Getting dumped...

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Replies

  • Strick_nine
    Strick_nine Posts: 1
    Well i'm sorry that your going through that, it's a tough time for anyone, even tougher when trying to stay on track with food and exercise... Just remember no matter what, you need to eat and keep your energy and health up, even if its not on track with your current eating habits... I wish you the best, you seem like a wonderful person, and you deserve the best in life, and to be treated great.. You only have 1 life to live... make it as happy as you can.... :-)
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Sorry you're going through this :-(

    Use the hurt and anger to fuel your workouts. Push yourself harder until you can only think of exhaustion instead of emotional pain. Sign up for a new class (maybe yoga for some peace and relaxation) and focus on YOU for a while.

    As for food, I think now is the time to buy yourself a new healthy cookbook and try some exotic things that you wouldn't have done when cooking for two.
  • Serendipityunt
    Serendipityunt Posts: 120 Member
    Im sorry :( break ups suck. I know exactly how you feel. I obsess over things like that too and I know how physically and mentally draining it can be. Being sad and feeling low on your energy is normal. But time heals all wounds and I garuntee you that with some time, you will start feeling better. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and get yourself out of the house doing something, anything, to get your mind in a different place.
    I hope that helps a little. Good luck

    Thank you! Just reading this made me feel a little better. Hopefully I can get over this soon, and feel like myself again.
  • EKN1417
    EKN1417 Posts: 34 Member
    I really feel for you, OP. Breakups are terrible. I've been there in the can't eat, can't move, can't stop crying downward spiral before and it sounds like most posters who have replied have been there before too. You are not alone and it WILL get better.

    Do not get back together with this guy. Do not WISH to get back together with this guy. It is OK to mourn the relationship, but eventualyl make peace with the fact that it's over. Some guy that isn't sure he wnats to be with you is not the kind of guy you want to be with. So no matter if he comes crawing back to you, stay strong.

    That said- looking good is the best revenge. Get to the gym, work on yourself inside and out. Feeling confident with how you look can actually make you a happier person. It's a long road, but well worth it.

    Additionally- getting some exercise is going to help you feel better. Even if you can't function right now, try to pot in a yoga dvd or just stretch. Eventually start walking or running outdoors and lifting weights. Those activities will really help you center yourself and deal with any negative emotions.

    Good luck OP! I promise you will be JUST FINE in the long run. Getting through this part will be tough, but have faith in yourself!
  • Serendipityunt
    Serendipityunt Posts: 120 Member
    Thank you to everyone for helping me through this. All of your words have meant the world to me, and I'll appreciate it all the more as I go through this. I'll know I'll get over it, and I'll get through this and it'll take a while. I'm hoping to turn that stress and hurt into energy for working out, at least by this weekend.

    Again, thank you to all. I'm glad you're all there for me!
  • blably
    blably Posts: 490 Member
    heyyaa girly :)


    sorry to hear that, but it gets better!!


    im single...for two weeks now, and i can say it does get better. you know how i look at it? i am getting healthy and fit. so is my mind. i dont need neagtive people around me, and guess what? its my ex's loss he wont be around when ill be at my best, and god damn i will get there that hell look at me and say ''god, look what i let go''
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Dude - don't see a doctor. You're not ill, you're upset over a break up. It's not something that is wrong with you.

    Really not helpful. She may well (and probably quite likely) not be ill, but that's why you go see a doctor then they can confirm either way.

    As I said I avoid any medication if possible and avoid visiting doctors or dentists etc. But this may have brought out underlying depression issues as happened to me. It may not but the best way to determine this is see a doctor. Then can move forward in whichever path is best.

    Most likely it is just heart break and will just take time to recover from but one quick chat with a doctor is hardly going to do any harm.

    To the OP, good luck you'll get through it in the end.

    No, you're not helpful. People are far too eager to get to a doctor without being suggested because something bad has happened which has made you sad.

    If everyone who broke up went to the doctor because they were sad we'd need 10 times as many doctors.
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
    Hi,
    seems like you are getting tons of advice. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will get a little better each day. If it gets worse it is a good idea to see if you need some anti depressants. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but it is all you can do. So sorry you are having this pain.
  • Joreanasaurous
    Joreanasaurous Posts: 1,384 Member
    I think we all have been there at some point or another. Break ups suck.

    Exercise is what kept me sane on my last breakup. All that passive aggressive anger and hurt and stress and confusion can fuel one heck of a workout. It was a great and healthy outlet. Plus I might have mentally sang MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This to myself as well a long while pushing myself.

    My advise is find a healthy outlet to deal with all that hurt your feeling. It can be exercise or a diary or anything. But let it all out.
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    When I start thinking obsessively about something and have a hard time stopping, one thing that I've found that helps is to replace that thought (or group of thoughts) with something else. Like a mantra for instance. Find some alternative thought or phrase that you think instead. This might sound silly but the one that came to me the last time I experienced this was that little song "Row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream." So every time my mind would go into that obsessive pattern, as soon as I realized it I would start thinking or humming that little song to myself. Repeatedly. Until the obsessive thoughts let go. Mind control doesn't work, but we can direct its attention elsewhere. And I think having a stand-by replacement ahead of time makes it easier. It could be anything... an affirmation of some kind even. Something empowering.

    You'll look back on this time at some point soon and realize you're free, and that this freedom kinda crept up on you when you weren't looking. :smile:
  • lucindasun
    lucindasun Posts: 38
    When I start thinking obsessively about something and have a hard time stopping, one thing that I've found that helps is to replace that thought (or group of thoughts) with something else. Like a mantra for instance. Find some alternative thought or phrase that you think instead. This might sound silly but the one that came to me the last time I experienced this was that little song "Row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream." So every time my mind would go into that obsessive pattern, as soon as I realized it I would start thinking or humming that little song to myself. Repeatedly. Until the obsessive thoughts let go. Mind control doesn't work, but we can direct its attention elsewhere. And I think having a stand-by replacement ahead of time makes it easier. It could be anything... an affirmation of some kind even. Something empowering.

    You'll look back on this time at some point soon and realize you're free, and that this freedom kinda crept up on you when you weren't looking. :smile:

    YOU ARE A GENIUS !!!!!
    I am reading all these posts as they apply to my current situation and you've just inspired me to use a resource I've had all along, the mantra I learned has to do with a Hawaiin saying,,,,,HO OPONOPONO and it's just to repeat

    I LOVE YOU
    IM SORRY
    PLEASE FORGIVE ME
    THANK YOU
    Just to snap you out of negative useless thoughts and these sayings will put you in the correct frame of mind, such as love, forgiveness, grattitude,

    Thank you for the trigger,
    Lucinda
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 928 Member
    work out more, keep your mind busy and whatever is supposed to happen will happen. don't stress it.
  • RosscoBoscko
    RosscoBoscko Posts: 632 Member
    Dude - don't see a doctor. You're not ill, you're upset over a break up. It's not something that is wrong with you.

    Really not helpful. She may well (and probably quite likely) not be ill, but that's why you go see a doctor then they can confirm either way.

    As I said I avoid any medication if possible and avoid visiting doctors or dentists etc. But this may have brought out underlying depression issues as happened to me. It may not but the best way to determine this is see a doctor. Then can move forward in whichever path is best.

    Most likely it is just heart break and will just take time to recover from but one quick chat with a doctor is hardly going to do any harm.

    To the OP, good luck you'll get through it in the end.

    No, you're not helpful. People are far too eager to get to a doctor without being suggested because something bad has happened which has made you sad.

    If everyone who broke up went to the doctor because they were sad we'd need 10 times as many doctors.

    Don't want to get drawn into a personal argument, but how can you say I am eager to see a doctor?! Did you even fully read my post. I have been to the doctor twice in the last 12 years, but on the recommendation of friends I went the 2nd time due to the way I was after that break up. and I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression, despite having many feelings that I thought were just post break up. So I am speaking from experience of the same symptoms. I hope that the OP is just sad as you have said, and will be happy again quickly, but they quite possible aren't just sad.

    I havent said, buy loads of anti-depressants and take as many as you can, I have said book an appointment with the doctor and have a quick chat. How the hell is that going to cause problems? People visit doctors for far more inane and time wasting issues.

    Continued symptoms of not eating, having no energy and not sleeping are not just being sad, they are signs of possible depression, which in different people can be triggered by different things; failed relationships, death of friend or family, loss of employment. Everybody is different and whilst not everybody needs to see a doctor, the above symptoms if prolonged would suggest it is a good idea otherwise they will lead to malnourishment and potential illness.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    work out more, keep your mind busy and whatever is supposed to happen will happen. don't stress it.

    Exactly this...
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Dude - don't see a doctor. You're not ill, you're upset over a break up. It's not something that is wrong with you.

    Really not helpful. She may well (and probably quite likely) not be ill, but that's why you go see a doctor then they can confirm either way.

    As I said I avoid any medication if possible and avoid visiting doctors or dentists etc. But this may have brought out underlying depression issues as happened to me. It may not but the best way to determine this is see a doctor. Then can move forward in whichever path is best.

    Most likely it is just heart break and will just take time to recover from but one quick chat with a doctor is hardly going to do any harm.

    To the OP, good luck you'll get through it in the end.

    No, you're not helpful. People are far too eager to get to a doctor without being suggested because something bad has happened which has made you sad.

    If everyone who broke up went to the doctor because they were sad we'd need 10 times as many doctors.

    Don't want to get drawn into a personal argument, but how can you say I am eager to see a doctor?! Did you even fully read my post. I have been to the doctor twice in the last 12 years, but on the recommendation of friends I went the 2nd time due to the way I was after that break up. and I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression, despite having many feelings that I thought were just post break up. So I am speaking from experience of the same symptoms. I hope that the OP is just sad as you have said, and will be happy again quickly, but they quite possible aren't just sad.

    I havent said, buy loads of anti-depressants and take as many as you can, I have said book an appointment with the doctor and have a quick chat. How the hell is that going to cause problems? People visit doctors for far more inane and time wasting issues.

    Continued symptoms of not eating, having no energy and not sleeping are not just being sad, they are signs of possible depression, which in different people can be triggered by different things; failed relationships, death of friend or family, loss of employment. Everybody is different and whilst not everybody needs to see a doctor, the above symptoms if prolonged would suggest it is a good idea otherwise they will lead to malnourishment and potential illness.

    So in your case it seems justified. But billions of people have been through this. It IS normal, and suggesting to someone at a vulnerable time that they might now be suffering from depression is just likely to fuel the fire.

    I was sad for like 9 months or more after my first break up - but it was my first gf, we were together nearly 6 years and I was devastated. You have to experience the negative feelings properly to push past it and move on - it made me stronger for sure! I hate the easy fix - pill for this, pill for that - society that is repeatedly pushed. It's almost certainly not going to trigger depression, so just accept the sadness and deal with it like 99% of people through history have.

    This is degenerating now anyway - you have your opinion (which is obviously wrong as it contradicts mine).....

    Either way - OP - I'm sure you'll be fine in time. Hope you feel better sooner than later...
  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    You have to experience the negative feelings properly to push past it and move on - it made me stronger for sure! I hate the easy fix - pill for this, pill for that - society that is repeatedly pushed. It's almost certainly not going to trigger depression, so just accept the sadness and deal with...

    That's my view as well. I once read a book called "Depression is a Choice"... very helpful, or at least it was for me. I've learned a lot from depression and anxiety and have become stronger for it, by facing it fully. Not to say that no one should get help, it may be appropriate for some people in some cases.. I'm only speaking for myself.

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