Middle School Girls VS Valentines Day

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  • mgmlap
    mgmlap Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Over here..passing out vd stuff ends in elementary school. Every year though, hubby buys the kid a balloon, candy, and a card...Rachell knows that Dad will be her valentine till she gets married...and she loves it!. There are no expectations of her getting anything from anyone at school...

    I am sorry your daughter was so upset..but use it as a teaching moment..cause she will have many other times in her life where she will be the odd man out!
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
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    This is a hard age/grade to break into the crowds/cliques etc.

    And, rules about including everyone or no-one is involved doesn't prep anyone for the real world.

    Remind her that she has every right to feel upset/hurt/angry about it, but it isn't the end of the world, it's just Valentine's day.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    Being the new kid in class at 13 just plain sucks. Like the other posters said, it's a life lesson and you can't eliminate the holiday. I'd add that you can't shelter your kids from the world either, but I'd be certainly taking her out for a little shopping and dinner. Make the world revolve around her for at least a day or evening. Big hugs!
  • tlacox1
    tlacox1 Posts: 373 Member
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    I thought in younger classes that if kids were giving out valentines, they were supposed to do it for the entire class?

    She is in 8th grade, they did. Everyone but her.

    8th grade is not required to do things like make them give to all. That is elementary school. At my school were I teach 8th grade, students are not even supposed to have the stuff out in school because it is such a distraction. Of course, they do anyway and all we can really do is make them put it all in their lockers.
  • LowFatMama
    LowFatMama Posts: 625 Member
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    I work at a middle school and sadly, they don't require you to bring enough for everyone. They even sell 'candy grams' & 'crush' sodas to send to your friends & crush's. What I suggest is next year you sending her something to get at school on V day. Then hopefully she won't feel left out....Hope she feels better! Mid school is a rough time!
  • Flowers4Julia
    Flowers4Julia Posts: 521 Member
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    A point could also me made that Valentine's Day is about giving love and that sometimes that is even better than receiving.

    Happy Valentine's Day to you and your daughter :flowerforyou:
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    How do you explain to a 13 year old girl that people can just be thoughtless.

    Better to tell your 13 year old that she's old enough to not throw hysterical fits over stupid things, and to toughen up a little. You DID say 13 years old, right? Not 6?
    The cafeteria even burned her heart-shaped sugar cookie.


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  • Minerva624
    Minerva624 Posts: 577 Member
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    To prevent her from feeling down next Valentine's Day you could surprise her with a cute stuffed animal (or something else) and some treats in the morning before she heads off to school. My parents have always done this for my siblings and I...I don't exactly know why. She won't feel left out. :)
  • Sharkington
    Sharkington Posts: 485
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    Middle school sucks for so many people - it's a difficult time for everyone (it was worse than high school, for me). It's even more rough for her since she is still new to her school. I think it was nice you got her something - my parents did that for me and my siblings on Valentine's Day, so the years I didn't get anything form my friends/peers, I still had something to look forward to. This won't bother her forever and she will get over it once the day ends. Tell her she is not the only one to experience this (the replies to this thread are proof!) :flowerforyou:
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
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    My middle school/early high school Valentine's days were torture. Everyone else got roses and candy and cards on Valentine's day from their friends, boyfriends, guys who liked them... I didn't. I had clinical depression, was triggered by loneliness, and definitely spent a V-day or two locked in my bathroom cutting up my arms. My parents did the best they could to ease the pain by always getting me a box of chocolates, and that was the only thing that made this fracking Hallmark holiday bearable.

    Here's the good news: if I survived that crap, your daughter will be just fine. Yes, it sucks and it hurts, but as she grows up and her priorities change, she's going to look back and wonder why it was ever such a big deal. The best thing you can do for her is show her you love her and try to give her some perspective. There's a lot of parents who can't afford to give their kids anything. There's a lot of parents who don't love their kids enough to give them anything. I'm sorry you have to watch her have her heart broken, but you're doing a good job as a parent :flowerforyou:
  • Ewaldt
    Ewaldt Posts: 106 Member
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    A big part of it is that the only people doing 'valentine's day' stuff are usually individual groups of 'friends' that are into it. Maybe her's is not and she just feels like she is being left out, when really everyone in her 'group' avoided the holiday. (This is usually what occured most in my school. Only a few groups of friends actually did anything at all and they obviously only gave them to eachother). If it really is that EVERYONE got them but her, and that everyone was giving them out, then it is probably something to do with HER, and nothing to do with Valentine's day. For instance, she said something last month, which made someone think this, which made someone else do this, which made..etc. and it has now taken the form of alienation on Vday, because we all know how rediculous middle school peers can be :\
  • akaMrsmojo
    akaMrsmojo Posts: 762 Member
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    To prevent her from feeling down next Valentine's Day you could surprise her with a cute stuffed animal (or something else) and some treats in the morning before she heads off to school. My parents have always done this for my siblings and I...I don't exactly know why. She won't feel left out. :)

    I did do that this morning.

    I think the things that bugs her is not the fact no one gave her anything but more that not one person thought of her. They are even having a party to one of the kids house and she was not invited.

    She is better now, she called an old friend from her other school and they talked.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    so I read this to my 13 year old daughter and this is her comment...
    'so what if you don't have a valentine for valentin's day, some kids don't have a mother for mother's day or a father for father's day'
    :huh: hummm that's a different perspective

    END! THREAD!
  • EdwarddeVere
    EdwarddeVere Posts: 178
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    Protect her from disappointment and she'll go far...
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Aw. That's sad. I feel horrible for her. But.... That's life. When she's older, her friends could all have Valentines and she may not. At least you got her something though!
  • lenniebus
    lenniebus Posts: 321 Member
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    Poor Kid--eighth grade is the absolute worst!!! My school had the great idea to have kids "buy" carnations for one another. I, of course, got none. And I had a friend that got one from a boy she hated, and was creeped out...what were they thinkin'. Someone is bound to get their feelings hurt...why add to it needlessly.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    You could turn into a valuable life lesson

    ^^^ This


    My son is also in 8th grade and had a date for the Valentine's dance, but then when he went to her house, another boy showed up, *also* to escort this girl to the dance. The girl's dad ended up grounding her for being a "rude *itch" (his words) and my husband had a talk with him about it. It's been a week, and he's over it now.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    Sorry that happened to your little girl. That is crushing at that age. I went through the same thing, but I was never the new girl in school...just not cool enough. Eighth grade was actually the year all of my "friends" decided that I wasn't cool enough to be friends with them anymore. (Basically, I was made "uncool" that year because I was chubby and not pretty.) High school wasn't any better.

    Since you can't do anything about her peers, just do the best you can to make her feel special at home. It may not mean much to her now, but it will in the years to come.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    I was "that girl" in school. I was invisible. In the 8th grade, a very popular boy singled me out as the "ugliest girl in school." What he said about me stunned me and hurt very badly. He was so popular that even if another kid disagreed, they didn't express it or stand up for me. It was humiliating.

    I went home and cried and my mother shrugged and told me to suck it up. It was a double whammy.

    Yes, a 13 year old girl has to develop a thick skin. But being a loving parent and making her feel very special can go a long way to getting past these kinds of things. I'm 40 and thinking about what he said still stings a little.

    Ironically, that boy asked me out a few years later, and was shocked I said no. He didn't remember what he said to me, but I sure did.

    Things will change for her, just support her and love her through it, and make her feel like she's the most beautiful girl in the world.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    so I read this to my 13 year old daughter and this is her comment...
    'so what if you don't have a valentine for valentin's day, some kids don't have a mother for mother's day or a father for father's day'
    :huh: hummm that's a different perspective

    I like that...smart kiddo

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