QUESTION OF THE DAY:

TheMaidOfAstolat

No way!
My daughter (who is 6) not only has chores to earn money...but some chores are expected and should not have a monetary attachment...these include scrapeing her plate and putting the dishes in the dishwasher, putting her laundry away, feeding the dogs, helping in the yard, and making sure her room is kept neat. She can earn money by doing other things...helping with the laundry, picking up the family room, dusting, helping bathe the dogs, ect.
If she wants to earn money she'll ask for chores she doesn't normally do. She also has 3 piggy banks...one is for herself, one is for savings, and one is for charity and church tithes. She already knows basic fractions because she must give 10% to church, 40% for savings and 50% for her personal wants. Giving children more than whats nessicary sets them up for failure.
When I was in highschool there were students driving Lexuses, BMWs, and there was even a Jag...I have no idea what happened to those kids but I feel sorry for their parents. My daughter will have to buy her car and pay her own gas, we'll front her the insurance costs. I am more than willing to put her though college but she will have to pay for her books.
We as a society already give our children so much that they expect their job to give them the same amount of money...it's sad really.

Vallandingham

I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.

Sooooooo you don't think it's important for kids to learn responsibility?

I think what Vallandingham is trying to say is that at this point in their lives, they have learned responsibility and they are good people, so he would not feel bad about giving them things. It's like the saying - it's better to give than receive. It is nice to give things to those you love and see the joy it brings them. More than likely you will be leaving them an inheritance when you are gone if you have all the money you could want, so why not give them some things now so you can see them enjoy it. I do NOT agree with completely spoiling your children, but if they are grown and have learned how to be responsible adults, then I don't think you're really spoiling them at that point.

Just the way he said 'build character... whatever' made it sound like all the talk about teaching your kids to be responsible characters was crap....

There is a difference in 28 and 16. Yes I agree that the 28 yo has probably learned to be responsible and not take things for granted from Dad, but the 16 yo?? Also, my point at the beginning of the post was that my co-worker has been helping out her son who's 32... She's buying him a new truck.... She also said to me later that she's been supplementing his income since he got out of HS. I mean, I just think that the reason she's still supporting him is because she never could say no...

Of course I think it's important to be responsible. At this point in time, I have done what I can to help them to become the persons that they are.

I don't believe that my 28 yr old has any more character than my 16 yr old. The only difference is 12 yrs experience. They have all been raised with the same values and, for the most part, relate in the same ways, have the same values, etc.

By the way, my 16 yr old,has a job, has skipped a grade, and,, as a junior, already has the prerequisites to attend our State College. 3.96 GPA. Plays 3 sports.

While I have a very close relationship with all my girls, I have never bought them a car, loaned them money or co-signed on a loan. They are all self-sufficient. All living on their own, except the 16 yr old.

Having said all that, were I come into unlimited wealth, I would spend it all on them and their children when and if they have them. And, since I would be filthy rich, it would be unlikely that I would be swayed by others opinions. Actually...I rarely consult others, other than my wife and girls, when making personal decisions now.

Vallandingham

By the way, pipiana, if my response sounds terse, I apologise. I have a bad habit of being direct. You're observations are valid.

pipinana

By the way, pipiana, if my response sounds terse, I apologise. I have a bad habit of being direct. You're observations are valid.

Haha naw, not at all... I may have jumped the gun anyway in what I said to you, sorry...

I think there's a big difference between kids under, say 13 and kids in their 20's you know? I was a lot like your 16 yo, so I can appreciate you being so proud of her. I guess everyone matures differently. I know I did.

I just get so angry when parents give their kids whatever the H they want starting from day one (guess I should have been more specific in the age range, haha) I worked for everything I have and it hurts that there are so many people my age, who eventually will run this country, getting everything handed to them... Does that make sense?

JStarnes

I think it depends on if your kids are grown or not....

If I came into the worlds supply of money right now - no I wouldn't give my kids all that they ever want, I cannot teach them the value of money that way.

If I came into the worlds supply of money when my kids are grown (and this does not mean a number, this means when they can stand on their own 2 feet w/o any outside help - I'm 25 but more grown than my 28yr old brother) then yes, I'd give them everything they wanted.

Vallandingham

By the way, pipiana, if my response sounds terse, I apologise. I have a bad habit of being direct. You're observations are valid.

Haha naw, not at all... I may have jumped the gun anyway in what I said to you, sorry...

I think there's a big difference between kids under, say 13 and kids in their 20's you know? I was a lot like your 16 yo, so I can appreciate you being so proud of her. I guess everyone matures differently. I know I did.

I just get so angry when parents give their kids whatever the H they want starting from day one (guess I should have been more specific in the age range, haha) I worked for everything I have and it hurts that there are so many people my age, who eventually will run this country, getting everything handed to them... Does that make sense?

You make perfect sense. It scares me. My generation probably scared my parents' generation, though. Part of the cycle. We do the best we can and then fade out slowly.

I did the best I could when I was young. It's your turn now. Good Luck.

pipinana

By the way, pipiana, if my response sounds terse, I apologise. I have a bad habit of being direct. You're observations are valid.

Haha naw, not at all... I may have jumped the gun anyway in what I said to you, sorry...

I think there's a big difference between kids under, say 13 and kids in their 20's you know? I was a lot like your 16 yo, so I can appreciate you being so proud of her. I guess everyone matures differently. I know I did.

I just get so angry when parents give their kids whatever the H they want starting from day one (guess I should have been more specific in the age range, haha) I worked for everything I have and it hurts that there are so many people my age, who eventually will run this country, getting everything handed to them... Does that make sense?

You make perfect sense. It scares me. My generation probably scared my parents' generation, though. Part of the cycle. We do the best we can and then fade out slowly.

I did the best I could when I was young. It's your turn now. Good Luck.

*cries*



hahahaha

MTGirl

I wouldn't give them everything they wanted - I would be a candidate for "Clean House" if I did that!

However, I disagree with the statement "Giving your child more than the necessities is setting them up for failure" I do give my kids non-necessary things on more occassions than birthday's or holidays. Occassional treats are one of the things that makes life fun! In my view there has to be a balance between responsibility and fun - you need both. And a parent giving their child something just 'cuz is NOT setting them up for failure. A parent giving their child every little thing they want - yes. But a book or doll or note pad or poster here and there is not bad - it makes life a little more enjoyable.

XFitMojoMom

Okay okay - Mea Culpa! But they are only 4 and 2.5 - and I'm a bit of a kid in a candy shop when I see all the princess dress up stuff... All the things I was denied as a child or didn't do with my mom because my mom wasn't like that.

But I have an older brother and he feels as though he is "entitled" to things from my parents. He is 41 years old - my parents in the twilight years of their life and needing the little money they do have. The difference between my brother and I was a simple one. My parents didn't apply the same "rules". If he did something good (like get a mere C on hi report card), he was rewarded. If I wanted anything (and I was an honors student) I was told I needed to come up with half the amount and my parents would subsidize the other half until I could pay it off.