Anyone else have a mother who constantly nags about weight?

BubblesxDear

My mother doesn't say anything but other THIN family members do which bugs me as they have never had a weight problem in their life but they feel its ok to comment about mine.

nyemu

I'm so sorry that you get such discouraging comments from someone who is supposed to instill confidence and support you.

Unfortunately you can choose your friends but not your family, I suggest ignoring her, focusing on your goal, and making lots and lots of fab mfp friends to help you achieve your goals.

Feel free to add me!

Juleeroch

OH YES....!!! And I'm nearly 55 and she STILL does it.... PLUS she weighs about 125 lbs and is about 5ft 2in and thinks she needs to lose weight !!!
Probably why I've been yo yo dieting for years - and still am.... Also probably why I see myself as bigger than I am.. UK size 12 and 5ft 3in and 146 lbs - ok I weigh more than I should, but not massively so...

I look back at photos of me when I was 18, 21, 26 etc etc etc and I dont see a fat person at all...........why then was I constantly worried about loosing weight .../ being fat ???

Parents have a lot to answer for..........

Supern0va81

Mine. She goes on about ow I'm to skinny/small/light.

I agree with her.

It is true that being skinny is just as difficult to manage as being overweight. I was supposedly too skinny in my teens and it hurt to hear that and my family would tell me that I should put on some weight and not get 'too skinny'. Now they tell me I should loose the pounds and I agree so I am. Thinking about it though, they never offer praise for looking 'good'. Is that too much to ask???

Retrospectively I wish I had spent more time learning/acting on what I actually needed as opposed to what everybody else thought I should be doing.

Faded_Memories

For me, its my father. He's Chinese...my mother is Canadian...so there is a definite cultural gap between my father and I.

My dad has ALWAYS been on me about my weight since I was young....I just brush it off anymore. Now that I live in the UK, and he's back home in Canada, its a little bit easier to dodge the bullet...but I recently told him I'd lost 16 lbs and was going to the gym twice a week. He was all, " What about your bf? You're boyfriend is a man, and tall so he's ok. (My bf is also overweight btw). But you, maybe when I see you this year, you'll be skinny."

I just tend to laugh and brush it off these days!

Flossie1981

My mum has the tendancy to refer to me when I was skinny as if it is a seperate person.... or as if I have had a complete personality transformation. She also every now and then has these "chats" with me where she goes on and on and on about my weight and then if I tell her I am trying to lose weight she will go on about it every time we talk, I prefer now not to say anything! I hate talking about my weight and she knows it.

Rien5

Yeah 15+lbs ago I used to have a little tummy (looking back it wasn't all that bad and my thighs were a bit fatty but that's apparently still ok) but my parents made fun of me for it. I'd always pick up on their negativity towards me with everything (even their negativity towards themselves) and took it out with dieting and exercise. I think I also picked up the negativity from my friends because they are really pretty skinny people but are always going on about how they don't like their figure. I wanted to be skinny to look better (to conform and to stop their nagging)and because in a strange way I look up to skinny people perhaps because its society's norm for women.

TamMS1974

My daughter does this 2 me.... She always tell me think before you eat that mom. I don't want 2 hear about it later! SMH

stumblinthrulife

If I had a dollar for every time my wife's mother has reduced her to tears by criticizing her weight...

ObtainingBalance

She is ALWAYS nagging about my weight even though she knows I am working out nearly every day and eating healthy. It's like I'm never good enough in her eyes.And she has no business criticizing me. She had gastric bypass surgery at 250 lbs, lost 100 lbs, and has gained 40 lbs back in the past few years.

I think shes casting her own insecurities on you. Her judgement is not defining you, its defining herself more than anyone.

:flowerforyou: Ignore her. Work on what you want (goals) - her opinions are just that, OPINIONS . Everyone has their own definition of "skinny", "fat", & "pretty".

Hugs~

Serenitytoo

My mom would nag about it a lot, which just made me shut down. I think that is partly why I didn't really start losing until they went away for 3 months and I did it without telling her. They got back and she was too scared to say anything about the 30lbs I dropped while they were away lol.

I think it is harder coming from her becuase she is one to follow the fads.. the lemonade diet, apple cider vinegar, coconut oil, gluten free... They never last long, but she will push them like there is no tomorrow until she goes onto the next one lol. If she wants to go gluten free I am fine with that, but the fact that she kept pushing it on me for months is where I have the problem. She will try to tell me how much to eat (when I am following this sites recomendations, she doesn't understand the net calorie thing no matter how many times I explain it) and then tell me I am drinking too much water... I just have to tune that part out.

misskerouac

Mine was the same way.

I silently put up with it until I could move out. Then I moved 30 minutes away so that I didn't have to see her often. Our relationship is strained at times, and she knows that it's her fault.

I agree with those who said she is putting her own insecurities onto you. I would say, do the best you can, then get out of there. It is NOT good for you mentally to be in an environment that is constantly attacking your efforts.

allifantastical

*raises hand* my mother and her whole side of the family is terrible at nagging! I have done better than I EVER have as far as losing weight this time around but still it's not good enough. She says I need to join weight watchers...why? She says I need to start taking advocare....why?? She says I should have lost more weight by now...why?? My mother used to weigh as much as me and then turned to unhealthy options such as a sort case of bulimia and taking metabolife, not eating etc. Not the picture of health she wants to portray.

Now after she says all this stuff she brings in a cheesecake and offers me a piece. lol. It's so hard to tune out the nagging but try the best you can. I have actually just stopped sharing my weight loss goals with her and the family because then I don't have to put any pressure on myself. Then if one day they say hey you look skinnier I'll mention it then how much I've lost.

Keep your chin up. You are doing amazing. I come to MFP for support. Feel free to add me if you like

dolphinswimmer15

I've weighed a little bit more than I should have starting in high school. Even now I'm still the smallest of my sister, my mom, and my maternal grandma. My sister is shorter than me and weighs about the same, my grandma and mom are a little bit taller but weigh a lot more. In my adolescence I was called "skinny Minnie" as I was scrawny. I went from the age of 8 to the age of 12 in the same size jeans (except for length). I hit puberty right before my 13th birthday. That's when I started to think there was something wrong with me. I went from "skinny Minnie" to my mom and grandma to "fatty fatty, 2x4 can't fit through the bathroom door". Through high school, I heard "you're gaining weight". In retrospect I'm actually kind of surprised I didn't develop a serious eating disorder. I don't have much to do with my family anymore. Too much negativity (not just with weight), I don't have room for that in my life.

TimeForMe99

Everyone has a family member like that. In my experience it's someone who has internal conflicts about their weight. It's their insecurities being reflected on you. I sometimes feel this way with my own daughter. I don't think I'm attractive but she is beautiful. Funny thing is, she's my clone! Clearly I'm the one with the issue, not her.

Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Have you asked your mom to join you in your journey? Maybe you can support one another.

wllwsmmr

Sorry to hear about all the family bullies ): With my self esteem I would crack all the time with all that taunting ):

I have found the mfp community to be a good place to turn to because there is always so much support and love here!
Also, ultimately you just have to heck it. You cannot control what others say but you can control how you choose to react to it! Turn them into motivations!
I also find that passive agressive retorts help to shut them up the best. Like if they comment about the weight, you could respond with 'at least i'm doing something about it' 'i don't think you have the right to be spreading this negative energy to someone you claim to love' 'at least i know that I am doing my best everyday to stay healthy and happy, and just know that I won't let this affect me, but this really reflects badly on you' Sometimes you don't have to keep the whole 'I won't let that get to me' to yourself, express it so that they know that it is futile to keep up with this pointless charade!!

I have to agree that your mother's tauntings are out of her own insecurities.. I think it is important to let her know that if she has nothing positive to say then don't talk about it at all. Make it clear that you do not want to discuss or hear anything about weight/fat etc. Else, stay away from her. It is best to stay away from negative energy regardless of where it is coming from. If she truly loves you and do not like you shunning her then she will change and stop the taunting. If she doesn't then well stay away from her and heck it!

I have an anorexic and bulimic mother so it is kind of the other spectrum as to the mothers in this discussion haha. Sadly in the past it was through her that I learnt to become an anorexic (I already have issues with my weight and self esteem even though I was never overweight). I am in recovery but unfortunately I became a binge eater (which is triggered by the death of my best friend, and seeing my mother's skeletal body and unhealthy eating habits) and I found that I have much less negativity when I stay away from her. Needless to say, I have a very strained relationship with her and I have tried many times to help her with her anorexia but they were all futile and I have given up because it was taking a toll on me. I want to be selfish and for once take care of myself before anyone else. I just learn to ignore her issues.
I have a dad who loves me and supports me in everything no matter what, and his only issue with me is that I am too obsessed with my weight and appearance. He motivates me to never go back to my anorexic ways.