Middle School Girls VS Valentines Day

collingmommy

i work retail and all holidays are conglomerate! ! there is no need for the child to be that way, but i get it.. i never got *kitten* for the day, and to this day i still dont,, its not cause i closed my heart to the crap, But i have learned to realize that you dont need a special holiday to tell someone that you love them!! try to explain that to her, and the other persons post about the no mom for moms day and the no dad for fathers day.

DontStopB_Leakin

so I read this to my 13 year old daughter and this is her comment...
'so what if you don't have a valentine for valentin's day, some kids don't have a mother for mother's day or a father for father's day'
:huh: hummm that's a different perspective

Smart kid, right there.

Look, I get it. It sucks to see your daughter upset and miserable, however, as a parent, you've got to teach her that sometimes, that's just how the cards fall. Sometimes, she's going to be excluding. People aren't always going to like her. Some days are going to suck. And you need to teach her that she has a choice; She can either dwell on it and let it depress her, or she can realize that some people are just thoughtless, selfish, and uncaring, and move on. It's not because she did something wrong...it's simply because some people suck, ESPECIALLY teenagers.

It's not just kids who don't have father or mother for those respective holidays. What about all the jewish/muslim/atheist/buddhist kids during Christmas? What about those kids who's parents condemn Halloween? There's always instances where *someone* is going to be excluded. That's life. It sucks and it's unfair, but that's just how it is, and the sooner you help her to learn that, the stronger she's going to be.

Edit to add: I'm not saying you shouldn't make her feel special at home, and that you shouldn't console her when she cries, because you absolutely should. I'm just saying that you can't shelter her from the way the world is forever.

zahid222

I hate to say this but just because someone has a bad day regarding Valentines Day or any other day does not mean we should eliminate it. I'm sorry, But Life isn't always what you want it to be. I never got a Valentines after elementary school and I survived...I'm 40 and still happy and full of love... I'm sure she will live! sorry if this sounds heartless but we can't all live in a bubble can we???

You are 40 and you got over thats very good for you , but I think what mom is asking is how to make it better for her 13 year old now.
My advise would be for mom would be to tell daughter that things get better and use some examples of people who she can relate to. For example you can say ' so and so who had a hard time in 8th grade but last year she was home coming queen!'

akaMrsmojo

I hate to say this but just because someone has a bad day regarding Valentines Day or any other day does not mean we should eliminate it. I'm sorry, But Life isn't always what you want it to be. I never got a Valentines after elementary school and I survived...I'm 40 and still happy and full of love... I'm sure she will live! sorry if this sounds heartless but we can't all live in a bubble can we???

That is an absolute rational thought, but you lose your rational thoughts when it comes to your kids.

sgv0918

I thought in younger classes that if kids were giving out valentines, they were supposed to do it for the entire class?

my middle schooler had to do the whole homeroom or nada

MB_Positif

The cafeteria even burned her heart-shaped sugar cookie.

Ok, that totally sucks but it's not like they did it on purpose. That said, I don't remember exchanging Valentines at all in middle school. So sorry that today sucked for her.

surromom2010

I was afraid of it, so I gave her chocolate and stuffed alligator this morning. She has only been at this school for 3 months, but I was hoping someone would do something for her.

I promised her I would take her to the mall this weekend.

It's probably because she's new, middle school kids dont have much money so they buy for their BEST friends, not all of them...Next year I'm sure will be different..When I had been in a new school for 3 months noone ever thought of me for anything once the first week of "what school did you go to before and where are ou from" wore off..

juliecat1

From my middle schooler to yours

RobfromLakewood

I've taught middle school for 19 years now and am still amazed by the range of their cruel to kind behavior. My sympathy to your daughter and sometimes the only lesson is to not be like some others.

danmcgarrigle5

Not exactly valentines day related, but in high school my entire social circle, including my best friend suddenly stopped talking to me. Almost over night. I found other friends, who turned out to be better people, and a few of the good people started to hang out with me again, but it took several months. It turns out it was all because one of the more popular girls, who lived in a town known for thinking they are better than everyone else (mainly because their houses cost more and they got the new fancy mall) decided I wasn't good enough and got everyone to shun me. The thing I found funny is that my family made more money than hers, but believed in being frugal, we never spent more than we needed while her family lived beyond it's means. Now she is a trophy wife and losing her looks, while I am happy with what I've got and focused and improving where I am and myself.

That was a long time ago and seems silly now, but at the time it was devastating

jbutterflye

so I read this to my 13 year old daughter and this is her comment...
'so what if you don't have a valentine for valentin's day, some kids don't have a mother for mother's day or a father for father's day'
:huh: hummm that's a different perspective

THIS! ^

Sometimes kids can be so incredibly wise. I have an almost 13 yr old girl, in middle school too. She'll be getting home from school soon so I'll find out what it was like for her today.

perfectingpatti

so I read this to my 13 year old daughter and this is her comment...
'so what if you don't have a valentine for valentin's day, some kids don't have a mother for mother's day or a father for father's day'
:huh: hummm that's a different perspective

I saw this all over Facebook today. I think it's a meme.

In some middle schools, kids can buy carnations or roses for certain people. The Student Council will send "candy grams", etc. It's not mandatory that everyone has to receive something, though. What I think sucks about your daughter's situation is that she was the ONLY one who got nothing. That surprises me and makes me sad. Unfortunately, middle schoolers have to learn lessons on how cruel other kids can be (I have a 7th grader with autism).

I hope she has a good evening with people who love her!

PinkyKiwii

How do you explain to a 13 year old girl that people can just be thoughtless.

Better to tell your 13 year old that she's old enough to not throw hysterical fits over stupid things, and to toughen up a little. You DID say 13 years old, right? Not 6?

The cafeteria even burned her heart-shaped sugar cookie.

LOL

I was 13 not long ago and dont recall Vday as being the end of the world. I never had a valentines day card/flower/or anything before. People make it into the biggest deal ever.

jayche

I thought in younger classes that if kids were giving out valentines, they were supposed to do it for the entire class?

Not when I was in middle school.

akaMrsmojo

From my middle schooler to yours

That is so awesome. I will show it to her. She is much better today.