Marriage: Lasting or Not?

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Replies

  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.


    Not


    I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...

    Misunderstood you, sorry.
    Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:

    :smile:

    Love conquers all. :heart:

    Yes, it does.
    I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...

    No I wasn't. But I guess I had one of those, in retrospect. lol! Now with my 2nd marriage it seems I didn't know what marriage was until I met him (my current husband). Had no idea it was possible to love like that.


    Awww, yeah...:flowerforyou:
    I really didn't understand how men thought until I met my second husband.
    He would tell me how a guy thinks about life and I would be like "really!?!
    So clueless in some ways, Oy...:tongue:
  • piratemerdi
    piratemerdi Posts: 212 Member
    She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.

    Wooooah! Hold up there!

    Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).

    He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.

    I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.
  • Patti1023
    Patti1023 Posts: 78 Member
    BOTH people need to work hard to get through. If just one person is trying, it's useless. Do everything you can to make the other person understand what needs to happen to make it work.
    Has anyone been through rough years in your marriage? Yes, a few in the 20+ years I was married.
    Did you make it through? No, divorced now.
    How do you know if it's going to last? I'm not sure you ever know, until you finally know that it won't.
    How long do you work at it without seeing a change before you decide enough is enough? I tried for over 10 years. At one point I gave up trying and then tried to pretend things were fine, but when the kids were talking about moving out on their own, I had to face the reality of sharing a house with a stranger. I thought "if I'm going to be lonely, I might as well be alone and lonely". I talked to him again at that point and let him know what was going through my mind, he finally said he'd make some changes (what I was asking for wasn't hard at ALL) - nothing changed so I left.

    I definitely agree with the first post I quoted above, either both have to be committed to trying to make things work or it's useless. Relationships are hard work and you can't do it alone, both parties have to work at it.
  • tinacrane
    tinacrane Posts: 134 Member
    Married 30 yrs and counting. We've been through it all! "Through sickness and in health"...yep...."For richer or poorer"...hell yes!...."for better or worse"...you bet. Some may say we are one of the lucky ones who made it. I say we work hard at it. I understand that some marriages just can't be, but I think too many couples throw in the towel too soon. Again, I reiterate, I get that some marriages just cannot be allowed to continue. We sometimes argue & fight, have silent spells, but eventually we work it out. Secret? I don't know if there is just one thing. I do know one thing though, we both have the attitude that "I ain't a leavin' you babe". Works for us.


    I've been married for 25 years and I couldn't have said it better!!


    Ditto to this! Been married 31 years to my best friend! We have been through it all, but still cant wait to come home at the end of the day to each other!
  • andersonjo0306
    andersonjo0306 Posts: 304 Member
    Married 30 yrs and counting. We've been through it all! "Through sickness and in health"...yep...."For richer or poorer"...hell yes!...."for better or worse"...you bet. Some may say we are one of the lucky ones who made it. I say we work hard at it. I understand that some marriages just can't be, but I think too many couples throw in the towel too soon. Again, I reiterate, I get that some marriages just cannot be allowed to continue. We sometimes argue & fight, have silent spells, but eventually we work it out. Secret? I don't know if there is just one thing. I do know one thing though, we both have the attitude that "I ain't a leavin' you babe". Works for us.

    HAHHAHAH...I hear ya. We have been married 22 years this year and started dating over 30 years. There is NO secret. Marriage is hard work and commitment. He is my best friend and the thought of being without him just kills me (even when I could literally choke him at times). We have had our issues as stated above (all of the above) but when it comes right down to it, I could not have made it through ANY of those trials without him. Good luck to your friend. If she is asking for advice she is not ready to give up
  • silky_kitten
    silky_kitten Posts: 171 Member
    Been with my wife for almost 25 years. Just had our 20th anniversary last August. I can honestly say we have't had ANY Rocky times. Been poor, had health issues, been through deaths, births and adversity, but, the two of us have always had the same goals, same vision,same expectation.

    In all those years we have not had one fight. We have compromised on occasion. Being right has never been more important to me than my relationship.

    I know with absolute certainty that she is the woman I will live the rest of my life with.

    That is so sweet! It kinda restores my faith in humanity! Congratulations to you and your wife :flowerforyou:

    ETA: I have been married to my best friend and soul mate for 6 years, we have been together 12. I hope we can, one day, join the ranks of the happy, long term married folks. There doesn't seem to be many of them out there
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    Don't expect perfection. Expext to give and take. I've been married to my first -and-only husband for 42 years. Yes, we've had ups and downs and arguements, differences of opinion, financial hard times, and each does something that drives the other one bonkers. We're still together because we are friends and we care. Now that his health is so bad I couldn't morally leave him even if the marriage was bad, which it is not. Looks and health can and will deteriorate, sexual passion can disappear, but caring and respect will carry you through. A sense of humor helps a lot. For my generation, if there was a problem, you didn't rush to divorce, throwing the relationship out; you fixed it. (Here's to you, Bear, still my best friend.)
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Don't expect perfection. Expext to give and take. I've been married to my first -and-only husband for 42 years. Yes, we've had ups and downs and arguements, differences of opinion, financial hard times, and each does something that drives the other one bonkers. We're still together because we are friends and we care. Now that his health is so bad I couldn't morally leave him even if the marriage was bad, which it is not. Looks and health can and will deteriorate, sexual passion can disappear, but caring and respect will carry you through. A sense of humor helps a lot. For my generation, if there was a problem, you didn't rush to divorce, throwing the relationship out; you fixed it. (Here's to you, Bear, still my best friend.)


    Awwww:flowerforyou:
    I think younger generations could learn a thing or two from you and your marriage :smile:
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
    She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.

    Wooooah! Hold up there!

    Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).

    He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.

    I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.

    Well, that was kinda what I meant. By expecting the husband to "grasp it" suggests to me that the wife is expecting the husband to follow in her religious path whether he wants to or not. i.e She is attempting to force her religious beliefs on him.
  • jlfoster0427
    jlfoster0427 Posts: 86
    I just got married last may but feel that one thing is true marriage definitely has its ups and down. My husband is in graduate school so getting to spend time together and really connect is hard sometimes. I am not a person who likes to be home alone a lot. I like to have him home for dinner every night but had to realize that that is not always possible. We have seen both richer and poorer for sure. I have lost my job two times in the last year and in college we werent always sure how we were going to buy groceries or pay rent. Anyway I think all the hard time bring your closer together. You can't take each other for granted. You have to work together and never forget the little things like a kiss on the way out the door or the I love you before you go to sleep at night :)
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    Interesting topic.
  • MBNagel74
    MBNagel74 Posts: 444 Member
    She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.

    Wooooah! Hold up there!

    Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).

    He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.

    I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.

    Well, that was kinda what I meant. By expecting the husband to "grasp it" suggests to me that the wife is expecting the husband to follow in her religious path whether he wants to or not. i.e She is attempting to force her religious beliefs on him.

    My ex is Catholic - although he didn't go to church or confession. Long story short, he told me convert "or else"... Should have been my first clue. I converted, but I am so not Catholic. He forced his religion - one he was not actually practicing - because it was what he thought was right.

    I am now married to a man who shares my beliefs, and I agree that having it in common helps. Or, at least, being with someone who understands that you are not their clone and respects your decision to practice a different faith (if you are a believer).

    Someone who tries to change you is not a partner. My opinion anyway...
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
    In my first marriage the rough spot started about 2 days in and lasted all 10yrs. I started begging for compromise right off but he said if I didn't like it I should just leave. I'm stubborn but 10 yrs of being told to leave was about all I could handle. Both sides have to be willing to change, you cannot will it to work no matter how stubborn you are.
  • Cognito1025
    Cognito1025 Posts: 323 Member
    We did everything you're supposedly not supposed to do. I moved in after about three dates, had copious amounts of sex early in the relationship, had a child out of wedlock, then got married and had another immediately. We just had our ten year anniversary and all is well, although I would like to get head more often. Ö

    We work opposite shifts, she's an RN (7p-7a) and I'm a chef who works mostly days. I think separation and having our own lives outside of the house helps....

    It's all about compromise and not being a petty, selfish ****head.
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
    I wasn't married, but I was with someone for 9 years...
    We got to a point where there was no communication and no one was trying anymore. When you start to feel alone in your relationship and the other person does not seem interested in putting their all into it... it is time to let go.

    this :(

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