S/O's friend is ALWAYS coming over without asking. Advice?

My boyfriend has a friend, we'll call him "Gary".
Gary is always coming over (multiple times a week) without asking. This includes when me and my boyfriend are hanging out, having some alone time. He doesn't even call or text. He just shows up.
So my question is, what do I do? It is my boyfriend's house. Do I have the right to tell him to stop? Should I keep my mouth shut? I have literally never experienced this before, so I'm completely clueless on what to do! But it does bother me quite a bit. Any advice would be helpful



ETA: When he does come over, we dont even do anything entertaining. It's usually either watching a boring movie, or watching his friend play my boyfriend's Xbox. Completely boring.
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Replies

  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    My boyfriend has a friend, we'll call him "Gary".
    Gary is always coming over (multiple times a week) without asking. This includes when me and my boyfriend are hanging out, having some alone time. He doesn't even call or text. He just shows up.
    So my question is, what do I do? It is my boyfriend's house. Do I have the right to tell him to stop? Should I keep my mouth shut? I have literally never experienced this before, so I'm completely clueless on what to do! But it does bother me quite a bit. Any advice would be helpful



    ETA: When he does come over, we dont even do anything entertaining. It's usually either watching a boring movie, or watching his friend play my boyfriend's Xbox. Completely boring.

    this your first relationship? that sounds like a normal bro to me...
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    What is your boyfriend's opinion of this behavior? Have you mentioned how you feel about it?

    No, you do not have the right to tell the man to stop without consulting with your boyfriend. You do have the right, and responsibility, to talk to your boyfriend when dude is not around.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    uh yea this is pretty run of the mill stuff.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    I love my boyfriends friends, so wouldn't mind at all. Multiple times a week seems normal for friends to hang out, does your boyfriend mind?
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
    Talk to him about it.

    Why is open communication such a foreign concept, idgi. If something is weirding you out or making you uncomfortable, talk about it.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    if he keeps coming over...then your S/O hasn't told him to GTFO....

    so it seems to me your S/O is ok with him being over.....

    it's not your house, you don't get to make the rules.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member


    it's not your house, you don't get to make the rules.

    huh? I feel cheated...
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    it's your boyfriends house.

    the most you can really say is to your bf "hey, sometimes he comes over unannounced, and i just want to spend time with you, and it kinda puts a damper on the mood." shoot him a wink, and he'll know what it means.


    also, become friends with you bf's friends. then when you bring this up to them, your saying it as a friend, and not as a girl that wants to take away this guys' best friend.
  • m e n a g e a t r o i s
  • sorry to say, but it is his house and unless he has a problem with it, it will probably stay that way... maybe talk to him, though? Express your feelings...
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    There was this one time at band camp....

    Apparently, you dont remember being a kid and just going over to your friends house's unannounced to hang.....
  • if he keeps coming over...then your S/O hasn't told him to GTFO....

    so it seems to me your S/O is ok with him being over.....

    it's not your house, you don't get to make the rules.

    He just doesn't want to be mean.
    He has admitted that his friend is "boring"
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    ...just because it's his house doesn't mean she can't <female dog> her *kitten* off about it...

    Where are these women who would put with anything because it's "his house" and why I have never met any of you?
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    OP is 18

    /end thread.
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    Tell him the TV is broken.
  • n0ob
    n0ob Posts: 2,390 Member
    Tell him the TV is broken.

    break the TV...that's what my cousin's would do...
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,412 Member
    While he is playing a video game, poop on the rug.
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
    two boys are better than one - - - embrace it (and yes, i mean that literally)
  • heypurdy
    heypurdy Posts: 196 Member
    Doesn't matter if it's his house. You should tell him how you feel and he should tell his buddy to not come over when you're there, or without asking first. What a weirdo.
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
    Duh...start coming on to him (or at least flirting a little).

    Prediction: S/O will put friend on the unwelcome guest list.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Get your own place and invite your boyfriend over.
  • HealthWoke0ish
    HealthWoke0ish Posts: 2,078 Member
    OP is 18

    /end thread.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen. Haha
  • toaster6
    toaster6 Posts: 703 Member
    I guess you guys could hang out at your place instead? If I were you, I'd just discuss with the boyfriend though.
  • OP is 18

    /end thread.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen. Haha

    I didnt realize age had anything to do with it, or the point of this thread.
  • lindsyrox
    lindsyrox Posts: 257 Member
    LOL love the two boys are better than one.

    i have a similar situation but i'm married so the house is just as much mine (if not more) i just told his freind if he is going to show up unannounced he is required to bring me a six pack of delicious beer. Its worked out pretty good so far.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    Tell your boyfriend how you feel. You boyfriend needs to tell his friend to call or text to see if it is ok for him to come over or if you guys are busy. He shouldn't just show up.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    1. Don't put your relationship problems on the internet for a bunch of strangers to comment on. They don't know you, him or what's really going on. Also, a relationship should be between two people..not two people and everyone else who has an opinion. Plus, I think your SO would probably be pissed.

    2. Learn about communication. It's one of the most important things in a relationship. This means instead of talking to everyone else about something - talk to him. Even if it is frustrating, keep talking because no one but the two of you are going to be able to resolve your relationship issues.

    3. You may say that this isn't a relationship issue but it is.

    4. Again, don't ever put your relationship problems on the internet unless you are just looking for reasons to break up with someone, trying to encourage people to side with you on a situation even if you are presenting the situation in a biased way, or you just want attention.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    OP is 18

    /end thread.

    'nuff said.
  • Move along , nothing to see here
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
    if he keeps coming over...then your S/O hasn't told him to GTFO....

    so it seems to me your S/O is ok with him being over.....

    it's not your house, you don't get to make the rules.

    He just doesn't want to be mean.
    He has admitted that his friend is "boring"

    ^^Just because someone knocks or rings the bell doesn't mean you have to answer it. Its not a summons. OR...open the door in lingerie and tell the friend that your b/f is not available ::wink wink::.