QUESTION OF THE DAY:

pipinana

If you had all the money in the world, would you give your children everything they wanted?

** This just came up at work. A co-worker was complaining that she had to buy her son a new truck... I asked how old he was and she said 32. Now, my boss meanwhile, is asking 'how do you cut off your children' His oldest is 24, and is just finishing up collage, he's wondering if she's going to continue to need help after she graduates, until she gets married - and even wondering if he should help her out after marriage!

I made the statement "well, if I had all the money in the world, I wouldn't give my kids everything they wanted! I think it's important to teach your children how to work for what they want." another co-worker said "well, you just wait till you have kids and then come back and say that"

What do you say? Would you spoil your children like that?

erickirb

No way, I know people who were spoiled when they were younger and they expect things given to them all the time and have no work ethic. I believe kids should get what they need, and only some of what they want, and this would occur mostly on birthdays and X-mas.

karmasBFF

Its very difficult to say no to your children when you are able to do it. But there are lessons that need to be learned so that you do not HAVE to take care of them. One day you will be gone, and that can be when your child is a measley 20 years old. What then, if you've never taught them those lessons?

so, no, I do not give them everything, even if I can.

BetterVersion

Absolutely not. He would have to earn it just the same.

pipinana

Good Lord, I thought I was like all alone in thinking that only bad can come of giving your kid everything they ever wanted... Nice to know there are other sensible people out there! haha

pipinana

No way, I know people who were spoiled when they were younger and they expect things given to them all the time and have no work ethic. I believe kids should get what they need, and only some of what they want, and this would occur mostly on birthdays and X-mas.

Exactly... My boss is one of those too! And he's created three women who are exactly the same as him. Could you imagine supporting your child even after they got married?! It's craziness I tell you!

mama22girlz

If I had all the money in the world, I would give my children alot of things (more then they have now) BUT I would also give them responsibility, an allowance (which they MUST EARN) and the knowledge that not everything in life is free.

suziblues2000

If I had ALL the money in the world I'd probably give them what they wanted. The way I figure is that it isn't the STUFF that spoils them, it's when you replace the STUFF with your TIME.
Like, people who get their kids whatever they want just to shut them up: spoiled.
People who spend time with their kids, teach them, show them how to live right by setting examples etc., plus give them what they want: okay.

rjpowell636

I agree with you that you don't want to give your kids everything they want. It builds character and appreciation when your kids have to work for what they have.

To the one that said wait til you have kids and see if you would help. There is a difference between helping and enabling. Even when your kids are grown we want to be able to help our children and sometimes there is still a need to help them even after they are married. The difference is however that just because you help them doesn't mean that you can't still hold them responsible to pay it back.

We had to borrow money from our mother-in-law to help pay back some bills. We give her checks to pay it back every month. I think as long as your kids are working hard and still need a bit of help to get through some tough times then we as parents are responsible to help when we can.

But for the kids out there reading this, notice the word "help". Don't take advantage of your parents just because they are your parents. We ourselves have worked hard to get to where we are so that we can be able to help if needed. don't disrespect your parents by just taking what they give and expect it to occur just because you are in difficult times.

PaulaDygert

I think you have the right idea, mind you my kids are only 2 and 4 right now, but I believe if you teach your children the value of money they will have more respect and appreciation for what they have in life. It is hard not to give them what they want, but as their mother the best thing I can give them is the wisdom to live without me. The bible says leave, cleave and become one flesh, leaving should be done in the context of honor to one's parents but it also means establishing independence from your parents, physically, emotionally and financially.

lilchino4af

Growing up I got an allowance ONLY IF I did chores around the house. No chores, no allowance. If I wanted something that wasn't the basic needs (food, shelter, necessary clothing) then I had to save my allowance money and buy it myself. I didn't have a cell phone until I was a Junior in HS and it only had 15 mins per month. It was only to be used in emergencies as I was expected to call from work when I was heading home (I worked the closing shift). They had the house I grew up in built specifically so that it wasn't wired with telephone, internet or cable. And we didn't have wireless internet for my room until I was a sophomore in college. I worked for what I wanted and needed and because of that I appreciate what I've got more and love my parents to death for the lessons they taught me both financially and ethically.

On the flip side, I new a girl in HS that was given a brand new Ford Mustang for her 16th birthday. I won't own a Mustang for as long as I live because of her and how she acted because of how she was raised and was given everything for nothing. I have little to no respect for people like that.

khskr1

I used to know a guy many years ago who made a couple of mil a year, but he still made his son earn his allowance in order to teach him how to properly manage what he had. Obviously he spoiled his kid to a certain extent (christmas, birthday's etc), but other than that, he had to take the trash out just like every other kid adn earn money for toys and material items. I always admired them for that!!

Triquetra

Definitely not! You are setting them up for failure if they are unable to maintain their lifestyle and you'll be supporting them forever. Even though I can afford plenty for my children I still bring home used clothing "which they call New to Me clothes" and are just as happy to see as the designer brand name stuff. I have taken them to donate items/toys to the shelter so they can see how other people live and they get an allowance for their extras. I prefer to make sure my kids will be able to make choices/budget to thrive no matter what their future income vs getting them accustomed to having the newest, latest and greatest all the time as this is something they may not be able to afford to sustain on their own in the future....and I don't plan on supporting them once they are able to work (ie done school, have a career or their own place).

gabi_ele

I think we are doing our children a dissevice if we give them everything they want.
1) they get so used to STUFF, it's nothing special anymore to get a new game or toy
2) since they get anything they want, why take care of it
3) if the family situation changes( job loss, health problems and other) it's like a double whammy because they now have to
adjust to even more changes
4) a lot of children that are given everything are selfish
5) we take away the satisfaction of earning something and being proud of themselves for accomplishing a task
6) when they grow up they don't know how to handle money
OK there are a lot more things I think are wrong with that picture but I have to put my soapbox away anf go do my dishes....

mstanley

My husband seems to go back and forth on this issue. He wants our daughter (age 7) to have more than he had, but he doesn't want her to be spoiled! I do spoil her some, but she doesn't get everything she wants (she says I only know how to say NO!, but that's not true). For instance, she wanted a Nintendo DS for Christmas, but I knew her grandparents were buying her a Wii. I did not want her to get both, but I had already bought the DS, and I wanted her to have it for long trips. So, she did not get the DS for Christmas, but she still wanted one. Therefore, I made her save her allowance each week until she had saved up enough money to buy it (she did not know I already had it), and she just recently was able to get her DS.

shellee9tj

Absolutely not!! I have 3 kids and if I had all the money in the world I still wouldn't give them everything. I was brought up to earn what you get and I am happy that I was so I am raising my children the same way!!

pipinana

If I had ALL the money in the world I'd probably give them what they wanted. The way I figure is that it isn't the STUFF that spoils them, it's when you replace the STUFF with your TIME.
Like, people who get their kids whatever they want just to shut them up: spoiled.
People who spend time with their kids, teach them, show them how to live right by setting examples etc., plus give them what they want: okay.

STUFF is what spoils them though! All it teaches them is "oh mom and dad will just get me another toy (if it broke), or they'll just get me the next greatest thing that comes out..." I just feel like this country has become a country of need need need, want want want... The more you give the more they want... If you give a person a fish they'll eat for a day... If you TEACH them to fish, they'll eat for a lifetime.

ican♥and♥iwill

If I had all the money in the world, I would give my children alot of things (more then they have now) BUT I would also give them responsibility, an allowance (which they MUST EARN) and the knowledge that not everything in life is free.

This.

pipinana

I agree with you that you don't want to give your kids everything they want. It builds character and appreciation when your kids have to work for what they have.

To the one that said wait til you have kids and see if you would help. There is a difference between helping and enabling. Even when your kids are grown we want to be able to help our children and sometimes there is still a need to help them even after they are married. The difference is however that just because you help them doesn't mean that you can't still hold them responsible to pay it back.

We had to borrow money from our mother-in-law to help pay back some bills. We give her checks to pay it back every month. I think as long as your kids are working hard and still need a bit of help to get through some tough times then we as parents are responsible to help when we can.

But for the kids out there reading this, notice the word "help". Don't take advantage of your parents just because they are your parents. We ourselves have worked hard to get to where we are so that we can be able to help if needed. don't disrespect your parents by just taking what they give and expect it to occur just because you are in difficult times.

Oh yes, I totally agree! helping and enabling are two totally different things. If you need help when you're in a jam, and plan on paying them back, totally fine.

Vallandingham

I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.

pipinana

I think we are doing our children a dissevice if we give them everything they want.
1) they get so used to STUFF, it's nothing special anymore to get a new game or toy
2) since they get anything they want, why take care of it
3) if the family situation changes( job loss, health problems and other) it's like a double whammy because they now have to
adjust to even more changes
4) a lot of children that are given everything are selfish
5) we take away the satisfaction of earning something and being proud of themselves for accomplishing a task
6) when they grow up they don't know how to handle money
OK there are a lot more things I think are wrong with that picture but I have to put my soapbox away anf go do my dishes....

I agree with all this!

Alita2011

I have three daughters. If I had all the money in the world. They would get less than half of what they want and all of what they need. Who says my wealth is theirs. On another note, if we give them everything they what will they work towards what will be their goals in life be besides spend my money.

pipinana

Absolutely not!! I have 3 kids and if I had all the money in the world I still wouldn't give them everything. I was brought up to earn what you get and I am happy that I was so I am raising my children the same way!!

I was raised the same way, and am PROUD of the person I am because I earned it ALL BY MYSELF! I paid my way through college, I bought my first car at 17, I got my first job at 15, I bought a HOUSE at age 21... I may not have liked it as a kid, but I sure as hell appreciate what my parents did for me now! I'm a better, more independent person for it. I DID IT, not my parents.

pipinana

I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.

Sooooooo you don't think it's important for kids to learn responsibility?

havingitall

My kids are 17 and 19 and they pay their own cell phone, play money, etc. My 19 year old has his own car that he paid for, including insurance, gas and repairs. I pay for necessities like foo, clothing and shelter.

If you give you child everything, they will never appreciate what they have and they will never be independent. What happens when you die?

mstanley

I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.

Sooooooo you don't think it's important for kids to learn responsibility?

I think what Vallandingham is trying to say is that at this point in their lives, they have learned responsibility and they are good people, so he would not feel bad about giving them things. It's like the saying - it's better to give than receive. It is nice to give things to those you love and see the joy it brings them. More than likely you will be leaving them an inheritance when you are gone if you have all the money you could want, so why not give them some things now so you can see them enjoy it. I do NOT agree with completely spoiling your children, but if they are grown and have learned how to be responsible adults, then I don't think you're really spoiling them at that point.

pipinana

I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.

Sooooooo you don't think it's important for kids to learn responsibility?

I think what Vallandingham is trying to say is that at this point in their lives, they have learned responsibility and they are good people, so he would not feel bad about giving them things. It's like the saying - it's better to give than receive. It is nice to give things to those you love and see the joy it brings them. More than likely you will be leaving them an inheritance when you are gone if you have all the money you could want, so why not give them some things now so you can see them enjoy it. I do NOT agree with completely spoiling your children, but if they are grown and have learned how to be responsible adults, then I don't think you're really spoiling them at that point.

Just the way he said 'build character... whatever' made it sound like all the talk about teaching your kids to be responsible characters was crap....

There is a difference in 28 and 16. Yes I agree that the 28 yo has probably learned to be responsible and not take things for granted from Dad, but the 16 yo?? Also, my point at the beginning of the post was that my co-worker has been helping out her son who's 32... She's buying him a new truck.... She also said to me later that she's been supplementing his income since he got out of HS. I mean, I just think that the reason she's still supporting him is because she never could say no...

tubbytabbytales

Nope, I'm a strong believer in learning work ethic. I don't want my children to be spoiled, and they need to learn the value of money.

mommared53

Well I happen to have kids. Two grown kids but still my kids and I believe kids need to know the value of working for what they have. I believe you appreciate it more it you have to work for things. So I agree with original poster. You can tell your co-workers that this old 56 year old woman with grown kids agrees with you.

Just re-read the original post and I want to add this. When I was a teenager and into adulthood, I worked and paid for my own cars. My daughter also worked and paid for her own cars when she was a teenger and as an adult. My son doesn't drive because we can't afford a car right now (we either walk or bus it) but he would be buying his own car too. Where did this idea come from that you have to buy your children an automobile? My parents never got that memo.

simona1972

I dont have children, but I would say...if I had all the money in the world nobody would know about it! That would just be my little secret.

I have nieces and a nephew who live with me but I wouldnt give them everything ... they're spoiled enough as it is and we're lower-middle class!

pipinana

You can tell your co-workers that this old 56 year old woman with grown kids agrees with you.

LMAO - I needed that laugh today... :P