Anyone else have a mother who constantly nags about weight?

Raybug0903

I recently moved back in with my mother (I am in graduate school) and it is worse than I expected it to be. She is ALWAYS nagging about my weight even though she knows I am working out nearly every day and eating healthy. It's like I'm never good enough in her eyes. A few days ago I told her I was thinking about growing my hair out again and she replied, "Oh good! Hopefully you'll be skinny by the time it grows out and THEN you will look pretty." I mean, come on...my mother of all people should know there is more to be than the way I look. And she has no business criticizing me. She had gastric bypass surgery at 250 lbs, lost 100 lbs, and has gained 40 lbs back in the past few years.

Anyone else have a family member like this?

lambchoplewis

As soon as you lose the weight ( or are losing) she will tell you "you are too thin", "are you sick"!!! Mom's are moms and hated the criticism before and now!!!

brenn24179

Oh gosh yes, I had skinny parents. They made it worse. To tell you the truth I think when I distance myself from them I do better. Dad would call me short and dumpy an Mom would say do you have fluid. If they had of walked with me or something of that sort or we could trade recipes but no just criticism. Dad would call and leave me a message saying how many sandwiches did you eat today and laugh. Oh I know how it feels.

I am doing this for me not them. Nothing will satisfy them. they find something else to pick on me about.

AshyyMM

my mom is never like that.. my grandmother on the other hand completely is.. I only see her a few times a year..and she always makes a comment..
I find that if I dont let it get to me then I'm better off..
All that really matters in the end is what you think.. keep being yourself..and doing what you need to do..
nothing matters more than how you feel about yourself---and hopefully she wont get to you enough to make you "dislike" your appearance!!
Weightloss is a work in progress.. in this change.."slow and steady" wins the race!!.. You are making lifestyle changes to get your results and they will come...

My dad will make comments on occasion.. I have found walking away and not being near him helps me not take it to heart!
Wish you all the best moving forward and hopefully she will lay off a bit!..or alot when it comes to your weight/appearance!
PS- I snuck a peek at your profile and your gorgeous!

irishblonde2011

Yes!!!! I come from a house of all females(feel sorry for my poor dad lol) my mom is a uk 8 and both my sisters are uk 6's TINY!!!
I hear it all the time from my mam you have such a beautiful face you would be so much prettier if you were smaller etc. I know she talks about my weigh to everyone. It's constant. The thing is she eats crap like seriously chocolate every day and mc donald's every morning for breakfast. One my sister lost a bunch of weight and nets maybe 500 cals a day mostly cigs and coffee and I know people say oh she won't be able to keep that up well she has for 15 plus years...my other sister can't cook a egg. No lie. I moved abroad 1.5 years ago and have dropped 36 lbs in that time. Having my own kitchen and people not talking about me was Hugh for me. My boyfriend put some pictures up on facebook of me and my mom who doesn't have facebook by the way told me that she can't believe how beautiful I have become I look like my sisters now etc.. My cousins had shown her the pictures. She also told me that she was planning a intervention at one stage about my weight. The biggest I ever was a size uk 16. I honestly believe because she has never had a weight problem she does not understand. I would like to be smaller and I am getting there but it will be the healthy way.

lightdiva1

I would call my family member out and tell them to shut it. Comments like that are never helpful, and always hurtful. I have had some friends offer up helpful advice on how I could lose weight. I usually respond with the same type of response, "Until I ask for it, your comments on my body and my food choices are not needed or wanted. How would you like me to comment on your saggy boobs, or wrinkling skin, or how your hair always looks like a rat's nest..." That tends to shut people up.

Ignoring the comments doesn't help. It doesn't tell someone they are hurting you. Tell your mother how she makes you feel. Than stand up for yourself. Call her out on her faults every time she mentions your faults.

AshyyMM

Yes!!!! I come from a house of all females(feel sorry for my poor dad lol) my mom is a uk 8 and both my sisters are uk 6's TINY!!!
I hear it all the time from my mam you have such a beautiful face you would be so much prettier if you were smaller etc. I know she talks about my weigh to everyone. It's constant. The thing is she eats crap like seriously chocolate every day and mc donald's every morning for breakfast. One my sister lost a bunch of weight and nets maybe 500 cals a day mostly cigs and coffee and I know people say oh she won't be able to keep that up well she has for 15 plus years...my other sister can't cook a egg. No lie. I moved abroad 1.5 years ago and have dropped 36 lbs in that time. Having my own kitchen and people not talking about me was Hugh for me. My boyfriend put some pictures up on facebook of me and my mom who doesn't have facebook by the way told me that she can't believe how beautiful I have become I look like my sisters now etc.. My cousins had shown her the pictures. She also told me that she was planning a intervention at one stage about my weight. The biggest I ever was a size uk 16. I honestly believe because she has never had a weight problem she does not understand. I would like to be smaller and I am getting there but it will be the healthy way.

Good for you..
I think comments like that would make me break down.. I am a very emotional person though!!..
but still.. good for you on the 36lb loss.. I think mothers can be the worst critics...

Raybug0903

I would call my family member out and tell them to shut it. Comments like that are never helpful, and always hurtful. I have had some friends offer up helpful advice on how I could lose weight. I usually respond with the same type of response, "Until I ask for it, your comments on my body and my food choices are not needed or wanted. How would you like me to comment on your saggy boobs, or wrinkling skin, or how your hair always looks like a rat's nest..." That tends to shut people up.

Ignoring the comments doesn't help. It doesn't tell someone they are hurting you. Tell your mother how she makes you feel. Than stand up for yourself. Call her out on her faults every time she mentions your faults.

You are so right...she is just going to keep doing it unless I say something. I like the one about not needing the comments until I ask for it. My mother is the last person who is qualified to give that type of advice anyway, lol. Thanks!

Jeanine207

I would tell her that from now on comments about your weight is OFF LIMITS! If she says anything put your hand up and say STOP and walk away. Don't know if it will work, but it's worth a try Good luck! And btw, good job on eating healthy and exercising!!!

Raybug0903

Oh I almost forgot to mention the best one yet...she told me I should consider getting lap band surgery. I'm 5'6 and the highest I've ever been is 210 lbs. Even I know that's not heavy enough to qualify. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry lol. I think she just wants me to get as heavy as she did and go through all of the same things. She doesn't believe I can do it on my own but boy she is wrong. I love my mom but at times she really crosses the line.

Shadowknight137

Mine. She goes on about ow I'm to skinny/small/light.

I agree with her.

likitisplit

I like the suggestion about agreeing with her! Just agree "yes, you are right" and blow her off. She can't force you to get the surgery and she can't keep arguing if you don't put up a defense. You know that she's being crazy about this and you can't take the stuff crazy people say personally.

Mountainbiker2015

My mother, may she RIP used to get on my about my weight. When I was young and would grow out of my pants so fast as I was overweight. She, on the other hand, took it the other way and was way too skinny. She had the best of intentions for me, I think, but it still hurt somtimes. I know, now, that I will never be as skinny as her, nor do I want to be. She died of cancer in 1988 and had nothing weight wise to fall back on. I do believe she was in her 90's weight wise when she passed on. :frown:

sashastackhouse

Luckily my parents are really good about that stuff. Especially my dad who has lost over 100 pounds just by diet changes and using a stationary bike. However, I do have friends who tend to say snide things whenever I order something healthy at a restaurant or suggest doing an activity instead of going out eating or drinking. Just know that (hate to say) but your mom is probably jealous. She knows she has gained weight back and that you are starting to lose. It's tough for someone with low self esteem to see a loved one start to look better and better. Plus, since you are family, she knows she can say anything she wants to you and you will still love her. It sucks, but if anything just use those words for motivation. Do this for you and think about what you might do if the situation was reversed. If it gets to the point where you are really unhappy, sit her down and talk to her about the hurtful things she is saying. Perhaps she doesn't realize her words are coming across like that so as in any relationship, communication is key! Good luck!

PatsyFitzpatrick

My mother-n-law is the worst about offering advice but never following her own. I have called her out more than once. Not just about weight with my husband or myself. But she has the nerve to give advice to my teenagers when they have a zit. I stopped her right in front of my child and asked her to answer if she truly thought she needed to inform my child of the zit. I told her she was acting like a school house bully and to stop it. Your mom is being a bully. Tell her to stop it. Then invite her to go for a Zumba class or a run and tell her she ought to practice her own advice. Good luck it is never ending here.

Congratulations for being accepted to Graduate school.

alitap

oh yeah! my mom makes nasty comments about me as well, and it DOES NOT help when she taunts me infront of the family/relatives/friends....

letjog

I'm sorry to be blunt but those comments of your mum are unacceptable. She is clearly jealous of you because of her own insecurities and failings, and is subconsciously trying to bring you down.

1. Don't let the comments get to you
2. Tell her where to get off.

Mowen06

Oh dear! Sorry abou that! My mom isn't exactly supportive but rarely says anything negative. When she does let something slip I sort of obsess about it so I feel you. Just use it as motivation!! Good luck!

jennifer_417

Some people mean well, but just don't know how to express it. She probably just wants you to be happy, and in her brain happy=thin.

emsicle_o

My mum's taken to calling me fatty, lardy, lard *kitten*, etc, and poking me in the belly or pinching / grabbing it and things. She thinks it's funny.
I don't.
Nor does my boyfriend.

My nan also compaired the size of my pregnant cousin to me....nice.

DPernet

Yup. Mum was calling me bloated. Love her, but come on!!!

Luckily for a man I think it's a bit different. I just told her to shut up

kelly101386

My nan is like this, my cousin was slimming down a few years ago and said she lost ten pounds. My nan goes "from where, your wallet?" she is a piece of work.

Oishii

My parents only tell me what they think of my weight if I'm losing. Then they tell me they think I WAS too big :laugh: when I bought my goal weight jeans my mum said 'Don't be too upset when they're too small again,' and I told her how upsetting that was. My mum does that for everything though, looking for the dark, negative view, and I just tell her 'I don't think like that.' It's her problem and I won't let it be mine!

Chadomaniac

THIS is every FEMALE i know , not just my mom.

chooriyah

That's horrible, I'm sorry. Sounds like there's space for a firm conversation - that you appreciate her concern, that you are well aware of where you are, and where you want to be, that you are taking very active steps in that direction, and that her comments only serve to demotivate rather than support you. If she wants what's best for you, she should be encouraging. If she can't manage that, she should stay well away from the topic. Didn't our mothers always say 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything'???

jshot278

My mother never "nagged" she just told me that if I gained any more weight, they'd have to bury me in a piano case! Talk about
messing with someone's head. That remark still haunts me to this day. She's been gone for over 15yrs.

SamanthaClarexo

My mum is supportive. But my dad can be discouraging. Before I lost weight he'd come into the kitchen and saying, "Should you really be eating that...?" On holiday I'd put shorts on he'd be like, "Really...? Shorts...?" What's worse is I've never been really... 'big'. I've always had a healthy BMI. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. When I first started losing weight he'd laugh at my meals I'd make and try and get me to fall off the wagon, try and make me eat take aways with them etc. Once he realised how dedicated I was and how well I was doing, he soon shut up and even started taking an interest himself.

irishblonde2011

Yes!!!! I come from a house of all females(feel sorry for my poor dad lol) my mom is a uk 8 and both my sisters are uk 6's TINY!!!
I hear it all the time from my mam you have such a beautiful face you would be so much prettier if you were smaller etc. I know she talks about my weigh to everyone. It's constant. The thing is she eats crap like seriously chocolate every day and mc donald's every morning for breakfast. One my sister lost a bunch of weight and nets maybe 500 cals a day mostly cigs and coffee and I know people say oh she won't be able to keep that up well she has for 15 plus years...my other sister can't cook a egg. No lie. I moved abroad 1.5 years ago and have dropped 36 lbs in that time. Having my own kitchen and people not talking about me was Hugh for me. My boyfriend put some pictures up on facebook of me and my mom who doesn't have facebook by the way told me that she can't believe how beautiful I have become I look like my sisters now etc.. My cousins had shown her the pictures. She also told me that she was planning a intervention at one stage about my weight. The biggest I ever was a size uk 16. I honestly believe because she has never had a weight problem she does not understand. I would like to be smaller and I am getting there but it will be the healthy way.

Good for you..
I think comments like that would make me break down.. I am a very emotional person though!!..
but still.. good for you on the 36lb loss.. I think mothers can be the worst critics...

Thank you that made me smile. I am a very emotional person too but when you hear it every day you become numb to it.
I don't think she means to be hurtful she just doesn't get it. I'm a adult now so onwards and upwards

Snipsa

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It's usually the ones we care for the most that can hurt us the deepest!

I moved in with my parents beginning of this year, after finishing at university, and I've been very happy with their support!

None of us eats clean, but they have fully supported me when I'd make me a "healthier" meal than they were eating.

My dad has been the biggest surprise, he's been supportive without being overbearing - when I didn't exercise for three days he asked me if I was feeling ok, wanted to know if I was over-exerting myself before, and thus over-fatigued, or was I just feeling a bit lazy.

I could honestly tell him the first day it was fatigue, the next two it was laziness - he didn't hassle me or anything, just asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him and my mom that evening - it was the motivation I needed that week to get back into the exercising groove.

Amazon_Who

Mine was like that. Everything was about being attractive. It started young with corrective braces on my legs. I had a foot that turned it way too much and needed correcting but for here it was about having attractive straight legs.

Then orthodontics were about pretty straight smile, not my horrible overbite and jaw pain.

My hairstyles were never "right". I was bombarded with "You would be so pretty if.....". You get the idea.

Dieting started early. Even in high school when I was only 125 pounds (I'm 5'9") it was encouraged.

Weighinginwithmy02

Find one retort that you are comfortable with and repeat the exact same thing every single time she says something inappropriate and then walk away from the situation (givinger her space to think about what you just said). Once she hears that same retort for the 100th time in a week and see's she's not going to get the satisfaction out of putting you down that she usually does (and believe me, she gets a pay off of some sort out of this behavior, otherwise she wouldn't repeat it) she'll, well, she'll probably look for other ways of putting you down to make herself feel better.

Repeat the same steps with every inappropriate behavior from her until she figures it out. She need to know (and she can only learn this if you teach it to her) that you're a confidant adult with a mind of your own who will stand up for yourself.

I'm really sorry that your Mom acts this way towards you. It seems extremely unfair and inappropriate.