I have never weighed less than my hubbie.

Hanfordrose

8 years ago, I married my wonderful hubbie Ed; and I weighed more than 260 pounds at the time. He refused to believe that number, since he was only 230 pounds and was seeing his new, 59 years old bride through the rose colored glasses of love. Even when I stood on the scale at the hospital, Ed insisted that it was wrong...that I weighed less than him.

Today, I weigh 251.8 pounds which is a good start to my goal of being less than 200 pounds on my doctor's scale. Ed had gained some weight over the past 8 years, but today, he is back down to 232 pounds. He is finally accepting that I do out weigh him, though he is quick to tell me that I am beautiful...not fat. Ed won't let me use that word.

Since I started my food plan and joined MFP, Ed has begun looking at his own health. He is eating healthier, biking almost every day and watching his blood pressure come down into a normal range. In September, he actually had a blood pressure of 197/134 that put him in the hospital.

All of the changes in Ed's health are fantastic. However...this morning, Ed made a surprising comment to me. He remarked that he was worried about me. He also said the most shocking thing. "Maybe, I should go back to eating more...so, you wouldn't feel bad about me losing weight."

I was stunned by this comment. I LOVE my husband and WANT him healthy. YES! Someday, I want to weigh less than Ed, but I don't resent him losing weight. I am delighted to know that his change in eating and exercise is working for him. YES! He will probably lose pounds faster than his walker and wheelchair bound wife. He is able to do more physically than I can...at this time.

I sometimes wonder, why men seem to lose weight easier than women, even active women. Maybe, it is just nature's way of keeping females rounder...'curvy' as Ed calls it. : )

But...here is THE POINT to this post. I have certain goals that I want to reach, and one of them is to weigh less than my hubbie. However, I will rejoice with him as he reaches certain goals in his healthier, new life. He is not hurting me with his weight loss. He is helping me to worry less about his future...his medical condition.

This is not a competition...a race between a husband and his wife. This is a gentle walk into a better future for both of us. He isn't leaving me behind. He is just clearing the pathway for me and showing me what I will be able to do very soon. His goals and my goals both reach 'the same point' in the future...a couple of old folks, riding together each day on their bicycles...enjoying a long and healthy life...free of the burden of excess weight and the medical problems which had held them back.

Do any of you have a spouse or friend who is traveling this path with you? Is it a competition or a gentle walk together?

stumblinthrulife

My wife and I are losing together. We aren't competing, just moving at our own paces. Though sometimes her congratulations come through mock gritted teeth since my weight loss is much easier and faster than hers, due solely to the fact that guys tend to lose easier than gals.

acogg

What a lovely post! :flowerforyou:

ridofthegoodies

1) They don't make men like they used to.
2) My partner is very athletic and I am not - he can run 4 to 6 times the distance at twice the speed (without training) while I have to make myself take every step. It's frustrating because I will never be able to keep up with him even though I have been putting in a ton of work improving my own abilities. I just need to measure where I am now compared to where I was in the past and leave him out of the equation entirely because he is in a different category. YOU weigh less than YOU used to, right? That is improvement :happy:

cubbies77

Ed sounds like a sweetheart. You are very lucky to have a man like him.

I keep telling my boyfriend I can't wait to weigh less than he does. He's around 225-230 right now. His "normal" weight is around 170. He said that once I get down to his current weight, he might compete with me. He's VERY competitive by nature and always has to have the top score in video games, the best grades, etc. I'm pretty amused he's going to do that because he really doesn't care about his weight; he just wants to be the best.

In a way, though, I'm glad he might try to beat me to goal. I honestly don't care about his weight. I love him and think he's attractive no matter what he weighs. But at the same time, I do worry about his health, especially because he eats a LOT of sugar.

I think weight loss can be a good thing for couples. I would just explain to Ed that you want to live a long, happy, and healthy life with him, and you will meet him at goal weight soon enough.

mathildapops

What a lovely post! :flowerforyou:

I this :flowerforyou:
I am resigned to the fact that I will never weigh less than my husband, he is a farmer and is on his feet for at least 14hrs a day. I physically cannot compete with that, I simply do not try. even at my heaviest (around 200lbs) he never made me feel bad, he always made me feel beautiful. Throughout my weightloss journey he has always been here for me, encouraged me when I'm down, exercised with me when he's been exhausted and eaten without complaint all sorts of healthy foods I've made (when he's really fancied pie & chips) and for that I love him more than ever. I could not have got this far without his support :happy:

Hanfordrose

My wife and I are losing together. We aren't competing, just moving at our own paces. Though sometimes her congratulations come through mock gritted teeth since my weight loss is much easier and faster than hers, due solely to the fact that guys tend to lose easier than gals.

It is just a fact of life...God must know that you fellows have to have it a little easier. Otherwise, he wouldn't have insisted that women have the babies. :laugh:

I am so happy that you and your loving lady can do this at your own pace. Just remember to look back every once in a while and give her some encouragement...and a kiss wouldn't hurt.

Hanfordrose

What a lovely post! :flowerforyou:

Thanks, Sis. (That is what I call all of my lady friends...in this MFP family.)

I actually did this message as a blog. One of my MFP sisters told me to share it on the message board. I thought that they were the same thing. I'm still knew at this. I just joined MFP a few weeks ago.

My friend was fussing at me this morning to post one of my other blogs about a bad that I was having last week. She likes that way that I write.

Hanfordrose

1) They don't make men like they used to.

Actually...God makes all of us the same way, but how we are raised and what we have as examples for life have changed a lot in the past 2 generations. I can pin point the change to one thing more than anything else...television.

I am almost 68 years old. I grew up, when TV was a very new thing. We watched 'Father Knows Best', 'I Love Lucy' and other G Rated programs. As children of that generation, we were taught respect for our parents and all elders. We didn't aspire to be bad. We didn't have people encouraging us to be nasty in our behavior, how we spoke or how we dressed. We still cared about pleasing others, especially our family. We wanted them to be proud of us. We would never disrespect or dishonor our parents with our mouths or our behavior.

Young men were taught to treat ladies of all ages with gentleness and concern. No man of my generation would have said or done some of the rude things that seem so commonly promoted on TV, in the movies or in this culture of 'me first'. The Gimme Generation grew out of televisions promotion of 'things'.

But it isn't just the young men. Young women in my youth knew how to behave with respect for themselves. They expected to be treated as a 'good girl'...not as a tramp...a diva. Those girls weren't 'equals' with men. They held themselves to a higher standard; and by so doing, kept the men around them to that same standard.

2) My partner is very athletic and I am not - he can run 4 to 6 times the distance at twice the speed (without training) while I have to make myself take every step. It's frustrating because I will never be able to keep up with him even though I have been putting in a ton of work improving my own abilities. I just need to measure where I am now compared to where I was in the past and leave him out of the equation entirely because he is in a different category. YOU weigh less than YOU used to, right? That is improvement :happy:

As of today, I weigh 20 pounds less than I did at Thanksgiving. I am delighted to be losing weigh, but not for any small reason. It means that I am 20 pounds closer to walking without pain again, living without a wheelchair again...and having freedom that is denied me by my bad knees. I would have been content to stay overweight, if I hadn't been crippled by weight and degenerative arithritis. I was never athletic, rarely a normal weight and happily doing and eating as I pleased. However, time and arithritis caught up with me.

By all means, leave your boyfriend out of the equation, when it comes to your fitness and food plan. I will never be like my hubbie. He is a man that has to be moving all the time. He is always looking for something to do. When he doesn't have work, he goes crazy. Happily, I am not like that. I like quiet moments, reading and doing gentler activities...non-sweaty activities. I love my hubbie enough to let him be who he is...to love him and encourage him; and he loves me enough to let me be me. We don't need to compete in any part of our life. We just accept each other...as we are...and with lots of love.

Graelwyn75

1) They don't make men like they used to.

Actually...God makes all of us the same way, but how we are raised and what we have as examples for life have changed a lot in the past 2 generations. I can pin point the change to one thing more than anything else...television.

I am almost 68 years old. I grew up, when TV was a very new thing. We watched 'Father Knows Best', 'I Love Lucy' and other G Rated programs. As children of that generation, we were taught respect for our parents and all elders. We didn't aspire to be bad. We didn't have people encouraging us to be nasty in our behavior, how we spoke or how we dressed. We still cared about pleasing others, especially our family. We wanted them to be proud of us. We would never disrespect or dishonor our parents with our mouths or our behavior.

Young men were taught to treat ladies of all ages with gentleness and concern. No man of my generation would have said or done some of the rude things that seem so commonly promoted on TV, in the movies or in this culture of 'me first'. The Gimme Generation grew out of televisions promotion of 'things'.

But it isn't just the young men. Young women in my youth knew how to behave with respect for themselves. They expected to be treated as a 'good girl'...not as a tramp...a diva. Those girls weren't 'equals' with men. They held themselves to a higher standard; and by so doing, kept the men around them to that same standard.

2) My partner is very athletic and I am not - he can run 4 to 6 times the distance at twice the speed (without training) while I have to make myself take every step. It's frustrating because I will never be able to keep up with him even though I have been putting in a ton of work improving my own abilities. I just need to measure where I am now compared to where I was in the past and leave him out of the equation entirely because he is in a different category. YOU weigh less than YOU used to, right? That is improvement :happy:

As of today, I weigh 20 pounds less than I did at Thanksgiving. I am delighted to be losing weigh, but not for any small reason. It means that I am 20 pounds closer to walking without pain again, living without a wheelchair again...and having freedom that is denied me by my bad knees. I would have been content to stay overweight, if I hadn't been crippled by weight and degenerative arithritis. I was never athletic, rarely a normal weight and happily doing and eating as I pleased. However, time and arithritis caught up with me.

By all means, leave your boyfriend out of the equation, when it comes to your fitness and food plan. I will never be like my hubbie. He is a man that has to be moving all the time. He is always looking for something to do. When he doesn't have work, he goes crazy. Happily, I am not like that. I like quiet moments, reading and doing gentler activities...non-sweaty activities. I love my hubbie enough to let him be who he is...to love him and encourage him; and he loves me enough to let me be me. We don't need to compete in any part of our life. We just accept each other...as we are...and with lots of love.

Wonderful posts, wonderful example of how I believe a loving relationship should be, and good luck to both of you in your goals.

Hanfordrose

Ed sounds like a sweetheart. You are very lucky to have a man like him.

I keep telling my boyfriend I can't wait to weigh less than he does. He's around 225-230 right now. His "normal" weight is around 170. He said that once I get down to his current weight, he might compete with me. He's VERY competitive by nature and always has to have the top score in video games, the best grades, etc. I'm pretty amused he's going to do that because he really doesn't care about his weight; he just wants to be the best.

In a way, though, I'm glad he might try to beat me to goal. I honestly don't care about his weight. I love him and think he's attractive no matter what he weighs. But at the same time, I do worry about his health, especially because he eats a LOT of sugar.

I think weight loss can be a good thing for couples. I would just explain to Ed that you want to live a long, happy, and healthy life with him, and you will meet him at goal weight soon enough.

Yes, I am blessed to have Ed be the love of my life. I am so spoiled by his love for me.

As for your competitive boyfriend...let him have his pride. Some men...and even some women...have a need to be 'the winner'. Let him run ahead and break through some invisible tape at the end of his 'invisible race'. The journey that you are on is just for you. Your goals will always be your goals. I have learned to set 'mini goals' along the way to 'big goals'.

I am about to cross over one of my mini goals very soon. 249 pounds is symbolic of a time in my past...a time that I never expected to visit again. 235 pounds will be the next mini goal. It marks the half way point to my new knees. Passing below Ed's weight is still a further on. I will just keep my focus on the next mini goal, until I reach out and touch that big goal.

Then, I guess that I will have to set another big goal...and keep on going. :ohwell:

Hanfordrose

I am resigned to the fact that I will never weigh less than my husband, he is a farmer and is on his feet for at least 14hrs a day. I physically cannot compete with that, I simply do not try. even at my heaviest (around 200lbs) he never made me feel bad, he always made me feel beautiful. Throughout my weightloss journey he has always been here for me, encouraged me when I'm down, exercised with me when he's been exhausted and eaten without complaint all sorts of healthy foods I've made (when he's really fancied pie & chips) and for that I love him more than ever. I could not have got this far without his support :happy:

That is funny. I once thought about going onto a website that matched up single women with farmers who were looking for wives. It seemed almost like one of those old, mail order bride kind of things. Obviously, this city girl looked but didn't bother making contact with any of the men on that site. I didn't think that I would be much of a farmer's wife. That seemed like too much work. :laugh:

However, God has a good sense of humor. My hubbie was raised on a dairy farm and grew up milking cows, before school every day. There is still a lot of good, ole, redneck farmer in him; and he happily claims to be a redneck. Fortunately for me, the farm boy grew up to be a pastor.

It sounds to me, like you are blessed in your marriage to your farmer hubbie. It is so wonderful to have the loving, support of a good man...farmer or not.

May God continue to bless you both...and give him a piece of pie...once in a while.

clarkeje1

My boyfriend is finally gaining enough to weigh more than me. He is 6'1 and I'm 5'6 and I've probably weighed more than him for the majority of our relationship (3 years). I'm trying to lose weight, he is trying to gain muscle/mass. Its tough for both of us but we support each other and are slowly making progress

tndejong

its funny in my household right now. i have always weighed more then my fiance. but now im serious about losing weight. and he has been on a health kick cause i am. i am trying to lose weight and because of my eating now, he has to eat more and eat protein bars for the calories to maintain!

judykat7

I think that you should restate your goal, so that it is not dependent on what someone else does. It does seem like a contest if your goal is to weigh less than him and you are both losing. It sounds as if he loves you very, very much and wants you to achieve your goals. But... you would not be happy if he gained enough so that you weighed less than him but your goal would be reached. I understand that you both know that isn't the true goal but if that is how it is stated, he has to occasionally think how he could help you attain it.

I weigh more than my skinny *kitten* husband too. We could be close though if I work hard.

chellebublz

My fiance and I are KIND OF. He's still a little resistant, even though he does want to lose weight and be healtheir, he's addicted to food so it's very hard for him. He's not to the part where he has the willpower against those foods if they are in the house and he's not to the point where he will work out unless it's walking as a family. But it's all about baby steps! For now, I help him with the food part, encourage him it will get easier, and do my workouts while he's at work (in addition to walking as a family when its nice enough out).

ldrosophila

I coulnt agree more I love that my fiance has adopted a lot of the changes and it makes it easier for me. He is truly my cheerleader in this battle. He's lost weight so much faster than me, and his changes were minimal such as cutting soda. I'm not resentful I'm proud of him he eats salad everyday, watches his portion sizes, and drinks only diet soda. He looks so good now his tummy is flatter. I love to see the changes! I love seeing his pants falling off.

I've got a long way to go, but would never want him to stop moving foward. I'm glad we can be there for each other. I weigh 150lbs more than him, and can only dream that I would ever weigh less.

sugboog29

Wow...that brought a tear to my eye!! My hubby is my number one supporter and I love him for that...and yes I outweigh him...but right now I'm only 20 pounds heavier!!! SOON I hope to be less!!

Give that man a big hug from your MFP friends....he's a keeper!

morielia

My husband and I rib each other a lot in public, and some dense folks have accused us of not liking each other enough to be married. On the contrary, we rib each other because we love each other too much to describe. I expect my husband to point and laugh when I fall spectacularly on my *kitten* and then be a gentleman and help me up while I call him an *kitten* under my breath. It's just the way we are. So yeah, we compete a bit. We taunt each other when one person ups the weight their lifting. We try to outrun each other on the treadmill or blow by each other on the bike path. But after we're done sprinting it out and one person gives in, we laugh, catch our breath, and keep moving ahead together. We're motivating each other through laughter.

BonnieandClyde29

That is so sweet for both of you!!! Very moving that really touched me ...My boyfriend is very skinny, and me well, I'm not-so-skinny and I am taller than him by 2 inches...I try really hard not to get insecure about it, but sometimes it can get to me....he knows I want to lose weight, and he wants to gain muscle so we have just been trying to encourage each other and not make other comments, and he tells me I'm beautiful which helps out a lot, and during my journey one day I was SO upset because I had gained 4 lbs back over the holidays, and all he said was is "So what?", I just said awww, that's why your my boyfriend!!! He always tells me weight doesn't matter, but I know he will love it when i lose some more....so yeah basically if my boyfriend didn't like me in the first place (when i was bigger especially) then we wouldn't be dating, so when he says that's not what matters to him i know he is telling the truth, so we try to help each other out along the way, and on occasion we joke and try to make it sound like a competition with no hard feelings or seriousness Good luck with yalls journey

windmillksm

My hubbie recently had neck surgery and lost a lot of weight. He was on the scale the other morning and I realized he only outweighed me by 5 lbs. This threw me into full-scale panic mode...

Hanfordrose

My boyfriend is finally gaining enough to weigh more than me. He is 6'1 and I'm 5'6 and I've probably weighed more than him for the majority of our relationship (3 years). I'm trying to lose weight, he is trying to gain muscle/mass. Its tough for both of us but we support each other and are slowly making progress

Now, you're talking. That is the way that a couple should relate. Compassion for each, encourage in good time and in bad...plus lots of love makes for a good...hmmm? Marriage? After 3 years, is there a wedding in your future, little Sis.

Hanfordrose

its funny in my household right now. i have always weighed more then my fiance. but now im serious about losing weight. and he has been on a health kick cause i am. i am trying to lose weight and because of my eating now, he has to eat more and eat protein bars for the calories to maintain!

It is good that he is concerned for his own health. He can eat all of those calories that you don't need. :happy:

anniebrox

1) They don't make men like they used to.
2) My partner is very athletic and I am not - he can run 4 to 6 times the distance at twice the speed (without training) while I have to make myself take every step. It's frustrating because I will never be able to keep up with him even though I have been putting in a ton of work improving my own abilities. I just need to measure where I am now compared to where I was in the past and leave him out of the equation entirely because he is in a different category. YOU weigh less than YOU used to, right? That is improvement :happy:

THIS! ^^^^ I'm the same way, but I now weigh less than my man. And it kicked him into gear although he wants to lose fat and gain muscle, but have the scale stay the same.

jennifer3998

You sound like such a nice person. Really, best of luck to both of you! If it makes you feel any better, unless I get really thin, I always weigh more than my husband. We are both 5'9" and he's just built slighter than I am. Grrrr.

Hanfordrose

I think that you should restate your goal, so that it is not dependent on what someone else does. It does seem like a contest if your goal is to weigh less than him and you are both losing.

Oh, believe me. That isn't my real goal. It will just be kind of fun to be 'the little woman' for a change. My real goal is getting my mobility back. If you were crippled by your weight and dependent on a wheelchair to leave your home, you would understand what is really important to me. I want to be able to stand, to walk, to run...if I feel like it. I want to be able to walk into church, stand up for the reading of the Bible and give praise to God in the way that I love...on my feet...not on my backside.

It sounds as if he loves you very, very much and wants you to achieve your goals. But... you would not be happy if he gained enough so that you weighed less than him but your goal would be reached. I understand that you both know that isn't the true goal but if that is how it is stated, he has to occasionally think how he could help you attain it.

I weigh more than my skinny *kitten* husband too. We could be close though if I work hard.

I love my hubbie and want him to be as healthy as he can be. Extra weight on him could cost him his health...even his life, since his blood pressure is very much an issue. I want him around for a long, long time. I would care, if I always weigh more than my hubbie, but the title of this post might have mislead you...just as it mislead him, when I said, "I am looking forward to the day, when I will weigh less than you."

Who knows, Sis. You might just weigh less than your skinny hubbie someday. I think that would please you too. What ever your goal, I will pray that you reach it.

Hanfordrose

My fiance and I are KIND OF. He's still a little resistant, even though he does want to lose weight and be healtheir, he's addicted to food so it's very hard for him. He's not to the part where he has the willpower against those foods if they are in the house and he's not to the point where he will work out unless it's walking as a family. But it's all about baby steps! For now, I help him with the food part, encourage him it will get easier, and do my workouts while he's at work (in addition to walking as a family when its nice enough out).

It sounds like you have the right idea. You are being supportive and giving him a good example to follow. That is best thing for you and him both. Baby steps for him, and bigger for you...yet, you are both on the same path.

KeepGoingRhonda

LOVE this post!

odadkins78

i feel your pain i lost 5 pounds this week and my wife looked at me like she was ready to bite nails lol

AmiC0717

Your story is lovely. When I was at my heaviest my husband still loved me (he married me at maybe 20 to 230. Even at 265 he smiled at me and told me I could do it and I would do it when I was ready. Now I am 76lbs less and he is down 25lbs. I do weigh about 10 pounds less than him and when that happened both he and I laughed together. Each time we hit a new pound on the scale we are happy about it but he doesn't have specific goals in mind like I do. He will always out run me and out bike me but that doesnt mean I can't try to beat him on occasion

Janiot

What a lovely husband you have.
On the TV this morning a dietition said that weight loss is only 20% exercise and 80% diet so despite your physical limitations at the moment, MFP can support you 80% towards your goal!
My husband and I started a weight loss together last year and both of us need to refocus again for this year and our ultimate goal of walking the Kokoda track together at the end of July this year.
As with everything in our marriage it is a partnership.