i feel stupid

mollylaremeter

Hello,
I have just have to rant a little...I feel like crying. Feel free to say kind words of support and advice if you wish.
I have been trying to lose just a few lbs, less than 15, for the past year. I have been slowly gaining weight for the past three years instead. I have not really lost one lb. What the heck am I doing wrong?
I have tried to come up with every explanation. I'm not "technically" overweight, but I am for me. I have always been thin, fit and athletic. My latest explanation for this is that I'm just simply eating too much food. Even though I have been counting calories for the past year, I am probably doing it horribly inaccurately. There were several months when I was eating less than 1000 calories, or so I thought....but maybe I was eating 2000 and not calculating them correctly? Is that really possible? The main thing that changed was I got married, and moved in with my husband who likes different food than me, is overweight and makes huge portions. I would never choose it for myself, but he makes the food, and I eat what's in front of me due to laziness or something. Is it really as simple as that? I feel like doodoo. I feel like an idiot. I feel like what if I have body dysmorphic disorder? I feel like when I compare myself to others in real life I look fine. When I compare myself to famous people I look gross. when I look in the mirror or at pics of myself I also think I look gross. I feel like my mind and perception are twisted and I dont know what is real, normal and healthy. Sorry, I know I am feeling sorry for myself. I also weighed myself yesterday, the first day of my period, which is probably a bad thing to do id one is trying to have a positive attitude. I just look on this board at a lot of you guys who have done it and think....what the heck is wrong with me?!

TheRealPDouble

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you! It is a difficult process and we all have our bumps along the way.

Don't give up girl. Reevaluate where you are at and what you are doing. If it isn't working (which sounds to be the case) then lets change something! I hope you are able to pull things together...

How often are you working out and what are you doing?

FitBeto

mollylaremeter

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you! It is a difficult process and we all have our bumps along the way.

Don't give up girl. Reevaluate where you are at and what you are doing. If it isn't working (which sounds to be the case) then lets change something! I hope you are able to pull things together...

How often are you working out and what are you doing?

thank you. I go for a 50 minute walk at 3.0 miles an hour every day. I do Bikram yoga 2-3 times a week for 90 mins and a high impact aerobics class with weight training for 1 hr at least once a week.

taso42

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

1ConcreteGirl

The main thing that changed was I got married, and moved in with my husband who likes different food than me, is overweight and makes huge portions. I would never choose it for myself, but he makes the food, and I eat what's in front of me due to laziness or something. Is it really as simple as that?

It really is.

Figure out what your TDEE and BMR are. You only have a few lbs to lose, so subtract 15% from your TDEE and eat that number of calories, even if your husband eats more.

Nekhet

There is nothing wrong with you at all. It takes time to lose weight and from the sounds of it you are exercising but what is your diet like? Nutrition is the key really. Drink lots of water as well. Do you have any unhealthy habits? Sodas? Alcohol? Sugars? Sweets? maybe there is something you can cut down on or change that will help. Change up your exercises as well..your body adapts to this and will figure it out.

Feel free to add me if you like and if I can help I will.

meshashesha2012

first and foremost you need to be kinder to yourself. :flowerforyou:

secondly if you dont have one already, invest in a food scale! amazon has some good options for digital ones.

i know that you said that your hubby makes the food, is there anyway that you can share the cooking duties? that way youwill have a better idea of what you're eating calorie wise and can get some healthier stuff in?

also since you're so close to your goal you might find that switching to weight lifting 3 days a week doing a program like starting strength, new rules of lifting for women or strong lifts will help more in terms of body recomposition

fiona2785

Weigh everything! I know it's tricky when someone else does the cooking, but if you explain how you feel to your husband hopefully he'll be supportive. Make sure that you are actually eating the amounts you think you are. It's so soo easy to underestimate how much you are eating by absolutely loads.

Also, have a look at this. Takes a bit of time to read through, but worth it.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

newdaydawning79

If you're only eating 1000 cals a day you're not getting enough nutrients and therefore aren't losing weight. You need to feed your body in order for it to know it's okay to shed any fat that it may have (doesn't sound like you have much with the amount of exercise you're getting).

From your profile pic you look pretty darn small to me but I have 120 to lose just about so I'm not a good reference tool. Find out what you're burning per day approximately, set your goal to .5 to 1 lb of loss a week and eat those calories! Good luck!

mollylaremeter

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

According to me, I am. But I could be horrible wrong, which is frustrating.

TDEE is @ 1600 I eat at 1300.....according to my logging.

c2hrist3a

I would caution you against comparing yourself to others. This isn't their battle, it's yours. Most of those skinny famous women aren't cute-it's not reality. You can do this, but you need to be focused and eat enough calories to sustain at least your minimum bodily functions per day and in reality, 1000 calories aint it.

If you calculate your TDEE and eat fewer calories than that, you should lose. Don't forget to EXERCISE too! If you eat fewer calories than you burn, you will lose, but not if you are eating too few calories.

There is nothing wrong with you. We all have to hit bottom before we can get results. You can do this! You are stronger than you think.

professorRAT

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

^this

this can help: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12

Spend some time estimating your numbers (as outlined in link above) and making adjustments as needed and you will get there.

Edit: sorry for the double post to the link, she was faster

professorRAT

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

According to me, I am. But I could be horrible wrong, which is frustrating.

TDEE is @ 1600 I eat at 1300.....according to my logging.

My guess is you are eating more than you think. Weigh and log every single bite and see what happens.

RainbootsToBikinis

Your TDEE is your total daily expenditure, it's how many calories you burn throughout the entire day including exercise. It's probably more than 1600 a day. My suggestion to you would be to eat more and start lifting weights. I don't think you need to lose scale weight, just body fat. If you eat at a small deficit and lift weights you'll see your shape change.

Do you have access to a gym?

GoTeamMeaghan

don't get so hung up on weight-body fat % is kind of a better test. bikram yoga ain't no joke...especially for 90 minutes...if you can get throught that, my guess is you may have been putting on muscle, not fat. even though you say you've gained weight, have you gained size? i seriously doubt you're eating too much food with the workouts you are doing. it might be kind of annoying, but wear a HRM all day long one day to see how many calories you burn throughout the day-i bet you are burning more calories than you realize.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

I'm not "technically" overweight, but I am for me. I have always been thin, fit and athletic.

It is your mindset. You are making choices to not be as you want.
You either Want to or you do Not.

UnoDrea3732

I'm sorry! I feel for you on the Husband thing..I'm sure if my Husband knew how to cook I would still be 320lbs (probably 321). lol. BTW don't compare yourself to famous people!!! I don't know of one famous person on MFP and if you do then have them add me dammit! lol. In all seriousness - they may be just people but they have more money than the average which gets them personal trainers and personal chefs.

It sounds like you are doing everything right minus the comment of only eating around 1000 calories a day. Even if you were calculating it wrong I don't see it being off by 1000 calories. Keep doing what your doing, drink a little more water, watch your sodium/sugar in take and hell lower your carbs if you feel it will help.

You look great and I'm hoping that silly way of thinking fades away soon! :happy:

taso42

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

According to me, I am. But I could be horrible wrong, which is frustrating.

TDEE is @ 1600 I eat at 1300.....according to my logging.

1600 sounds low. I bet you're somewhere around 2000-2200-ish
http://www.fitnessfrog.com/calculators/tdee-calculator.html

walker137

I completely understand the feeling, except I continued eating what my husband cooked for 4 years, and finally became overweight. It didn't really help that although I knew all along I was gaining weight, other people told me I looked fine, not overweight. It's wonderful to have a husband who cooks. Mine owns a restaurant and is a fantastic cook, but always used lots of butter and all kinds of high fat, high calorie ingredients. I finally just recently decided to get really serious about my weight loss, so I sat him down and had a talk with him. He is trying to be supportive, but really doesn't know much about what is in different foods, nutritionally, so I have started making sure I'm with him when he shops for what he wants to cook to help him remember to read labels and pay attention. I have also started just asking as he is cooking what he is putting in things, and also telling him beforehand things like, "Please don't cook mine with any bacon in it" (in a mushroom and onion saute) or "I don't want the cheese on mine." Getting in the kitchen and being a part of it has really helped. And also pointing out to him that I am counting calories with MFP, and showing him how many calories are in things has helped him put into perspective what I need from him to help me be successful.

RhonndaJ

Don't feel stupid, the fact that you're thinking about this says you're not. It's good to look for advice and help.

By the sound of it, you know what to do, you just haven't been doing it in a serious way and that you may well have bought into media standards ... meaning you could only be attractive if you look like the models and actresses out there.

My advice is to buckle down and get serious. Measure and weigh everything you eat to get a more exact honest accounting of what you're eating. Don't just eat the food put in front of you, or at least, don't eat all of it. Talk to your husband about different choices and explain that you shouldn't be eating the same quantities he does.

And if you must compare yourself to anyone, you really really shouldn't though, find the gorgeous people you see in your real time life. You've already said you look good in comparison.

You've been floating along with the current, it's time to pick up an oar and start paddling.

coolraul07

Take this advice as you will (or don't), but perhaps less emphasis on the scale and more emphasis on measurements and other non-scale victories (NSVs) and goals are in order. For example, lose 2 inches in 2 months, increase specific strength metric by 10 lbs in 1 month, lose 1 jean size in 6 weeks, etc.? Don't take the goals I listed above as gospel, just as examples of what I meant.

P.S. I read most, but not all, prior posts and didn't disagree with any of them. Good luck!

frando

hey

First off, eat what your husband makes but weigh it out, I'm due to face the same thing when I move in with my partner later this year.

Second, stop comparing yourself to celebrities- what is the point? Do they have to juggle a full time job, family life and getting fit? Hellz no! Please be realistic in this. Also, you're not gross! Stand in front of the mirror and find something good about yourself- I know there's something there- then do it again next week and I'm sure you can find another good thing too

Third, recheck your specs- I've been using the MFP given goals but been plateauing for nearly three months. Now I've recalculated I've broken through it

Fourth, last but not least- the last few lbs etc. are generally the hardest to loose

Lalouse

Have you thought about seeing a nutritionist?

My nutritionist told me that the weight gain was from getting married (which I already knew), but she explained that couples have a tendency to start eating the same amounts without realizing it. When you have dinner, the only comparison plate is probably your husband's plate, so you think, "Oh my plate looks better than that", but it's really not what you should be eating. It's like a psychological thing so you have to pay more attention.

I think focus on the KINDS of food you are eating too.

And don't be such a downer on yourself! You're a beautiful super healthy woman who works out (and enjoys it!). Take it easy! The last 15 are always the toughest

HotCuppaJo

I read your profile and looked at your pics.... I'm not sure how to say this. Others are better at putting things more eloquently, but I will try. Please don't be offended. I have to say, the way you referenced your body and from the pictures I saw, you do not look to be overweight at all. Could it be, perhaps, that your body doesn't need to lose any weight and that's why you're struggling? In reference to what you posted on your profile about not wanting fat rolls...I see absolutely NONE on your body.

I'm thinking your perception of your body is what is making this whole process difficult. Have you ever had issues with eating disorders?

Dauntlessness

Find your TDEE. Eat at a deficit. Win.

This*******

Use your TDEE as your diary goal and create a deficit from there. A calorie is never just a calorie but it takes -3500 calories to lose a pound of fat. It is MUCH easier to see how "In the green" you are at the end of the week and how much you should have lost.

It is very possible your not calculating your calories right if your husband is preparing your food. Did he weigh the meat? Did he measure the pasta, veggies, butter, etc? Did he add a couple tablespoons of oil you didn't account for? Are you drinking your calories (especially alcohol)? Are you calculating your calories burned from your exercise? MFP and machines generally overestimate by 20-50% depending which one you use. Getting an HRM is the best bet for that.

You need to dissect your food and exercise routine with a fine tooth comb to try to figure it out.

djsupreme6

you workouts look pretty good...you look good...just keep at it and don't give up...if this is stressing that could be a cause as well...those foods that husband is getting you could always choose something different that fits what you need better...get that heart rate up during the workouts and yes..eat at that deficit

dedarlin

sounds like your activity level is good, maybe you need to take some time to weigh/measure and precook your meals so you get a better idea of portion sizes. when i feel like i'm getting off track i will weigh and measure every single thing i eat for a couple of weeks, time consuming, but worth it to me. i am also having a hard time dropping the last 10 or so pounds that make me feel icky, i have personally found that Intermittent Fasting may be the answer. i eat the same amount of food, just within an 8 hour 'feeding' window. i have found that my body seems to respond better to this, i think for me the constant eating (6-8 meals in the 16 hours i am awake) was keeping my body from really processing the nutrients. my digestive system is much happier now, not sure about the weight (i dont weigh myself but once per month) but i definitely feel better (less bloated, and 'regular')
i hope you find what works for you!

AZKristi

This happens to a lot of people! Get a scale and weigh your food so that you can enter it accurately. The closer you are to goal weight, the more each calorie matters.

Second, if you want to look fit you actually have to be fit. Fitness requires proper nutrition and a well balanced exercise regimen. If you are only eating 1000 calories per day, your nutrition is probably lacking. Are you really getting all of the energy, vitamins, proteins, fats, etc. that an active body requires? If you are only eating 1000 calories per day, are you really fueling your body for a challenging workout? If a workout isn't challenging, its not going to change your body.

I'm not saying you aren't fit - I obviously don't know this - just something to consider!

mollylaremeter

Thank you, you guys are kind. I will look into the suggestions. I know a lot of this is in my head. I really appreciate your kindness to a stranger.

CHEMSKIM

First, you should never shoot for eating 1000 calorie a day. You are setting yourself up for failure right off the bat. There's a good chance your body thinks you're dieing and is attempting to hang on to every ounce of weight it can. Your body doesn't know if you're on a deserted island or if you're on a diet. You have to approach this from a life style, life changing experience. Not a diet. You have to think of it as your are changing your life. What are you going to do if or when you lose the 15#? Don't eat things you don't like. Find the foods you like and cut your portions. And move 80% food/20% exercise. And excercise comes in all forms. And once you get your head scrwed on correctly, you have to keep letting yourself know this does not happen over night. You only have 15# to lose but you should attempt to do that over a nice slow pace because if you lose it right away by eating a 1000 calorie/day menu, as soon as you have a piece of pizza and a beer, you'll put half of it back on.