I dont fit in

kimleroy

If you have one available to you at your college, I would recommend talking to a therapist about this. Social anxiety is a real disorder and there are a lot of different ways out there to help you deal with it. One treatment I remember learning about in one of my psych classes is a group session, where its just a bunch of people with social anxiety together to talk. They get to practice having conversations without having to worry about being judged or looking silly because the person they're talking to is dealing with the same exact issues.

mgnmsn

Just because you feel like you don't fit in, doesn't mean there aren't people just like you out there. They are probably just home reading a good book and doing their homework.

LoL, this is basically what my mom said to me when I asked her why I couldn't find a woman like me when I was 16. "It's going to be hard for you to find a woman even remotely like you, because right now, she's doing the same **** you are. At home, playing video games and reading political history books, wondering why the hell there's no one like her around."

lol this is great. i happened to find my socially awkward love when i was 14. he was my first kiss and am so glad to have found him early. what are the chances so young!

but in all seriousness, stay true to yourself and let the pieces fall into place. get out there when you're comfortable with it and love yourself!

ETA: i too have horrible anxiety, even going to ethan's family dinner tonight (despite knowing all of them for 7 years) makes me sick to my stomach... much love to all of you.

anybeary

One of the best strategies I've come up with to battle feeling like I never have anything to talk about is to think about things you can talk about BEFORE you get into social situations. So, if I'm on my way to a party, or on my way to go see a band at a club, I'll think of a half a dozen different topics that I can launch into at a moment's notice to fill any awkward silence. I might talk about the book I'm reading, or a new band I've been listening to, or something from the news, or just any general pop culture reference. It has really helped me! The key is to bring something up, then if the other person seems comfortable talking, you let them go on about the book THEY just finished, or a band THEY just heard, etc. Then, hey, you're having a conversation! Also, ask follow up questions to things that people say. If you know you have common interests with the people you're going to be spending time with, it's even a good idea to do research before you go out, so that you have interesting contributions to the conversations. This will really help you feel more confident.

coradylir

I know how you feel. Been that way my whole life. As I've gotten older, many of my friends have moved on in their lives, and I still live at home with my mom. I feel as though life is just slipping past, and don't know how to stop it, to embrace it. Since I've lost a lot of friends, and have lost many family members in passing, I find it harder and harder to try and talk to people. I've always been really shy, and social environments have made me feel like a wallflower. Even when I try to talk to others I feel as though I'm boring them and they don't want to hang out with me. No one ever asks me to do anything. And quite often when I do get to hang out with people, they judge me for being so quiet, and some of them say that I'm stuck up. It's really hard to deal with people that have no idea what you're going through.

jnorman_2

Dear Doesn't Fit in,

Why do you think that not fitting in is a bad thing? Not smlking or drinking and out of control partying shows that you have self control and are a thinking person. Very rare in this live for today world. i am curious why you have decided to take the path not so often taken by young people. It may be that you haven't met a thinking person like yourself as of yet.

I to walk the narrow path. I do it because I have faith in God's Word which tells us that the life today without faith tn the True God can be meaningless and a road that goes no where. I have friends because I am discerning and pick people who tend to be a little more serious about life and do not want to make the serious mistakes often made in youth..

i am not your age. I have 3 children your age who also walk a narrower path and are discerning as to who they call a friend.
I think you are wrong to feel you are the person out of step with everyone else. You should feel that you need to find a friend who walks in your footsteps not the other way around. Look for friends that take life seriously, feel they have a higher being to answer to, their God, find out who he is in Psalms 83:18 and search out how to follow in His footsteps. Then, not only will you be happy but lead a fulfilling and selfless life. That is something all people respect but few attain to. I wish you great success and if you want to know exactly where to look search out www.jw.org. You may find out that there are far more young people who feel exactly as you do! Best wishes for a happy future1

fire2heart

I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world

Gallowmere1984

I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world

It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us.

Going4Lean

I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

everything you wrote applies to me completely. It's not easy for me to let people in at all.

liittlesparrow

I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

I felt bad that I didn't quite fit in either, but I pretty much said screw it, I'm a little different. This is who I am and certain people will love you for it, you just gotta find those people, and they will be the ones you let in. It's hard, and lonely sometimes, but they're out there. Embrace the way you are! Find people with similar interest. Do what you love and you will find people. Keep your head up

whierd

I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world

It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us.

Yeah, I do quite well despite being an introvert. I can speak well and with confidence when necessary. It doesnt have to be crippling.

crystallynnl

I feel the same as you

eemielwy

I love this thread so much! I have anxiety, PTSD and am an HSP, so not only am I introverted, but I'm highly sensitive to the feelings, attitudes and noise around me. I don't even like to be in certain rooms because of the way they're made up, when it's bad. It can be very stressful if you aren't taking good care of yourself properly. Counseling is good! Also, look for a local HSP or "highly sensitive persons" meetup. They're shy, quiet people who get together for gradual socialization in non-chaotic environments. They'll understand what you're going through.

Ghkffb56

I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

haha we could be bffs.. im the same way.. well i guess we would never talk LOL.. .. your not alone hun ...

meshashesha2012

sorry you're having a hard time.

i had a similar issue when i first went away to college because i was raised by a sheltered parent who had social anxiety herself so i never really got out much for socializing plus i went to a college where there were HUGE class differences between me and most other people there (for instance my roommates biggest financial problems were deciding between a gold mercedes or a silver one and the fact that she couldnt take out more than $450 in cash a day from the atm. i came from a home where our financial prioblem was whether or not we'd have enough food for 3 meals a day :laugh: )

my advice would be to meet people based on your hobbies. join some extra curricular things. i'm 41 now and some of my best mates are still people that i met through rugby. i also bonded with a 2 really good people who i met over a break because we were the only poor losers who couldnt afford to go back home and we met foraging over cheap food at the local grocery store because the dining center was closed

cessnaholly

I am totally the same way. You might consider joining a toastmasters club. That is a great place to practice talking to other people. I get butterflies even when I go out with friends. I joined toastmasters 8 years ago and now I am able to be with people more.

laynie878

As someone who is older, let me tell you it does get better with time. I think the older you get the more comfortable you get in your own skin. You also realize that what other people think is not so important. I went through the same sort of thing you did in college--I wanted so badly to be like the others and fit it. Most of the time I just came off as awkward. You just need to find a good, small core group of friends with similar interests. I agree with others that you should put yourself out there whether it be for a job or joining a youth group or club. The more you learn to fake the small talk, the better you become in social situations. I teach now and I am in front of people all the time--students, parents, etc. You can learn how to act extroverted even if it's not your natural tendency. Now if it's so bad that you literally have anxiety attacks over social situations, I recommend seeing a therapist. Been there too, and I guarantee it will help.

Sharon_C

My therapist had me do a "thought record" where I would go through what made me scared and what was the "worst possible situation". Usually it was being embarrassed and then I realized that no one would even care if I embarrassed myself. I can't think of a certain situation. But try and get down to that root cause. You're scared you'll make a fool of yourself? Well really, who is going to care? It's not like you'll be made fun of (for the most part, adults don't really "make fun" of others - I know I was scared of this as a kid but it isn't an issue so much anymore).

I use this technique all the time. My anxiety doesn't come from social settings--I'm actually pretty outgoing. My anxiety is work related. I'm terrified of making a mistake at work. I know, weird, right? But by asking myself this question, I stop obsessing about little mistakes. I've had to learn how to stop myself from mentally going over my day minute by minute looking for any tiny mistake I made.

I have to add that I'm not a brain surgeon or have any sort of job that could mean life or death to someone. I sell makeup for gosh sakes. But I still have a lot of anxiety about my job performance.

Anyway (I got off topic there), by asking myself that question, it relieves a lot of anxiety.

Cp731

Lots of Hugs for all the sweeties who bare their soles on this thread.

fire2heart

I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world

It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us.

As long as no one gets seriously hurt, ya.... that will give me a good chuckle

TeachTheGirl

Goodness, I see myself in so many of these posts.

I've been having major social anxiety lately and I've found that if I force myself into those situations that make me uncomfortable, it helps a little. Hoping building it up over time will teach me not to be so afraid of what others might think of me...

monkeyham13

Thanks for all the replies! I read every single one, and they all made me feel better to know I'm not the only one struggling. I will definitely check out that book a few people recommended. Good Luck to you all

toomuchbootyindapants

While it certainly sounds like you are an introvert - you don't have to settle for feeling awkward and shy all the time. Reading some books on how to talk to people may help settle your anxiety. My husband is an introvert and I think I recall him saying he really liked reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There are a lot of good "self-help" books out there that teach you how to relate to people so you won't feel so alone, awkward, nervous, etc.

NattyLeilani

Obviously, you're not alone!!

I like being home. Alone. I always have. I also enjoy going out, but with a couple of GOOD friends...not random strangers. College parties always gave me anxiety, so I stuck to small house parties with people I knew. These days (as a wife and mother), I go out with girlfriends once a month to feed my need for friends. But most of my interactions with them are not in person (facebook, texting).

What you really need to do is explore who YOU are. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior because you're not an extrovert. Figure out what makes you tick, and I think you'll do fine.

Cindy873

I can relate to everything you are experiencing. I was painfully shy growing up and I've always been an introvert. As I've gotten older I've learned to open up with people with whom I'm comfortable and bluff my way through situations that make me uncomfortable. I've almost had to train myself to not overthink things because realistically most of my issues are in my head. And I guess I'm pretty good at bluffing because I've had people act shocked when I mention that I'm an introvert and uncomfortable in many social situations. Ultimately, you can't change who you are at the core; you can only adapt your behavior to find your own comfort level.

committed120

I am the same way. I have a hard time in social settings. I moved two years ago and have not made many friends that i hang out with. I want to throw up for days before an event of any kind and God help me if I have to get up in front of a crowd, which my job requires from time to time.

I am working on it. I am trying to learn to be comfortable in my own skin with who I am and enjoy life. I am so afraid of heights, but I'm making plans to go skydiving in the near future. It's my reward for when I lose the next twenty-five pounds. I'm gonna do it afraid and start facing my fears.

I know they say people like people who have confidence, but I think I like people who have courage. Courage helps me to do things I don't always have the confidence to do. Good luck!

Micahroni84

Ive dealt with social anxiety since i was about 12. it was so severe at times that i would get nauseous and light headed so I know how you feel and what you need to do is learn to embrace it. Instead of being loud, funny and chatty you can be thoughtful, and mysterious which are great qualities too. Being a social butterfly is over rated and gets old and exhausting. Just be you and have fun sitting back and observing others. You might find the more you watch the less you want to become and extrovert. I know that has been the case for me,

Absonthebrain

and here i am thinking i was the only one like this.. however i stopped caring a loooong time ago. Ironically you just found out just from replies on this post that you're not abnormal. I am the exact same way and married the exact opposite so i have the perfect balance in life lol. You have to be who you are, some of the most successful and brilliant people in history were the exact same way. The fact that you do not party, drink etc is another plus. Some do it and some don't there are two sides to everything. I've just learned to not judge anyone for their choices and live free and peaceful.

PS you do fit in, you're just trying to fit in the wrong place

Well said! I am the same way too and my hubby is the extra social one.

jimmyalice1984

I don't suffer from social anxiety at all, in fact, quite the opposite, but I always envy quiet people, sometimes I think I need to keep my mouth shut a lot more often. There's nothing wrong with sitting quietly and observing and listening to what's going on around you. Don't feel like everyone who is outgoing can't appreciate you for who you are, we don't all expect or want everyone to be as annoying as we are! Just be yourself and you will find that over time all sorts of people will be drawn to you naturally and appreciate you, you'll find your own niche and you will meet people who gradually you will feel comfortable talking to, even if it's only a few words here and there. Always be yourself.