Am I irrational?

DianaV86
DianaV86 Posts: 146 Member
in Chit-Chat
I get home from work at 8:45pm on Thursdays and usually H is already home from work. Tonight I get home and he's not here. It's raining here so I got concerned that maybe something happened on this drive home so I called him and he said he stopped at a friend's house after work. Am I wrong to be annoyed that he didn't text me this? I'm not wanting him to feel like he has to ask for permission but at least as a "FYI, I won't be home when you get home so don't worry" I would do that if it was the other way around. Am I wrong here?
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Replies

  • SwimFan1981
    SwimFan1981 Posts: 1,430 Member
    I don't think i'd be annoyed, probably concerned, but my fella always lets me know if he is going to be late so I'm not sure..
  • DianaV86
    DianaV86 Posts: 146 Member
    I don't think i'd be annoyed, probably concerned, but my fella always lets me know if he is going to be late so I'm not sure..

    Well we have talked about this in the past. If this was a one time thing then I wouldn't be so annoyed but I think by now he should know that he should really communicate things like this. And this is the third time in one week that he's been getting home wayyyy later than normal and not letting me know.
  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
    My bf does that and it drives me CRAZY!! It is not that hard to send a text or leave a note. I do it when I am going somewhere. I think it is just the decent thing to do.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    You're not irrational. It takes 10 seconds to send a quick text letting you know where he is. He should do that so you won't have to worry about him.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    I would be annoyed to
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
    think the real reason for this is insecurity... i get like this.. it sucks... but he should call u and maybe u thought he was up to something because he didnt.. no excuses he needs to call u if ur apart of his family.... i would be concerned..
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
    I'm seriously humouring the idea of making an 'open communication' meme with pictures and the like...

    Cus seriously, it does help. If you feel uncomfortable or negative or hurt then talk to him about it and don't let it fester by pushing it back. Just don't jump down his throat about it and it should be fine.

    "Hey honey, I got really concerned the other day when I got home and you weren't there, I was afraid you'd gotten into an accident! Would you mind texting me if you're going to be late? Thanks!"

    EDIT: I see you've already spoken to him about it, in which case just keep on reminding him. I've had to do this several times to get my mom into the habit of letting me know if she's going to be late.
    If it persists, let him know that it's starting to tick you off maybe?
  • SwimFan1981
    SwimFan1981 Posts: 1,430 Member
    I don't think i'd be annoyed, probably concerned, but my fella always lets me know if he is going to be late so I'm not sure..

    Well we have talked about this in the past. If this was a one time thing then I wouldn't be so annoyed but I think by now he should know that he should really communicate things like this. And this is the third time in one week that he's been getting home wayyyy later than normal and not letting me know.

    Hmm I think i'd be annoyed if it was turning in to a regular occurrence. Try to nip it in the bud, as the other poster said, it only takes a few seconds to send a text. Hope you get it sorted!
  • Danger2OneSelf
    Danger2OneSelf Posts: 883 Member
    I think that does sound a bit over-protective. Depending on how you reacted to it maybe a lot, I dunno. It's always been a huge turn off for me when a girlfriend turns into a second mom....just saying
  • mjkpe
    mjkpe Posts: 98 Member
    I hate to sound like an Old F__t but it's called respect. Period! Something that seems to be in short supply. My wife and I always call or text if we are going to be late.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I think it is considerate to send a text if you are going to change routine like that. But on the flip side, you could have just texted him as well to ask where he was.
  • DianaV86
    DianaV86 Posts: 146 Member
    I think it is considerate to send a text if you are going to change routine like that. But on the flip side, you could have just texted him as well to ask where he was.


    I did when I got home and he wasn't here
  • Danger2OneSelf
    Danger2OneSelf Posts: 883 Member
    There's a differences to unintentionally overlooking something like notifying you when he's out, and purposely avoiding you so you don't know......which one is it darling?
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
    I get home from work at 8:45pm on Thursdays and usually H is already home from work. Tonight I get home and he's not here. It's raining here so I got concerned that maybe something happened on this drive home so I called him and he said he stopped at a friend's house after work. Am I wrong to be annoyed that he didn't text me this? I'm not wanting him to feel like he has to ask for permission but at least as a "FYI, I won't be home when you get home so don't worry" I would do that if it was the other way around. Am I wrong here?

    Not ' wrong' but unless you two had made arrangements, it wasn't rude or particularly inconsiderate of him, in my opinion.
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
    There's a differences to unintentionally overlooking something like notifying you when he's out, and purposely avoiding you so you don't know......which one is it darling?
    booooo!!!!!!! :(

    girl ur perfectly fine..... its called RESPECT!!! if someone LOVES and RESPECTS you they will let u know... she isnt being his mom but when two people start a family together thats something that comes with the relationship... how would he like it if she went out and didnt leave a notice just left..... i dont think he would at all.....

    i mean if he was going to the gas station or the store across the street for 10 minutes its not a big deal but if he is going out wiht his friends= taking a long time then of course its only right...
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    So since he doesn't love and respect you by forgetting to let you know, it is clearly time for divorce.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I get home from work at 8:45pm on Thursdays and usually H is already home from work. Tonight I get home and he's not here. It's raining here so I got concerned that maybe something happened on this drive home so I called him and he said he stopped at a friend's house after work. Am I wrong to be annoyed that he didn't text me this? I'm not wanting him to feel like he has to ask for permission but at least as a "FYI, I won't be home when you get home so don't worry" I would do that if it was the other way around. Am I wrong here?

    Not ' wrong' but unless you two had made arrangements, it wasn't rude or particularly inconsiderate of him, in my opinion.

    STOP BEING REASONABLE!
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    My husband (soon to be ex) would do this ALL of the time!! And I completely agree with one of the above posters. It's simple respect. Why should I have to sit anywhere worried that something terrible has happened because you can't take the time to make a 10 second phone call letting me know where you are or that you are going to be late. Anyone who says different has not been in this situation time after time. My husband never did learn this little tid bit though, and every time it happened just reiterated his clear lack of respect for me. /rant :)
  • fuzzieme
    fuzzieme Posts: 454 Member
    I wouldn't be annoyed, once I know he's okay, and wasn't grumpy because I was worried, I wouldn't give it another thought.
  • slcostel
    slcostel Posts: 116 Member
    I dated a guy who kept saying he'd come over after class (I'd be waiting up for him til the wee hours of the morning because his classes were at night) and he never showed. After the 7th time of this (with reminders and discussions) I dumped him.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I dated a guy who kept saying he'd come over after class (I'd be waiting up for him til the wee hours of the morning because his classes were at night) and he never showed. After the 7th time of this (with reminders and discussions) I dumped him.

    That is called standing someone up. Not the same.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    He's not very considerate.
  • Rynatat
    Rynatat Posts: 807 Member
    If he's done this before recently I'd flat out ask him what's up if this is a sudden occurence: you're only irrational if you let it fester & don't ask. You're married & open communication is key to any success (well, along with a couple other "perks"!).

    There have been a couple times where my Hubz called or texted me twice when I didn't pick up because he's working late or on business away from home & I'm home by myself pretty much in the middle of nowhere - in this day & age, he's worried something may happen to me (I tell him, don't worry, Baby, I've been working out, my muscles will scare the intruder away :wink: ). I typically miss the first call/text because I'm working out or driving - lol!

    If you're worried, ask H or just shrug it off & figure he needs a little "him" time & let him be.
  • DistantJ
    DistantJ Posts: 155 Member
    Absolutely. It's not about mothering, as someone said, but just simple respect. He certainly doesn't need your permission to go, but he should at least say "I'm going to be late" so you don't sit there wondering what's going on.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Am I wrong here?

    Why does it matter? You talked about it. He told you the deal. Let him know you'd prefer he alert you in the future because you grow concerned otherwise.

    Why is there even a "right" or "wrong" here?
  • lotusspark
    lotusspark Posts: 367
    I think outta respect toyou, he should have communicated w/u.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Am I wrong here?

    Why does it matter? You talked about it. He told you the deal. Let him know you'd prefer he alert you in the future because you grow concerned otherwise.

    Why is there even a "right" or "wrong" here?

    Because then she couldn't feel disrespected.
  • kelfer80
    kelfer80 Posts: 78 Member
    Plane and simple IT'S ABOUT respect. He shouldn't ask for permission nor does he "owe" you anything, but like you said you would let him know.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    So is this something he does all the time or has it just been happening this week?
  • DianaV86
    DianaV86 Posts: 146 Member
    I get home from work at 8:45pm on Thursdays and usually H is already home from work. Tonight I get home and he's not here. It's raining here so I got concerned that maybe something happened on this drive home so I called him and he said he stopped at a friend's house after work. Am I wrong to be annoyed that he didn't text me this? I'm not wanting him to feel like he has to ask for permission but at least as a "FYI, I won't be home when you get home so don't worry" I would do that if it was the other way around. Am I wrong here?

    Thanks all! We are newlyweds (almost 9 months) and didn't live together before due to distance so this is new for us and we both have A LOT to learn. We are both used to coming and going as we pleased. I didn't think he was cheating or anything and I didn't flip out on him. We did talk about it. I just wanted to see how other people felt about it since, like I said, this is new for both of us. He understands that it's not that I want an hourly report of what he's doing...just that it would have been nice to know WHY I got home to an empty apartment when he's always here =)

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