Why are you giving me advice?

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Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    There are perhaps 5 people IRL that know I'm actively trying to lose weight - and no one else has broached the subject with me, so I don't get unsolicited advice. Those few people that know are content to let me go about my business, to which I'm very lucky for. Early on, the BF did snap out a few "Are you sure want to eat that?" comments, to which I replied yes, I did want to eat it and yes, I'd already accounted for it in my goal. After a while, he had to trust that I knew what I was doing.

    I would get very frustrated if others pushed their agendas on me. Mad props to those who can handle it gracefully.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I find myself posting advice on here and i've only lost 6 pounds. Two things: i really want to participate...2. i have lost all my weight before and reached goal and did learn some great stuff doing it. I also learned some great stuff about how i gained it back.

    so..often i shut down for a while and feel like i can't post until i've lost way more. But, in person I don't advise other people.especially someone like you who obviously has it figured out.:flowerforyou:

    I understand that. When I started I wanted to post things to and I say post away. Sharing stuff you find is great because people who have tried it will be able to let you know what they've experienced it while the newer people can read that info and decide if it's something they want to do or not. Or better yet, since so many of the same things get asked over and over again, you can even just search the boards for past posts and find so much.

    We all take what we need from the boards here and leave the rest which is as it should be. It's just the people who are coming up to me specifically to tell me what to do to lose my last six pounds when I didn't even ask in the first place that irk me. If I need help, I'll ask. But let me ask first. Don't just jump in and assume I need your help.
    and i know your venting. but a lot of people. me included are newbies on here. so if we comment, that is exactly as people are speaking.. excited that they found stuff that has worked. and even though you have lost a lot of weight. doesnt make you or anyone an expert. when we get into losing weight, it is on our minds all the time. its all we talk about and think about. the hard part is you losing and getting to your goal weight and keeping it off.

    I know that my success doesn't make me an expert and I would never directly tell anyone what I think they should do unless they asked me for my input. I'll post things I find that are working for me in case there is someone out there who might find the info useful, but I know it's not going to work for everyone. It's great that we are talking about this stuff because it is important for us.

    I don't mind comments when I post things on my profile, to my awesome peeps (like you) or in the boards here on MFP; in fact I always enjoy them. It's great to see what other people have to share and I've ended up finding out about some new things I'd never heard of before. I just could do without the unsolicited advice when I haven't even asked for it.
  • Fatandfifty3
    Fatandfifty3 Posts: 419 Member
    I don't know the answer really but wonder if these people actually admire what you have done and want to identify with you. Maybe be they like to think of you as their best bud and by telling you what to do, they get to 'share' your success. (They don't!) So perhaps a kind word (they have a long way to go!) is the best way forward. (I've got 95lbs to go!)
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I really don't get a whole lot of the advice, I do, however, get a lot of "what/how are you doing?" However, if its not a magic pill, or special magic "diet," and I tell them about counting calories, eating real food, and exercising, then I get the eye roll and the "uh-huh, sure" nod....and then they walk away.

    Yes, it is funny how upset people get when I tell them that. You'd think they'd be happy it wasn't something complex or super expensive.

    I also get people who don't believe I was ever 200+ and think I couldn't possibly understand what they are going through. I keep my before and after photo on my phone now.
  • nicosuave2013
    nicosuave2013 Posts: 42 Member
    The people who are just starting out on their latest diet journey are often excited about it ("THIS is the ONE that's GONNA WORK!") and so their enthusiasm compels them to share...don't take it personal it so much more about them then it is about you :smile:

    100% agreee with this
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,973 Member
    Of course with my job, I'm always asked for advice. Now actually getting people to follow it is a different story altogether.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    I don't know the answer really but wonder if these people actually admire what you have done and want to identify with you. Maybe be they like to think of you as their best bud and by telling you what to do, they get to 'share' your success. (They don't!) So perhaps a kind word (they have a long way to go!) is the best way forward. (I've got 95lbs to go!)

    :flowerforyou:

    Yes, definitely not going to go off on them directly. (Hence I'm venting here instead.) I just wondered if this was a common thing as it came to me as a surprise since I hadn't experienced it until recently.
  • susanswan
    susanswan Posts: 1,194 Member
    The people who are just starting out on their latest diet journey are often excited about it ("THIS is the ONE that's GONNA WORK!") and so their enthusiasm compels them to share...don't take it personal it so much more about them then it is about you :smile:
    This ^^
  • rockymtnlove
    rockymtnlove Posts: 215
    happens to me all the time. People think that because I am vegan they need to lecture me on protein and calcium, when they know jack **** about veganism
  • XDiet_SlayerX
    XDiet_SlayerX Posts: 88
    I've had something strange happen recently and wondered if anyone else has experienced this. This year so far I've had some people come up to offer me unsolicited advice about my diet. Normally this is generally annoying when it is people who don't even know what I'm eating regularly and when I wasn't even asking them in the first place. But the biggest reason it irked me was that it came from people just starting out on their own weight loss journey.

    I enjoy when people share things that worked for them because sometimes something they did is something I decide to try out. And I have no problems asking for advice when I'm struggling. I'm not perfect and know I could still improve my nutrition and fitness routine. But to have someone just barely 20 pounds in come to me specifically to say "You need to eat this." or "You need to do this diet." without me even asking (and why is it always a Dr. Oz diet... *le sigh*) makes me want to scream. I'm only 6 pounds from my goal. I obviously have figured out some things to have gotten this far.

    Anyone else running into people like this or am I just lucky?
    They don't push their advice on me because they would end up with slashed tires. I lost my weight years ago before all these fad diets came into play and people started getting common sense to lose weight and start exercising so my best advice for you is to simply just nod your head and smile. They will feel like an idiot and they should feel like one if they are trying to push advice on someone who has already lost a significant amount of weight or gained muscle weight through their own program. I do this scenario with other personal trainers who think their advice is superior to mine. You might know a few more scientific roles when it comes to eating and so forth. Although do they actually act out their own advice? I'm walking and talking evidence of my own. And it seems you are to. So keep doing your thing and let them eat their own words.
  • joeq722
    joeq722 Posts: 86 Member
    Everybody wants to be a part of a pending success story - or in your case, a success story.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    I pretend I'm listening (20 years of marriage so I'm good at that lol) just smile and nod while making my shopping list in my head lol. Then just say thanks, smile and walk away lol. Cracks me up when my obese relatives think they know better yet can't lose the weight. Once I said so hows that working for you? LOL they never gave me diet advise again. oops!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Gracerrr
    Gracerrr Posts: 141
    Isn't this just life? Unsolicited advice comes from every direction, whether you are getting married, having a baby, moving, starting a new career, or losing weight. The list really goes on. For the most part, I think the "Mr. Stark" quote is perfect, just also remember that people are trying to offer their advice with good intentions. It's either because they care about you, want to be polite and make small talk, or they are insecure in their own choices and crave your feedback/approval/validation/whatever!
  • NaomiJFoster
    NaomiJFoster Posts: 1,450 Member
    Meh...it's probably like born again Christians or first time Moms. (no offense if you are a born again Christian or a first time Mom. I've been both, lol). They are just super gung ho and are probably happy they found a diet friend to talk at. ;)

    Just smile and nod.


    I was just going to say:

    It's just like religious converts and people in Recovery. They have spent so much of their lives 'searching' for something, and when they finally find it they want to shout it from the rooftops and bring everyone along with them to join this good feeling that they have.
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
    Yep. Most recently this happened with one of my best friends. She told me I should do the Atkin's diet, which is working really well for her husband. That's awesome for him, but I'd lost around 80 lbs at that point (he had lost 20 lbs or so). I'd obviously found what worked for me. When I said as much, she asked me what I was doing. I said, "Regular exercise and eating fewer calories." She goes, "Ohhh, my sister did that." Like I had just told her I was doing some new fad diet. LOL
  • KirstenTheFamilyCoach
    KirstenTheFamilyCoach Posts: 327 Member
    I'll admit that I'm guilty of doing this just this week. My teen daughter brought of slew of kids home to raid my house for lunch. One of them was complaining that she was having to drink cranberry juice becuase of a bladder infection. She was drinking a cranberry flavored can of something. Without thinking I read the ingredients alowed (none of which were cranberry juice) and pointed out that the first ingredient was water and the second was high fructose corn syrup. I then went on to say that she was doing her body more harm than good by drinking it and offered to make her some tea instead. I was coming from a good place though and maybe the people who were offereing you advice thought they were being helpful too.
  • Amy62575
    Amy62575 Posts: 422 Member
    I ask them...

    tumblr_m1tj3lJYyJ1qhac1v.gif
  • texastango
    texastango Posts: 309
    I ask them...

    tumblr_m1tj3lJYyJ1qhac1v.gif

    To Quote Katie Curric "Why Why Manti?" Sorry, but I digress. Use the force Luke!
  • ElGatoBB
    ElGatoBB Posts: 20
    It happens to me something similar because of my dietary restrictions: gluten intolerance, and currently such extreme sensitivity to all grains that my doctor had me cut out all grains altogether for six moths. Oh, you're one of those non-starchy people! Well, you know, it's kind of objectionable to describe my grain-induced diarrhea and flatus in public. Shall I pass you this piping Thanksgiving stuffing, my dear?
  • Doodlewhopper
    Doodlewhopper Posts: 1,018 Member
    Maybe theyre not trying to give advice so much as trying to share a common interest.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    Maybe theyre not trying to give advice so much as trying to share a common interest.

    Very true. There is a difference. I can usually tell which they're doing. There are those that will say xyz worked for me and then there are those who will say...you know what you should do? I usually get the "you know what you should do?" from my obese relatives. lol Makes you want to say well why aren't you trying it? lol just to see the look on their faces. :laugh:
  • redladywitch
    redladywitch Posts: 799 Member
    This happens to me. I can understand the frustration. In fact, it happened this morning while I went out to coffee with a good friend. She was telling me that I *should* try alfalfa capsules. (No, I have allergies to most things including alfalfa) Then she said, Oh! You *should* try licorice root! (No, I have high blood pressure....I won't do that) She didn't suggest anything else.
  • AmazonRDH
    AmazonRDH Posts: 203 Member
    people think they are helping or sharing and aren't very good at the info delivery. don't get mad though, they most likely honestly think they are helping you (even though you got it down pat and could offer them some help!) ---my husband is like that. i've finally learned not to fight with him every time he tells me i should've eaten this or that or done another exercise or how i should plan my jogging schedule, LOL. he means well..... take it with a grain of salt.

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