love him, you can both make an effort to make things a little easer on each other. Compromise.

nikilis

a real man wouldn't say "I DONT KNOW HOW TO COOK".

he would just man up and start cooking, because his woman asked him to.

this one thing shows he takes you for granted, doesn't listen and is quite happy to just ignore your needs.

he's choosing his own happiness over yours and the health of your relationship.

hes being a child and asking you to be his mom.


this alone, is totally messed up. honestly. there is sooo more to this....

ashlinmarie

I recently had these issues with my husband. He always wants pizza/fast food/soda/crap while I'm trying to cook and be healthy and motivated and workout. If I want to go for a walk, I take the dog by myself in the morning while he's working. If he doesn't want to eat what I'm making...tough...he can cook for himself. He didn't get it and we fought no matter how I tried to explain it to him. Finally, his boss explained it to him in terms of computers. I have no clue what he said, but suddenly my husband came home and "got" it. He won't change his diet, which is fine, but he is trying not to bring junk around me and if he brings it home, he keeps it in his desk by his computer in a room I never enter. He also tries to not bring up eating fast food, though it is something we're still working on.

Either let him be lazy and improve yourself or wait until he hops on board. I promise, you won't regret doing it for you, even if it means he doesn't join you.