Why are you giving me advice?

Spokez70

I had to laugh reading this because it happened to me twice right after New Years. One family member and one coworker- both of them know I dropped around 70lbs last year- both of them starting out on their own 'journey'- both of them trying to sell me on their concepts (the family member LITERALLY trying to sell me some detox product she's hocking)- and neither of them asking me anything about what I did to be somewhat successful. So yeah- my reply to both of them was pretty much the Robert Downey Jr. response... although I reallllly wanted to argue with the family member on the detox things she was posting all over Facebook but my wife said not to (and it was her Aunt so I haven't ...yet.) :noway:

wendybird5

The people who are just starting out on their latest diet journey are often excited about it ("THIS is the ONE that's GONNA WORK!") and so their enthusiasm compels them to share...don't take it personal it so much more about them then it is about you

^^This. They are probably just excited to be starting out and figure you would be interested in discussing nutrition and fitness since you've obviously been successful. Take it as a compliment that they know you pay attention to what you eat--so many others don't.

If it was just someone excited to share something that they wanted to try, that would be alright. But it wasn't even a discussion. It was "YOU need to do this..." I understand enthusiasm for a new plan, but to just come up and tell me what I need to do without an invite or even knowing what I was doing already was annoying.

I got told "you dont need to go to the gym, your skinny enough" .....

Yup, I'm starting to get that as well. Or the "Oh, you can eat this (insert not healthy food here) since you workout so much." Yes, I know I can. I just don't want to today.

pg3ibew

F@ck 'em.


It seems strangers that I meet for the first time are extremely interested in how I did it. (Makes me feel good)

It seems FRIENDS feel the need to tell me HOW I should continue. (Makes me wanna vomit on them)

Don't do that, or they'll call you bulimic.

lmao

Mistyfied_MD

Ah, don't let it bother you. You are right, of course, but on the other hand, maybe it's them showing their enthusiasm for losing weight and getting fit and that's their way of getting involved

cmcollins001

I really don't get a whole lot of the advice, I do, however, get a lot of "what/how are you doing?" However, if its not a magic pill, or special magic "diet," and I tell them about counting calories, eating real food, and exercising, then I get the eye roll and the "uh-huh, sure" nod....and then they walk away.

MyChocolateDiet

Seeing you all thin reminds them of dieting so they immediately begin to regurgitate the last weight loss idea they had Dr Oz being a popular show it's that. It's like if I meet a guy who likes say "Castle" and I just immediately start talking about the last episode. They are "telling" you what to do, because that's the modality of our generation. More info needed please. They think the more info they give you on weight loss the more weight you'll lose. They are new at it enough that they haven't figured out that you can't just add bits and pieces of different plans and have success so they think they are adding to your arsenal. When in reality they are insulting you because clearly you know what you're doing you are a walking "exhibit A".

I had a friend who dieted this way just adding more and more restrictions from every new faddy diet until of course she lost weight because she wasn't eating much of anything and had excluded entire food groups.

I think the best approach is the Robert Downey Jr. advice because you gotta just let it roll off you and not take up too much of your time. Like literally interject after the first tip..."thank you that's an awesome tip!" (as though there were only going to be one). look them dead in the eye with a smile and then just walk away. Don't let more info derail your efforts and waste your time, you already know what you're doing.

A friend of mine is constantly telling me what her trainer says. If I want to hear from a trainer I'll hire one myself, not get 2nd hand hearsay intended for a different person and run with that? The minute I hear her going down that road I cut her off because she literally says "you should" and "you have to" and blah blah. That's called "should" -ing on someone, and it feels just as bad as the other kind of sh@#$-ing on someone. It's better to say this is what my trainer told ME to do. But dr oz's recommendations are for EVERYONE, right? RIGHT?

tndejong

the thing that bothers me the most is when people can not believe that to lose weight that its all in exercise and watching what you eat. many thing i have lost weight with a diet plan or pills. very not true! then i have had people like my sister that i feel i have to babysit. she wants to lose weight. she will come with me to the gym. but i have to tell her what to do at the gym and then she will go home and eat a 1000 calorie dinner of taco bell.

and i know your venting. but a lot of people. me included are newbies on here. so if we comment, that is exactly as people are speaking.. excited that they found stuff that has worked. and even though you have lost a lot of weight. doesnt make you or anyone an expert. when we get into losing weight, it is on our minds all the time. its all we talk about and think about. the hard part is you losing and getting to your goal weight and keeping it off.

i do agree about the stupid VI diets and such. i have a friend on facebook into that crap. i love picking on her and questioning everything about it. its like 250 bux for that crap!

ashleydmassey

I've had something strange happen recently and wondered if anyone else has experienced this. This year so far I've had some people come up to offer me unsolicited advice about my diet. Normally this is generally annoying when it is people who don't even know what I'm eating regularly and when I wasn't even asking them in the first place. But the biggest reason it irked me was that it came from people just starting out on their own weight loss journey.

I enjoy when people share things that worked for them because sometimes something they did is something I decide to try out. And I have no problems asking for advice when I'm struggling. I'm not perfect and know I could still improve my nutrition and fitness routine. But to have someone just barely 20 pounds in come to me specifically to say "You need to eat this." or "You need to do this diet." without me even asking (and why is it always a Dr. Oz diet... *le sigh*) makes me want to scream. I'm only 6 pounds from my goal. I obviously have figured out some things to have gotten this far.

Anyone else running into people like this or am I just lucky?

I thought it was just "me" in this situation. Glad to hear it's not. Thanks for the post!

Melanie2345

Yes, I hate it! Its always people who've lost like 2lb!

elisa123gal

I find myself posting advice on here and i've only lost 6 pounds. Two things: i really want to participate...2. i have lost all my weight before and reached goal and did learn some great stuff doing it. I also learned some great stuff about how i gained it back.

so..often i shut down for a while and feel like i can't post until i've lost way more. But, in person I don't advise other people.especially someone like you who obviously has it figured out.:flowerforyou:

quirkytizzy

There are perhaps 5 people IRL that know I'm actively trying to lose weight - and no one else has broached the subject with me, so I don't get unsolicited advice. Those few people that know are content to let me go about my business, to which I'm very lucky for. Early on, the BF did snap out a few "Are you sure want to eat that?" comments, to which I replied yes, I did want to eat it and yes, I'd already accounted for it in my goal. After a while, he had to trust that I knew what I was doing.

I would get very frustrated if others pushed their agendas on me. Mad props to those who can handle it gracefully.

wendybird5

I find myself posting advice on here and i've only lost 6 pounds. Two things: i really want to participate...2. i have lost all my weight before and reached goal and did learn some great stuff doing it. I also learned some great stuff about how i gained it back.

so..often i shut down for a while and feel like i can't post until i've lost way more. But, in person I don't advise other people.especially someone like you who obviously has it figured out.:flowerforyou:

I understand that. When I started I wanted to post things to and I say post away. Sharing stuff you find is great because people who have tried it will be able to let you know what they've experienced it while the newer people can read that info and decide if it's something they want to do or not. Or better yet, since so many of the same things get asked over and over again, you can even just search the boards for past posts and find so much.

We all take what we need from the boards here and leave the rest which is as it should be. It's just the people who are coming up to me specifically to tell me what to do to lose my last six pounds when I didn't even ask in the first place that irk me. If I need help, I'll ask. But let me ask first. Don't just jump in and assume I need your help.

and i know your venting. but a lot of people. me included are newbies on here. so if we comment, that is exactly as people are speaking.. excited that they found stuff that has worked. and even though you have lost a lot of weight. doesnt make you or anyone an expert. when we get into losing weight, it is on our minds all the time. its all we talk about and think about. the hard part is you losing and getting to your goal weight and keeping it off.

I know that my success doesn't make me an expert and I would never directly tell anyone what I think they should do unless they asked me for my input. I'll post things I find that are working for me in case there is someone out there who might find the info useful, but I know it's not going to work for everyone. It's great that we are talking about this stuff because it is important for us.

I don't mind comments when I post things on my profile, to my awesome peeps (like you) or in the boards here on MFP; in fact I always enjoy them. It's great to see what other people have to share and I've ended up finding out about some new things I'd never heard of before. I just could do without the unsolicited advice when I haven't even asked for it.

Fatandfifty3

I don't know the answer really but wonder if these people actually admire what you have done and want to identify with you. Maybe be they like to think of you as their best bud and by telling you what to do, they get to 'share' your success. (They don't!) So perhaps a kind word (they have a long way to go!) is the best way forward. (I've got 95lbs to go!)

wendybird5

I really don't get a whole lot of the advice, I do, however, get a lot of "what/how are you doing?" However, if its not a magic pill, or special magic "diet," and I tell them about counting calories, eating real food, and exercising, then I get the eye roll and the "uh-huh, sure" nod....and then they walk away.

Yes, it is funny how upset people get when I tell them that. You'd think they'd be happy it wasn't something complex or super expensive.

I also get people who don't believe I was ever 200+ and think I couldn't possibly understand what they are going through. I keep my before and after photo on my phone now.

nicosuave2013

The people who are just starting out on their latest diet journey are often excited about it ("THIS is the ONE that's GONNA WORK!") and so their enthusiasm compels them to share...don't take it personal it so much more about them then it is about you

100% agreee with this

ninerbuff

Of course with my job, I'm always asked for advice. Now actually getting people to follow it is a different story altogether.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

wendybird5

I don't know the answer really but wonder if these people actually admire what you have done and want to identify with you. Maybe be they like to think of you as their best bud and by telling you what to do, they get to 'share' your success. (They don't!) So perhaps a kind word (they have a long way to go!) is the best way forward. (I've got 95lbs to go!)

:flowerforyou:

Yes, definitely not going to go off on them directly. (Hence I'm venting here instead.) I just wondered if this was a common thing as it came to me as a surprise since I hadn't experienced it until recently.

susanswan

The people who are just starting out on their latest diet journey are often excited about it ("THIS is the ONE that's GONNA WORK!") and so their enthusiasm compels them to share...don't take it personal it so much more about them then it is about you

This ^^

rockymtnlove

happens to me all the time. People think that because I am vegan they need to lecture me on protein and calcium, when they know jack **** about veganism

XDiet_SlayerX

I've had something strange happen recently and wondered if anyone else has experienced this. This year so far I've had some people come up to offer me unsolicited advice about my diet. Normally this is generally annoying when it is people who don't even know what I'm eating regularly and when I wasn't even asking them in the first place. But the biggest reason it irked me was that it came from people just starting out on their own weight loss journey.

I enjoy when people share things that worked for them because sometimes something they did is something I decide to try out. And I have no problems asking for advice when I'm struggling. I'm not perfect and know I could still improve my nutrition and fitness routine. But to have someone just barely 20 pounds in come to me specifically to say "You need to eat this." or "You need to do this diet." without me even asking (and why is it always a Dr. Oz diet... *le sigh*) makes me want to scream. I'm only 6 pounds from my goal. I obviously have figured out some things to have gotten this far.

Anyone else running into people like this or am I just lucky?

They don't push their advice on me because they would end up with slashed tires. I lost my weight years ago before all these fad diets came into play and people started getting common sense to lose weight and start exercising so my best advice for you is to simply just nod your head and smile. They will feel like an idiot and they should feel like one if they are trying to push advice on someone who has already lost a significant amount of weight or gained muscle weight through their own program. I do this scenario with other personal trainers who think their advice is superior to mine. You might know a few more scientific roles when it comes to eating and so forth. Although do they actually act out their own advice? I'm walking and talking evidence of my own. And it seems you are to. So keep doing your thing and let them eat their own words.