Family and Friends are NOT supportive....

ridofthegoodies

I would stop filling them in on everything about your health and weight loss.

This. ^ It's sad, but you are a practicing good habits and your friends may want an enabler to support their bad habits. Give everyone a little more time to adjust. In the meantime, keep on ordering those salads and keep up the good work.

EricCowperthwaite

I am 55 lbs down, from 220 to 175, with 35 more to go.

First off, that's really awesome. Congratulations and good luck with the rest of your journey.

Quite a few people in my life are telling me I have lost enough, I look great, and to stop.

One of the interesting things is that I think our mental picture of what looks good and bad has changed over the years as our society has gotten more and more obese. Some of this, I'm sure, is that we no longer really know what healthy actually looks like. :-(

I honestly honestly know that 95% of it is them not wanting me to succeed. The people telling me to stop and that I am fine are larger than me, even if by only a few lbs.

My wife and I have a neighbor like this. It's really painful. I've stopped talking with that person about health and fitness.

How do I ignore them, or gain their support? Do I just not talk to them about it?

For the family members, I think you can flat out demand that they support you in your quest for health. Just ask them straight out if they support you becoming healthy and wanting to live a fuller, longer, healthier, happier life. For friends who don't support you and tear you down, perhaps you want to evaluate whether they are really friends, or not.

And, as others have said, maybe you should limit your health, fitness and nutrition discussions with these folks. If you don't bring it up, then they won't have something to nitpick at. I've noticed that people who feel badly that they aren't doing something are the first to nitpick and tear down those who are. Don't give them opportunity.

What do I do!?!? I want to be healthy SO bad, and everyone around me is making me feel terrible and crappy and like a jerk.

You've got lots of people on MFP that will help you. But I would suggest finding just one friend or family member to be your support buddy. It may need to be someone new if your current circle isn't willing. But I bet that confronting one of them about their lack of support can turn the thing around with that person.

My two cents worth.

KANGOOJUMPS

do not base ANYTHING ON FAMILY OR FRIENDS>
DO IT FOR YOU!

quirkytizzy

Limit your contact.

That's my advice, as much as you gracefully can.

Honeytips

Jealousy is a *****, don't worry with them, you just continue doing what you're doing with loads of support from your MFP friends and family!!

cwolfman13

I went through the same thing after a 40lb loss and had people telling me I looked sickly. Thing was they were all overweight themselves. I think it is hard for some people to watch someone be committed, work hard and ultimately succeed. They turn their own insecurities into slams against you. Hold your head up high and just smile and tell them you are happy with you and those who really care about you will come around. My family stopped the sabotage (it took a long time) and now make little comments on me having a cute little tush again. Your positive attitude needs to swing them, if it does not they are sadly miserable themselves and do not let them bring you down.

This^^^^...also, many people have no concept of what a healthy BW and healthy BF% looks like. Obese or minimally, overweight has really become the norm in the USA. I know even I was shocked to learn that per my BF% when I first started, I was technically obese, though not morbidly so and right on the bubble between obese/overweight. So, if someone is just a little bit fat, people take that to be "healthy"...when in fact, it's often overweight as BF% goes

Also, I don't really talk to my friends or family about my weight loss and fitness goals anymore unless they specifically ask or comment on something I'm doing. For the most part they are supportive and I am fortunate for that, but they do get tired of my ramblings about losing another pound...my new HIIT routine...adding another 10Lbs to my bench, etc. They're not doing it so it's of little interest to them. I actually have one buddy who comments all the time that chicks dig a little fat and aren't into muscle...especially at our age...meh...whatever...my wife digs what I'm doing so that's all that matters.

I learned awhile ago that this is a long and lonely journey. Embrace it and embrace the strength inside of you and don't worry about them.

felisha_ortiz

Thank you all so very very much for your kind words. I am going to take all of the great advice and write it down. I really needed that bit of boost, and to know I am not alone in going through this.

I will be healthy, and happy, and fit.

Nobody can stop me muhaahahahaa.

Yay for MFP!

ahallen83

First off, you have made an amazing and positive change in your life, CONGRATS!

I've seen this kind of thing happen a lot, both to myself and to other people I know who have lost weight. My feeling is that people tend to mentally put the other people in their lives into certain categories, and then they define themselves by their relationships to the people in those categories. Ohhh I'm so boring and cerebral, but it's how I make sense of it.

Like I've been heavier for a long time, so for some of my friends (only a few of them, generally I have a great group of friends) I was their "overweight girlfriend with the pretty face" and then that relationship contributed to whatever image they have of themselves and a status quo emerges. Then when I started losing weight and became really driven and focused, I would start to get a lot of "oh ... but you don't want to go too far" and "you've always been fine the way you are, you don't need to keep losing so much" - and this is when I'm still in the obese category, I was probably between 190-210 pounds for a 5'3" woman. And it felt SO odd and confusing. Like I was 298 pounds at one point, obviously that isn't healthy. Yes I'm health-IER, but any doctor worth his salt would tell me I'm not quite out of the woods yet for avoiding things like heart disease and diabetes, and you're trying to tell me I don't need to do anything else and that I should stop? You hope your friends will be your cheering section, but they will surprise you sometimes.

I think that the whole insecurity thing stems from one person changing the general status quo. If I'm not the "heavy girl with the pretty face" anymore, then what does that make them? If I get hit on at the bar and they don't, what does that mean about them? I didn't talk about my health and fitness, either, so it's not like I was telling them all about my meal plan or how many squats I could do vs. a month ago or anything and shoved it in their face that I was taking charge of this portion of my life.

We might like to think that our identity is mostly based on what we do, but it's also defined by our relationships with others. If you get prettier and healtier, and go from someone who rested on their laurels waiting for something to happen to a take-charge, self assured individual then that can be threatening to *some* people because they look at your actions like looking into a mirror and can see your positive changes as "this is that is WRONG with YOU". They're judging you because your actions indirectly caused them to judge themselves.

My solution was to take a deep breath, find a place in myself where I just knew I was on the right path, and say "F*** THEM". Then I heard this little gem and it helped a lot too:

"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."

So stick to your guns! Know that you are on the right path, and you are not alone in that experience. It's your body and your life and you have the right to make healthy choices just as much as they have every freaking right to make unhealthy ones.

Besides. Haters gonna hate.

Good luck to you!

Riemersma4

First: you have lost 55 lbs! WOW! Take a moment and celebrate that! What a feeling and what an accomplishment. No doubt the result of lots of hard work and focus!

It is tragic, the closer people are to us the more they have the power to hurt. My family is pretty rough and performance oriented and i have a lot of emotional scars from them. I solve it several ways:
* I try to limit the amount of time and teh context that I spend with them.
* I try to limit the topics of conversation
* I 'practice' ahead of time my responses to the negative conversations that are going to come up so that i can have a 'measured response' and NOT get pulled in to the behavior (and say something that i regret!)
* I surround myself with positive people that will encourage me to achieve my goals and set higher ones.

Remember, every day, we make decisions whether we are going to be with people that build us up or tear us down. It sounds simple but... kill the first group and grow the second group. The more you surround yourself with winners, the more goals YOU will achieve and you will set higher ones!

Your commitment and focus alone are to be admired.

I am sorry that your family is not supporting you. You are a winner and deserve better.

Good luck!

celebrity328

I started around the same weight as you did and currently weigh the same

I have had the same issues with family/friends. I been told I am crazy, over the top, and sickly. When I first started everyone was excited for me but now no one says anything about my weight loss. I just told my family I want to be down to a healthy weight before I get pregnant, that seemed to shut them up I dont talk about my weight loss/goals with anyone unless they bring it up or ask me, I have found this is the best way to deal with people in general.

As of late the only people who say anything negative about my weight loss are women at work and I have never even told any of them I am trying to lose weight. My guess is they see what I eat everyday and figured it out. People are guna hate no matter what you do. I just look at it like this is my choice, and my weight goals are not unhealthy, and I think we can all agree that a normal BMI is a better option then carrying an extra 30lbs

tpt1950

Remember who you are doing this for ~ YOU! Not them - what do you care what they say if you know you are on the right road ? Weight gain and weight loss are things that people have to experience themselves to truly understand what we go through - don't blame them for being ignorant to the fact that they are sabotaging you having a goal which you feel you haven't reached yet. You just keep doing what you are doing for yourself ~ get healthy and be happy and don't let what anyone says be more important to you than what you think and believe for yourself.

Kelly_Runs_NC

This situation happens to us all honey. IGNORE them...concentrate on you. If I have learned one thing - no matter what, family or not, they are JEALOUS!!!

Just keep your goals in mind and let them talk. At the end of teh day you can be happy with you.

raynavee

I get it all the time from my brother. I think he just pokes fun, because he really doesn't think that I'm going to go through with it. Since he isn't supportive, I don't do anything with him that contains food. If I end up going somewhere with him and he offers to buy me food, I just tell him that I ate right before leaving the house... even if that's not the case. Because I noticed that if I said something like "I'm not hungry", he would automatically jump to I'm starving myself to lose weight (WHICH I'M NOT!). So, just try to keep your health and fitness related contact with these people to a minimum. If you can't, try just being flat out with them. If they scoff at what you eat, tell them that you don't tell them what they should eat so they shouldn't tell you. Make sure they know you aren't going to stop, even if they aren't supportive. If you really need support, there's always people on here that are willing to help!

EricCowperthwaite

Thank you all so very very much for your kind words. I am going to take all of the great advice and write it down. I really needed that bit of boost, and to know I am not alone in going through this.

This is a tough thing to do. You don't need folks to make it tougher. Glad if anything we've said can help. drop me a line or add me as a friend if you like.

BranMuffin947

They obviously don't know how much you've worked for this! Just let them talk & you do you!! Keep other people out of your head.

trumpeteramu

Some of those people are just jealous of what you have been able to accomplish. I am having the same issues with some of my family members. I have been able to say "no" to foods, extra servings, and "yes" to working out, balancing my time, and enjoying life a little bit more. One family member cannot say "no" to sweets, extra servings, cut down on eating, etc, and is constantly trying to stop me from getting to a normal weight. I have asked other friends about this person, and she is just jealous, so I try and avoid any conversations about weight/working out/etc. Don't worry what other people say, and just keep going. Congratulations on your weight loss!!!

MerlinWilliams

To the OP: great work!

Remember, living well is the best revenge.