Binge Eating... Do you Own up?
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Regarding the mentality of a binge, for me it's not related to calorie count as such - rather the way it makes me feel. Does the need feel urgent, forbidden - and then the subsequent comedown leave me with guilt and shame? Then yeah, it's a binge. My last binge was a few weeks ago with 10 ginger nut biscuits. Not a massive calorie count, but excessive and uncalled for, and certainly down to my loss of control (my binges of old were far larger, and far more frequent. But, for me, a binge is a binge is a binge).
I often binge alone, unless it's a party with a buffet, for example. Then it seems perfectly acceptable to go back for thirds. I actually am worse at buffets these days than when I was fat, as I was painfully aware that I would be a parody of a Fat Chick.
I am in a long-distance relationship and see my partner every other weekend. I train hard every day, so when I go to see him I tend to ease off a little for some serious R&R (he's adamant that I relax a bit on our weekends, for my own good). Our weekends largely involve long strolls, punctuated by pints in the pub and comfort food. Prime example - we were cuddled up on the sofa munching on pizza, salted peanuts and Dairy Milk on Saturday. I don't doubt that I went over my calorie goal. But he has taught me to realise that, personally, it's not the end of the world. I won't be Fat Girl all over again because I put a few more slices in my gob.
But! He knows I will get a little antsy, and therefore will pack our rucksacks and we'll go for a long, leisurely walk the next day.
In sharing my anxieties about binging and overeating, I've managed to feel a lot more in control of the situation and thankful that someone has listened without judgement. Binging was one of my greatest shames, and by being more open about it (and logging them when they happen) makes me feel like I have some semblance of control.0 -
I've always had a tendency to binge eat, but it's been such a part of my life for the last six years that the binges have been virtually end to end, and I'm amazed that I haven't binged once yet since starting with MFP.
My food issues go back decades, literally, but I gave it some real thought over Christmas and did manage to get a handle on what's prompted me to stack on most of my excess weight and what I've been doing to encourage it. Six years back, I was a single parent and was so broke that there was one time when me and the kids spent two weeks living on not much more than slowly rotting peaches and the half a dozen ready meals that I'd had stashed away in the freezer for emergencies. I'll never forget how the baby cried because all I had to give her was a pre-packed chili that was too spicy for her, and how soul-destroyingly bad I felt about it. This is not intended to be a sob story, but to shed some light on what happened next.
Not long after that, I got with my husband and we ended up living close to a huge 24/7 hypermarket on the edge of town. At a certain time twice a day, morning and evening, they mark the the perishable food down in price, often quite substantially. Fruit, vegetables, sometimes the meat and fish, creamy dairy puddings etc and cakes and buns. Especially cakes and buns. Sigh. Finances had improved, and I began to pride myself on just how much food I could get for our money by being in the right place at the right time. There were always pasta salads in the fridge (drowning in highly calorific dressings) and sugary chilled desserts, and a big pile of cakes and pastries on the back of the counter that never seemed to go down - all boasting vibrant stickers which told of how cheap they were.
And of how close they were to the 'eat by' date too, which was where it was all going horribly wrong. There's actually only so much that a family with normal appetites can eat, and I hate waste. The only thing I hate more than food getting wasted is listening to my husband banging on about how much HE hates food getting wasted. Keen to prove to him, that my 'bargains' weren't getting wasted, I'd spend all my time eating them myself - but having to pretend that everybody else was eating them too. I became an expert at taking a dessert out of the fridge and sticking two in my pockets while nobody was looking, or carrying a doughnut through the lounge in a really deep bowl so no-one would notice that there were another couple stashed underneath it (I always eat upstairs away from the family - I've had a problem with eating in front of people all my adult life, and they're used to it).
A lot of the time I didn't even want the stuff, but I was so determined to get my bargains that sometimes I'd even stash a few cakes in my handbag before I got home so that my husband wouldn't see them and complain about how we couldn't possibly eat everything I was buying. And then I'd feel obliged to eat them in secret before they went stale whether I wanted them or not. You'd have thought it would have taken me a lot less than six years to cotton on that this wasn't normal behaviour, but no. As long as food was coming into the house, I didn't care. I didn't tell anyone, much less my husband. It's only recently that I've realised that a lot of it was down to an unacknowledged dread of being left to feed the kids rotten peaches again.
Understanding why has made a huge difference. I let the pile of cakes on the counter dwindle to nothing in January, and haven't bought any more. It says a lot that not only has nobody complained, nobody has even noticed. I still find it hard to resist a 'reduced' sticker, but I'm a lot more careful about what I give into now and give into a lot less. This morning's haul amounted to four boxes of end-of-line energy bars with a very long date on them, a low calorie betroot salad and the reduced price stewing steak that we're having for tea. I can't call myself a reformed character though, because even though I stay within my calorie allowance most days I find it really difficult to take food from the kitchen without hiding what I'm doing.
I doubt I've knocked the bingeing on the head entirely, but I'm definitely trying to make better choices now. Thanks to the OP for asking, and sorry you almost got a novel back in response. I meant it when I said I'd never told anyone and I know I never will, but I think that getting it out there somewhere is one more step towards getting it gone
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Bump0
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I haven't "binge eaten" in a very long time. At least not how I would define it. I exceeded my calorie intake this weekend by several hundred calories on Friday and Saturday, but it was a planned event that I allowed myself.
When I was having a particularly bad day, I would leave the office early and eat fast food in my car in a parking lot somewhere, dispose of the food bags and go back to work. Then I would pretend it didn't happen and go to lunch with my co-workers and eat whatever we decided as a group to eat. When I got back to the office, I would get in the elevator, find a different floor from my office, and I would go purge. After all that, I would find someone to lie to about the whole event -- tell them that I was skipping dinner or that I had skipped breakfast. Then I would go home and tell whoever would listen that I had skipped lunch and was starved for a big dinner out.
The lying was almost as important as the eating. It used to be a serious problem for me and often ended with me trying to purge, with panic attacks, anger, grief, and more stress. Then I would cycle back into taking diet pills and starving myself. It took me years to overcome this.0 -
I'm guilty of this as well... It usually happens when I get home from work. I know I have a good 45 minutes before my husband comes home, that's when I strike, start stuffing my face with whatever little snacks I can find in the pantry. I just joined a gym, so now instead of going home and binging, I go straight to the gym from work. This is the greatest deterrent for me so far, but it's only been since Monday that I've started going to the gym.0
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I have always been a binge eater but last night was the first time since December 2012 I had a very stressful day didnt eat anything because I was so stressed then last thing I ate a whole pack of weight watchers chocolate biscuits. It obviously didnt take me over my limits as I hadnt eaten but I felt so bad that I had let myself down.0
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My food issues go back decades, literally, but I gave it some real thought over Christmas and did manage to get a handle on what's prompted me to stack on most of my excess weight and what I've been doing to encourage it. Six years back, I was a single parent and was so broke that there was one time when me and the kids spent two weeks living on not much more than slowly rotting peaches and the half a dozen ready meals that I'd had stashed away in the freezer for emergencies. I'll never forget how the baby cried because all I had to give her was a pre-packed chili that was too spicy for her, and how soul-destroyingly bad I felt about it. .... As long as food was coming into the house, I didn't care. I didn't tell anyone, much less my husband. It's only recently that I've realised that a lot of it was down to an unacknowledged dread of being left to feed the kids rotten peaches again.
Thank you for your honesty and I have to say I identified with your feeling of desperation of being hungry and not having enough. I do get very panic-y when I fear my need to eat will not be met. Thinking out loud here, but for me, maybe the memories of starving when poor and the memories of starving when dieting somehow get all mixed together in my head. I really hate to be hungry and I have to promise myself that I'll eat, that I won't go back into the starvation mode super low calorie diets I've endured in the past.
Wow! I'm surprised at my emotional response to what you wrote and the feelings it stirred up in me.0 -
binging is in the eye of the beholder....its all very personal. When i am emotionally and i cram food down my throat, regardless of calorie count, its a binge to me. 2 candybars for breakfast, half a banana cream pie at midnight. both binges for me.0
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It's a secret when it happens. I'm sneaky
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Everyone knows I binge eat. My coworkers see it, my family sees it, and at the very least, I talk about it with my friends. I think that it isn't treated as shamefully for thinner people as it is for overweight people. Please note that I don't think it's a shameful thing for anyone; it just happens and it sucks and it makes you feel bad.
But with thin people, others don't take it as seriously. "Oh, so what if you ate 7 doughnuts in a sitting? You're skinny." Whereas if I was overweight, it seems likely people would be more critical: "You ate 7 doughnuts in one sitting? You need to stop that. No wonder you're overweight." They're dismissive when the person is thin even though that person is struggling, and they're critical when someone is overweight and struggling.0 -
If your spouse is around, will you not binge?
Do you hide your food packaging?
Does your spouse know about it?
Do you talk about it? To who? Therapist?
Just Curious
Yes, I binge in secret
Yes
I don't think so, but he probably does
No0 -
I have binge eaten since I was in my teens. I used to spend a lot of money on excess food even when I lived at home with my parents. I used to hide food wrappers under my bed and then every now and again I would have a mass clear out and pretend I was just having a major room tidy. I still have bad times but they are less often and not quite as bad as then. I don't need to hide a cheesecake under my bed!! But I do still have times when I just eat crap. Last week I stopped at the bakers on my way to work and bought a cornish pasty, chocolate muffin and a ham and cheese roll and had eaten them all by 10.30am. Does my partner know? No, he doesn't. The only person who knows is my mum and I did see a therapist but it wasn't t he most useful thing in the world. I think it definately relates to my emotional management, when I am struggling and feeling happy or sad then I turn to food. I have a lot of issues around trust and rejection due to being bullied at school but I think I have slowly got them under control.0
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binging is in the eye of the beholder....its all very personal.
Well-said.0 -
My food issues go back decades, literally, but I gave it some real thought over Christmas and did manage to get a handle on what's prompted me to stack on most of my excess weight and what I've been doing to encourage it. Six years back, I was a single parent and was so broke that there was one time when me and the kids spent two weeks living on not much more than slowly rotting peaches and the half a dozen ready meals that I'd had stashed away in the freezer for emergencies. I'll never forget how the baby cried because all I had to give her was a pre-packed chili that was too spicy for her, and how soul-destroyingly bad I felt about it. .... As long as food was coming into the house, I didn't care. I didn't tell anyone, much less my husband. It's only recently that I've realised that a lot of it was down to an unacknowledged dread of being left to feed the kids rotten peaches again.
Thank you for your honesty and I have to say I identified with your feeling of desperation of being hungry and not having enough. I do get very panic-y when I fear my need to eat will not be met. Thinking out loud here, but for me, maybe the memories of starving when poor and the memories of starving when dieting somehow get all mixed together in my head. I really hate to be hungry and I have to promise myself that I'll eat, that I won't go back into the starvation mode super low calorie diets I've endured in the past.
Wow! I'm surprised at my emotional response to what you wrote and the feelings it stirred up in me.
Ditto. This made me cry. I remember nights going to bed hungry because all the four of us (me, mom, dad & sis) had for dinner was one can of tomato soup, watered down till it was almost clear, split between the four of us. Once my dad got a better job, we all started eating like we were making up for lost time. I lived for a long time eating like there might not be food tomorrow. One of my biggest fears as a mother is that my daughter will be hungry and I won't be able to feed her.0 -
I absolutely do it in secret. I do it alone when I am stressed. If someone else is there, it keeps me from doing it out of sheer embarrassment. I guess I never realized that before though...
Me too.0 -
I absolutely own up to it and try to fight it. I had a hard time last week... a few days nearly off the wagon but I manage to keep myself on it.
It helps me feel the need to be more committed to finding control over my eating habits.0 -
I usually do it when I'm PMSing as well (which is also now). But I've grown to realize it and do my best to stop it.
Funny though because I was talking to a co-worker yesterday about a recent (and BAD) binge. She said that she couldn't believe I was telling her about it like I was...that she always denies eating the bad food. It actually made me realize that I'm finally at a point where I'm not ashamed of my choices. I also feel more accountable when I tell other people since I'm not going to weight watchers anymore so no one else sees the numbers on the scale but me.0 -
I definitely don't own up to my binges.
If I binge, I erase my entire day because I'd rather see nothing than face the truth.
My 2013 started with a lot of drama and I've put on 10lbs since January 1.
Definitely not something I'm proud of.
I've gotten the urges under control in the past and I know I can get them under control again.
It's just a matter of determination and dedication. 0 -
I havent binge eaten in years but when i did i would go until i threw up either voluntarily or not or until i passed out from the pain of my full stomach. Binging to me is, well it was, entire boxes of little debbie goodies, 2 lb bags of skittles or a dozen large donuts plus whatever else would fill the volume until it felt like my stomach was splitting. I would never do it in front of anyone but when i had an urge and couldnt get alone time to binge it made the binge even worse when i finally could get alone. I was confronted by my dad about it when i was 16 when he found dozens of empty 2lb bags of candy in my car. I stopped binging about six years ago after i talked with my family and husband openly about it. ive only done it a handful of times up until 3 years ago. Binge free since then.0
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I'm curious as to what people consider to be binge eating. How many calories in a day, for instance? I've always thought of binge eating as stuffing down five or ten thousand calories at a sitting (not a secret trip to McDonald's for the #8 and a milkshake) but I'd like to know what it means on MFP. Thanks!
Enough to nealy throw up. It's hard to count the calories because I don't look down into my hands to see how many are there, I take fistful of food and put it into my mouth. When I binge it will be something like an entire dozen muffins with several glasses of milk, an entire box of ceral (min wheats), the entire bag of raisins or seeds....0 -
Reading through these has given me a sense of belonging... well, at least that I am not alone in this. Becuse I do it and dont talk about it, or do it alone and feel bad about it, I always feel like I AM alone in it... BUT IM NOT! Ive come to realize that *one day* gaining control over this will be the most challanging part of my journey, because It goes WAAAAY back to my childhood.
Thank you all for being so brave. :flowerforyou:0 -
yes, I own up everything I eat, my binges are not what they used to be like, but when I do have a binge...usually PMS one..its may be 500 cals or so , maybe 750.cals ...not like back when I could eat a whole large pizza to myself. then a carton of icecream...but my binges tend to be more healthier choices now ike veggie sticks, nut butters, etc....so I guess thats the good thing0
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I used to binge eat, and I found it almost unavoidable when I dropped my calories around the holidays. It was not something I planned for, but usually happened at the end of the day when I was tired or craving sugar. I would start with something sweet, like melon or a fiber one bar. It would then progress to lunchables, easy mac with tuna, whatever flavor I craved at the moment
I would go to over 3,000 calories on some days and honestly did not feel full. That's why I think hunger hormones and my deficit had something to do with these binges. I usually stopped at less than 3000 calories because I know that it sucks to spend the whole week working off one mistake. I logged all of these binges, too.0 -
I am really struggling with this myself. I want to stop so badly, I know it is extremely unhealthy and I know I don't want to do it anymore. I definitely learned it from my mother and I refuse to pass it on to my children. I have no shame, I'll do it in front of people, I can't control it! I hate to admit this but I easily do it one to two times a week. It totally ruins all my work out efforts and makes me feel like I have to work out as opposed to wanting to work out. I just finished reading David Kessler's book "The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite" it was extremely insightful and I would suggest it to anyone with a binging problem.
God, that felt good to at least tell someone.0 -
Yes, I own up. usually only to myself or thru a crying/snotting/wailing vent to hubby. He knows that I have issues and we talk about them openly and honestly and he supports me.
I don't like to acknowledge weakness in myself, so me logging or journalling about binge episodes lessens their frequency.
I'm less likely to binge if others are around so I spend a lot of time with my kids and husband. It helps, even though i truly enjoy my moments of solitude...0 -
I have told people that I binge but I am generally alone when it happens and it is over before I know what hit me. I know I am lonely at those times and I guess I am trying to fill a void.0
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Im on a very low calorie diet at the moment and boy oh boy when the deadly curse appears once a month, theres no stopping me.
i can eat a whole load of crap and not even think about it!
Yeah probably do it alone when my little boy is in bed...but don't hide the wrappers or feel guilty..i just move on and work harder then next day.
I just except the fact that i've just eaten 4 packets of crisps, a ton of Maltesers,Cheese, etc and don't beat myself up about it.....0 -
I'm curious as to what people consider to be binge eating. How many calories in a day, for instance? I've always thought of binge eating as stuffing down five or ten thousand calories at a sitting (not a secret trip to McDonald's for the #8 and a milkshake) but I'd like to know what it means on MFP. Thanks!
I don't think there is a specific calorie definition to a binge, but what defines it is a feeling of lack of control. When you start and can't stop.
This! Out of control eating. Yes, I do it alone. Yes, I spent years in therapy for this eating disorder and rarely if ever do I binge anymore, but it could happen. Guilt and shame are often the results which cause more binging, vicious circle.0 -
I binge eat. When I do it, I do it alone. However, I no longer hide that I do binge eat. I talk about it. I log my binge caloires and items into MFP and I discuss why I did it, what caused it, and what I am trying to do to not do it in the future. Since I have been more open about my binges, I have done it much less. I have stopped denying myself food in terms of making certain foods off limits. That seems to help me from doing it as often as I did in the past. I have had a couple of bad weeks with bingeing due to stress and being ticked off that I have been unable to exercise for the past month due to my health. It's something that I struggle with every day, but letting other people in on it really does help.0
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I do binge around the holidays, to the point of just making myself mentally sick of eating. It's the one time of year I don't moderate myself too much, but even then I ionly gain 5 to 10 pounds over the 3 months I relax my regiment. Otherwise, I am pretty stable and if I binge I try to compensate some other way (eat less another meal or exercise more).
Good luck0
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