I am hideously disgusting

RMNPHike

1) YOU are not your body. You have a body that has some extra fat on it. If your car was in need of repair, you would not be grossed out, you would fix it. It's no different.
2) Take out all that frustration on the running trail or the treadmill. If you can't run, then walk as fast as you can. Try to get up to 30 minutes by increasing a little every day, then go for 45 minutes, then an hour.
3) Every time you feel gross, drink a nice hot cup of herbal tea or naturally flavored water (no calories), and realize you are doing something good for yourself right in that moment.

There was a lady on here who started at over 500 pounds, and now she is nearly half that and can wear a normal dress size. So impressive! If she can do this, we can do what we aim to do as well.

Good job getting started. Go for it. We're with you.

lizlkbg

I THINK YOU'RE FABULOUS. ADD ME AND I WILL STOP YELLING.

miracle4me

I see from your Diary that one of your favorite meals is Pizza! I love Pizza but I had to find healthy alternatives how to make it like Cauliflower Crust !....:noway: .Ok it sounds nasty and I admit I did not try it for a long time! You can add your own spices in the crust and I prefer it now over flour crust. If you are not brave enough to try Cauliflower crust there are recipes online. If you are not interested in cauliflower crust there are many other alternative ways to make fantastic tasting Pizza with all your favorite toppings.

Another suggestion is , kicking the sugar addiction. I know it was not easy but for me I had to kick the sugar addiction and it will be 1 year in March I have had that victory! I admit kicking the sugar addiction is said to be just as hard as getting off of heroin. I thought I would go insane and my hubby wanted to kick me to the curb! Mentally and physically you will feel the effects on your body the more you turned to sugar to soothe your emotions. Kicking the sugar addiction for me was one of the hardest things I have had to do, but so worth it! I found a better source to sweeten my coffee, tea and use nu-natural NuStevia because it never has a bitter aftertaste. I never miss the sugar. I also use Coconut Palm Sugar, or Truvia for baking. Aspartame and Splenda are poison to my respiratory. Stevia comes from the leaf of a plant and not made in a lab. Beware if you try Stevia not all stevia taste the same depending how it is made it can have a bitter after taste.

Chocolate Candy bars with Stevia are just as tasty as those with pure sugar the only difference is when you eat the chocolate you expect a sugar high and it is weird when it does not happen. I use to eat the chocolate with the sugar especially to give me that sugar high it made my tears turn to laughter. I had to learn to deal with my emotions without a sugar high, people do not realize how hard that is until they go cold turkey without sugar. I think it was a month before I stopped craving sugar.

The key to weight loss success is with half the battle won is by staying accountable and logging in daily, recording honestly what you eat. Record daily on good days and bad days. Feed your body more nutritious food and less junk food, remember food is a fuel and we did not get overweight overnight and that means we will not lose the weight overnight. I have had the same thoughts you said about my body and voiced it to my MFP Friends and many shared they also had the same thoughts,you are not alone with the negative talking, but I agree we must stop it. The truth is, it is not our bodies fault, we must place the blame where it belongs and that is on the choices we made to fuel this body.

I suggest you take your favorite recipes,cravings and go online to find ways to make the recipes, more healthy with less calories. You will succeed if you are determined not to give up and quit. You must realize diets do not work this is not a diet, if you only look as this as a diet you will fail! We must realize this must be a lifetime of good healthy food choices. April will be 1 yr for me on MFP and I have learned much from my MFP Friends that I never knew before and I know I will continue to learn.

I just want to end this with a big shout out of love gratitude :flowerforyou: to my MFP Friends! Each MFP Friend of mine is precious because we motivate and inspire each other. I suggest you choose your MFP Friends carefully and to help keep you motivated to log in daily ,choose friends who log in daily also.

I am so grateful for MFP without it I would have failed. Give yourself credit you have made your 1st step a success when you chose MFP! Realize yes there are some haters on MFP, you will have to ignore them on the public forums, but MFP is also a community of love with people who care enough to share their testimonies,lives and encourage others. I leave you with words that motivate me. "Winners never quit! Quitters never Win! I hope something I have written encouraged you.

Tina2Cats

Hi. I really hate my body. I am hideously disgusting and want to throw up every time I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror or sitting at home naked. I feel like a blob of horrendous hideousness. I never even want to have sex or be naked again because I hate my body so much I wish I could cut the fat off.

I don't always feel this way, especially before eating something I should not. Sometimes I say, "F-it...I'm not that bad" but then I feel like I don't even want to have to take a shower because I have to stand there in my disgusting body and see myself in the mirror.

I really want to not have this fat on my body. I wish I could be thin and the cellulite disappear from my life.

I don't know how anybody does it. I read the success stories all the time, but I can't relate. I feel so hopeless cause I like, eat. I don't eat that bad, I just eat too much. Read my food diary if you want.

Anyways, I just thought I would try to reach out somewhere.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You are doing the right thing by coming here and logging in. Our weight loss journeys are not easy and there are many bumps in the road along the way. I have felt as you do many times myself, but self sabatoge only makes me feel worse I found out. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to those of us who have been there who will offer you support and encouragement. It's hard when you want instant results, I have to remind myself that I didn't get fat overnight and I can't expect to lose it overnight either. I like the support, encouragement and suggestions that others have given. They could easily have spoken to me as I tend to be hard on myself, too.

I am currently reading a book: The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Ending Overeating: Using Compassion-Focused Therapy to Overcome Bingeing and Disordered Eating (The New Harbinger Compassion-Focused Therapy Series) [Paperback]
Ken Goss PhD (Author), Paul Gilbert PhD (Foreword) The book teaches you to have compassion for yourself. I am only beginning to read it so I have yet to learn from it. It is pricey, but I hear it's really good. For a description, the amazon link:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572249773/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00

The Jillian Michaels books sound good, too from what another MFP members said about learning to love yourself. I think I will look into those as well. And above anything else, you are a beautiful person!

miracle4me

1) YOU are not your body. You have a body that has some extra fat on it. If your car was in need of repair, you would not be grossed out, you would fix it. It's no different.
2) Take out all that frustration on the running trail or the treadmill. If you can't run, then walk as fast as you can. Try to get up to 30 minutes by increasing a little every day, then go for 45 minutes, then an hour.
3) Every time you feel gross, drink a nice hot cup of herbal tea or naturally flavored water (no calories), and realize you are doing something good for yourself right in that moment.

There was a lady on here who started at over 500 pounds, and now she is nearly half that and can wear a normal dress size. So impressive! If she can do this, we can do what we aim to do as well.

Good job getting started. Go for it. We're with you.

:flowerforyou: This inspired me, I never thought this way before but it makes perfect sense.

oldsailor

YOU ARE NOT hideously disgusting. I like to think there is good and beauty within everybody. You are being so hard on yourself.

Sakura_Tree

try exercising, then you wont go over your daily calorie requirment

nadia_in_mtl

You are most definitely NOT hideous or disgusting. You are a person trying to improve themselves, and that's why you joined MFP. That's a great step. It seems that you recently began your weight loss journey, so you must stick to exercise and good eating habits. The changes will come, but you need to give the process some time.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread, so listen to all these wise people

Also, I am guilty of talking to myself in the past the same way you spoke of yourself in your post. If a friend of yours described herself in the same way, I doubt you'd agree or even allow her to say such things, so what makes it OK to berate yourself like that?

leomom72

bump

itsjustdawn

I feel you... I am more than a month in though :-/ I am self-sabotager, a stress-eater. Definitely my own worst enemy. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I feel like I'd be lying since I can relate.

benol1

Hi. I really hate my body. I am hideously disgusting and want to throw up every time I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror or sitting at home naked. I feel like a blob of horrendous hideousness. I never even want to have sex or be naked again because I hate my body so much I wish I could cut the fat off.

I don't always feel this way, especially before eating something I should not. Sometimes I say, "F-it...I'm not that bad" but then I feel like I don't even want to have to take a shower because I have to stand there in my disgusting body and see myself in the mirror.

I really want to not have this fat on my body. I wish I could be thin and the cellulite disappear from my life.

I don't know how anybody does it. I read the success stories all the time, but I can't relate. I feel so hopeless cause I like, eat. I don't eat that bad, I just eat too much. Read my food diary if you want.

Anyways, I just thought I would try to reach out somewhere.

Greetings Athena.
I am sorry to hear that. May I suggest to you to have a chat with your doctor or make an appointment to see a psychologist to talk about your negative self-talk and your self esteem. From the one post I've read it appears that it could be seriously affecting your quality of life. It could also be a symptom of major depression.
My advice to you is just to get moving. Increase your activity level and modify your diet. Just by making small changes you'll feel more in control of your situation, and as time moves on, the increased sense of wellbeing will be evidence of progress and continual motivation to keep going. Develop a network of friends here, and in the real world, who will take an interest in your efforts.
All the very best, Athena!
kind regards,

Ben

Crochetluvr

I weighed more than you when I started.....and a lot of other people weighed more than BOTH of us. No one said it was easy but the reward is SO worth it. I STILL don't really like everything I see in the mirror but I think its a rare person that is totally satisfied with what they see no matter WHAT they weigh.

You are not disgusting.....or hideous. The first thing you have to do is change that attitude. You are worth any effort you make to get to the size you want to be. You just need to want it more than anything.

rickyll

First thing you need to accept before you will make any progress:

It will not take a week, it will not take a month, it will take years to change your body. It happens slowly but progressively. It's a long-distance jog not a sprint.

Don't just accept this concept: love it, kiss it, make love to it. That's the only way you'll succeed.

Lleldiranne

I'm sorry that you're hurting inside. That can make any journey so much harder! Like others have said, give yourself credit for taking the first steps, and starting on here. You're already ahead of those who are still in denial. Keep moving forward, you will begin to see a change.

Now, a slight shift in topic. It is important that you work on loving yourself as you are, too. That doesn't mean you are excusing yourself to stop working for a better lifestyle or a more fit body. But, I have found that if you do not love yourself, no amount of weight loss will change that. Can you find one thing about yourself that you like? (I know that, when we start feeling this way, it can be a challenge! But really strive to). Then, whenever you start getting down on yourself, you can go to that happy thought, that one part of yourself that you do like. Start to expand that to a couple of things, and then more. Maybe you have pretty eyes. Maybe you have great hair (oh my goodness, I would love to have decent hair!!) Or it could be that you have a sense of humor, or you know how to listen, or be a good friend.
As you progress through this weight-loss journey, you can start finding more about yourself that you do like. But it's the habit of loving yourself, as much as your changing body, that is going to really change your perspective. And this is important!! I have seen too many people never love themselves, even when they have made amazing changes, and they either always want to lose more (to an unhealthy level, because they think that happiness will come if they just lose another 5 lbs, but it doesn't, so they go for 5 more) or they give up and stop working on a healthy body altogether.

Now, I realize I may be reading more into your post than you meant. I do hope that you're just having a discouraging moment, and tomorrow or next week you'll be feeling better again. But if not, then give this a try! You have to teach your brain to look for the good, as much as you have to teach your body to exercise or to not eat more than you need. Those 6 inches (or so) between your ears are the most important part of you to make healthy!

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

pronetocrash91

I feel the same exact way.

Around this time last year, I decided I needed to do make a change. I set up an account here and I was doing well for a few months. I was starting to be smarter about what I ate, what I did, etc. I lost around 10-15 pounds. And then I ''fell off the wagon'', so to speak, and I've been off of it for about 9 months. Of course, I've gained that weight back and more.

Last night I decided to log into my account for the first time in 9 months. I deleted the account and made a new one. Time for me to start over. I just hope I can stick with it this time. I always get really motivated late at night and when I wake up the next morning, my insecurities and pessimistic attitude get in the way.

macaya5

Fat is not who you are, so don't let it define you. You can do something about your weight, you really can. But you are not disgusting.

This. Own your body. Safely do what you need to do to make it look how you want it to. For you, no one else. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

jeepinwelch

I can totally relate. I refuse to have my picture taken and avoid mirrors as much as I can. Whenever I see the person I have become I get completely disgusted with myself.
Every day that I get a little farther with exercise I feel better.
Every day I am under my calorie goal I feel a little better.
It really is the little things.

redbreastedsapsucker

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Would it be helpful to write down first what you plan to eat, so when you do eat, you won't over-indulge? So in the moment of despair, you can take a breather and say, "yes, I feel fat now, but I'm making an effort each day to try my best to succeed." Each day fill yourself with thoughts of things that have make you happy or fill your room with post it notes of things you are really grateful for or things that you like about yourself. Emphasize on the positives, and don't compare yourself with others, because each one of us has our own journey to travel. Best of luck, I know you can do it! We are all here to help!!

barb1241

Thanks y'all. Some of your responses really made me laugh and feel better. Sorry to like, come on here and be all emotional. I didn't know where else to go.

My very favorite, which goes along with what other posters have said-paraphrased-is about how to eat an elephant-one bite at a time. It is such a perfect thought process for getting fit and healthy. And kind of how I did it. I started by quitting smoking 4 1/2 years ago and gaining 80+ pounds in the process. UGH! It took me a year and 1/2 to do something about it. I started by not buying chips and other junk food and trying to walk around the block-only one block, only once around. I had to stop I can't even remember how many times and it was so frustrating to try and walk just that short distance-it was AWFUL! But I kept going. And not eating crap and garbage and trying eventually to replace it with more nutritious foods and being careful about portion sizes. And each time I succeeded, I did a little more. It has taken me 3 years, almost exactly, and a lot of stops and startts and sometimes life getting in the way and not always getting it perfect, but I've lost 73 pounds as of this morning. And if I can do it-YOU CAN DO IT!

Start. Do something-anything that heads you in the right direction towards where you want to be. Don't look back, and keep moving forward. Even if you have to crawl forward. Make failure NOT AN OPTION! Start now.

Add me as a friend if you need support.

kdeaux1959

Several things here.

1. If you don't like where you are, change where you are going. You cannot change yesterday... You can only change tomorrow by changing today. It is a series of steps.... These steps add up to be feet, then yards, then miles.

2. You are a lot closer to your goal than I was when I started... Therefore, it can be done. I was 344 in size 48 pants... I am now 221 in size 32 pants... Major difference... and only a year later... but don't try to compete with others... Just take a step at a time and concentrate on your achievements...not what you have yet to achieve... with the exception of the fact that you want to have an eye for what life will be like when you get where you are going.

3. You seem in a dark place right now. This may be specific to this situation BUT may well be a part of a larger picture. If it is part of a larger picture OR if you cannot seem to shake it, it may be helpful to discuss what you are feeling with your doctor. Sometimes they can give us a little boost to get us going in the right direction.

Best wishes on your journey. You have taken the first steps... Just keep at it.