Family and Friends are NOT supportive....

felisha_ortiz

I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop. I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs. I knew that this would come, but I have shown then the facts.. Like that I am ALMOST at a normal BMI, for the first time in about seven years. Once I hit 164 I will be within the normal range! They are freaking out, telling me I am obsessed, and that I am wasting away (which honestly, I really am not) and that I am going to go from looking good to looking gross.

How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it? When we go out to eat I get scoffed at for ordering a salad or grilled fish or chicken or something. They want me to be ordering pizza or fried something. That food just doesn't even sound good anymore...

What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk.

kg047

Limit your contact.

KenosFeoh

Feel a perverse pride in thwarting their attempts to get you off course. You are doing the right thing for yourself, and they can just eat crow - dipped in chocolate and rolled in marshmallows if they prefer.

Work up some snappy comebacks, like "how about you keep your eyes on your own plate?"

kbogati

I've gotten the same thing. even had inlaws go as far as accusing me of being on drugs...cuz that must be why i lost weight. just ignore them and focus on what makes you happy!

4mydogs

I think that when you get close to your goals that some people do have a hard time and can be unsupportive since they are facing thier own issues maybe?? Try to remember that eating healthy is something we should be doing everyday whether we are heavy or not, period!! That is how I got people to get off my case about my food chocies, I just pointed out that eating healthy and getting excercise is something I will be doing for life. Also I try to urge my friends to go to healthier places like sushi or restuarants with lots of choices. Just keep doing your thing, you are doing awesome!!

Andreaviolet89

I would stop filling them in on everything about your health and weight lose. The next time they comment on you ordering a salad tell them a salad would do them some good. Find people who will be supportive, like a work out partner or something.

perfect_storm

I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.

chimp517

Typical, people seem to criticize what they do not understand. Id be willing to bet you that at least one of the same people will approach you and ask for your help.

Crochetluvr

Might be time to find some new friends. As for your family, only YOU can let them make you feel bad. You are doing what is right. If they can't handle it, that's THEIR problem....not yours.

Yaxomoxay

Are they overweight?

You are the dreamer. You are the one chasing your dream. You are the one doing all the work. Everyone else, friends, family, myfitnesspal are just stuff on the way. Who cares about their envy? Remember, most people hate to see other people succeed.

KenosFeoh

And remember, if they are insulting you, you do not have to be nice.

sclarktiw

I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.

She hit the nail on the head...hopefully they will come to you soon and seek your advice for losing weight themselves...

Good luck and STAY STRONG!

tismyhardbody

Just tell them to F off!

aelunyu

that's so sad. I had friends bust my balls about having weird restaurant orders, and refusing to drink alcohol during my weight loss periods. But i'm always really firm. Over the years they've grown accustomed to my cycles. When I am offseason, I drink, and party, and eat out with them no problem. But for those 16 or so weeks I'm trying to cut down and measure progress objectively, they know not to mess with me or bother with my pattern. Granted, this "acceptance" slowly happened over a decade, but it'll happen. Your new identity is obviously a positive one. If they truly love you, they'll learn to stop doubting your progress, and accept that you are happier this way.

cpa6533

Haters gonna hate.

now_or_never13

Don't talk to them about your efforts... don't make comments about how much you have lost, how many calories you eat, etc. Just continue on with what you are doing and let their comments slide.

When they make those comments tell them how it makes you feel... tell them they need to stop talking to you like that or you will be limiting your contact with them. Don't try to be nice... they know their comments are hurtful so your responses don't need to be super nice. If they continue to make comments limit your time with them.

I limit my time with my Grandmother because she makes nasty comments. I can't surround myself with people who are not supportive.

mjrkearney

What's wrong with just telling them that you enjoy eating salads and grilled chicken and things like that? They taste better, feel better, and leave you full longer.

Also, "I'm medically overweight and I don't want to be." If they argue, tell them to piss off. Sabotage isn't loving behavior.

LucyT4dieting

A friend told me once that since losing the weight I look older because my face got too thin. But this is the same friend who used to make faces behind my back and gesture that I was carrying a wide load. So I take it for what it's worth....nothing. I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing this for me. I feel better about myself, and that's what's important, right? I think I look better, and I definitely feel better. So don't listen to negative comments. WE are here to support you....and WE DO! Keep up the good work and NEVER second guess yourself! You are on the right path!! :flowerforyou:

MichelleZannone

Although you want it and would be nice for them to get on board with your success you really don't need their support. That's what this site is all about. People going through the same up's and down's you are. My mother also told me I was getting obsessed with losing weight. Better than being obsessed with over eating I say!! I have lost 75lbs and still have 50 more to go. Keep doing what you do. You are doing it for you not them. Let the hater's hate...lol

AlongCame_Molly

Just tell them "If I wanted to look like you, I'd EAT like you."

Best. Response. Ever.

bookworm_847

I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop. I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs. I knew that this would come, but I have shown then the facts.. Like that I am ALMOST at a normal BMI, for the first time in about seven years. Once I hit 164 I will be within the normal range! They are freaking out, telling me I am obsessed, and that I am wasting away (which honestly, I really am not) and that I am going to go from looking good to looking gross.

How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it? When we go out to eat I get scoffed at for ordering a salad or grilled fish or chicken or something. They want me to be ordering pizza or fried something. That food just doesn't even sound good anymore...

What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk.

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your success!!!

I know what you're feeling. Your 2nd paragraph there nearly echoes what I'm going through at the moment. Most of the people telling me I look fine how I am I think are either just saying what they think the polite thing is to say, or they don't really know me. If they don't really know me, I try very hard to just blow off what they say... I know I need and want this.

I used to have some eating issues. I'm hesitant to call it an eating disorder, but that might be correct. When I was a teenager, I was 5'9" and went between 114 and 120 lbs. My sister said I looked like one of the people in the Holocaust pictures. I know she and my mom are saying that because they knew me then and are worried that's what I'm going for. I'm so not! I keep promising them that I'm not going to let that happen to myself again. They can believe me if they want or not... either way, I'm doing this.

My husband says that I look fine and don't need to lose weight. However, he knows that doing this is making me happy, and he's supportive as long as I don't go too far... my sister told him about when I was younger and he also knows that when I get going with something, I tend to be obsessive at times. I know he's telling me I'm fine because he thinks that I could be a thousand pounds and I'd still be beautiful to him. I'm not being conceited; he's told me that, lol.

Bottom line, all of the folks in my life have their own reasons for trying to get me to maintain status quo. I just tell myself that even though the input of my loved ones is important to me, they're not in my skin. They don't know how I feel all the time about how I look and feel. I'm doing this for me and for no one else. They can be supportive or they can go fly a kite... it's not my problem.

I hope you just keep going and don't let them throw you off or make you give up. You're doing awesome.

ridofthegoodies

I would stop filling them in on everything about your health and weight loss.

This. ^ It's sad, but you are a practicing good habits and your friends may want an enabler to support their bad habits. Give everyone a little more time to adjust. In the meantime, keep on ordering those salads and keep up the good work.

EricCowperthwaite

I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

First off, that's really awesome. Congratulations and good luck with the rest of your journey.

Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop.

One of the interesting things is that I think our mental picture of what looks good and bad has changed over the years as our society has gotten more and more obese. Some of this, I'm sure, is that we no longer really know what healthy actually looks like. :-(

I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs.

My wife and I have a neighbor like this. It's really painful. I've stopped talking with that person about health and fitness.

How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it?

For the family members, I think you can flat out demand that they support you in your quest for health. Just ask them straight out if they support you becoming healthy and wanting to live a fuller, longer, healthier, happier life. For friends who don't support you and tear you down, perhaps you want to evaluate whether they are really friends, or not.

And, as others have said, maybe you should limit your health, fitness and nutrition discussions with these folks. If you don't bring it up, then they won't have something to nitpick at. I've noticed that people who feel badly that they aren't doing something are the first to nitpick and tear down those who are. Don't give them opportunity.

What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk.

You've got lots of people on MFP that will help you. But I would suggest finding just one friend or family member to be your support buddy. It may need to be someone new if your current circle isn't willing. But I bet that confronting one of them about their lack of support can turn the thing around with that person.

My two cents worth.

KANGOOJUMPS

do not base ANYTHING ON FAMILY OR FRIENDS>
DO IT FOR YOU!

quirkytizzy

Limit your contact.

That's my advice, as much as you gracefully can.

Honeytips

Jealousy is a *****, don't worry with them, you just continue doing what you're doing with loads of support from your MFP friends and family!!

cwolfman13

I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.

This^^^^...also, many people have no concept of what a healthy BW and healthy BF% looks like. Obese or minimally, overweight has really become the norm in the USA. I know even I was shocked to learn that per my BF% when I first started, I was technically obese, though not morbidly so and right on the bubble between obese/overweight. So, if someone is just a little bit fat, people take that to be "healthy"...when in fact, it's often overweight as BF% goes

Also, I don't really talk to my friends or family about my weight loss and fitness goals anymore unless they specifically ask or comment on something I'm doing. For the most part they are supportive and I am fortunate for that, but they do get tired of my ramblings about losing another pound...my new HIIT routine...adding another 10Lbs to my bench, etc. They're not doing it so it's of little interest to them. I actually have one buddy who comments all the time that chicks dig a little fat and aren't into muscle...especially at our age...meh...whatever...my wife digs what I'm doing so that's all that matters.

I learned awhile ago that this is a long and lonely journey. Embrace it and embrace the strength inside of you and don't worry about them.

felisha_ortiz

Thank you all so very very much for your kind words. I am going to take all of the great advice and write it down. I really needed that bit of boost, and to know I am not alone in going through this.

I will be healthy, and happy, and fit.

Nobody can stop me muhaahahahaa.

Yay for MFP!

ahallen83

First off, you have made an amazing and positive change in your life, CONGRATS!

I've seen this kind of thing happen a lot, both to myself and to other people I know who have lost weight. My feeling is that people tend to mentally put the other people in their lives into certain categories, and then they define themselves by their relationships to the people in those categories. Ohhh I'm so boring and cerebral, but it's how I make sense of it.

Like I've been heavier for a long time, so for some of my friends (only a few of them, generally I have a great group of friends) I was their "overweight girlfriend with the pretty face" and then that relationship contributed to whatever image they have of themselves and a status quo emerges. Then when I started losing weight and became really driven and focused, I would start to get a lot of "oh ... but you don't want to go too far" and "you've always been fine the way you are, you don't need to keep losing so much" - and this is when I'm still in the obese category, I was probably between 190-210 pounds for a 5'3" woman. And it felt SO odd and confusing. Like I was 298 pounds at one point, obviously that isn't healthy. Yes I'm health-IER, but any doctor worth his salt would tell me I'm not quite out of the woods yet for avoiding things like heart disease and diabetes, and you're trying to tell me I don't need to do anything else and that I should stop? You hope your friends will be your cheering section, but they will surprise you sometimes.

I think that the whole insecurity thing stems from one person changing the general status quo. If I'm not the "heavy girl with the pretty face" anymore, then what does that make them? If I get hit on at the bar and they don't, what does that mean about them? I didn't talk about my health and fitness, either, so it's not like I was telling them all about my meal plan or how many squats I could do vs. a month ago or anything and shoved it in their face that I was taking charge of this portion of my life.

We might like to think that our identity is mostly based on what we do, but it's also defined by our relationships with others. If you get prettier and healtier, and go from someone who rested on their laurels waiting for something to happen to a take-charge, self assured individual then that can be threatening to *some* people because they look at your actions like looking into a mirror and can see your positive changes as "this is that is WRONG with YOU". They're judging you because your actions indirectly caused them to judge themselves.

My solution was to take a deep breath, find a place in myself where I just knew I was on the right path, and say "F*** THEM". Then I heard this little gem and it helped a lot too:

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

So stick to your guns! Know that you are on the right path, and you are not alone in that experience. It's your body and your life and you have the right to make healthy choices just as much as they have every freaking right to make unhealthy ones.

Besides. Haters gonna hate.

Good luck to you!

Riemersma4

First: you have lost 55 lbs! WOW! Take a moment and celebrate that! What a feeling and what an accomplishment. No doubt the result of lots of hard work and focus!

It is tragic, the closer people are to us the more they have the power to hurt. My family is pretty rough and performance oriented and i have a lot of emotional scars from them. I solve it several ways:
* I try to limit the amount of time and teh context that I spend with them.
* I try to limit the topics of conversation
* I 'practice' ahead of time my responses to the negative conversations that are going to come up so that i can have a 'measured response' and NOT get pulled in to the behavior (and say something that i regret!)
* I surround myself with positive people that will encourage me to achieve my goals and set higher ones.

Remember, every day, we make decisions whether we are going to be with people that build us up or tear us down. It sounds simple but... kill the first group and grow the second group. The more you surround yourself with winners, the more goals YOU will achieve and you will set higher ones!

Your commitment and focus alone are to be admired.

I am sorry that your family is not supporting you. You are a winner and deserve better.

Good luck!

celebrity328

I started around the same weight as you did and currently weigh the same

I have had the same issues with family/friends. I been told I am crazy, over the top, and sickly. When I first started everyone was excited for me but now no one says anything about my weight loss. I just told my family I want to be down to a healthy weight before I get pregnant, that seemed to shut them up I dont talk about my weight loss/goals with anyone unless they bring it up or ask me, I have found this is the best way to deal with people in general.

As of late the only people who say anything negative about my weight loss are women at work and I have never even told any of them I am trying to lose weight. My guess is they see what I eat everyday and figured it out. People are guna hate no matter what you do. I just look at it like this is my choice, and my weight goals are not unhealthy, and I think we can all agree that a normal BMI is a better option then carrying an extra 30lbs