Only Children ?

manderson27

My son is an only child, he was a sweet, bright, good natured, sharing, happy child and he is now a normal, well adjusted, hard working, intelligent, happy, young man, who has never given me a moments trouble. I am very very proud of him.:happy: :happy: :happy:

sillygoosie

My daughter is 10 and has never wanted siblings. She is wise beyond her years and a very kind and well-adjusted person. I'm sure if I had had another child while she was young, she would still be the same wonderful girl she is now.

She'll have a half-sibling in July and I'm terrified of how it will be for her. More so because of her already detached father and stepmother, but that's a whole different story.

tmos512

I think whether you miss out on having siblings depends on the effort of the parent. Do you keep them occupied, make sure they have friends their age to play with regularly, spend time with them, act like a kid yourself on occasion?

SarahSwimmer

I'm not only an only child, but my grandparents, aunts and uncles all died before I could meet them. I have no cousins either. My mother always felt terrible because she remembered having a huge family and thought I would be raised deprived of security and extra warmth. Holidays were so hard on her. My dad, being much older when he had me (40) had no living relatives either but was just happy as ever to have only me and my mom. I can never remember him wanting anything more than to keep us happy and safe.

Anywho, I too wanted siblings when I was young, but kinda just because everyone else had some. My parents and I traveled and were extremely close. I grew up very independent and very confident; it was easy for me to make friends because I grew up enjoying my own company that I saw no reason anybody else wouldn't either! I'd say it's made me introspective and added a lot of self-value. I am very happy to have grown up an only child and proud of the life I've lived and the choices I've made. I go where I want and do what I want without feeling like I have huge family obligations and because my parents were so much older when they had me, there was a lot in this generation I had to figure out on my own.

Interesting to note: I grew up in Los Angeles and got into the top magnet high school program in the state. Later I went to Pepperdine University. In high school more than half of my friends were only children and in college a little less than that. I had a lot of friends, too. Im not sure it's a coincidence that there are so many only children in career feilds that require independence and high levels of education.

My 2 cents. Your son is going to be great

RGv2

Not technically an only child, there's 12 years between myself and older sibling. With that said, I like being a "loner" and wonder if it came from being an "only child". I had no issue making friends, and played 3 sports but wasn't always big on hanging out in big groups all the time.

In college I liked my roommates and hanging out with them, but loved graduating before them, moving to my own apt and living alone. I'd still go out with them, but absolutely loved knowing I had my own personal place to go home to at the end of the night and after work.

hollyyoung71

As an only child, the only thing I miss is that when I am old, I will not have someone in my family to share it with. I do get envious of my friends who have siblings. They have a special bond that I do not have. Does it effect my life as an adult? Not really! The way I look at it is that it was my parents choice. Just like it was my choice not to have any kids of my own. Of course, somehow I ended up with two step boys. I had lots of friends growing up and was never lonely.

MrsPong

I had one sister and had a close bond most of the time. We had everything we needed and mostly everything we wanted.
My husband is oldest of 4... His parents had a tough time and they never had much. All the boys went into the military because their life would be better. When he left home, he never visited for years...Now that he's 27 he's close to his family and sibs again.

I like having my sister because now i have a nephew and my daughter has a cousin and 2 aunts and 3 uncles.
Yet she is 4...and we are not really looking into having any more children. I get the whole need a sibling and friend but my husband and I were young when we had her, and we are finally getting ahead and balanced. My husband is still active duty and he was in Iraq during my pregnany and birth of our daughter. I would HATE for that to happen with the 2nd one.

I think it's best to decide what the PARENTS can handle mentally, physically and financially. My daughter asks for a brother/sister alot..but we tell her that mommy and daddy want to give all our love to HER.

JMPerlin

As a mom of an only child, I hear all the time how lonely my son will be as he gets older. I am in a funk after reading some stupid post on a radio station's FaceBook page this morning. I would love to hear from any of you who are only children yourselves, and whether you feel you were lonely growing up. FYI, my son is 8 and has asked in the past for a sibling, but no longer does.

Do any of you who are only children have any words of support?

My wife was an only child and said she felt lonely until she met my siblings and then was happy she was an only child.

jaxxie

I am an only child (adopted) and I have no complaints...my parents wanted to adopt another child but after waiting for 4 yrs. decided they didn't want the age gap to be too big, so they decided to stick with just me! I have, as a result, been afforded the opportunity to experience a world of travel, languages, culture and so much more as a result. I don't think they could have financially been able to provide me with all that I have experienced if I had siblings. I don't feel like I missed much, I cherish friendships a lot more and am a very extroverted person as a result. I made friends wherever we went and that taught me a lot of social skills as an adult.

Don't stress and do what you feel is best for you and your family. Good luck!

WRXymama

As a mom of an only child, I hear all the time how lonely my son will be as he gets older. I am in a funk after reading some stupid post on a radio station's FaceBook page this morning. I would love to hear from any of you who are only children yourselves, and whether you feel you were lonely growing up. FYI, my son is 8 and has asked in the past for a sibling, but no longer does.

Do any of you who are only children have any words of support?

I, too, have an 8yr old who is and will be an only child. She has never asked for a sibling, and at times when we have mentioned it she STRONGLY STATES that she doesn't want a sibling. I'd say she's about as rounded of a person as one can be with the parents she was given lol

ReclaimingSarah

Bump so I can read all of the replies later. My daughter is an only. We don't plan on having another one and we constantly get told on what she'll miss out on. I'd love to see the "I'm an only and I'm okay" replies.

GloMash710

I'm a 33 year old only child and I have no regrets! I had and still have close friends and intimate relationships, a super close realationship with my mom, a college degree, a great job, etc. The only thing I missed out on as a kid was having a sibling to blame missing cookies on

IntoTheSky

I am an only child. So is my mother, and her mother, and my daughter, and my boyfriend, and his daughter.......... As long as he is in activities and has a lot of interaction with other kids and is taught responsibility and earning what he has, like any multiple child has to, it will be ok. I was raised to have nothing handed to me, work for what I wanted, always share - friends leave, my toys stayed after they were gone. I feel I am decently adjusted and so are the others in my family. It isn't as bad as people who were not only children think. It is not dismally lonely, you are generally more creative (have to spend more time in self play and coming up with things to do that are interesting to you), have an older persons understanding about a lot of things, are more outgoing and have a lot of diverse friends (I feel like that is because there is not one person that you are forced to spend a lot of time around, so you are not as limited as to how people "should" be.) Just love him and raise him how you see fit. He will be ok. Really.

Findekano

As a mom of an only child, I hear all the time how lonely my son will be as he gets older. I am in a funk after reading some stupid post on a radio station's FaceBook page this morning. I would love to hear from any of you who are only children yourselves, and whether you feel you were lonely growing up. FYI, my son is 8 and has asked in the past for a sibling, but no longer does.

Do any of you who are only children have any words of support?

Only child here. I'd say just make sure that he has plenty of opportunities for interaction with other children. I was only lonely during school vacations when I didn't really have any contact with other kids.

JennieCakes72

My daughter is almost 16 and an only child. She loves being an only child! She's great and we have a very close relationship and she talks to me about everything. I feel very lucky that she will open up to me. She turned out great and all my friends tell me how great my daughter is.

My brother has five kids so when she was little, I would just drop her off over there and she would come home and tell me 'no more babies muma!". Ha, ha!!! No problem!!!!!

IntoTheSky

also, funny side note...... when she was 4, I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister, she thought for quite some time and finally said "Can we get a puppy instead?" I took that as a no and got her a puppy for chrismas, LOL.

MystikPixie

They'll only be lonely if you neglect them. Having another child just so the one you have isn’t lonely is stupid. And they'll most likely hate each other anyway. Being an only child is the biggest privilege you can give to your child.

MurphysLawTD

I'm an only child. I had friends, and I was close to my parents, but I hear my friends stories of playing with their siblings and feel like I missed something. Everyone else is having neices and nephews be born, and I will never be an aunt. I can't speak for everyone, but now at 25, I do feel like I missed out on a very special and irreplacable relationship of having a sibling. Unless I have a family of my own, when my parents die, I will be alone.

Regardless, it was my parents' choice whether they wanted more children. If you don't feel you want or can handle it, it's your call.

That's something that bothers me too, the lack of nieces/nephews. AND my boyfriend (the man I'll eventually marry) is an OC as well, so no cousins, aunts and uncles for our kid(s) either!!

HOWEVER, I think of my extended family and I'm not nor ever have been close with any of them and it never bothered me. Aunts and uncles were my mom's close friends, as I will be to my best friend's future kids. My kids will grow up with their Aunt Mer and Uncle Phil (best friend and her hubby) and their kids will be like cousins to them.

srpm

I'm an only child (well, my dad has a son who has kids that are only a couple years younger than me) and I am perfectly well adjusted, was never lonely, and have a successful life. I think the key is having playmates. I think as families keep choosing to only have one, maybe two, rarely 3 children we will see even more of a shift than there has been for my age group but I don't feel like I am missing out on nieces and nephews at all because even though my brothers kids live far away I have my friends who I grew up with and their kids to spoil. Currently I am "Aunt Shanon" to 2 beautiful little girls and there is a third one on the way. The best part is that since my "sisters" are all around the same age as me will will all be having kids at the same time so they can grow up together and be close the same way we are.

RBXChas

Thanks for your replies. Collegiate, I had never even considered that before, that my son will never be an uncle. Ugh, I just have to keep making sure he develops close relationships with friends. He is on a lot of sport teams, and an all-star on those teams at that (picked for the travel teams, etc.). He has close friends who are also very involved in athletics. He is also in the gifted program at school for reading and math, so he is doing really well with academics and athletics, but I really worry about how he will fefel once he is grown without a sibling. Personally, my sister and I fought like cats and dogs, and haven't spoken in 13 years. But I still worry, of course, as moms tend to do. Thanks everyone, I appreciate your taking the time to comment:flowerforyou:

Keep in mind that if your child has cousins that are close to his age, they can often be like siblings. My siblings and I are close in age to a set of cousins and a set of 2nd cousins, so we all kind of grew up together, and we're still pretty close now that we're all in our 30s. The nice thing about cousins is that you have that degree of separation that you don't have with your siblings, so you tend not to sweat the small stuff with them and generally just get along.

I have a niece and a nephew who are both only children. My niece is only 5, so it's hard to say how she'll be, though she's very smart and well-adjusted, and she has lots of friends, etc. My nephew is 13, and he is the shining example of a 13-year-old boy. He is super smart and well-adjusted, he is active and has lots of friends, he has many, many interests, he is respectful, he does as well in a room full of adults as he does in a room full of peers, etc. I kid you not, two years ago I had a conversation with him about the US/USSR arms race during the Cold War. And he knew more than I did.

In both scenarios, the parents are super dedicated to raising a well-rounded child but not to the detriment of their own relationship with their respective spouses.

That said, I do know some only children who are kind of messed up, but I know lots of people with siblings who are, too! I mean, I'm the youngest of four kids, and two of my brothers haven't spoken to each other in a year and a half. One of those brothers hardly talks to me and my sister at all anymore, which is awkward because we live really close to each other. It all depends on you and your child, and it sounds to me like your son is doing just fine.

Frankly, I wouldn't sweat it

meshashesha2012

i'm an only child. your kid can make friends if he gets lonely or get him a pet

you shouldnt have kids based on whether or not one will feel lonely or not, at least that's my opinion.

the only suggestions i have is to not do stuff like buying games like twister, badminton sets, etc where they need more than 1 person to play and not play with them. my mom would do that and it was so annoying!

have you ever tried playing twister alone?? i have and it's not fun

IntoTheSky

As far as the aunt thing......i just adopt my kids friends as family and hold out for what i can only assume will be my only child grandaughter...... haha!

LoraF83

Every family has to decide what is right for THEM - not what society tells them.

I have a daughter who is 4. I've heard (on a weekly basis) that if I don't give her a sibling, she will be somehow warped or deprived. IDGAF what those people say - it's my kid, my family, my life. My daughter is happy, smart, healthy, well-adjusted, friendly, loves to share, etc. She's awesome.

If I got pregnant today, we'd be past the point of her having a playmate. And just because you have a sibling, doesn't mean you'll be close.

You know your son, you know what works for your family. Don't worry about sanctimonious people who feel the need to insert their opinion into your life.

sarahharmintx

I was an only child for almost 10 years. My mom kept be busy with activities even when I was homeschooled for 3 years. Then my sister came along and no one has been the same since.

My daughter is 8 years old and talks about having a sibling all the time. We had to take the time to get into a place in life where we could do that (we got married 3 years ago and bought a house). Hopefully she has a sibling soon.

Growing up as an only child then having a younger sibling is quite a change for all involved. Its not the easiest thing but worth it in my opinion.

AuddAlise

I was an only child for 10 years. Ended up only "growing up with" my brother for 6 years. He was more like a son to me than a brother; still is.

I had undivided attention as the only child (even after my bro was born); I never wanted for anything. I don't think it affected me in a negative way.

rml_16

Only child surrounded by wonderful friends who are very much like family. Not lonely at all.

summer8it

I'm also the mother of an only child. My son just turned 10, and he likes being the only kid in the house. He hates noise, for one thing, so he likes how peaceful and quiet is is with no other kids around. He's also my parents' only grandchild, since my brother and his wife can't have kids.

I'd never thought about the "won't be an uncle" issue before, but it's not necessarily true -- he could become an uncle through marriage. Besides, even if he had siblings, there's no guarantee that they would have kids.

The only thing about the only-kid situation that bothers me now is when people assume that I chose not to have more kids, especially since there's usually an underlying assumption that I'm too selfish, self-absorbed, and/or lazy to want more kids. My husband and I did want more children, but surprise! Secondary infertility.

RBXChas

I'd never thought about the "won't be an uncle" issue before, but it's not necessarily true -- he could become an uncle through marriage. Besides, even if he had siblings, there's no guarantee that they would have kids.

True, my cousin is married to an only child, so no nieces/nephews there, and neither of her brothers are planning on having children... She had twins, so she's got her hands full

The only thing about the only-kid situation that bothers me now is when people assume that I chose not to have more kids, especially since there's usually an underlying assumption that I'm too selfish, self-absorbed, and/or lazy to want more kids. My husband and I did want more children, but surprise! Secondary infertility.

Don't you just love the assumptions others make? :grumble:

Angela_2_Oh

I'm not an only myself, but I grew up with a bro four years older. We were not close at all and fought constantly. It wasn't until he was in college that we began to get along. We love each other a lot and have kids close in age now. We still aren't super close though.

For reasons I won't get into here, my daughter is an only child....with twelve cousins and many close friends. She's happy and well adjusted.

Do what's best for YOUR family. :flowerforyou:

LMT2012

Absolutely everything in life is a trade off. Everything. Also, I have brothers and never see them, so siblings are no guarantee of close relationships later in life.