I am hideously disgusting

Athena4E

Hi. I really hate my body. I am hideously disgusting and want to throw up every time I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror or sitting at home naked. I feel like a blob of horrendous hideousness. I never even want to have sex or be naked again because I hate my body so much I wish I could cut the fat off.

I don't always feel this way, especially before eating something I should not. Sometimes I say, "F-it...I'm not that bad" but then I feel like I don't even want to have to take a shower because I have to stand there in my disgusting body and see myself in the mirror.

I really want to not have this fat on my body. I wish I could be thin and the cellulite disappear from my life.

I don't know how anybody does it. I read the success stories all the time, but I can't relate. I feel so hopeless cause I like, eat. I don't eat that bad, I just eat too much. Read my food diary if you want.

Anyways, I just thought I would try to reach out somewhere.

tadjo

You’re a month in. Give it some time. Rome wasn’t built overnight.

DonnaNCgirl

You're here, which is a start. Get up and do something. Not trying to be mean, but if you want to get rid of the fat that you hate, then do something...anything. You might not feel it now, but you will. It needs to be a change that you're willing to make for the rest of your life or it isn't worth the effort,

I've lost 94 lbs. It took over a year but it was SO worth it. You can do this if you want!

over9001bubuns

Damn, sounds like you're in a really dark place right now.

Use the rage to strictly structure your diet and your life into something more pleasing. If you're here, and you're serious, you can do it, and you have no excuse not to.

valeriemholden

It is frustrating trying to get the weight off but the difficult journey is worth it. I struggle daily and am good at making up excuses and have been having more difficult days as of late. I think you need to do something you enjoy that is not food or weight related like volunteering or joining a walking support group. Finding a group of supportive women can make a world of difference and is so important. I think you need to list 5 positive things you enjoy/like about yourself and read them and repeat them daily. You will believe what your inner voice is telling you and if you tell yourself more positive things, in time, I think you may start to feel better about things.

mariapuhl

You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.

Amy_nz

Nah, you're not hideously disgusting. Nobody is. Break that thought pattern today - every time you hear yourself insult yourself give yourself a good talking to. You wouldn't talk to someone else like that, so why on earth should you let you talk to yourself like that?!

Turn it around - if you're feeling a bit glum about how you look think 'good thing I've started getting healthy, imagine how my body's going to change!'. And I took a quick look at your food diary - you seem to have a sweet tooth (so do I!). Try cutting all processed sugar out of your diet for a few days - no chocolate, no cookies. Snack on a few raw nuts, or some fruit, or something like that. You'll probably find that your palate will change and chocolate and cookies will suddenly seem TOO sweet. Then it's easy to have them only once in a while.

But first and foremost, don't let you bully yourself. The rest will follow.

travel4fun

That's why you're here - to make a change. Focus on doing what you need to do, each day, to make that change happen. It's not easy, otherwise we would all look like supermodels. Every day you have to make choices. Choose to keep moving toward your goal. Don't dwell on the bad days, just keep moving forward. It doesn't happen overnight. Everyone struggles with different things. Do the best you can with the body you have, and realize that only you can change it.

Dulcemami4ever

You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.

Exactly! Plus the fact that you are here says a lot. It's not going to be an easy road. From reading your diary, you seem to like a lot of sweets or outside food. You are going to need to cut that out of your diet. Not completely, but you def cant have it every single day. Don't feel so down about yourself because that doesn't help you. It just keeps you from achieving what you want. It's going to take hard work and perserverance, but you CAN do it. You should be proud that you atleast made the first step. Don't give up now!

mjhedgehog

I've had those days before. Take that anger and frustration and use it to fuel your workouts. Thats kinda how I get over feeling like that. Whenever I have those thoughts I workout even harder.

You're definitely taking the right steps by being here and logging your food. Just give it time and try to be patient.

Athena4E

Thanks y'all. Some of your responses really made me laugh and feel better. Sorry to like, come on here and be all emotional. I didn't know where else to go.

WDEvy

I've been where you are and I've stayed there over 10 yrs... It's finally when I started accepting the way I was that I found the inner strenght to change it.

NewTnme

:flowerforyou: lets be friends.

Debbiesue37

You are Not hideously disgusting. Concentrate on things about yourself that you are proud of.. A great friend, daughter, mother, cousin, co worker...whatever, what else makes you feel good. Reward yourself for say,,logging your food ,,by a treat you love,,a pedicure, a new pair of socks, a drive to your favorite spot to watch the sunset... Or to rent your favorite movie if you go for a walk first,.i think sometimes when you read the success stories about losing weight, it can deflate you instead of inspire you.. Then look outside of your body or inside your head. You are a beautiful person who deserves a happy and healthy life. It will be well worth the work .. But remember, it is Your journey, embrace it for you and don't worry about all the others. You may want to look at some of the Jillian Michaels books, articles, etc. she talks a lot about loving yourself!

canadiandee

I'm with the others who are telling you that you are NOT hideously disgusting. You're packing some extra weight; so many of us are. Fat is not who you are, so don't let it define you. You can do something about your weight, you really can. But you are not disgusting.

prattiger65

I've been where you are and I've stayed there over 10 yrs... It's finally when I started accepting the way I was that I found the inner strenght to change it.

This.........and War Eagle!

Silver_Star

i felt so much like you do when i first joined MFP.
Like others have said, you're not alone in feeling this way. But dont let it control you . Try each day, to do something different, however small....to make your life healthier. Figure out what works for your body to help it to lose weight , the healthy way. Figure out what triggers you to get discouraged and work around it. Stick to it. You will have days when you want to give up...Get on MFP and pester some of your friends :happy: There's more support here than in real life for a lot of us.

I found some friends who made me accountable to them and didnt judge me for my eating habits. They stuck by me the entire time i was figuring out this weight loss thing. So as and when you get to know people here you will learn how to get healthy and have fun :flowerforyou: Chin up girl!! You can do this!

SheriKCourtney

I know it may sound lame but your attitude toward your body is very important. Try your best to think positive. You are trying out MFP, so you are headed in the right direction. Everyday when you look in the mirror, find one thing about your body that you like and say to yourself ~ I really like my..... Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. You can do this. Think positive! I don't know your beliefs but I have been reading a book called
I Declare By Joel Osteen - 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life and it has really helped me to stop talking negative to myself. Feel free to friend request me if you need some daily support and reinforcement. Good Luck!! You can do it!!

pocodonn

THIS!!

You should be proud - you're already ahead of millions of other people who are unhappy with their body? Why?

1. You're actually on this site - yeah, you may not be using it to its full potential, but you're already on here. That's a start.
2. You're already logging your food. There are people who use this site daily and STILL can't manage to keep a food diary anywhere near as good as yours. Yes, it may not be the healthiest thing, but who cares. Just logging is the first step.

Now you just have to look and say, ok, what am I willing to change so that I'm happier with myself? Can I eat 10 less chips at the mexican restaurant? Sweet! What if I only had one piece of pizza instead of two? What if I got veggie pizza instead of pepperoni? Could i cut out one piece of candy a day? Could I maybe walk a mile today?

Just pick one thing to change. Do it. Stick with it. Now, pick another thing in a week. Small changes add up to big results in the long run.

1ConcreteGirl

I really cannot emphasize this enough: start lifting heavy weights.

It does so many good things for your body, but more importantly, it helps you to learn to appreciate your body for what it can DO, not for what it looks like. I promise if you stick with it, weights will teach you to at least respect your body.

kingscrown

Invest yourself. Take a picture for your profile. Fill out the profile questions. Commit to healthy eating and exercise. It will happen. Not without many bumps in the road, but one still gets to their destination even though there are bumps.