Tough love or softly, softly

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24

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  • ToFatToBeSick
    ToFatToBeSick Posts: 113
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    I prefer the touch love however there is a line between tough love and just being a complete *kitten* towards somebody. If I go over in calories for the day, I don't want my "friends" on here telling me I did a good job or that I did great. I want them to tell me that I'm going to end up not achieving my goals if I continue to eat like that.
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
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    I prefer option C: truthful and direct.

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  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    I appreciate tough love, and I only hand out tough love.

    That being said, tough love does not involve belittling or berating. That's abuse.
  • Energizer06
    Energizer06 Posts: 311 Member
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    Choose whichever works for you! Both can have the same result. just like 2+2=4 so does 3+1. some people even like 1+1+1
  • ToFatToBeSick
    ToFatToBeSick Posts: 113
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    tough love all the way!!! no beating about the bush!!!

    I believe hitting problem HEAD ON IS HARD!!!! kicking yourself into gear and not looking back.

    the line between winning and losing is STRAIGHT as AN ARROW - not wavey!!

    just yesterday I told someone here to empty their snack cupboard and get healthy with a positive mentality and then someone pipes up saying "ignore him, eat chocolate within your calorie allowance"

    well that's all fine and dandy, but picking fingers tend to keep on picking and the circle continues etc...

    I say cut out rubbish food FULL STOP!!! !! when you have your mind right and attitude toward food is POSITIVE then yeah!! TREAT YOURSELF!! but until then, go full force and attack fat like it just made you mad!!

    im sorry for rambling - forgot what this threads about. ignore me

    Your posts get worse and worse. Now you've just called a MFP member a 'buffoon' and a 'stuck up muppet', just because they think that cutting out everything you enjoy is unsustainable? Nice.

    No tough love for Lauren...
  • Danni1585
    Danni1585 Posts: 250 Member
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    It's not about gender, it's about the person. On MFP I have found a great group of people, who suit me. I deleted one person because I felt they had a really unhealthy attitude towards food and perhaps an eating disorder. Some threads I ignore, I don't like to see sarcasm or bullying, but some people are trying to give helpful advice and some people are sensitive. It's a judgement call, I try to be supportive to others as I have got wonderful support since joining. I joined here because I am overweight, and hadn't succeeded on my own before. I think, the successs of this site is the friendship and sense of community. Good luck.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    It depends on the individual.

    Some people respond well to tough love. Others rebel and dig in deeper.

    Some people expect to be molly coddled and make no progress.

    The truth is you need a combination of both.
  • DonnaNCgirl
    DonnaNCgirl Posts: 372
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    Tough love but get over it when you fall off the wagon once in a while. If fitness had an "end point" I would say tough love all the way, but it's not. Fitness is a lifetime commitment. However, I don't want to "give up" certain foods and behaviors for the rest of my life. I try to control my calorie intake every day. On the occasional day that I don't do so well, I get over it. The problem is when people allow a "bad" day to turn into more than just one bad day.
  • witchyme
    witchyme Posts: 97 Member
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    im happy my man can give me both, sweet and kind, and so romantic, and yet, little tough love, and little hair pulling,, brings the animal out of him.....and out of me.....

    i got the best of both worlds,,lol
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    Which is best? Personally I prefer the tough love approach, as I believe that if you take the “never mind, its not easy and you will sometimes fall off the wagon” approach, you are making the option of failure easy and as in nature the path of least resistance is the default route. On the other hand, to berate failure and make the whole experience of failure unpleasant it no longer becomes the path of least resistance and as such is the one less likely to be chosen.

    Is this a male thing?
    Well, it depends, doesn't it!
    Tough love is for those who know to do the right thing, but deliberately choose to do wrong.
    Softly softly is for those who are trying, need instruction, example, correction, direction.
    Whichever you choose, the person on the receiving end should not feel rejected (although a behavior or course of action,etc, may be rejected). In other words, be patient and kind even if you have to be firm and hold the line.
  • emmabeckemeyer1
    emmabeckemeyer1 Posts: 298 Member
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    tough love is what I need but their is a difference between tough love and just being mean! The one person I don't take tough love from well is my husband!
  • cryswest57
    cryswest57 Posts: 141 Member
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    I prefer tough love but tough love on here generally equals bullying. :wink:

    Unfortunately true for some. I think everything should be said in love, even if its the truth. Some people are motivated when they are given tough love, but not everyone. There is a right way to speak to someone, and there is a wrong way. It's possible to be very honest, but loving simultaneously.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    tough love all the way!!! no beating about the bush!!!

    I believe hitting problem HEAD ON IS HARD!!!! kicking yourself into gear and not looking back.

    the line between winning and losing is STRAIGHT as AN ARROW - not wavey!!

    just yesterday I told someone here to empty their snack cupboard and get healthy with a positive mentality and then someone pipes up saying "ignore him, eat chocolate within your calorie allowance"

    well that's all fine and dandy, but picking fingers tend to keep on picking and the circle continues etc...

    I say cut out rubbish food FULL STOP!!! !! when you have your mind right and attitude toward food is POSITIVE then yeah!! TREAT YOURSELF!! but until then, go full force and attack fat like it just made you mad!!

    im sorry for rambling - forgot what this threads about. ignore me

    Your posts get worse and worse. Now you've just called a MFP member a 'buffoon' and a 'stuck up muppet', just because they think that cutting out everything you enjoy is unsustainable? Nice.

    No tough love for Lauren...

    I like tough love. I don't like unnecessary insults and name-calling just because some disagrees with you.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Positive reinforcement is better than
    Negative reinforcement which is better than
    Positive punishment which is better than
    Negative punishment.

    Most people who profess to be dispensing "tough love" actually don't have a scooby what they are doing and are, in fact, just being twonks...

    Tough love baaaaaaaaaaby.
  • walkdmc
    walkdmc Posts: 529 Member
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    Tough love from a person with good intentions.
  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
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    No, it's not a male thing. But why are you looking for either or? This is about you. You are responsible for you, no one else is. You make the decision what you put in your mouth, no one else does. What does what someone say to you have to do with what you eat or how you burn it off? Don't give anyone else that power, own it yourself.
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
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    Tough love only works when you really know a person and what makes them tick. I have a few people on my FL that I know well enough that I could push if I see they need it. There are others that this approach would have a very negative effect and many that I don;t know well enough to be anything more than encouraging.

    In the end we have to be accountable to ourselves, but even using tough love self talk can at times be detrimental. Know your audience well enough to determine what approach is going to work the best.

    This. I would never use "tough love" on people I wasn't sure it would work on.
  • KirstenTheFamilyCoach
    KirstenTheFamilyCoach Posts: 327 Member
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    Tough. Love. Not mean. Not belittling. Honest. Straightforward. LOVING and with good intent for the person to whom you are speaking. Pretending it's not what it is doesn't help a thing. Bossy, bullying, unkind words won't accomplish anything positive.
  • gfedex
    gfedex Posts: 226 Member
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    Too often (particularly online) people give tough without the love. How is it helpful, if someone posts about their struggle, to respond with "Well, suck it up- it's supposed to be hard!" ?

    I'm not really interested in some random on the internet telling me I'm dumb or weak because I'm having a bad day, because I'm neither (and I certainly wouldn't take this IRL). This is why I'm a fan of encouragement and/or helpful advice-giving.

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