Absolutely livid at husband!

12467…11

Replies

  • bbbbb33333
    bbbbb33333 Posts: 1,107 Member
    I will admit I haven't read all the other posts, but here's my 2 cents…

    If this is just a "diet" then ultimately it will end, and chances are things go back to before (including weight gain).

    If this is a lifestyle change, then you are setting yourself up for a future of healthy weight, exercise, and food choices. [NOTE: the idea is far more important than the word choice!]

    You need to decide which this is for you. I suggest making it a permanent lifestyle change. And for most people, that means including treats from time to time, but overall making sure that most of your food choices fit into your calorie and macro goals.

    Then, tell him that this isn't a diet, you are changing your eating habits. Tell him that you ARE tracking what you eat, and that it DOES fit in your daily goals. Tell him that YOU are in control, and that you can eat what you chose without him making snide comments. If he really is trying to help, he should back off when you tell him that you are keeping track and it's okay and in your calories. If he's trying to bully you, standing up for yourself and your right to chose should make him back off. Either way, you know that you are taking control, and that your decisions are based on your goals and what you know is in your food log, not on anything someone else says.

    Great advice. Also, make clear how the medication effects your appetite and explain that on days you exercise more you need to consume those extra calories.

    Its all about maintaining a deficit. Explain the way it works.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Ignore him? I really personally don't see the issue. If you want to eat something, eat it. You're doing this for you, not him, why let him discourage you?
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
    By the way, how over weight is your husband?

    Than aslo, do this.."I know what I can eat and how much I can eat. Stay out of it."
  • CherryOnionKiss
    CherryOnionKiss Posts: 376 Member
    why don't you take your medication in the morning?
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
    When people question what I'm eating, I ask them, "So how many calories have I eaten so far today and what is my calorie goal?"

    ^ ^ ^ THIS.

    I bet that would shut quite a few people up.
  • pspetralia
    pspetralia Posts: 963 Member
    I can't believe people are suggesting divorce or abuse. How about having a talk with your husband about the type of support you are looking for?? You seem to be blaming him for giving up on your diet. Sounds like you need to decide if you really want to get healthier and not let things become excuses. Then TALK to your husband about how to support you.
  • Huzke
    Huzke Posts: 97 Member
    If he's your husband then you've probably known him for a while and should know what his personality is like. If you know his personality and are still with him then you must be ok with it.

    We cannot look for faults in others to use as an excuse to indulge our own weaknesses. Don't use this as a silly excuse to quit. You could have easily just explained to him that you saved calories for the evening so that you can eat before bed, instead you want to suffer one night and fail rather than work and succeed.

    Surely you're better than this!
  • MeriLeMay
    MeriLeMay Posts: 57 Member
    He sounds like a complete tool. I would tell him, "thank you for your genuine concern" then eat my allotted calories for the day. After a few days of this type response he should catch on. If not, I would suggest he get some counseling and get some myself to figure out why I was still with him! You can do this journey for yourself, make it about you!!!!
  • MeriLeMay
    MeriLeMay Posts: 57 Member
    Great answer Huzke!
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    I can't believe people are suggesting divorce or abuse.

    Of these two suggestions, one is sarcastic, and one is serious.

    "The more you know"
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
    Men can be fools.

    YOUR man can be a fool. Where do you know me from?
  • barb1241
    barb1241 Posts: 324 Member
    Regardless of what he is doing-it is YOUR diet and YOUR responsibility. The only one who can sabotage it truly is YOU. It may be more difficult without adequate support at home, but you need to be getting healthy for YOU.

    I feel for you. It cannot be easy. You can do it if you just get in the mindset that NOBODY and I mean NOBODY is allowed to make you feel bad enough that you decide to quit. You ALWAYS have a choice even if it isn't the easy one.

    :flowerforyou:
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    Men can be fools.

    YOUR man can be a fool. Where do you know me from?

    haaaaaaaaaaaa
  • Busymomshantell
    Busymomshantell Posts: 126 Member
    Is hubby a healthy weight or does he need a lifestyle change as well? I would suggest that he make his own account and join you on your journey so that he can see how much he is eating as well. My hubby and I are on here together. And actually my hubby is the one that showed me the site. It is an eye opening experience when you see everything you put in your mouth.

    Good Luck!
  • Huzke
    Huzke Posts: 97 Member
    Men can be fools.

    YOUR man can be a fool. Where do you know me from?

    Niiccee
  • Gwen_B
    Gwen_B Posts: 1,018 Member
    Oh, I am sorry! That is just plain mean! By giving up is letting him win!! Don't let him win, you can do this!!
  • ans11493
    ans11493 Posts: 2
    That really sucks! I've gone through that a few times with my mom, friends, and my boyfriend. The point is that you know how you need to manage your cal intake. Just because you reach for a snack doesn't mean that you aren't trying or keeping track of that snack. I would just tell your husband that you want the support but want more positive encouragement, not to be put down while you're feeling weak. Hope things work out for you! (:
  • marathon64
    marathon64 Posts: 378 Member
    Hello? If this is something YOU want for YOU then you really need to try to toughen up and build a hard shell and not let what others say dissuade you. I'm sorry if your husband is not giving you the support you like but maybe you have others who can. Ultimately YOU are the person whose support you need. YOU are the reason you will succeed or fail in making healthy lifestyle choices.
  • jpell420
    jpell420 Posts: 10
    Simple formula: Anger occurs when reality fails to meet your expectations. You should expect him to make comments like that by now. (It wasn't exactly the jerkiest thing in the world as I read it.) Adjust your expectations of him and you won't get angry. It's not lowering your standards, it taking power in your own hands and being in control of your anger/emotions. Example: I used to get angry at traffic every day. I actually expected traffic to move and everyone to be a good driver. Then I realized that my expectations were unrealistic. Now I expect to have a bad commute and it doesn't anger me. I have seized power over the situation. Do the same with your husband, who is probably not a bad guy but is simply failing to meet your expectations of him, which may be unrealistic if you are able to properly self-evaluate.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    why don't you take your medication in the morning?

    There are many medications that need to be taken at certain times. I have a prescription that I'm supposed to take in the evenings myself. Doesn't change its effectiveness, but let's me change the dosage based on the day's labs.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Men can be fools.

    YOUR man can be a fool. Where do you know me from?

    ^^ Seriously, don't look this way, I was't the one that married him
  • coreymoore1990
    coreymoore1990 Posts: 88
    What an *kitten*... I joke around with my girlfriend, "You're eating THAT?!" Then I will turn around and take a bite of it.
    But, I would never discourage her, tell her it's a useless diet and to give up on it.. That's not motivating or supportive. That's just being an *kitten* hole, point blank.
    I'm sorry your husband doesn't have enough decency to try and be a supportive partner, but hopefully he will come to his senses.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    i didn't read all of the responses but i hope somebody pointed out that:

    a) you are over-reacting. by alot. the only one who can lose weight for you is you.
    b) he probably thinks he's helping by giving you some "tough love". he's not. tell him that.
    c) he doesn't understand anything about calorie counting and BMR/TDEE. explain it to him. he seems to have a poor understanding of what "dieting" means, like most people in this world.
    d) if all of that fails, just break up. :tongue:
  • Sarauk2sf
    Sarauk2sf Posts: 28,072 Member
    When people question what I'm eating, I ask them, "So how many calories have I eaten so far today and what is my calorie goal?"

    ^ ^ ^ THIS.

    I bet that would shut quite a few people up.

    ^^yep. Then sit there smugly eating your bag of chips.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    ^^yep. Then sit there smugly eating your bag of chips.
    burning holes in him with your eyes . . . daring him to open his mouth again.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    I started MFP on the 7th January and things have been going really well. Apart from a few hiccups have stuck to diet for over 12 days now and have lost 3lb.

    I take medication at night which causes a massive increase in appetite-this is the reason I gained weight in the first place. What I have been doing is having 200 cals for breakfast and lunch and then eating in the evening to use up the rest of my allowance as otherwise I cannot sleep due to hunger.

    Did brilliant yesterday and saved up 700 cals for the evening, but when I reached for a bag of low cal crisps my husband started "well this is a useless diet,.....you cannot be THAT hungry...I thought you wanted to lose weight".

    I decided to leave the crisps and have spent all last night awake and hungry.

    This morning I have been in tears and have told husband I might as well quit diet as he is using it to bully me.

    Last time I was on a successful diet I ended that too because of my husband as he made a big issue out of eating 5 tic tic sweets.

    Just really upset and angry now. He insists he is not bullying me and is "just trying to help".

    Help me understand this...
    1. (re I decided to leave the crisps and spent all last night hungry) Your husband makes comments about what you eat and you let his comments affect your choices? Why?
    2. (re he made a big deal about 5 tic tacs) Same question as above.
    3. (re you're upset and he thinks that he's "just trying to help") This is two opposing perspectives. How does he figure he is helping if he is upsetting you? I would suggest that you tell him to keep his comments to himself and you let any future comments slide off your back and keep doing what you need to do to get healthy.
  • V44V
    V44V Posts: 366 Member
    Thank him for being so supportive, and then change his sugar for laxative...
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    <sigh>. It is close to impossible to get anywhere in life if you rely on other people to be responsible for your behavior.
  • Lilpixie39
    Lilpixie39 Posts: 12
    I'm not going to start off by saying bad things about your husband because I don't know him but I will say that the way he is treating you is a form of mental abuse.I know it hurts but stick with what your doing to becoming healthy.I know most men can be real butts when a women is trying to change herself for the better and they feel threaten about it.Keep your chin and fight for the goal you have set for yourself.Stay strong.I'll be praying for you.
  • SopranogirlCa
    SopranogirlCa Posts: 188 Member
    Cut off his balls....ooooopppps did I say that out loud. Sorry.

Categories