Your support/relationship
Replies
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I'm going this alone although I try to encourage him to join me at the gym he declines every day. He has dropped some weight because I am cooking healthier but sometimes he makes himself a giant meal full of fat and white bread while I eat veggies and low fat protein. I always am entertained by the replies saying just break up as if a complex relationship can be summed up in a simple question of one issue.
You will know when or if it is time to let the relationship go and it won't be just one issue that brings that about. Good luck!0 -
Well, not in a relationship right now, but a year ago when I bought some little dumbbells and put on a Jillian dvd he wasn't exactly happy and asked me to stick with my yoga. Very sweetly he asked that I not get arms like hers, he loved my body as it was. And no, he was not threatened, he has a fantastic body, lots of luck, inherited as he doesn't do much more than skateboard and work on the house...it's just his preference.0
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My husband is supportive of me doing what I want and what brings me happiness.
And I am supportive of him making his own choices.
We do not make the same choices in terms of food and fitness. We make our own choices. I don't need him to do anything or to change in order for me to meet the goals that I want to in my health, nutrition, or fitness.
He enjoys the rewards of my fit body as well, so he would have no reason to criticize my pursuit of fitness.0 -
i've been on MFP for a longgggg time, and my new gf has been on the site before. when she found out i was on, she decided to start up again, so i made a new account to start fresh with her so we can track progress together. i've been teaching her some things in the kitchen since i'm on my 2nd year of this and picked up a lot along the way (down 70 pounds so far). she's awesome when it comes to support0
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I've worked out hard and varied, I'm cut down (but hardly eliminated) fast food and an overall increase in more nutritional food and keeping on target for the most part when it comes to calories. I've lost 50+ pounds and the number one factor is that my wife and I are in on this together. Look up support in the dictionary, there should be her picture. She's the BEST!0
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My fiance is supportive, but not on board. We HAVE been sticking pretty closely to the "paleo" diet (lean meat, fish, nuts, fruits veggies) and cheat a little bit with rice, dairy (CHEESE mmm!), and cereal. We also have fast food maybe once a week. So I'll give him that at least, he is on board about the eating aspect. But there's no way I'm gettng him to the gym or to do a workout dvd with me. And I feel like that's okay, just because I decided to make a change doesn't mean he has to do the same. You can't expect somebody to be inspired/motivated just because you are, that comes from within. Think about it, you are going to have to be responsible for controlling your habits in a lot of situations, work, potlucks, happy hour, birthday dinners, holidays, AND in your relationship. If you feel the need to blame your SO for not succeeding, maybe you're not in the right headspace.0
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My husband is very supportive, but he's not changing his habits at all. At first, it was really difficult having to cook two separate meals almost...and watching him eat Oreos and M&Ms... But willpower is so important!
I love my husband, and I also recognize that I can't change him. The only person I can change is myself, and maybe he'll see how great I'm feeling and he'll join in! But that's his decision. I'm not going to "mother" him. We did have a conversation about his eating habits though and my concerns for his health. And we've successfully limited the amount of cookies we have in our house! Yay!!!
He sees that getting to a healthy weight is important to me, and I see that right now in his life, it's not his top priority. And that's okay too. Now, if he were being negative and putting me down...that's another story.
I do feel like I sometimes go at it alone, and that's tougher on some days. Especially when I see people out and about running on the trails or taking walks together. But having a good conversation with my husband helps me not feel so alone. He's going to get a bike since he loves biking, and I'll run next to him. I think if your relationship is really important to you, you'll find ways to compromise and make it work. My husband and I are opposites on so many levels, and I can't believe we've been together for this long...
Good luck! Wishing you the best!0 -
My bf is incredibly supportive, but we are not losing weight together. He wants to lose weight, but just isn't to the point where it's a priority for him to actually do so yet. I'm the family cook, so he eats whatever I make (and tells me it's delicious.) He also tells me how incredibly buff I look after ever workout (just to joke around/ego boost.) He often mentions how proud he is of my dedication to eating healthfully, and lifting consistently. He would occasionally bring me a treat home after work, but since I decided to buckle down on food choices again I've asked him to stop and he's complied. Yes he is pretty much awesome.
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DH more tolerant than supportive; MFP has become the place where I can get ideas or discuss for direct support.0
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My boyfriend is very supportive, but that might just be because he wants to be a fitness teacher and he's using me as his guinea pig. :laugh: He already eats pretty clean, and we don't really do things like work out together because he is training for a triathlon in March, and I can barely jog 1 mile without collapsing.
He can be a little snooty about it, though. Coming home and talking about my 1 mile nonstop run just to hear "Psh, I did 4 this morning." can be pretty discouraging. He used to be just as out of shape as I was back in the day, and I guess he has a hard time remembering what it was like. :grumble: That being said, he does things like cooking, helping me make workout plans and trying to talk me out of going for that large pizza.0 -
I am so sorry to hear this. I was married for 15 years to someone who started out emotionally abusive, it got worse from there. Hun believe me when I say your man is not a man, and he may not even know that he is doing it, but he is emotionally abusing you. This is where it starts, kick it before it grows, and defiantly continue to seek support from people and from MFP. Keep up the good work, you can do this!0
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My partner supports my choice to be healthy. I know though this was my choice and not his. I have lost 15kg in the past year and he has gained 20kg. He is double my weight, with high blood pressure, high cholestrol and at risk of diabetes. It isn't unusual if he has two sausage mcmuffins for breakfast, three meat pies for lunch and a pizza for dinner. End of the day he doesn't judge me and I don't judge him. If he wants pizza, I can, and have eaten subway while he does so. I am responsible for my own choices. I exercise while he plays playstation.
He moved in at the beggining of December he moved in. It has taken a month but he decided that he wants to get fit without mesaying a word. We walk together but it drives me crazy cause it's so slow. We have a goal of doing tough mudder in april.
End of the day I get healthy for me, not him. So I don't need his support.0 -
My boyfriend is extremely supportive. He buys the groceries for the house (we split everything, so it's more fair than it sounds), and he doesn't mind when I want to get a bunch of healthy stuff that might be more expensive than the old junk diet I was on. He also loves my cooking and eats a lot of my "healthy" meals.
He doesn't really compliment my progress, but that's because he sees me every day and it's hard to notice the changes - much like it's hard for us to notice changes unless we take pictures. When I do show him my progress pictures, he always raises his eyebrows and says, "Wow."
I asked him once why he doesn't say more, and he said he's worried about saying the wrong thing. He said he feels like if he says, "You look great," I'll think he didn't think I looked great before, stuff like that. I told him not to worry, that I'd understand what he means, but he laughed, put his hands up, and playfully backed away, saying, "Uh-uh. Not taking that chance." So I know he's proud of me, even though he doesn't say, "Dang. You look so much smaller!"
When I get home from the gym, he asks if I had fun, and when I tell him my calorie burn, he high-fives me and says, "Good job."0 -
Supportive. Resistant at first, but we're each doing our own thing. Different things work for different people and he has a tendency to skip the workouts and follow fads. I don't want a quick weight loss, I want a lasting one. I think he'd be less supportive but he's learned over the years that I can make really delicious healthy meals we both can enjoy and his father just had a massive heart attack that required open heart surgery and could have killed him... all because he wasn't taking care of himself. And when I got a look at his family history. Well, let's just say my baby will be seeing a cardiologist soon. He's not putting me through all that, I won't allow it.
So I guess we support each other, we just have different thoughts on how to get there. Occasionally we bump heads, but that's what most couples do.0 -
My wife is awesome. She buys cookies, then put them in baggies and puts her name on them, so they don't tempt me. She lets me cook my meals without argument, even though I can see the squirm on her face as I stink up the apartment, and make messes. She doesn't insist on eating out, and allows me to stay on track, waiting for me to offer to take her out. She doesn't complain about me exercising, or spending too much time at the gym. The biggest way she helps is constantly complimenting me, and bragging me up to her friends about my weight loss.0
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Nope, I'm doing this alone. I tried to get my family to do it. My mom joined, but she's not serious about it. My husband (bless him) says he doesn't see why I'm doing this, but I have to. I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be almost 200 pounds.
My vanity is going to do me in one day.0 -
were in it together (: it helps so much, not doing it on your own, for me anyway. were both doing well & getting where we want to be x0
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I can relate to some of you :-)
Think I'm going to just sit him down and talk..might even show him some of these replies and work out a compromise lol :-)
Stay strong, ladies and gentlemen :-)0 -
and work out a compromise lol :-)
aaaaaand that's what it boils down to.0 -
I also just want to add that fitness is important to both my husband and I, but we just have a different relationship with fitness.
I am a dancer, I walk everywhere, I go to the gym for weightlifting, I take yoga, and I also hike and do physical activity for recreation. I am not a runner.
My husband rides his bike everywhere, goes out for runs and walks. Hikes up mountains with his friends and runs down. He does a lot of outdoor physical recreation. He is also a physicist and artistic. He builds for his job and also does technological sculpture and fixes our car and things around the home. He is very active playing with our children. He does not like to go to the gym. If I get him a free pass he will go with me, but he will not get or use a membership.
For fun we have always danced together.
He drinks soda and eats lot of granola bars, I don't. He has never had any alcohol in his life. We both like chocolate and peanut butter. I need to increase my iron and make sure I get enough protein, that does not bother him for that to be an aspect of our meals. I like some more spicier & unusual foods on occasion. There are some desserts I like that he does not. There are many vegetables that I will eat and he does not (Kale for example).
Both of us have always been fit and never needed to lose weight. I lost 5 pounds just to get back to my best fitness and to continue to maintain that. I also lost weight after having my babies. But, losing weight was never my focus. Being fit has always been my focus and whatever happens with my weight is just secondary.0 -
My husband isn't really that supportive. I think he would much prefer I remain a couch potato with him but my journey is about me and living longer to be with my daughter. She is the best cheerleader I could ask for! At 8 she understands the need to get healthy and active so I try to include her as much as I can. My office started and walk/run team 2 summers ago and she does the races with me and like to do yoga with me as well. I have my parents as a good support system and some of my co-workers and I just found this site through a co-worker this month. Its harder when your partner isn't your partner with this journey but it can still be done. I lost and kept off about 40 pounds about 4-5 years ago and then stalled myself and am now ready to finish what I started. Just remember, this is about you and you alone!0
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My husband is perfectly sweet to me and offers up supportive comments when prodded, but really - he couldn't care less. He's seen me start and abandon so many weight loss and fitness attempts that I'm sure he has no confidence in me whatsoever. But that's o.k. - he loves me as I am.0
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My SO is supportive.. but he does set up sabotage along the way
This. He is supportive and tells me when I'm doing well but does thing like eat pizzas in front of me and offer me some. I find that very hard.
Agreed. Late night ideas for Wendy's or Steak 'n' Shake, or just cooking/snacking late at night. He only likes crappy food (even though he's freakin' built, makes no sense), so we don't normally agree on what we eat.0 -
My husband does/doesn't support me if that makes sense. It depends on the day. He has been walking/running on the treadmill some and was working out on our Bowflex for a while. He doesn't count calories or watch what he eats. I have been on him for drinking Mt. Dew (which has a very high sugar content). He (at 32) has been on blood pressure medicine for 3 years now and even with exercise. He complains about what I eat and tells me that I don't eat enough in the evenings for supper. So somedays I do have support and other days I do not.0
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My husband is fairly supportive. I kind of resent that he didn't push us to get back on track sooner and totally was game for eating like crap, but whenever we are doing well he gets into it. He cannot cook to save Jesus, so that's unfortunate and puts a lot of pressure on me. I try to force him to plan one meal a day so he starts to realize what goes in to it. In the meantime, he is a badass sous chef and he is very precise with measurements.
Anyway, my suggestion is to teach your partner how to help you. I really think people just don't know what goes in to weight loss and what people need. Tell him he could walk with you, workout with you, cook with you, prep for you, measure for you, plan one meal a day or week, discourage eating out or unhealthy eating at home, etc. When all else fails, just mention to him how impressed you are with the (have pictures up!) madly ripped guys on MFP. lol0 -
My fiance is amazing. I've been at this for two years and he has always been supportive but recently he has been particularly amazing. Started going running with me and even doing the 30DS in the living room with me and encouraging me to do it when I can't be bothered. He lets me cook when I want to do and doesn't think I'm a weirdo for weighing out all my food.
He was never unsupportive but has got more involved/interested in my journey as I've started to have success. I think that is common. That once you show you are serious and this isn't just another fad/failed attempt, you will get your other half's support.
However, with all that said, you should do this for you. Don't rely on someone else.0 -
I'm in this on my own. Hubby eats what he wants, and expects the food he is used to. He doesn't make any comments about what foods I chose to eat, but he'll also sit next to me and snack on chocolates, or crisps every night.
Just keep at it! Do it for you!!0 -
My ex-boyfriend was not particularly supportive. He often complained that I was spending too much time working out and I think that he felt left out. He would lift weights with me, but I think that was at least partially because he was better at it than I was, so it didn't threaten him. He only once did HIIT with me, and when it turned out I had more stamina (he was a smoker, I'm not), he quit and never did anything but straight-up weights with me again. Lack of support/interest was not the primary reason that we broke up, but it was indeed a contributing factor, as eventually we just grew apart. I'm finding it a lot easier now that I'm living alone, and now that I have a consistent and motivated gym partner (my sister).0
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I take it back.... my boyfriend is a judgmental *kitten*... (We're having a stupid argument over a stupid topic his friends brought up and I'm really pissed at him right now)0
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