Should your spouse tell you when you need to loose weight?

rvane

I think no matter how nice they say it you will be hurt. Mine was very ugly about it and it has changed the way i feel about him.Im still angry.

dakotababy

Wow. if i ballooned up to 300lbs and my boyfriend was not feeling attracted to me anymore...i would really hope he would say something. Luckily after reading this, I asked him and he said that he would say something. I value that honest and open communication and even though it may hurt, deep down he would just be saying what I would be thinking anyway. I also would rather him be honest then run off with someone else or leave the relationship due to weight.

BelindaDuvessa

It all depends on how it's presented, especially when talking to a woman. I've told my husband that, as a matter of fact, but he'd also already expressed it himself. He hasn't mentioned it to me, exactly. But we have discussed weight loss on a number of occasions. But, we also have a relationship where neither of us has a problem being honest about things, including weight.

TheConsciousFoody

I asked my SO if he wanted to work out with me at home. I got a no. I asked him if he wanted to join the gym with me. I got a no. I tried to talk him out of drinking soda, eating a lot of processed food, junk food, ect ect but he isn't getting the hints. I've given up and since I don't want to flat out say "hey, you've gained a lot of weight". He is happy being over weight and picks on me for my new healthy lifestyle, which makes me know he has ZERO interest in changing his crappy diet and lack of exercise.

xxtaliaxx

I honestly think it hurts a lot more coming from a significant other than anyone else because you want their approval and you want them to be attracted to you and them telling you that you need to lose weight is embarrassing to hear and hurtful because it hurts your self esteem a little. I mean, that's how I look at it. I had my ex-boyfriend whisper in my ear "Are you sure you should be eating that?" when I was eating two oreo cookies. I was so hurt when he said that. I took it to heart and didn't want to talk to him for a while. But oddly enough, he loved my body and wanted nothing to change. He just sounded like an *kitten* whenever he said anything. I don't think he meant to hurt my feelings.

I guess it depends on the person, how it's said, and how they take it.

stacelee133

agreed!!

ashesfromfire

It wasn't exactly a "you need to lose weight" comment - but I did get a "she had the perfect body, you know, like what you looked like your senior year of high school...."
ouch - but it was true enough, I looked freakin GOOD three years ago and have gained a RIDICULOUS amount of weight since then. I was only hurt for a moment and it was about the time I was already realizing I needed to make a change in my health.
I also let him know when I could notice he'd put on weight

CherokeeBabe

My wife basically told me that my junk was getting shorter due to being a fatass. It got the point across, and that's all that matters.

LOL. Very true too, the usable inches start to get covered, not pleasant. I've dated an overweight gentleman or two, including one that gained 50lbs while I was with him. It got noticeable in the intimate department.

CraigG75

I think that it's all in the way that you come across. As long as it's coming from a loving place. Me and my wife have talked about it towards each other. You have to know the other person well enough and how they will handle the conversation. Tactfulness is good.

lisavirani

I just had this conversation with my boyfriend (of a couple years). I told him "why did you let me get this bad, why didn't you say anything?" He loved me no mater what I was looking like, and was plenty attracted to me still. Which is fantastic. I love him for that. And I decided to get healthy on my own, not because someone asked or told me to. HOWEVER, I am down 46 pounds now and he said "I was about to say something, I just didn't know what to say" So, he was thinking it, just didn't say it. That doesn't mean he is being mean, or controlling, or not loving me, etc, he was just worried about my health. I kind of wish he WOULD have said something, then I would have started this lifestyle change earlier... but, I know I probably would have been hurt if he had. I had self esteem issues anyways. So, him saying it after the fact is completely fine with me. I think if the spouse is worried about your health, not how hot you are naked, then it is okay to voice their opinion. Your spouse is supposed to be able to help you when you're in need, and care for you. Some people just need to be told to make better life choices.

mogletdeluxe

Shameless plug, but relevant - I blogged about this before (http://russianweightsandsmallerplates.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/sports-bras-partners-and-back-braces/).

I think that, provided it's done in the right manner and with good, supportive intentions, then your partner should never be criticised for giving you a nudge in the right direction.

SexyLovinmeCook

I really think it should be an open and ok topic between any couple...I do find that my significant other didn't mention it until the weight was majority loss and it kind of thru me because he never mentioned it before....Now as I have gotten more healthier he is stuck in his set way and watch while I eat better and workout daily...I have mentioned to him that he is picking up weight and need to do better with choices.. Anywho it is true when it comes from the heart it makes a difference...

mscoco10

I think all of you are right. As for my friend she's ex -military so not to much hurts her feelings. I think we all want to feel wanted by our S/O. As said before delivery is key and health is not the only issue. Your stats may be fine but extra weight can and will take its toll on your body. I think that even though it may hurt at first when you really think about it your glad to know.

JamesChargerWolf

Honesty in a relationship is paramount. Brutal honestly, not so much. Should my husband tell me to lose weight? YES

If I was unhappy with my weight and complained about my body but wasn't motivated? YES
If it was a health issue? YES
If I thought I looked great, loved myself, had no health issues but HE didn't like the way I looked? YES... so I knew to dump his *kitten*!

I think we all know who we married. And you know if it's coming from their issues or out of concern/support for you. So, do you want to know what they really think? That's up to you.

My hubs is awesome and he loves my curves, I don't think he ever had a problem with my size. But I had pain in my knees, very little energy and I wanted to lose weight. Now that I finally decided to do it, he's been very supportive. So he's exercising with me, he's eating healthy with me. He's even more likely to have tea with me "for dessert" instead of his normal Scotch!

callmeLyss

My husband never said anything to me about my weight, even when I had gained 20lbs within several months after I met him (because I moved in with him two hours away, quit my job and gym membership). Even when I mentioned the fact I had gained a bunch, he said he hadn't noticed. Regardless of if he actually noticed or really didn't, he never said anything. If he had ever said anything about that I would have been very upset. I obviously knew I had gained, but the last person I would want to hear it from would be him. But I guess if he was concerned about my health and he said it in a concerned way, not just flat out "hey, you are getting fat".

olDave

I think women are more likely to take offence. Either way...I don't see the need for a spouse to tell the other they need to lose weight. The overweight one already is aware.

ashlielinn

I'd probably be a little hurt at first, but it would definitely motivate me. I tell my boyfriend all the time to tell me if he thinks I'm gaining. I've worked really hard to get this far and still have more work to do, so I definitely don't want to lose any progress!

lacurandera1

it would be painful, but, really, wish my bf had said something when I started to get chubby bc then i could have stopped it earlier.

lacurandera1

I think women are more likely to take offence. Either way...I don't see the need for a spouse to tell the other they need to lose weight. The overweight one already is aware.

If you're literally overweight, yes, you're probably right. But if it's just an extra 10-20 lbs, it's really easy to ignore it. I didn't realize I was as big as I had gotten with an extra 20 lbs. My mental image of myself was virtually the same as it had been for the last decade, even though I was bigger and softer than I had ever been.

kristen6022

I'd prefer if my BF said something. It would probably hurt my feelings but I'd hate if I wasn't attractive to him. How if he did say that now (at 147lbs and 5'11) I think I'd deck him...