Awkward wedding issue

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  • kerricolby
    kerricolby Posts: 232 Member
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    Etiquette states that you have to invited married couples together or engaged couples together. You are under no obligation to invite + 1s for everyone.
  • kerricolby
    kerricolby Posts: 232 Member
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    This one is definitely going to take a phone call. Be prepared for him to say he's not coming at all.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Sorry but I wouldn't go to the wedding if my husband wasn't invited as well and I'd be a little put off (and would rescind my original response of going) if you called/emailed me and said "Great! We look forward to ONLY YOU and NOT YOUR SO coming to the wedding! KTHXBYE!"

    I get that weddings are expensive but it's kind of rude to include some people and not others. I get that you want the people to be comfortable since you all hang out together but honestly I'd rather meet new people and make new friends then hang out with the same old people. But that's just me.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
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    It's easier if you have a brightline rule - I think at our wedding, we invited partners if they were married, living together, or engaged, or if we were friends with both of them. Not some girlfriend they had been dating for a few weeks and I hadn't met yet. Since you don't have a rule that's so easily explained, I'd see if there's any way at all to cut costs to accommodate more people - it stinks when some people are allowed to bring dates/kids, but not others. That's what people will remember after the wedding, unfortunately.
  • SelfHelpJunky
    SelfHelpJunky Posts: 205 Member
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    Etiquette states that you have to invited married couples together or engaged couples together. You are under no obligation to invite + 1s for everyone.

    This is what I have heard, too. I am getting married this year, and my criteria is that I am inviting +1s for people that are either married, engaged, or live together. If I don't know the person well enough to know whether or not that person lives with his/her SO, I am not inviting them!
  • JSlater319
    JSlater319 Posts: 18 Member
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    Yes, paying for a wedding is crazy expensive. I just got married in November and we only invited a guest if we knew them, or they have been dating them for a while and we knew it. We were not paying for our guest to try and find a last min date that wasn't a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. With that said - if you invited this person and they have a significant other and you know they have been dating or married for however long, you should let it go and let them come.

    Talk to them, see where they are at. They may not understand that it was not meant to invite a guest along. You'd be suprised how many people do not understand wedding etiquette.

    Good Luck and Congrats! :)
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    Dear Internet, please help!

    I'm getting married in 2 months and we're paying for it ourselves. We made the call to only invite partners in two cases: 1. Where we hang out with the partner, too, and both partners are part of the general social group together, and 2. Where the main 'invitee' wouldn't really have anyone else to hang out with, so it's nice for them to have their partner, even though we don't know the partner.

    We've had a few people ask if they can bring their 'plus one', but once we've explained that they'll have plenty of people to hang with at the reception and our budget doesn't stretch to partners we don't know, it's been fine.

    I've had a trickier one this morning though, where the invitee has RSVPd saying "we'd love to come", when the invitation was clearly just for him.

    Any tips on negotiating this diplomatic minefield??

    When my husband and I got married, we went through the same situation and did exactly what you did. We kept our guest list extremely small. Everyone who was married obviously got to bring their spouse. The few people we invited that we didn't see too often we invited them with a plus one. We told family and close friends when we were sending out the invites that if they weren't married or engaged, we were not adding a plus one to the invitation. We got one back from my husband's step-grandmother who wanted to bring her son. My husband's family spoke to her privately and she understood and did not bring it up again. Plus, another thing that helped is that instead of presenting it as a reception, we presented it as a wedding brunch. We weren't serving liquor and we had it in the afternoon so people easily accepted it.
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
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    I was just married this past April. We were on a budget for the reception as we had a fully catered sit down meal (we got our venue free with the caterer and it was through a church organization - before anything thinks I spent a fortune - I didn't.) We allowed plus ones because honestly, if I were going to a wedding, I wouldn't want to go without my husband. I'd find it very strange, also.

    A lot of people that you invite won't come - this is normal for weddings. Don't stress too much about it - is this person engaged or married? Have they been together for many years?
  • _Peacebone_
    _Peacebone_ Posts: 229 Member
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    You shouldn't break up couples, regardless of if you know the partner. That is very rude and inconsiderate. I'd be extremely offended if my fiance was invited to a wedding and told that he could not bring me! Think about it! You are going to make a few enemies with this one. Good luck.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    .
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    We paid for our wedding and we didn't tell people to not bring a plus one. In my opinion that would of been kinda ghetto. Plus, no everyone that RSVP will show up. If I get invited to a wedding and I can't bring a plus one I wouldn't even bother to show up. If you can't afford to have plus ones, then don't invite people that could bring a plus 1. Our budge was kinda small and we had a destination wedding (our dream wedding) we invited 40people (and estimated 10 plus 1, so a total of 50 people) we got RSVP for 40 people and only 5 didn't show up (2 plus one and my friend with her family because they had a car accident on their way to the wedding)
  • gabesgourmet
    gabesgourmet Posts: 78
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    You can do what me and my late husband did for our wedding...it was small but we still wanted it to be about love (not just our own love but the loves of our friends and families)...so to keep the budget down (and face it the main expense is almost ALWAYS food) we set up a pizza buffet! It was so much fun...we ordered these really great pizza's from a local awesome pizza parlor and had a keg and then sodas and water in a big tub.

    It was so intimate and fun...and it really was super budget conscious....I know that's not what you were asking...i just don't know how to tell someone we want YOU but not your wife/husband/fiance etc. you know?
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
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    i just don't know how to tell someone we want YOU but not your wife/husband/fiance etc. you know?

    It's simple: You don't invite one if you don't want (or can't afford to have) the other one there.
  • gabesgourmet
    gabesgourmet Posts: 78
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    that is truth...
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    I'm so nosey. I want a damn update! LOL!
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
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    Call the wedding off
  • violinkeri
    violinkeri Posts: 212
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    When I get invited to weddings, I always make sure the invitation clearly states plus 1 before inviting someone. Its presumptuous and rude to just assume.

    That being said, I was in a serious, long term, committed, cohabitating relationship a few years back, and a member of his family was getting married. There was a cousin who they didnt like the boyfriend of, so they made the rule that you could only bring plus one if you were married. If we hadnt been living together, it wouldnt ahve bothered me so much. Plus we had already discussed that we would live together for a year before we got engaged. So i got to sit at home watching tv while he stuffed his face with filet mignon and chocolate fondue fountain.
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I've never been invited to a wedding that wasn't addressed to either a) both of us [since we've been married] or b) one of us +1 [when we were just dating].

    Good luck.

    This. I think you're out of luck if you're trying not to offend anyone... No matter how you intended it, there's kind of a social norm when it comes to wedding invitations. I understand that it's /your/ wedding but you're inviting people to share the occasion with you, it's justifiable that they'd feel personally slighted that their partner wasn't invited just because the other guests won't know them. I would not attend a wedding that my partner specifically wasn't allowed to attend with me, even if it was for a family member.
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    In my opinion.. if they can't bring guests, don't invite anyone. just make it close family and that's it. ALL OR NOTHING!

    i don't think i'd go if i had to go alone..
  • mousepaws22
    mousepaws22 Posts: 380 Member
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    I have never had a plus one on an invite for a wedding, not even when I was in a relationship, so I always just go on my own. It's fine, I would maybe invite plus ones for family but at the end of they day it's your wedding, do what's right for you. People should be able to manage a few hours away from their partners and they should be happy to celebrate your wedding IMO.

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