Only Children ?

ReclaimingSarah

Bump so I can read all of the replies later. My daughter is an only. We don't plan on having another one and we constantly get told on what she'll miss out on. I'd love to see the "I'm an only and I'm okay" replies.

GloMash710

I'm a 33 year old only child and I have no regrets! I had and still have close friends and intimate relationships, a super close realationship with my mom, a college degree, a great job, etc. The only thing I missed out on as a kid was having a sibling to blame missing cookies on

IntoTheSky

I am an only child. So is my mother, and her mother, and my daughter, and my boyfriend, and his daughter.......... As long as he is in activities and has a lot of interaction with other kids and is taught responsibility and earning what he has, like any multiple child has to, it will be ok. I was raised to have nothing handed to me, work for what I wanted, always share - friends leave, my toys stayed after they were gone. I feel I am decently adjusted and so are the others in my family. It isn't as bad as people who were not only children think. It is not dismally lonely, you are generally more creative (have to spend more time in self play and coming up with things to do that are interesting to you), have an older persons understanding about a lot of things, are more outgoing and have a lot of diverse friends (I feel like that is because there is not one person that you are forced to spend a lot of time around, so you are not as limited as to how people "should" be.) Just love him and raise him how you see fit. He will be ok. Really.

Findekano

As a mom of an only child, I hear all the time how lonely my son will be as he gets older. I am in a funk after reading some stupid post on a radio station's FaceBook page this morning. I would love to hear from any of you who are only children yourselves, and whether you feel you were lonely growing up. FYI, my son is 8 and has asked in the past for a sibling, but no longer does.

Do any of you who are only children have any words of support?

Only child here. I'd say just make sure that he has plenty of opportunities for interaction with other children. I was only lonely during school vacations when I didn't really have any contact with other kids.

JennieCakes72

My daughter is almost 16 and an only child. She loves being an only child! She's great and we have a very close relationship and she talks to me about everything. I feel very lucky that she will open up to me. She turned out great and all my friends tell me how great my daughter is.

My brother has five kids so when she was little, I would just drop her off over there and she would come home and tell me 'no more babies muma!". Ha, ha!!! No problem!!!!!

IntoTheSky

also, funny side note...... when she was 4, I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister, she thought for quite some time and finally said "Can we get a puppy instead?" I took that as a no and got her a puppy for chrismas, LOL.

MystikPixie

They'll only be lonely if you neglect them. Having another child just so the one you have isn’t lonely is stupid. And they'll most likely hate each other anyway. Being an only child is the biggest privilege you can give to your child.

MurphysLawTD

I'm an only child. I had friends, and I was close to my parents, but I hear my friends stories of playing with their siblings and feel like I missed something. Everyone else is having neices and nephews be born, and I will never be an aunt. I can't speak for everyone, but now at 25, I do feel like I missed out on a very special and irreplacable relationship of having a sibling. Unless I have a family of my own, when my parents die, I will be alone.

Regardless, it was my parents' choice whether they wanted more children. If you don't feel you want or can handle it, it's your call.

That's something that bothers me too, the lack of nieces/nephews. AND my boyfriend (the man I'll eventually marry) is an OC as well, so no cousins, aunts and uncles for our kid(s) either!!

HOWEVER, I think of my extended family and I'm not nor ever have been close with any of them and it never bothered me. Aunts and uncles were my mom's close friends, as I will be to my best friend's future kids. My kids will grow up with their Aunt Mer and Uncle Phil (best friend and her hubby) and their kids will be like cousins to them.

srpm

I'm an only child (well, my dad has a son who has kids that are only a couple years younger than me) and I am perfectly well adjusted, was never lonely, and have a successful life. I think the key is having playmates. I think as families keep choosing to only have one, maybe two, rarely 3 children we will see even more of a shift than there has been for my age group but I don't feel like I am missing out on nieces and nephews at all because even though my brothers kids live far away I have my friends who I grew up with and their kids to spoil. Currently I am "Aunt Shanon" to 2 beautiful little girls and there is a third one on the way. The best part is that since my "sisters" are all around the same age as me will will all be having kids at the same time so they can grow up together and be close the same way we are.

RBXChas

Thanks for your replies. Collegiate, I had never even considered that before, that my son will never be an uncle. Ugh, I just have to keep making sure he develops close relationships with friends. He is on a lot of sport teams, and an all-star on those teams at that (picked for the travel teams, etc.). He has close friends who are also very involved in athletics. He is also in the gifted program at school for reading and math, so he is doing really well with academics and athletics, but I really worry about how he will fefel once he is grown without a sibling. Personally, my sister and I fought like cats and dogs, and haven't spoken in 13 years. But I still worry, of course, as moms tend to do. Thanks everyone, I appreciate your taking the time to comment:flowerforyou:

Keep in mind that if your child has cousins that are close to his age, they can often be like siblings. My siblings and I are close in age to a set of cousins and a set of 2nd cousins, so we all kind of grew up together, and we're still pretty close now that we're all in our 30s. The nice thing about cousins is that you have that degree of separation that you don't have with your siblings, so you tend not to sweat the small stuff with them and generally just get along.

I have a niece and a nephew who are both only children. My niece is only 5, so it's hard to say how she'll be, though she's very smart and well-adjusted, and she has lots of friends, etc. My nephew is 13, and he is the shining example of a 13-year-old boy. He is super smart and well-adjusted, he is active and has lots of friends, he has many, many interests, he is respectful, he does as well in a room full of adults as he does in a room full of peers, etc. I kid you not, two years ago I had a conversation with him about the US/USSR arms race during the Cold War. And he knew more than I did.

In both scenarios, the parents are super dedicated to raising a well-rounded child but not to the detriment of their own relationship with their respective spouses.

That said, I do know some only children who are kind of messed up, but I know lots of people with siblings who are, too! I mean, I'm the youngest of four kids, and two of my brothers haven't spoken to each other in a year and a half. One of those brothers hardly talks to me and my sister at all anymore, which is awkward because we live really close to each other. It all depends on you and your child, and it sounds to me like your son is doing just fine.

Frankly, I wouldn't sweat it

meshashesha2012

i'm an only child. your kid can make friends if he gets lonely or get him a pet

you shouldnt have kids based on whether or not one will feel lonely or not, at least that's my opinion.

the only suggestions i have is to not do stuff like buying games like twister, badminton sets, etc where they need more than 1 person to play and not play with them. my mom would do that and it was so annoying!

have you ever tried playing twister alone?? i have and it's not fun

IntoTheSky

As far as the aunt thing......i just adopt my kids friends as family and hold out for what i can only assume will be my only child grandaughter...... haha!

LoraF83

Every family has to decide what is right for THEM - not what society tells them.

I have a daughter who is 4. I've heard (on a weekly basis) that if I don't give her a sibling, she will be somehow warped or deprived. IDGAF what those people say - it's my kid, my family, my life. My daughter is happy, smart, healthy, well-adjusted, friendly, loves to share, etc. She's awesome.

If I got pregnant today, we'd be past the point of her having a playmate. And just because you have a sibling, doesn't mean you'll be close.

You know your son, you know what works for your family. Don't worry about sanctimonious people who feel the need to insert their opinion into your life.

sarahharmintx

I was an only child for almost 10 years. My mom kept be busy with activities even when I was homeschooled for 3 years. Then my sister came along and no one has been the same since.

My daughter is 8 years old and talks about having a sibling all the time. We had to take the time to get into a place in life where we could do that (we got married 3 years ago and bought a house). Hopefully she has a sibling soon.

Growing up as an only child then having a younger sibling is quite a change for all involved. Its not the easiest thing but worth it in my opinion.

AuddAlise

I was an only child for 10 years. Ended up only "growing up with" my brother for 6 years. He was more like a son to me than a brother; still is.

I had undivided attention as the only child (even after my bro was born); I never wanted for anything. I don't think it affected me in a negative way.

rml_16

Only child surrounded by wonderful friends who are very much like family. Not lonely at all.

summer8it

I'm also the mother of an only child. My son just turned 10, and he likes being the only kid in the house. He hates noise, for one thing, so he likes how peaceful and quiet is is with no other kids around. He's also my parents' only grandchild, since my brother and his wife can't have kids.

I'd never thought about the "won't be an uncle" issue before, but it's not necessarily true -- he could become an uncle through marriage. Besides, even if he had siblings, there's no guarantee that they would have kids.

The only thing about the only-kid situation that bothers me now is when people assume that I chose not to have more kids, especially since there's usually an underlying assumption that I'm too selfish, self-absorbed, and/or lazy to want more kids. My husband and I did want more children, but surprise! Secondary infertility.

RBXChas

I'd never thought about the "won't be an uncle" issue before, but it's not necessarily true -- he could become an uncle through marriage. Besides, even if he had siblings, there's no guarantee that they would have kids.

True, my cousin is married to an only child, so no nieces/nephews there, and neither of her brothers are planning on having children... She had twins, so she's got her hands full

The only thing about the only-kid situation that bothers me now is when people assume that I chose not to have more kids, especially since there's usually an underlying assumption that I'm too selfish, self-absorbed, and/or lazy to want more kids. My husband and I did want more children, but surprise! Secondary infertility.

Don't you just love the assumptions others make? :grumble:

Angela_2_Oh

I'm not an only myself, but I grew up with a bro four years older. We were not close at all and fought constantly. It wasn't until he was in college that we began to get along. We love each other a lot and have kids close in age now. We still aren't super close though.

For reasons I won't get into here, my daughter is an only child....with twelve cousins and many close friends. She's happy and well adjusted.

Do what's best for YOUR family. :flowerforyou:

LMT2012

Absolutely everything in life is a trade off. Everything. Also, I have brothers and never see them, so siblings are no guarantee of close relationships later in life.