Am I irrational?

whierd

I dated a guy who kept saying he'd come over after class (I'd be waiting up for him til the wee hours of the morning because his classes were at night) and he never showed. After the 7th time of this (with reminders and discussions) I dumped him.

That is called standing someone up. Not the same.

jenilla1

He's not very considerate.

Rynatat

If he's done this before recently I'd flat out ask him what's up if this is a sudden occurence: you're only irrational if you let it fester & don't ask. You're married & open communication is key to any success (well, along with a couple other "perks"!).

There have been a couple times where my Hubz called or texted me twice when I didn't pick up because he's working late or on business away from home & I'm home by myself pretty much in the middle of nowhere - in this day & age, he's worried something may happen to me (I tell him, don't worry, Baby, I've been working out, my muscles will scare the intruder away ). I typically miss the first call/text because I'm working out or driving - lol!

If you're worried, ask H or just shrug it off & figure he needs a little "him" time & let him be.

DistantJ

Absolutely. It's not about mothering, as someone said, but just simple respect. He certainly doesn't need your permission to go, but he should at least say "I'm going to be late" so you don't sit there wondering what's going on.

firstsip

Am I wrong here?

Why does it matter? You talked about it. He told you the deal. Let him know you'd prefer he alert you in the future because you grow concerned otherwise.

Why is there even a "right" or "wrong" here?

lotusspark

I think outta respect toyou, he should have communicated w/u.

whierd

Am I wrong here?

Why does it matter? You talked about it. He told you the deal. Let him know you'd prefer he alert you in the future because you grow concerned otherwise.

Why is there even a "right" or "wrong" here?

Because then she couldn't feel disrespected.

kelfer80

Plane and simple IT'S ABOUT respect. He shouldn't ask for permission nor does he "owe" you anything, but like you said you would let him know.

whierd

So is this something he does all the time or has it just been happening this week?

DianaV86

I get home from work at 8:45pm on Thursdays and usually H is already home from work. Tonight I get home and he's not here. It's raining here so I got concerned that maybe something happened on this drive home so I called him and he said he stopped at a friend's house after work. Am I wrong to be annoyed that he didn't text me this? I'm not wanting him to feel like he has to ask for permission but at least as a "FYI, I won't be home when you get home so don't worry" I would do that if it was the other way around. Am I wrong here?

Thanks all! We are newlyweds (almost 9 months) and didn't live together before due to distance so this is new for us and we both have A LOT to learn. We are both used to coming and going as we pleased. I didn't think he was cheating or anything and I didn't flip out on him. We did talk about it. I just wanted to see how other people felt about it since, like I said, this is new for both of us. He understands that it's not that I want an hourly report of what he's doing...just that it would have been nice to know WHY I got home to an empty apartment when he's always here

triciab79

It is a respect thing. You need to have a conversation with him. (Conversation not lecture) Let him know that you were worried for his safety and that you certainly don't mind if he wants to spend time with his friends but you want to know that he is ok. Ask him to please just drop you a text or give you a call when he won't be home at a normal time. If you do this while rubbing his shoulders or other things you are more likely to get a favorable response.

melissafawnw

I get worried so easily, so I definitely know where you're coming from!