Species specific head-wear
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stephdeeable
Posts: 1,407 Member
in Chit-Chat
First of all, I've been researching this topic for hours, so if you step to his - you will be destroyed. I also have my multiple acco....erm, friends, on standby to help me if needed.
Everywhere I look I see people just willy-nilly throwing hats on their head without a thought as to whether or not that's the right hat for them - or for humans in general. The hat fitting you well, or just liking the hat is not enough - and I think you already know that if you looked deep inside yourselves.
I admit I even have some friends who will wear a ball cap one day, a toque the next and some days - no hat all. Don't they care about their health and well-being? Don't worry, they've already been cut from my life.
After literally minutes of internet research - or should I say hours of pouring over historical evidence, old cartoons and some book I once found in a dumpster - I've decided, I mean learned, that there has to be one hat designed exclusively for human heads. Since scientists are too "busy" curing diseases and other such nonsense, I feel the duty is mine to tell everybody what to do with their lives - I mean, my duty to find the truth.
If you look through google image search - I mean, historical data- you will see there is already an agreed upon headwear choice for almost all animals...
Pig in a cowboy hat. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: A cowboy hat screams "I love eating meat!" We've already all agreed that eating meat will kill us all, so we don't want to confuse anyone.
Penguin in a top hat. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: Penguins walk around all fancy, thinking they're better than us. Personally, this is a trigger for me to stress binge. Also, it's a known fact that Batman Returns sucked.
Rabbit in a bonnet. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: This is one of the worst ones!! First of all, this immediately makes you think of Easter. Easter is ranked number 5 in the list of holidays where people tend to over-eat the most - coming in after Christmas, New Years Eve, Halloween and Arbor Day. Second of all, rabbits love to eat carrots...carrots have carbs. If you eat a carrot, you will develop a carb addiction. Suck it, Rabbits!
Dog in a detective hat or "deerstalker", Why this isn't the right choice for humans: My biggest problem with these hats are that they lead to people engaging in "detective" like behaviour. This is not positive for weight loss, your health or the country. Looking into ideas has never benefited anyone. If you want to succeed it is best to just pull ideas out of the air and cling to them, forsaking all other information. If you need help getting started - browse the forums and pick the wall-o-text that most speaks to you.
Now, I'll stop there although the examples are never ending - monkey in a astronaut helmet, cats wearing baseball caps, an otter wearing a sombrero. If you name a piece of head-wear, I can and will find a picture of an animal wearing it. Not to brag, I do have google on my computer.
What does this mean for us? Is there no perfect hat geared especially for humans? To be honest, I haven't found one yet...I have fashioned myself a helmet made out of organic kale for now, although my cat keeps eyeing it up - she's such a fashionista. The point is - this post is super long which makes me correct. And if you try to argue with me, I will post an even longer post - thus making me more correct.
Please note, if you wish to argue all of the facts I have written here today I will require a list of peer-reviewed studies backing your claim, a photocopy of your birth certificate and your mothers lasagna recipe.
Everywhere I look I see people just willy-nilly throwing hats on their head without a thought as to whether or not that's the right hat for them - or for humans in general. The hat fitting you well, or just liking the hat is not enough - and I think you already know that if you looked deep inside yourselves.
I admit I even have some friends who will wear a ball cap one day, a toque the next and some days - no hat all. Don't they care about their health and well-being? Don't worry, they've already been cut from my life.
After literally minutes of internet research - or should I say hours of pouring over historical evidence, old cartoons and some book I once found in a dumpster - I've decided, I mean learned, that there has to be one hat designed exclusively for human heads. Since scientists are too "busy" curing diseases and other such nonsense, I feel the duty is mine to tell everybody what to do with their lives - I mean, my duty to find the truth.
If you look through google image search - I mean, historical data- you will see there is already an agreed upon headwear choice for almost all animals...
Pig in a cowboy hat. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: A cowboy hat screams "I love eating meat!" We've already all agreed that eating meat will kill us all, so we don't want to confuse anyone.
Penguin in a top hat. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: Penguins walk around all fancy, thinking they're better than us. Personally, this is a trigger for me to stress binge. Also, it's a known fact that Batman Returns sucked.
Rabbit in a bonnet. Why this isn't the right choice for humans: This is one of the worst ones!! First of all, this immediately makes you think of Easter. Easter is ranked number 5 in the list of holidays where people tend to over-eat the most - coming in after Christmas, New Years Eve, Halloween and Arbor Day. Second of all, rabbits love to eat carrots...carrots have carbs. If you eat a carrot, you will develop a carb addiction. Suck it, Rabbits!
Dog in a detective hat or "deerstalker", Why this isn't the right choice for humans: My biggest problem with these hats are that they lead to people engaging in "detective" like behaviour. This is not positive for weight loss, your health or the country. Looking into ideas has never benefited anyone. If you want to succeed it is best to just pull ideas out of the air and cling to them, forsaking all other information. If you need help getting started - browse the forums and pick the wall-o-text that most speaks to you.
Now, I'll stop there although the examples are never ending - monkey in a astronaut helmet, cats wearing baseball caps, an otter wearing a sombrero. If you name a piece of head-wear, I can and will find a picture of an animal wearing it. Not to brag, I do have google on my computer.
What does this mean for us? Is there no perfect hat geared especially for humans? To be honest, I haven't found one yet...I have fashioned myself a helmet made out of organic kale for now, although my cat keeps eyeing it up - she's such a fashionista. The point is - this post is super long which makes me correct. And if you try to argue with me, I will post an even longer post - thus making me more correct.
Please note, if you wish to argue all of the facts I have written here today I will require a list of peer-reviewed studies backing your claim, a photocopy of your birth certificate and your mothers lasagna recipe.
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Replies
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I'll have to concur
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Antlers for all!0
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I wear a curved bill baseball cap, one-fit style if possible, if not I regular fitted. Period.0
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I wear a curved bill baseball cap, one-fit style if possible, if not I regular fitted. Period.
Hey, it's your funeral!0 -
I wear a curved bill baseball cap, one-fit style if possible, if not I regular fitted. Period.
those are only for teenagers now. And they are a different species. Sorry!0 -
Beer can hats. That is all.0
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Guys please, if you don't have facts to contribute stop trying to derail this thread.0
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I'm so glad you're my friend.
I usually wear a scarf, so no matter if my head is normal, or big after being fawned over, it fits.
I sometimes wear the detective hat because, well, my kids say I'm nosy. Nosy? Nah...INQUISITIVE.0 -
Antlers for all!
I do happen to have a pic of that from Christmas! I was standing in front of some antlers (my friend is a hunter) and it was so awesome, we all had antler pics taken. Antlers for all WORKED for all.
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Don't come to me with science. For years science has been neglecting the koala hat issue and I've had it. Their heads have been measured, where the F are the hats?!
And I recommend bowler hats myself.
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My mother's lasagna recipe will kill you. Please do not try it.0
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My mother's lasagna recipe will kill you. Please do not try it.
Omg, why? Is there carbz in it?0 -
Guys please, if you don't have facts to contribute stop trying to derail this thread.
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Guys please, if you don't have facts to contribute stop trying to derail this thread.
Reported.0 -
Here is my peer-reviewed article proving that bonnets are the way to go.
There is absolutely no refuting this study, so don't even try.0 -
I think everyone should just wear the hat I have on in my profile picture. Problem solved!0
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What do your sources say about this.......
HUH?!?!?!?!?0 -
Every time I try to start a serious debate the mean people clique ruin it with their snarky comments and hilarious gifs. I don't know why I even try. I'm done with MFP. My calculator can count to 1200, so I don't even need this site.
/ragequit0
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