Only Children ?

HopeAnchorstheSoul

I am so glad I saw this post! I have an only child and we plan to keep it that way. I have worried that we were doing her some sort of injustice by not giving her a sibling. My mom (along with most everyone else for that matter) always says we need to give her a brother or sister, she'll be lonely, etc etc... So it's nice to hear from some "only children" that they turned out ok lol.

tricelive

I'm an only child; and I was never lonely. You adjust to it, after all you cannot miss what you never had.
My mother also kept me involved in several activities. As an adult, I still have the best times by myself. I actually require alone time because I am use to it. I also was a little spoiled, my room was full of toys and games. I believe it makes u less codependent on others. Spend time with your son, but don't be overbearing, my mother held on to me a little to tight at times, causing me to become rebellious. By the way I love being the one & only child. Plus u adopt syblings along the way....
I turned out great in the end, no one misses some dysfunction in life

serena569

My grown daughter is an only child. We've talked about it many times. Sometimes she felt she was missing out as a kid but as an adult she would not change her life for anything. I was able to give her more experiences than if I had more than one child.

Somebody mentioned they will never have nieces or nephews. That's not entirely accurate. My sister cannot have kids and my brother never did. My sweetie has 7 siblings so I have more nieces and nephews than I can count.

serena569

The only thing about the only-kid situation that bothers me now is when people assume that I chose not to have more kids, especially since there's usually an underlying assumption that I'm too selfish, self-absorbed, and/or lazy to want more kids. My husband and I did want more children, but surprise! Secondary infertility.

Same here. I always wanted two but I'm a DES baby. I spent the last 15 weeks of my pregnancy in bed. I thought that having another while knowing the risk of premature birth and severe birth defects that could affect another person for their entire lives was selfish. But people still judge.

chubbygirl253

I'm not an only child. I personally can't imagine it since I have a twin and two older siblings. But my fiance is an only. I think he is very well adjusted and gets along with everyone. Having no one else to blame or push duties onto, he is extremely responsible. Unlike my twin who expects everyone to care for her even at the age of 35. (My fiance knows he needs to help his aging parents since there is no one else to do it.)

I will say one negative thing, but it has more to do with the mother rather than the son. I am convinced the reason my fiance's mother is so controlling and expects our world to revolve around her is because he is her only child. His daughter is her only grandchild. She grasps at straws to meddle or manipulate every aspect of her adult son's life. I hope for your son's sake, for his happiness, that even though you love him more than life itself, he needs to make his own choices. He needs to make mistakes, so he can learn from them. He needs to live his own life.
Maybe my fiance's mother would have an easier time cutting the apron strings if she had other kids. Maybe not. My fiance is the kindest, most caring individual I know and it's hard on him because he never wants to hurt her. So when your son goes off to college get yourself a hobby and a pet to love on and let him live.

OutsideCreativ

I'm an only cihld-- and I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't think I missed out on anything.

Interaction:
~I'm exceptionally close to my parents and grandparents, given the 1-on-1 time I got while growing up
~I've been told that I'm pretty well spoken and feel very comfortable talking with adults and superiors, probably due to the fact that my conversations at home were almost always with my parents... this has served me well as a young professional.
~I got my cat when I was 5, he lived to be 19-- he is/was my best friend, best secret keeper, listener, comforter and cuddler ever!
~I always had neighbors around. The 15 kids (2 onlys and the rest in sets of two or three) in my neighborhood played and fought like siblings-- except when we grated each others nerves, we could go home.
~As an adult, I hang out with and am closer with my cousins than many of my friends do with their siblings.
~I'm pretty independent-- in terms of problem solving and entertaining myself.

Logistics (not that this can't happen in families with multiple kids, but its just logistically/financially more difficult:
~My parents were able to help me out with college as well as let me go on the big ticket field trips in middle/high school (DC, NY, Disney) -- I had a lot of friends who couldn't go becasue their parents simply couldn't afford to send all the kids
~Growing up (and still now), I have traveled extensivley with my parents. By the time I graduated high school, I had seen most of the United States. (Buying 3 plane tickets is always cheaper than buying 4,5,6 etc)
~No one ever moved into my room while I was away at school (half-joking, but did see this happen to other friends)
~My mom, dad and grandparents were at every one of my concerts, ballgames, bowling, conferences, etc. etc.

Sure, there were fleeting moments of 'loneliness' (not even really that, more just "I wish I had someone to play with")-- but I can't imagine it was any worse than how a child with sibs felt when mom and dad were busy or everyone was at little sisters soccer game. Those moments never lasted long, I either found something to do or someone entertained me.

Lastly, only's almost always find at least one really good friend who is also an only-- just more thing you can have in common.

OutsideCreativ

have you ever tried playing twister alone?? i have and it's not fun

Ha. I played the cardgame "war" alone a few times... flip one card, then flip the other, which pile wins

Definitely more important to get games that are independent. MarbleWorks, for example... is awesome and one person can play all day...

MizTerry

I had three kids BECAUSE I grew up alone. It wasn't for lack of trying, my mother had six miscarriages after me. It just wasn't meant to be.

It's kind of lonely when you're young, plus if anything gets broken, they KNOW who did it. All attention for bad and good is focused on one. You do have better Christmases than most other kids.

As your son ages, here's where it gets tricky. Both of my parents have been having an array of health issues over the last few years. I have no one to share the burden...no, burden's the wrong word because they are not a burden...the responsibility of their care. Once they go, I have no one to compare what it was like growing up in the house with them. I'm it.

My oldest daughter has been a great help, but somehow, it's just not the same. I can't just call her and say "take Grandma to the doctor and talk to her doctor about this and this and this. No, as their only child, that is MY responsibility.

There's my two cents worth, and I hope it helps.

Amazon_Who

I am an only child and adopted. Sometimes I was bored but nothing that made me wish for siblings. Most of what I saw of siblings was fighting. I have three boys (teens) and they get along ok but prefer their friends.

WeatherGirl8

All of my friends are only children, and they're all perfectly fine and very happy. It depends on the kid's personality. As a member of a four-kid family, I'm glad that I grew up with siblings. The largest difference between my upbringing and those of my friends, however, is that I know how to deal with as many crying, yelling, screaming and fighting little boys as I need to, and they're a bit more wide-eyed in such experiences. Seriously, though, there's nothing to worry about. I've actually noticed that my friends tend to form a lot tighter bonds with their friends (you know, having extended "family" members who aren't blood related. My family never, ever did anything like that).

Being a single child and having siblings both have benefits, but neither carves out a path to lonelyness-- or, in the case of all of the crazy younger brothers-- insanity.

jbug5j

im an only child and while i loved it growing up (except for a few years where my mom had a boyfriend and his doughter who was 4 years older than me was horrible to me) i think back now and wonder what i missed having a sibling. my fiance is the second oldest of 6 and when i see all the sibling love i wonder. i turned out okay though and it never upsets me and i am DEFINATELY not mad at my parents for stopping with me

IslandRider

Only child here, also daughter of immigrants so no other family here except for mom and dad.

I am very close to my parents, they are pretty much my best friends. I didn't have a lot of close friends growing up and sure, sometimes I was lonely but my parents were always there to do things with me. I have a very active imagination so I could keep myself entertained when I was younger. I love reading so that filled some of the down time and as a geek, I spent a lot of time on the computer playing games.

I went away to college and met a lot of great people who I'm still friends with now. I am the 'social' one in my local group of friends and usually make new friends pretty fast.

I don't think I missed anything, there was pressure to be good at school and succeed in life but I think most kids get that. I think I turned out pretty normal, I mean I'm a geek but pretty normal by those standards. Life was tough sometimes but I think that was more because I didn't really fit in to any of the groups growing up.

This^^, though I did have cousins around. Also, as for never being an aunt, not so. I may be aunt by marriage, but I love my nieces and now their children. I think it's more a case of the gras is always greener....

riversia

I'm an only child and people ask me all the time if i was lonely when i was younger and i'm always annoyed by that. You can't miss something you never had and i don't feel like I missed out on anything. I think being an only child made me alot closer to my parents and my family. When I was younger i spent alot of time with my cousins and they were like brothers to me. Now that me and my cousins aren't that close I have a few close friends that are just like siblings to me. I used to ask my parents for siblings too when i was younger but i also asked for lots of unnecessary things and I'm fine with being an only child.

iulia_maddie

Just to agree with what some of you guys already said. My relationship with my parents is a lot closer than what i've seen in families with more than one kid. Expectations a little higher too, but that's okay cause i'm a rockstar.
See what being an only child, constantly praised and encouraged did to my self-esteem?:laugh:

dad106

I'm an only child due to the fact that my mother was married 18 years before she had me. It's not that she didn't want children before then, she totally did, but it just didn't happen.

Personally, I love being an only child. I'm independent, successful and more mature then most my age. I also am super close with my mother, and love having the support system that she gives me.
I was also never lonely and never feel lonely because this is what I'm used to. In fact, I tend to gravitate towards things that allow me to be by myself due to the fact that others grate on my nerves after awhile.

Also, the comment about your child never being an uncle is absolute BS. If he gets married to a girl who has siblings, when those siblings have children, he'll have a chance to be an uncle.

AlongCame_Molly

I'm not an only child--hell, I don't even KNOW anybody who is! So I can't speak from experience. but I couldn't imagine growing up as an only child. Playing (read: kicking the crap out of each other) with all my siblings are my very fondest memories from my childhood, and I am going to do everything I can to pass the gift of siblings to my (only child--FOR NOW) son.

gg129

I'm an only child. I had friends, and I was close to my parents, but I hear my friends stories of playing with their siblings and feel like I missed something. Everyone else is having nieces and nephews be born, and I will never be an aunt. I can't speak for everyone, but now at 25, I do feel like I missed out on a very special and irreplaceable relationship of having a sibling. Unless I have a family of my own, when my parents die, I will be alone.

Regardless, it was my parents' choice whether they wanted more children. If you don't feel you want or can handle it, it's your call.

I was thinking the same thing! Added that when I say I'm an only child I mean a really only child(not just no brother/sisters), I got my 1st cousin when I was 12 and the 3 kids on my block moved away when I was 11. So it was just me and the dog for most of my life. I don't recommend that, but I have always been able to relate to people older then me probably because I was around only adults for so long.

I saw someone else said this please don't ever get an only child a multi-player game and not play the game with them. Playing Twister with a dog doesn't work. Being an only child is something you get used to.